I like the idea of doing a recap of 2009 and announcing the goals and plans I have for 2010. So if you’re interested in hearing how I feel about last year and what I have planned for this year, read on.
Last year was a strange year for me. When Steve and I announced we were going to try polyamory there was a firestorm of response, which was expected, of course, but the degree was off the chart. I can recall headlines on other blogs that said something about “Steve Pavlina Cheats on Wife” and the like. I think what bothered me most were the lies being told about us. I don’t mind when people write factual things about us, but when people tell bald-faced lies based on no research of the facts, and then their readers believe them and make judgments based on those lies, then I cry foul. I learned last year how celebrities in tabloids must feel and I developed great empathy for them. I say to you now, don’t believe what you read unless it comes straight from the source or the source’s representative. You don’t want to go through life believing lies. I know I don’t.
The truth is that polyamory was awesome. Not because either of us actually slept with someone outside our relationship (for the record, neither of us ever had sex with another person at any time during our 15+ years together), but because we opened ourselves up to greater emotional intimacy with others. I was blissful during the first 9 months of 2009 as we explored polyamory. We learned that compromise just makes both people unhappy.
So if I was so blissful for the first 9 months, what happened to cause a separation? Steve and I realized we had developed incompatible lifestyle goals that were making it difficult for us to have a life together. To generalize a little, Steve is always wanting to push the edge, to explore, experiment, grow, and change. He gets bored with routine. I, on the other hand, prefer routine and stability. I like to build on what I already have, not tear down the monument and start building again. While Steve loves to travel, I can take it or leave it. Steve wants to see the world. I’d like to see England, Ireland, and Scotland, but other than that I feel no strong desire to travel. Wish I did, but I don’t. Steve wants to immerse himself in different cultures, and I want to set down roots in a single community and get to know everyone for years. I’d also like to keep my kids in one school instead of moving them around so much. Kyle is only 6 years old and he’s lived in 5 homes. I loved stability growing up and wanted to provide that for my kids too.
Steve and I are great friends and probably always will be. To preserve our friendship, and to preserve our relationship, we had to end the marriage contract; the contract that says we stay together no matter what, no matter who we become or what our preferences are. It became like shackles around our ankles, where neither one of us could grow in the direction we wanted. So we decided to separate, amicably. We basically freed each other of the shackles so we could each explore what we want without compromise. And that has felt great to both of us. We don’t hate each other, and we didn’t separate because we were fighting all the time. On the contrary, there was so much love between us that we recognized we would each be happier outside the marriage. The resentments are gone, the restrictions are gone, and now we can go back to connecting in the areas where we are compatible, and not feeling honor bound to connect in ways we don’t want to anymore.
At the beginning of 2009 I set a health and wellness goal. I learned a lot this year, like never to announce a health and wellness goal in a public blog. I was overloaded with contradictory advice that served only to confuse me. I had moderate successes in my health goal. I ended the year at roughly the same weight I started. My overall health improved, however, as in 2008 I was a real mess of problems that are all fixed now. I’ve had to start working out from home as now that I have the kids full time I can’t spend 2 hours every morning driving to and working out at the gym unless I want to cut 2 hours out of my work schedule for the day. I’ve started doing my old Tae Kwon Do workout which is intense, and I’m lifting weights at home thanks to a weight set Steve got me for Christmas. I will not be blogging about health and wellness this year. Just watch the Facebook photo to see how things are changing.
My main focus this year is going to be to ramp up my business. Right now I’ve got the blog and the intuitive readings. The blog is free and the readings are up there in price. I’d like to create something in the middle. To that end, my plans include creating CDs, doing teleconferences, a workshop, and an audio program. I will continue blogging, and I’m planning to do at least 4 YouTube videos each month (subscribe to my channel now). I will be on stage with Steve during the Conscious Growth Workshop coming up January 15-17, and I may be involved in future workshops he produces, depending on many factors.
Currently, I’m working on a CD that I intend to release this month. If you signed up for my newsletter you received my free ebook, 10 Ways to Raise Your Vibration in Under 10 Minutes, which people seemed to really love. Due to high demand, I’m recording an audio version of the ebook that will include two guided meditations that are under 10 minutes each that you can use to raise your vibration very quickly. It will be available on CD and as an MP3 download. If you want to know when the CD comes out and you’re not used to visiting my site daily looking for a new blog entry, be sure to sign up for the newsletter right away.
My personal goals are related to courage, power and authority, the side of the TLP triangle that is weakest for me. My new motto this year is “just do it.” I have a tendency to shy away from things that require boldness and courage, so this year I’m going full steam ahead. If it’s fun, I’m doing it. If it’s exciting, I’m doing it. If it’s crazy, I’m filming it! Going to the gun range with a friend was an example of something I’ve always wanted to try but never did. We’ll be going back soon to try an automatic rifle. I know, it’s crazy right? Which is why I’ll be filming it! I’m also joining the local Improv Troupe, which is something Steve did years ago that he says really helped him with his public speaking, so now it’s my turn. I’m going to plug into my power and do all the things I want to do but have been too nervous or afraid to try.
Since our separation I’ve been spending more time socializing with friends. That’s been really awesome! I started a game night with friends that we host at Steve’s house. So far we’ve done this twice. We played poker the first time and Cranium and Charades the second time. Our friends are all professional speakers, and some are comedians, and that makes for some really funny stuff at game night! In a few weeks I’m going to play basketball with another toastmaster friend who found out I used to be a really kick ass basketball player. I don’t know if I’ve “still got it” but it will be fun seeing if I do. I also might get back into role-playing games (the pen and paper and dice kind). I’m particularly fond of the Heroes Unlimited system, so if you’re in Vegas and you’re keen on role-playing let me know.
I think the year ahead is going to be fascinating and joyous. I’ll be spending less time on correspondence and email (that just never ends and I can’t possibly help everyone who emails me) and more time on product creation and spreading my message to more people. Thank you to everyone who has been so incredibly supportive to me this year. I may not be able to respond to everyone, but as of now, I’m still able to read all the correspondence, so know that your messages to me have been wonderfully touching. Love to you all!