Do I have to meet up with an abusive parent in the afterlife?

Question:  After I die will I have to deal with a long passed family member, like an abusive parent, or can I choose whether I communicate or not?  What happens to people who were abusive while alive once they get to the other side?

Answer:  When you cross over the chances are excellent you’ll be greeted by your loved ones.  That’s sort of a loaded sentence so let me break it down into its component parts.

First, when you cross over you might be greeted by deceased loved ones, or angels, or your spirit guides, or even God or Jesus, depending on your beliefs, desires, and expectations at the time of your demise.

Second, if you are greeted by deceased family members, some of them may be people who were abusive towards you while you were both alive, and sometimes those people aren’t there when you cross over.  Let me explain that further.

When abusive people cross over they have the same life review that everyone has, where they get to see the effect of their behavior on the people they affected.  They are given the opportunity to forgive themselves for their behavior.  Some choose to forgive, others can’t forgive themselves and healing must happen.   When they are done with their life review and done processing everything that happened in that incarnation, they merge back with their higher self, and go join the other energies in the afterlife.  Reunions are had, love is expressed, I hear there’s coffee and donuts. ;)

So when you cross over, that abusive person you knew is no longer as they were when you knew them.  You may choose not to connect with them, but you will be able to sense their higher self, not that lower, incarnated, abusive self.  Still, you get your life review, you do your processing, and then you decide who you will share your energy with on the other side.  My personal advice is to stay open because you might find something you weren’t expecting on the other side.

Having said all of that, there are occasions when abusive people cannot forgive themselves for the suffering they caused.  They sometimes have a hard time fully crossing over and embracing their higher self.  I’ve seen people on the other side, usually people who have committed suicide and are filled with regret, shame, or guilt, who are not hanging out happily with their other deceased loved ones.  I’ve done readings where I can see one part of a family coming through together, and another relative off to the side, who appears not to be connected with the core family.  I personally feel sad when I see that, but such is life.  They will eventually heal and end up where they need to go.

So to sum up:  You don’t have to communicate or have contact with anyone on the other side that you don’t want to, but I think when you arrive you’ll find a different person than you were expecting.  We’re human, we make mistakes, we make bad choices sometimes.  Sometimes those choices negatively affect others.  It’s all about forgiveness.  I urge you to forgive an abusive parent.  It helps them heal, and it helps you heal.  During your own life review you’ll gain some perspective on how they became abusive.  Understanding is the first step towards forgiving.

If you liked this article, sign up to receive free updates.

Erin Recommends