But Where’s the Love?

In 10th grade when I was just 15 or 16 years old I got a psychic reading from Char, a wonderful and gifted psychic who appeared on all the tv and radio programs in the day.  I’ve written about the reading she gave me in another blog entry.  After my meeting with her, though, she gave me the name of the woman who mentored her and taught her how to develop and use her psychic gifts.  She did this because she told me she could see me becoming a professional psychic one day and also because I expressed a deep interest in learning to develop psychic abilities.

I can’t for the life of me remember the woman’s name, but it’s probably just as well.  My aunt paid for my “lessons” which at the time cost $375 for 3 sessions.  I very nervously called her and arranged for my lessons.  But she told me she didn’t take on just anyone to be her student, so she interviewed me, asking questions about my current abilities and interest.  I think I answered all of her questions pretty well and demonstrated a fair amount of knowledge of psychic phenomenon.  Then she asked me why I wanted to learn to be psychic.  If I recall correctly I said something to the effect of, “So I can explore other realms, learn cool techniques like mind reading and telekinesis, know my future before it happens, and learn to communicate with the dead.”  She was silent for a moment and then said, “But where’s the love?  You didn’t mention love and you didn’t mention God.  You also didn’t mention helping people with your abilities.”  Oh… er, I tried to correct my answer but it was too late.

“Erin,” she said, “being psychic is about caring for others.  It’s about helping people connect with something they’ve long forgotten exists.  It’s about using your abilities to help people make conscious decisions about their lives with all the facts at their disposal.  It’s about compassion and love.  If you don’t have that, you won’t be able to reach a level where you can actually use your abilities to help others.”

I was very annoyed by her statement.  Pfft… love?  What’s love got to do with it?  Just help me unlock my powers and let me figure out how to use them okay?  Teach me and let me decide how I’ll use them.

She decided I was not a good candidate for training.  I felt so let down and defeated.  But I was eventually able to convince her that I would use my abilities to help others.  Maybe she really needed the money or maybe some other source told her to give me a shot, but she relented and agreed to train me.  I was beyond excited!

In our first phone session she went through a lot of educational material, explaining the different ways of tuning in to any latent psychic abilities I might have.  It was fascinating and I totally understood what she was conveying.  She talked about God/Source and about protecting myself and my energy whenever I did any psychic work.  She gave me meditations to use to connect with my spirit guides.  I did them religiously, enjoying every minute of it.

In our second session she explained how to gather information and took me briefly through the process for each method (tarot, pendulums, psychometry, numerology, clairvoyance, etc.)  At the end of the second session she had me take out 16 small pieces of paper.  On four pieces I wrote down the same name.  On another 4 pieces I wrote down another name, and so on until I had 16 pieces of paper with one of four names on each.  This was my big assignment.  Each day I was supposed to pick a folded piece of paper out of a basket and just hold it in my hand.  I was supposed to tune in to my guides and write down any impressions I was getting about the name on the paper.  I was not supposed to open the paper but I was supposed to put a number on it for referencing later.  So the first one I picked I wrote down all my impressions and then labeled my entry as #1 and labeled the paper as #1.  The goal was to see if I was accurately picking up impressions about the name on the paper.  She knew who all 4 people were and she knew I didn’t so she would know if I got anything right.  I had four chances with each one.

It was very hard not to cheat and open the papers after I’d written my impressions, but I didn’t want to fail so I did not cheat.  When the time came for me to call her for our third and final session I was so nervous!  I was afraid I’d get the whole thing wrong, dashing my hopes of ever becoming psychic.  In fact, I was so afraid of failure that I postponed our call and told her I was studying for finals and couldn’t call her.  She gave me another date. 

I flaked out on our final call.  I could not bring myself to call her and tell her what I’d written down for each name.  I was too afraid to fail, my ego was too wrapped up in being right or wrong.

One day she called me.  She expressed some disappointment in me for wasting her time and not trusting her own instincts about me.  I felt very ashamed because I had wasted my aunt’s money and I had wasted this woman’s time.  The last thing she left me with was this… “When love is your primary reason for being psychic, your abilities will come.  When care and compassion are what drives and motivates you then the door will open.  Everyone has the potential, but not everyone is able to unlock it.  Only love unlocks this gift.”  I asked her why love was so important, why it made such a big difference.  She told me, “Love is what connects us with God/Source.  If you can’t feel the love, you cannot feel God’s tendrils.  And it’s God’s gift you are receiving.  You must be worthy of handling the gift.”

I was young. I really didn’t understand.  Today, I understand completely, and she was right.  Sure, I’ve had psychic abilities my whole life.  I’ve been able to tune in to my own psychic radio since I was a young girl.  But it wasn’t until I developed an intense compassion for people, until I understood that we are all One, until I cared what happened to others, that my gift was unlocked and I was able to use it to help others.  I am just a conduit.  I understand that now.  I am blessed and humbled to be able to hear and see what others cannot.  And I have a responsibility to pass on what I hear and see to those who consult with me.  There is love behind every reading I give, it’s the driving force behind what I do.  It took me almost 20 years to figure it out.

If you’re working on developing your own psychic abilities ask yourself the same question she asked me.  “Where’s the love?”  Do you feel it?  Are you connected to Source?  Have you allowed yourself to be a conduit for that love, or are you developing your abilities so you can pick lottery numbers or intrude on people’s thoughts?

I wish I could go back today and tell her I finally understood what she was trying to tell me.  I hope that wherever she is she somehow knows that I finally got it. 

Love is the key, and you don’t have to go too far to find it.  It’s buried in your own heart.  Remember your connection to Source and that you are never truly alone.

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