Our Separation

If you haven’t read Steve’s blog entry announcing our separation and plans to divorce, you can read it here.  I won’t rehash everything that was said in his entry since it’s already been written and I agree with everything he wrote.  I know people have expressed concern and want to hear from me, so that’s what this entry will accomplish, plus it should answer a few questions that have been emailed to me.

Mutual Decision
Our decision to end the marriage was definitely mutual.  I haven’t been kicked to the curb, cast out, or anything like that.  Our desires in life are no longer as compatible as they were in our early years.  We both want to live in ways that the other is not interested in, so we were constantly compromising what we wanted to make the other person happy, which left neither of us truly happy.  I urge you to examine your own situation to see if anything like that is happening in your relationship.  Do you have to quell your strongest desires in order to be with your committed partner?  While there is something to be said for honoring a commitment, there is no way to know long ago what you might want today.  When you’re no longer compatible or desire the same things in life, I think it’s time to let go and find your true happiness.

What We Still Share
Steve and I are still friends.  We enjoy each other’s company, and still have a lot in common.  We both share a strong desire to help raise the consciousness of the planet.  For me, I want to help people reconnect with their higher selves, remember where they came from, and realize that we are all connected and we are all One.  Our life purposes are still quite compatible.  That isn’t enough to maintain a marriage or living arrangement though.  This is why, at least for the time being, we intend to continue working together and helping each other with our goals and missions in life.

Did you see it coming?
Some people want to know if I saw this coming because I’m psychic.  I saw this coming because I was there.  It didn’t take foresight to see that we were both compromising our desires to meet in the middle.  But it did take courage and conscious thought to realize our commitment to the institution of marriage wasn’t nearly as important as our commitment to our passions, desires, and goals.  The marriage had to go so we could both express ourselves freely and fully.

But aren’t you sad?
I’m sad about some things and very happy about others.  My friend, Vicki, helped me see that what I was grieving was the old story, and how I thought that story would end.  Metaphorically, it’s like I was writing a book and someone just took the book out of my hand and handed me a blank set of pages.  I have a new story to write.  Doesn’t mean the old story wasn’t great, I just need to take the story in a new and more powerful direction.  I’m not depressed and I’m not spending my days in tears.  There is a definite relief in the fact that we are keeping what’s best about us and removing the thorns that caused us to bleed.  If sadness wants to come, I will let it and honor it.  If anger wants to come, I will let it and honor it.  I will keep myself open and let the emotions run through me and not bury them.  I have the most amazing friends who have been supportive and loving, and I truly appreciate all the well wishes I’ve received since we made our announcement.

What about the kids?
We know that separation is hard on children.  We believe that staying in a marriage with lots of conflict is worse.  We believe we’ll both relate to the children better because we’ll both be happier people.  I am keeping a close eye on the children.  We’re doing a lot of talking and processing.  In the coming weeks I’ll be looking for resources and information on how to help children cope with divorce.  They will be loved and nurtured.  And if they need more help, they’ll get it.  Their teachers and school counselors are aware of our situation and I’m communicating daily with them to make sure the kids are doing okay.  There is a lot of laughter in our home, and I’m making sure the kids can openly express their true feelings towards us both so they feel heard.  We’ll do the best we can with what we’ve got to work with.  And we will heal.

What about plans for your business?
Like Steve mentioned, it’s business as usual here.  I’m helping him plan the logistics for the upcoming workshop.  I’d like to speak at the next workshop, especially to share what we’ve learned in the relationship segment.  I’m still doing readings, I’ll still write blog entries, and I’ll probably finally get around to writing a book or making that audio program that’s been languishing in my mind for eons.  The kids are in school during the week, so my working hours will remain largely the same.  I’ll be keeping my married name as that is what I’ve built my brand on.  And who knows what else lurks on the horizon for me.  The possibilities are endless!

Love and Support
I want to thank everyone who emailed me or posted their support in our forums, facebook, and twitter.  It means a lot to me to have your love and support.  I’m especially touched by the people I’ve helped over the years who are reaching back to help me now.  I gratefully accept your kindness, love and support.  Like I mentioned I have the most amazing friends, including my Toastmaster friends and the ladies in my mastermind group.  My family has been very supportive as well. 

Yes there is some sadness for what will never be, but there is also great joy in the endless possibilities that await me.  The story continues, though some of the characters may change.  The river draws me in a new direction and I will explore it daringly, while still remembering where I came from, and that I am always loved.

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