Answer:  Sometimes when I’m doing a reading for a client both of their parents do come through during the reading.  The way they present to me tells me more about their relationship than if they flat out told me what their situation was.

If a couple was happily together at the time of the first person’s demise, I usually see them come through together, as if they are holding hands or hugging.  It doesn’t really matter whether they were legally married or not; their closeness in death reflects how close they were in life.

If they were separated in life, as in their energy was separate from each other, I usually see them standing apart, with one parent behind the left shoulder and the other parent behind the right shoulder.  In this case it also doesn’t matter whether they were married or divorced… it’s more a statement of their closeness at the time of their demise.

Sometimes four parents will come through and I’ll have to discern who the step parents were and who is connected to whom.  Yes, it can get complicated.  But honestly that’s rare.  I usually only have one deceased person come through, and sometimes they bring through another member of the family.

During readings I will also see parents and deceased siblings come through together, i.e. the sitter’s brother and mother are deceased and they come through to me together.  How they present visually is an indicator of their closeness in life. 

Are they really all together on the other side hanging out all day shooting the breeze?  Yes and no.  From what I’ve been shown, some energies do choose to stick together, and some go their separate ways at death.  I wouldn’t say they’re sitting around shooting the breeze.  I think it’s more that they come together during a reading because of the opportunity to interact with their living loved one, and they use their energy to show me their relationship.  After a reading is over, they go back to what they were doing before the reading.

In short, you stick with the energies of people with whom you’ve made strong loving connections, and you part ways with those you don’t resonate with.  But just because you fight or argue with a loved one while incarnated, doesn’t mean you’ll separate out when you get to the other side.  Where there is love, there is connection.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  Often people tell relatives, “If you make it to the other side, I’ll know you’re really there if you come through a medium with this code word.” It’s a nice idea, and in theory it should work.  I personally have never received a code word from a deceased person while doing an intuitive reading, but nor has anyone asked me to see if I could get one. 

As a psychic medium, receiving information psychically is not as easy as listening to someone on the other end of the phone just talking to you.  It’s not like we hear someone say, “Hey Erin, my name is Joe Smith and I’m happy to be talking with you today from the other side.  Could you please tell my son that the will is in the top left drawer of my study and the password for my computer is Ulysses.”  It just doesn’t come through that clearly most of the time. 

Psychics receive information energetically, on a frequency I couldn’t even begin to fathom as I’m not a psychic linguist or quantum physicist.  It’s like being immersed in a language you don’t know, and after years you eventually pick up on what certain sounds mean.  Only in the case of a psychic, no one is teaching you how to translate the energy, you just have to learn through trial and error and practice.  Eventually your connection gets stronger and your ability to fathom the meaning of the energetic signals gets clearer.  The more you work with your guides, the more you develop a shorthand way of communication, with them using certain symbols to mean certain things.  For example, when my guides show me a diamond symbol over a person’s chakra I know it’s their symbol for the fact that this client has professional level abilities related to that chakra.  So if I see a diamond over their third eye I know the person is capable of being a professional intuitive or already is one.  If I see a diamond over their throat chakra I know they are a professional singer or speaker or writer (or some other form of communication).

I am clairaudient, which means I do hear the guides talking to me, and sometimes I do hear things word for word.  I’ve had guides and deceased relatives come to me with a phrase so specific it feels like it took all of their energy to fine tune the beam in order for me to receive the transmission in its most pristine and unsullied form.  I am then able to pass it along easily as it’s already come to me pre-translated.  Yes, this makes my job easier and I love it when it happens, but for most of a reading I’m receiving impressions that I must translate. 

Spirits do not speak in man-made languages.  It’s not like you’ve got people over there speaking Chinese or English or whatever.  They communicate with energy.  So let’s say you’re recently deceased and your son goes to a medium.  Desperate to get a message to him that you’re alright, you try to form the code word but hey, you don’t have a mouth or vocal cords.  How are you going to get the message to the medium in a way she’ll understand?  You could push an image into her mind and if she’s clairvoyant she might get it.  You could send a sound wave and hope you’ve formed it correctly so that the medium interprets it correctly and it doesn’t come through garbled or like static.  You could try sending a feeling (how do you send “Ulysses” as a feeling?) and hope the medium is clairsentient.  Do you think it’s easy for a deceased person to communicate with a medium?  It’s not!  Often times the spirit guides have to bring messages through because the deceased person is incapable of expressing themselves using the language of energy.  There have been many readings I’ve done where I’m getting messages from spirit guides that are being relayed for the deceased person.  In some readings I’m communicating with the deceased person directly.  I never know what I’m going to get until I tune in.

I personally think a code word is a great idea.  But make it something easy for a medium to receive and for your relative on the other side to send.  If your word is, “serendipitous” come on!  Give us a break.  That’s never going to make it through the system.  Think of something that could be easily sent visually, that has a simple sound to it, or that could be felt, smelled, or tasted.  Some ideas would be a rose, a cat, a hat, a cat in a hat (just kidding), but you get the idea.  Simple sound, simple visual.  Then when you’re having a reading with a medium be on the lookout for the code word.  She might not know she’s receiving a code word; it might come to her in a way she thinks is metaphorical.  If your code word is rose, for example, and she says, “Your mom keeps handing me red flowers and they smell divine,” she could be picking up on the coded message even though she isn’t saying the word “rose.”  Maybe she’s seeing rosy cheeks.  Or the medium might say, “She’s saying you view the world through rose-colored glasses.”  We could simply be misinterpreting the nature of the communication.  So you’re going to have to be on the lookout.  It’s not like the spirit is going to say, “Hey Erin, can you please tell my daughter the code word is blue.  I’d sure appreciate it.”

When a medium is working, he or she should be able to relay information to you that validates the presence of the deceased relative in a way that you will find confirming.  For all we know, spirits aren’t allowed to pass on a code word.  Maybe it violates their prime directive.  I know that when I’m working I’m not able to extract information from a guide or spirit.  I have to let them do the talking and be patient as they choose how to answer the questions they’re given. 

Bottom line … I think a code word is a valid covenant to make.  I’ll probably set one up with my own parents just to see what happens.  But I wouldn’t hold your breath on receiving it during a reading.  Stay open to what the spirit wants to communicate, look for and expect validation on the part of the medium, and if the medium is close let them know.  We might make it look easy, but it’s not.  Tuning in, especially to deceased relatives, is difficult and takes a lot of practice to be able to pass on messages accurately.  It would be awesome if someone could invent a translator that would accurately translate energy into English.  Until then, we have to decrypt the energy the best way we can.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

You come from Love, but you do not remember.  Know this though:  There is nothing you need to be or do to be worthy of Love.  You simply need to remember who you are.  You are a loving conscious tendril of Source, an expression of thought and energy.  You are the embodiment of Love.  You are an explorer, here for a time, and then back you go to Source.

If you ever feel disconnected from Source, that is your own perception, for Source is never disconnected from you.  There is nothing you can do or be that will cause Source to disconnect from you.  That is impossible.  Forgiveness, understanding, and compassion are yours.  Always.  Can you remember this truth?

Do not judge yourself.  Do not fear the loss of Love.  It is impossible for you to be cut off from Love.  You are living in an illusion where you think you must act a certain way in order to gain Love.  There is no mountain to climb.  There is no goal to reach.  No approval you must seek.  You must only remember that you are loved. 

When you remember that you are loved, help others remember this too.  Help others see the connection you all share.  None of you are separate from any other.  You are all One.  Do not jockey for position.  Do not put others down.  Do not harm another’s connection with Source. 

Pierce the veil and see past the illusion.  All you have to do is be.  All you have to remember is Love.  Feel the connection in your heart and in your soul. 

Act from Love and you act in accordance with the Universe.  Where there is Love, you will glimpse Source.  Act from fear and you will feel disconnected from Source;  you will be led further into the illusion.  Do not give in to fear.  Reconnect with the truth of Love.  Reconnect with Source.

Take heart.   You are never alone.  You can always draw upon Universal Love.  Let it fill your soul.  Let it propel you to greater peace.  Do not struggle against the current.  Do not struggle at all.  Surrender to Love.

You are loved.  Always.  It cannot be any other way.  Do you yet remember?  Search your feelings and you will find the Truth.  Honor the feeling.  Honor the Truth.  Be One with Love.

You are always worthy of love.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Receiving communication from the other side is a gift, in my opinion, however you must be the one who decides when that communication takes place.  Being too open is like leaving your front door unlocked and ajar; the deceased are going to push their energy at you whenever they see you can get a message to a living loved one. 

When I first started my work as a medium, I was open all the time.  Once I was chatting with the check out girl at a clothing store and her deceased grandmother started going on about how her granddaughter was going to give birth to a girl and name it after her.   At dinner one night with a couple, I saw the woman’s deceased father standing behind her and he had a lot to say about his death and his children.  Back then I blurted out everything as it came to me.  But one day I got information for a woman who didn’t want to hear from her deceased abusive husband.  I realized that not everyone is open to this sort of communication, so I stopped doing “drive by” readings.

The way I stopped receiving unwanted communication when I wasn’t working was thanks to my conduit guide Bob.  Bob is the guide who acts like a bouncer.  The only way a spirit can communicate with me now is if Bob lets him through.  On some occasions a strong and powerful spirit will get my attention when I’m not working, but it’s usually pretty important or urgent or Bob wouldn’t have let them through. 

If you don’t have a conduit guide, and I highly suggest you have one if you are a medium, then you’ll need to work on tuning out the constant influx of information.  You’ve got to turn off the psychic radio when you’re not working or wanting the information.  You can do this by pulling your chakras in tighter.  One of the reasons you’re getting so much information all the time is probably because your chakras are open too wide.  Your energy is brushing up against people’s auras and you’re getting an instant download about that person’s life.  Keeping your chakras open that wide can have unwanted side effects, as you can inadvertently take on the negative emotions of another person.

Also, stop using your psychic radio like a police scanner.  Most people new to psychic abilities scan every channel all the time.  They do this unconsciously.  This is one reason why negative and lower vibrational beings can bug you; you’re tuned in to their channel.  You’re allowing your “radio dial” to be pulled to a lower channel just because something is being broadcast.  Learn to be discerning. 

Learn to tune in only when asked or when the situation is urgent or important.  Get with a conduit guide who will agree to filter out the riff raff so you get communication when you want with who you want.  Pull in your chakras so you’re not empathically detecting every little issue with people you pass on the street.

If you do receive communication you feel is really important, you’ll have to learn to be very sensitive to how you pass on the information.  Some people think mediums work for the Devil, so if you blurt out your information, instead of being grateful you may get someone making the sign of the cross at you. If I’m with someone who knows I’m a medium, I will usually say, “Oh I seem to be in contact with someone who would really like to pass on a message to you.  Would you like to hear it?”  I’ve actually had people politely decline, but most of the time they are eager to hear the information.  If I’m with someone who does not know me and does not know I’m a medium, I usually keep my mouth shut, plus these situations don’t come up so much now that I have Bob standing guard.

Psychic work can be energetically draining, and mediumship more so.  You’ve got to guard your own energy.  To the other side, you’re walking around with a little light above your head that conveys, “I’m on and I can hear you.”  The deceased will flock to you if you you’re not careful so that you will pass on messages to their living loved ones.  You must be the one who decides what information gets through.  If you don’t control the information and when it comes through, it can overwhelm  you and cause you to become very unbalanced.   When this happens a lot of psychics try to turn off their abilities.  Instead I simply recommend becoming the commander in chief of your ability.  Take responsibility for the gift, and learn how to use it properly.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

You hear a lot about near death experiences from the people who have experienced them, but you never get to hear what happens after you’ve been “processed” and are completely disconnected from your body because obviously they don’t come back and tell us.  The only way to find out would be through psychic mediums who ask dead people what they do all day.  Even then, we’d have no proof, no way of checking if the information we’re receiving is accurate.  We’d have no way of validating the information that came through.  It’s easy to validate information from a person’s life, but how can you get confirmation of what happens when no one living is around to see it?

When I speak to deceased people during readings I do get a glimpse into what’s happening on the other side, but admittedly the view is extremely limited.  I’ll share what I know, but this must only be the tip of the iceberg.

When I do a reading, I usually get who the person is in relation to my sitter, then they show or tell me how they died, then they start sharing information about their life to validate that it is really them and not something I’m making up.  They share love, warnings if necessary, and that’s usually it.  However, upon occasion I’ve gotten a little more information that goes beyond the usual.

In one reading, a father came through for his daughter and his signal was very strong to me.  His energy was that of a highly aware, highly conscious person.  I was impressed with him and his connection strength.  When the reading was over, I actually hung on to the guy a little longer to converse with him myself because the connection was so strong and I wanted to talk to him.  He indicated that he was attending what we would call lectures on the other side.  And that he spent his day discussing philosophy with other souls on the other side.  He indicated that it was wonderful, stimulating, and he was surprised to find it available.  I got a sense that he was definitely continuing his growth and wasn’t just sitting around like a blob of energy floating through the ether.

In another reading, I was connected with an individual who had died at a pretty old age, I think he was in his 90’s.  He indicated to me that he was still very  much tuned in to the lives of the family members he’d left behind.  He showed me an image of himself sitting in front of what looked like a television and watching his various family members on different channels.  Now he wasn’t really sitting in front of a television, it was a metaphor to explain to me what he was doing.  But yeah, he indicated he spent his days still very tuned in to his family.

I’ve also tuned in to dead people who can’t let go of their past incarnation and are going over and over it, replaying it with different outcomes.  Often these are people who have committed suicide or been murdered and their killer has not been brought to justice yet.

I also know that there are spirits who are in charge of making certain things work, like helping people cross over, helping creative people get inspiration, and helping souls choose where to incarnate next.  I’ve seen conclaves of what I would call ascended masters working on creating change on our planet using their energetic influence and intelligence.

I know that you can hang around with other souls you used to know.  I’ve seen families on the other side “having dinner” together.  And I know you can engage in an energy merge that blows incarnated sex right out of the water! 

And that’s about all I’ve seen.  Admittedly, it’s not that much.  Like I said, I am sure there is a lot more going on up there than I can see.  Maybe I’ll start looking into this more consciously.  Next time I get someone “on the line” who’s hanging out in the ether I’ll ask them what they do all day.  I’m sure they don’t even have “days” like we have.  And I’m sure time is irrelevant there.  Being dead is just another state of being. 

Maybe we’re not supposed to know too much about the afterlife so we can concentrate on living this one.  For now, it’s enough for me to know that I have guides and angels looking out for my best interests, and I get to chat with the occasional deceased person which is always fun and interesting for me.  We’ll just have to wait and see what happens next.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  When I was a teenager a lot of scary beings used to visit me.  I was able to take control of the situation and open up a can of astral whoop ass on them, but I don’t recommend that approach for most people.

In my twenties I shut down my psychic abilities as best I could so I could get away from that life.  That worked pretty well for a while.  When I met Steve, though, he encouraged me to reopen that part of myself and continue exploring.  I found that when I opened up to the psychic realm as an adult, it wasn’t scary anymore.  This was due in large part to the fact that my vibration had changed.  I was no longer susceptible to fear.  I was vibrating a lot closer to love, so those darker entities just didn’t bother me.  We were not on the same channel anymore.

But like you, I was always afraid that ghosts or spirits would try to get my attention by appearing in my bedroom at night, in the dark, and scare me.  I could easily see having a heart attack if that happened!  When I started to see I had an ability that could help others, though, I knew I had to somehow get over my fear.

That’s when the tv show, Ghost Whisperer, came to my rescue.  In this show the main character, Melinda Gordon, is a medium who regularly sees and talks to spirits.  When they appear to her, they almost always startle her, but she is never afraid of them.  That’s when I realized that being startled is different than being afraid.  I decided that if I had to, I could live with being startled.  So I made a deal with my guides, telling them I would open myself back up to these psychic abilities I’d had practically my whole life, as long as they knew I didn’t want to see dead people in my room in the middle of the night.  And I told them if seeing the spirits in my room at night was the only way to help them, I would learn to deal with it.

As it turns out, I needn’t have worried.  I have a conduit guide named Bob that prevents spirits from presenting to me unless I’m working.  Only three times in the last three years have I had a spirit present to me when I wasn’t officially working.  All three came in very gently with me though, and all three came at night.  When you think about it, why would they want to scare me?  If I’m scared, I’m not going to be able to help them.

I did do a reading once where a spirit appeared to me in my White Room (the mental construct I go to when I do readings) and she nearly gave me a heart attack.  She had shot herself in the face and showed me the whole image.  And she was standing right over me.  It took me a moment to collect myself and I was quite startled.  She wasn’t trying to frighten me, she was just in an intense situation and probably didn’t know that I would react so strongly to her grisly visage. 

So my advice is to get a clear connection with your guides and tell them what you are and are not willing to tolerate.  Also, make sure you vibrate at a reasonably high frequency normally.  If you’re depressed, angry, sad, ashamed, or guilty you might attract lower vibrational beings when you open yourself up.  And lastly, decide in advance that if a spirit does show up, you’ll only be startled and not afraid.  They aren’t there to hurt you.   They’re there to reach out for your help.  If you have this gift, think of all the good you can do with it.  Don’t let a little fear stop you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

At the time of his passing he was very surprised to find himself standing next to his own body.  He was confused initially.  Eventually he understood that he had died, but this didn’t happen immediately.  I think up until he got to the hospital he thought he might be able to get back into his body.

Once he realized he was truly beyond recovery, his attention turned to the energy being cast at him by the people milling around outside the hospital.  In some ways, this energy tethered him.  Such an outpouring of love, he was filled by it.  It was gratefully accepted by him.  He seemed very much in a state of peace, love and gratitude.  It’s almost as if he was wading through a pool of love energy, with a sense of wonder and he felt blessed.

I don’t feel like he immediately went to his family.  This is probably because the energy around the hospital was so strong.  But eventually he was able to tune into his family and go to them.  It feels like he centered his energy on his mother and his children.  Although it pained him to see his family so upset, I feel like he was mostly trying to let them know that he was okay, perfectly fine, and totally intact.  The aura of peace around Michael was very strong, and he wanted to comfort his family but could not.  I have no doubt his family will feel his presence around them during this difficult time for them.

People have asked me how he feels about his children. He loves his children so honestly, easily, and ardently.  He feels they are in good hands with his mother.  I feel he feels some regret that he won’t be there to raise his children, but I don’t feel like he is agonized over this.  He believes they will be okay and very well cared for.

There is a sense of relief in Michael.  A feeling of putting down a very heavy weight and finally being free.  He can feel the love people are casting at him, and although he feels the sadness too, it is not crippling him in any way.  He feels compassion for those who are mourning him.

I also feel he is hovering, easily and nicely, without great effort.  He will probably cross over completely after his funeral or at such point as people disconnect their energy from him in a more “official” manner.  Maybe that’s why we have funerals and say goodbye to our deceased loved ones, to let them know it’s okay to go on.

Michael is bathed in love at this moment.  He is surrounded by angels both living and incorporeal.  He feels grateful for the life he had, and feels intense love for his family and children.  Although the people he left behind may mourn deeply for him, he is awash in a state of love, gratitude, and peace.

The best thing you can do for Michael now is to keep sending him love, and cherish the positive happy memories you have of him and his impact on your life – big or small.  His journey is not quite over, but he’s getting there.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I believe we all start out with guides who are well suited to our plans and goals.  Over time, based on decisions you make and the paths you choose, new guides come in and old guides go out.

If you align yourself with darkness, you will attract guides who are more aligned with that as well.  I wouldn’t say they are positive or negative though.  That implies a judgment.  If you decide you want to go through life deceiving people or hurting people, you might attract guides who are more suited to helping you make that happen.  If and when you decide to alter your alignment, those guides will leave and new guides will come in. 

I don’t believe guides misguide you.  But it’s possible and perhaps probable that what at first appears to be poor guidance turns out to be quite beneficial for you in the long run.  Do our parents misguide us?  Do people in authority misguide us?  Or are they simply expressing their truth and/or hoping to help you avoid pitfalls they know are coming? 

You can dismiss a guide.  That’s true.  You can fire your guides and ask for new ones.  I don’t recommend you do that unless you are really clear about what you want and you’ve raised your vibration to a point where you know what’s best for you.  Imagine a 3 year old firing his parents because they won’t let him stay up all night.  Don’t do it out of spite or childishness.

You can’t really lose a guide.  You can disconnect yourself from them, but I’ve never encountered a guide who said, “I’ve had it with this guy.  I’m outta here.”  If you lose your guides it’s because you walked away from them.

Now I would say there are negative influences out there, but I wouldn’t call them guides.  If you choose to listen to them and they are leading you down a dark path, you are still responsible for all your choices.

In summary, everyone has guides when they incarnate.  Guides come in and out of your life based on what path you’re walking.  Some guides are with you your entire life and some flit in and out and help you on a more project-like basis.  There are no negative guides, per se, but you can attract the “help” and assistance of those aligned with fear if you so choose. 

In the meantime, be kind to your guides.  Send them love and flowers.  They love you and are there to help you.  Show some gratitude once in a while.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

We’re going to have to use an analogy to understand this best.  The stork drops you off in a forest and you get to wander around the forest for the rest of your life.  Before you were born, you decided you wanted to see certain sites around the forest, but when you are born, you forget what they were.  So in comes your spirit guides.  Imagine they are floating above the forest.  They always know where you are and so they know where you’ve been.  They can also see where you’re going, up to a point.

Let’s say you’re on the path that leads to a big lake.  You go see a psychic who can communicate with your guides and you ask, “Am I ever going to find a lake?”  The guides report to the psychic, “Yes, she is really close.  She turns the next bend and it will be right in front of her, but she can’t see it from where she’s standing.”  So the psychic says, “Yes, it looks like you’re going to find that big lake.  Just keep doing what you’re doing and keep going the way you’ve been going.  You can’t miss it.” 

But let’s say you ask, “Am I ever going to find a lake?” and the guides tell the psychic, “There’s definitely a lake there, but she’s about 30 miles away.  In order for her to get to the lake she’s going to need to take a right, then a left, then two more rights, and a final left.  But between her and that lake are some things she’ll have to deal with, like a hungry jaguar, a pit with spikes in it, and a tree that’s laying across the path.”  So the psychic tells the sitter, “I do see that as an option however it’s not clear whether you will actually reach the lake.  There are going to be some challenges along the way, and you may make decisions that veer you away from reaching the lake.”  The sitter is annoyed.  “Do you see me at the lake or not?  It’s a simple question?”  To which the psychic, if she is honest and ethical, must reply, “You are capable, you have the ability, but you are not close enough to this goal for them to say for certain that you will arrive there.  We’ll have to see.  To increase your chances, however, you should probably invest in a hunting rifle, a big wooden plank, and a chainsaw.”  And that is the benefit in getting a reading with someone who can communicate with the guides hovering above your forest, to prepare you to face what’s around the corner, and to inform you of what you’ll need to safely navigate the road ahead.

I’ve learned something interesting after doing more than 1400 readings and getting a lot of feedback as to how things turned out for people afterwards.   I can tell when something is definitely going to happen and when something is so far off in the distance that one single choice you make along the way can derail you.  I liken these two options to shooting a gun, or spraying silly string.  When you shoot a gun, that bullet is going out with such force and trajectory that nothing is going to stop it and it’s going to hit its mark.  When you spray a can of silly string, the force is weak and the trajectory is almost impossible to calculate.  So when people ask me a question about their future, I can tell by whether I feel the gun or the silly string how likely or how close they are to achieving this desire.

Imagine being in your forest and there was only one path, and all you had to do was follow it to reach the other side of the forest.   You weren’t allowed to veer off the path, explore deeper territory, or even back track and try another path.  Why bother living?  What would be the point?  In reality, we are dropped off in this forest and we’re allowed to explore at our own discretion.  As a youngster, we follow our parents who make decisions about where we’re going, but as we get older, we are asked to take the lead and go off and find our own path. 

When I read for people I sometimes see people latch on to others in the forest and follow them on their path.  You’re allowed to do this, but make sure you get the opportunity to explore the parts of the forest that appeal to you too.  It’s not healthy to just follow someone else your whole life.

Also, you will meet people in the forest who are coming from the same place you’re planning to go.  Ask them what the path ahead of you looks like.  They might say, “Well there’s a jaguar loose on the path that way, be careful” or “You are really close to a beautiful lake.  Take the next right and you’ll be practically sitting on top of it.  You can’t miss it.”

Sometimes people ask me, “What is the name of my future husband and where and what exact day will he and I meet?”  Unless that’s going to happen tomorrow, do you understand now why a psychic cannot tell you with 100% accuracy the answer to that question?  However, if you ask, “Do you see love approaching on my path?  Is a relationship coming?” that I can definitely get an answer to.  When the guides look down on the path they can see other people who are about to interact with you.  If you’re standing close to a good potential partner, we can give you the nudge you need to “run into him.” 

Some psychics are loathe to sound anything less than omniscient.  They do a disservice to the craft though when they tell you something is a definite when in fact there are 10 ways for you to be sidetracked from your goal.  So if you ask them, “Where and when will I meet my future husband?” and they say, “10am on June 18th 2 years from now at the Starbucks on the corner” you’re like, “Oh wow, that’s incredible!”  Yeah, check back in two years and you’ll realize it probably didn’t happen and that psychic is nowhere to be found.  And in the meantime, maybe your prince charming ran into you a year earlier and you ignored him because the psychic told you it wasn’t going to happen until June 18th two years from then.

You must also understand that the guides may know something that is about to happen to you but can’t tell you because it will rob you of your power or derail something important.  A man wrote to me recently to tell me that about a month after his reading with me his wife was in a car accident and hurt her neck very badly.  He wanted to know why the guides didn’t warn him.  First, it’s not the responsibility of our guides to warn us about every pitfall life has to offer.  We wouldn’t grow if we could magically avoid all hardship.  Second, maybe she wasn’t headed for a car accident at the time of the reading, but chose a path afterward that led her to this accident.  Third, what if she was tooling along properly on her path and someone else on another path made a decision that suddenly and without warning impacted her path?  Accidents do happen.  The guides can see but they can’t move people around like pieces on a chess board and sometimes collisions happen.  And lastly, what would have happened if the guides had actually said to this man, “Tell your wife to be careful while driving, she’s due to have a terrible accident.”  Would she have driven at all?  Or would she have been so freaked out that she decided to take the bus?  And for how long?  A day, a month, a year?  Telling someone that something terrible is about to happen to them can send someone to bed, hiding under the covers forever. 

Does that mean the guides can’t warn us if something terrible is about to befall us?  I have often received warnings for people, but that happens when the danger or problem is right around the corner or when it’s already happening and the sitter just isn’t aware of it yet.  For example, this has happened when someone was being stalked and her stalker found her but she didn’t know it yet.  It’s happened when a guy was about to be fired but didn’t know it.  And it’s happened when someone had a life threatening illness but wasn’t aware of it yet.  In those cases, the guides can see and report on something that is already in the process of happening.  That’s another good reason to get a reading.

Will a spirit guide always warn you about something bad in these cases?  They’ll only tell you if it will help you on your path.  Guides are concerned about your growth, and not necessarily about your comfort.  What if getting fired is the best thing for you and warning you would give you the opportunity to prevent it?  What if the next beating you get from your abusive boyfriend is the beating that causes you to leave the guy?  Would they want to prevent that?  Would they say, “Be careful not to burn the eggs or he’s going to bust your nose?” or would they allow it to happen because it’s for your own good?  It’s not for me to say or judge what information a guide gives me to pass along.  I’m just the conduit.

I know you want definitive answers from a reading, but that sometimes comes with a price and it’s usually powerlessness.  I read for a woman once and the guides told me she was in dire straits financially, and suggested she start looking for a job.  The woman confirmed for me that she was unemployed and had no intention of looking for a job even though her bills were piling up and she was in deep trouble.  So I had to ask her, “Why are you avoiding getting a job and taking care of yourself?”  To which she replied, “A psychic in California told me I was going to win the lottery and a prince from Europe was going to marry me, so why should I bother with getting a job?”  Even if this was true, (and it most certainly was not!), she gave all her power up to this “vision” of her future, deciding to just sit back and wait for it to happen.  What if the supposed prince was supposed to find her working at a job and instead she’s sitting at home waiting for him to call? 

The guides do not want to strip you of your power.  Sometimes knowing too much about your future causes you to stop taking the very actions that will ensure it.  So the guides have to be careful about what information they tell you and how it’s phrased.  Guides won’t lie to you, but it’s probable they aren’t telling you the whole story either as that would ruin your adventure.  What if you’re supposed to run into that jaguar because it teaches you courage.  If they tell you about the jaguar and you avoid it, they’ll just have to coerce a lion to attack you instead. 

So, what’s going to happen to you?  That’s your choice.  What does the path look like just ahead of you?   What tools do you need to better prepare yourself to meet what’s on your path?  What aren’t you aware of that could be negatively impacting your path?   Are you currently on a path that has the capability of leading to a desired goal or are you going entirely in the wrong direction?  All good questions to ask your guides.

Your guides are here to help you navigate your way through the forest of life, not to fight your battles or make your decisions for you.  They are the map, but you are the explorer.  Be prepared, stay sharp, and consult your map every once in a while to make sure you are where you think you are and are going where you think you’re going.  Life is easier when you consult the map.  But even that’s a choice.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I get variations of this question a lot.  It’s normal to want contact from people who have recently crossed over.  You want to make sure they’re okay, that they didn’t suffer, and you want to know they are still connected to you.  There are several reasons why you may not hear from them so fast, if ever.

First, you have to be an open conduit.  If someone is calling your cell phone and you’ve got it turned off, whose fault is that?  If you want to receive communication from deceased loved ones you’ll have to be open to it.  That means paying attention to your dreams, watching for signs that were unique to them, and being open to a clairvoyant, clairaudient, or clairsentient message from them.  If you associate your boyfriend with a certain song, maybe you’ll hear it on the radio at the same time you’re already thinking about him.  Maybe you’ll smell gardenias when none are around and you equate this to your grandmother.  In short, maybe communication is there and you’re just not picking up on it.

Second, maybe they want to contact you but can’t.  Reaching the other side isn’t a one way ticket to omniscience.  People don’t suddenly become god-like on the other side.  Some spirits are unable to make contact with the living.  Sometimes they need help.  Other, stronger spirits, can sometimes bring through a deceased relative who can’t come through on their own.  Or your spirit guides can at least relay messages between you two.  Again, you’ll have to watch for communication from many different channels and methods.  Over time a spirit can learn to reach back to the living, which requires altering their frequency, and that isn’t an automatic skill.

Thirdly, maybe they don’t want to communicate with you.  Sometimes when I do readings a bunch of people from one family will come through, but someone will be conspicuously absent.  I am sometimes told that that person has already “moved on” and is no longer feeling an emotional connection with family they left behind.  Sometimes, I get a mother who will talk to my sitter and then leave before the father comes through.  Usually that means they were separated or divorced (or hated each other) while alive, and they are not wanting to come through together.

Fourth, maybe you are blocking the communication with your emotions.  Sometimes when a person dies the people they leave behind are angry.  It’s hard for a spirit to come through anger.  People can inadvertently block communication with a spirit if they’re feeling angry or too upset.  When you settle down you might find the spirit was there all along.

Some people are better able to pick up on deceased energy.  So if you don’t hear from your boyfriend it doesn’t mean he isn’t connected to you.  Give it time, patience and love.  Concentrate on his energy.  Hold a photo or something dear to him.  Ask him to come to you and tell him you will be open to the signs, signals, and synchronicities that work best for him.

Sometimes it can be hard to know if you’re really receiving communication from deceased loved ones or if it’s all in your head.  That’s one reason why going to mediums is excellent because they don’t know anything about you or the deceased person.  So if a medium starts telling you about your first date with the deceased or something equally private, it will give you greater confidence that your loved one is really there on the other side.  I once did a reading for a guy and his grandmother came through. Her first words to him were “Don’t worry.”  That was significant for him because those were apparently the final two words she spoke on her death bed and only he, his father, and his dying grandmother were present to hear it.  But if he had tuned in to her on his own and heard “don’t worry” in his mind, that may not have been enough proof for him to believe he was really communicating with her. 

Even professional mediums can wait months or even years to get definitive communication from their loved ones on the other side.  Which just goes to show that if you’re sitting there waiting by your phone you still may not get a call.  Go live your life, watch for signs and communication, keep sending them love, but try not to be terribly upset if you don’t dream about them right away.  These things take time.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  It takes time, practice, and discernment to know when you’re in contact with your higher self or just your imagination, or even another entity masquerading, as you say, as your higher self.  Until you have a solid grasp on your higher self’s energy and can instantly connect with and recognize it, you’re going to have to go through a process to ensure you’re making a proper connection.  Here are some ways you can make sure you’re connecting with your higher self and not somebody else.  The same is true for your spirit guides as well.

Raise your vibration
What state are you in?  Are you feeling loved, blessed, joyful, and grateful?  Good.  That’s where you want to be ideally when you commune with your higher self.  If you’re feeling fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, shame or guilt, it’s going to be harder to reach the frequency you need to be on to accurately connect with and hear your higher self communicating with you.  You don’t want to end up on a low frequency.  So before you begin, raise your vibration.  Watch a funny movie, tell someone you love them, give a homeless guy some money, go hug your kids, etc.  You don’t have to stay in this state forever, just get there before you connect.

Open your chakras
I really can’t stress enough how important it is to get your energetic body pumping and buzzing with balanced chakral energy.  Without opening your chakras, talking to your higher self is going to be like turning on a radio but pressing the mute button, and wondering why you can’t hear anything.  Boost the volume.  Open and spin your chakras from your root to your crown.  Feel the energy in those areas.  You can still connect with your higher self without opening your chakras, but it’s much harder and you have to listen that much more intently.  Give yourself a fighting chance and open those suckers up.

Find your sacred space
Next you want to create a sacred space where you and your higher self can meet without interruption.  In your mind, imagine going up into space either by climbing a long staircase, going up an escalator, flying, or taking a spaceship.  Doesn’t matter, just feel yourself climbing, going up as high as you can.  I like to walk up a staircase and breathe deeply while doing so.  Count while you climb.  When you feel like you’re high enough (this is you raising your frequency), create a space where you and your higher self can be alone.  It could be a garden, a white room, a living room, a temple, a cloud, etc.  Just enclose it in protective white light and indicate to all who are around that this is a private space for just you and your higher self (or guides).

Practice communicating
Now ask your higher self to come to you in this sacred, private space.  Your higher self will probably appear to look like you but that’s not always the case.  They are just energy – a frequency – and will present to you in a way that will make you most comfortable.  Start with the small stuff.  Offer your higher self a cookie and some tea, make small talk about the weather, just get a feel for each other.  Then ask your higher self what he or she most wants you to know.  Or ask him or her questions.  Have a conversation.  Try not to filter or evaluate the conversation while you’re having it.  Just have it.  You can always run it past your logic later.  The longer you talk the stronger the communication will become.  If you start questioning if you’re really talking to your higher self it might knock you out of this wonderful vibrational state you’ve gotten yourself into; it’s akin to accidentally pulling out the plug on your radio.  Connection over.  So just stay with it until you’ve got the information you want.

When you’re done communicating, thank your higher self, give him or her some love, and exit the sacred space.  Go back down into your body and close your chakras to a nice comfortable level.

Check the results
If you connected with something masquerading as your higher self you’re going to get information that will just feel wrong.  Entities who try to screw with you are seeking to put you in a state of fear so they can feed off of you.  They’ll tell you what to do, how to do it, when to do it and whom to do it with.  They will try to strip you of your power. 

If you’re really communicating with your higher self you’ll get encouragement and advice, and you’ll be challenged to make your own decisions.  You’ll also feel like you’re talking to your true self.  There will be love, not judgment.  There will be compassion and empathy, not anger. 

See what happens when you commune with your higher self.  If you like the results and are feeling more and more empowered, you’re on the right track.

Keep going back
Once you’ve connected with your higher self’s energy, it will be easier to find it again.  Keep going to that sacred space.  There will also come a point where you can access your higher self’s energy even if you’re feeling sad or scared because you’ll know what he or she feels like and can discern their true energy from others masquerading as your higher self.  You’ll get to a point where you can talk to your higher self in line at the grocery store, on a date, or on the phone with your mother. 

Your higher self wants to be known to you.  He or she is there to help guide you and keep you on track.  Your higher self is your heart, mind, and moral compass.  Get to know him or her and you’ll know yourself much better. 

Here’s to the beginning of a beautiful, empowering relationship!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I’ve done readings with people where I could see one of their close loved ones was going to die, and I’ve done readings that contained dire warnings for my sitters about health situations that needed urgent attention or death might follow, but so far I haven’t foreseen an actual death of my sitter.

The first time I saw death looming closely was a very unfortunate situation because I was reading for a bride at her bachelorette party.  How’s that for festive?  The very first thing I received from her guides was that one of her soon-to-be husband’s relatives was going to die from cancer that had spread throughout his body.  I had to pause for a minute to consult with my own guides as I had never seen something like this before.  I asked them if I was supposed to share this news.  They told me that I wouldn’t have received the info if I wasn’t supposed to share it.  I asked the bride-to-be when the wedding was going to take place.  She said 3 months.  I knew the guy would be dead before then.  I saw he had maybe 6-8 weeks left if he really hung on.  So I very politely said, “How important is it to you that this person sees you guys get married?”  She said it was very important.  So I said, “Then you may want to go to a Justice of the Peace and let him witness your official marriage, and then go ahead with the wedding in 3 months.”  She nodded and said, “I understand.  Thank you for telling me.”  It was a tough situation.  A couple of months later I got word that this person had in fact died before the wedding.  I was told they appreciated the warning.

I’ve accurately foreseen the imminent death of a loved one maybe a dozen times, so it certainly doesn’t happen that often.  In all cases that I’m aware of, my client appreciated having the foreknowledge so they could do what they needed to do and say their goodbyes before it was too late.

One of the covenants I’ve made with the guides is to pass on all the information they give me.  So if someone asks me if they are going to die I will get an answer and I will pass it on to my sitter.  So don’t ask me a question you don’t want answered.

I recall in one reading an older woman, probably 70 years old, asked me if she was going to die soon.  The guides told me it looked like she had a good 15 years to go.  I told her and she started sobbing.  She said, “No no no.  I want to go now!  I can’t live without my husband.  Isn’t there some way to hasten my passing?”  That was unexpected.  I had to go back to the guides and get some more information for her.  She had not completed her journey and there were some lessons she still needed to complete.  Obviously we have free will and, if she wanted to, she could easily hasten her demise by taking up any number of deleterious behaviors like smoking, drug abuse, alcoholism, or even suicide.

I’ve also done readings where I see a health problem for my sitter right off the bat.  Usually career and relationship advice comes through first, so when I get a health situation for my sitter it’s usually dire or urgent.  I always tell my sitter what I’m seeing, but I’m not a medical intuitive so I don’t always get good details.  If a psychic is well versed in medicine, they will usually be better at passing on detailed health information.  So I do the best I can with my limited knowledge.  I can usually pinpoint if an issue is hormonal, structural, muscular, chemical, etc. and the location of the source of the problem like endocrine system, nervous system, brain, kidney, liver, etc.

If I saw that my sitter was actually going to die I would want to at least address it.  If their death was due to illness, chances are good the sitter already has a clue about their condition.  I would simply ask them if they’d done everything they could to save themselves and offer any help from the other side that the sitter may not have considered. 

But what about accidents or murder?  Can I foresee that?  In one reading I told this lovely woman that I saw an old boyfriend with a gun coming back to potentially kill her.  I got the impression he was an abusive boyfriend from her past and was actively stalking her or trying to find her.  She admitted she had an abusive boyfriend and that he had threatened her life repeatedly, but that she had gone underground, moved, and hid all her private information so he couldn’t find her.  I was very worried because the information was coming through so strongly.  She appreciated the warning but sort of blew it off as unlikely.  Not a week goes by and she emails me to tell me this boyfriend ran into one of her friends in a grocery store and casually asked the friend where my sitter was living, and her friend told the guy!  She hightailed it out of town as soon as she heard.  Did she prevent her own murder?  I ended up doing 3 readings for this woman over a one year period and as far as I know, she’s still alive.

I don’t recall ever getting information about an impending accident, like a car accident.  Maybe car accidents are more likely to be cosmic accidents as well.  I think it’s easier to detect an impending fatality when it’s an illness that is already gripping someone.

The bottom line for me is that I open a channel to a person’s guides and I pass on whatever information they give me.  That’s the promise I’ve made; not to filter or dilute information that I don’t think a person is ready to hear.  I’ve had to learn ways to gently and sensitively say things to people.  All part of the job I suppose.  And I’ve gotten better at it over time.

A psychic reading is no guarantee though.  Sometimes foreknowledge of impending death is not something the guides are offering; it’s not something you’re supposed to know.  But if I hear about it, I will tell you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  Thoughts are energy.  Think of your thoughts as little energy waves that go out into the universe, much like sound is generated on our planet.  If you send it, someone can receive it.  That doesn’t mean someone is always listening.  If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?  Your thoughts generate an energy wave capable of being heard by any number of beings, but if no one is tuned in to you, they won’t hear it. 

Think of your thoughts like email.  If you want one specific person on the other side to hear your thoughts, you want to “address” that thought directly and individually to that person.  “Mom, I miss you.  I love you.  I hope you’re well on the other side.”  Or you can send out a spiritual email to everyone on your friends list. “Sending you all love and light.  Can’t wait to see you again.  Thanks for being there for me and watching out for me.”  In an urgent situation?  Spam the thought, “Help!  I need help!  Can anyone out there help me?” 

You don’t have to speak out loud for spirits to hear you.  Thoughts are enough.  You just want to put some energy into the thought so those on the other side are “pinged.”  You’re not tuned in to their broadcasts all day long and believe me, they’re not tuned in to yours.  It’s not like they’re hovering around you listening to your every thought.  They’ve got things to do, places to go, and people to see.  If you want their attention, direct your energy to notifying them.  “You’ve got mail,” or the like.  Don’t think in all-caps though, that’s a big turn-off there as well as here!

Do your deceased parents know what you’re doing?  If they want to, yes.  But don’t worry, they’re not going to judge you.  They understand that you are “in school” and they know you will learn your lessons.  But if you feel guilty about something you’re planning to do, don’t do it.

Now, how many spiritual emails do you have sitting in your inbox?  Don’t think the communication only goes one way.  Your spirit guides, higher self, and deceased relatives could all be trying to tell you something.  Are you tuned in and listening?  Do you know how to check your own spiritual email?  You can do this in many different ways.  Through dreams (particularly lucid dreams), through meditation, or through automatic writing to name a few.  You can also consult a psychic medium like myself who can retrieve messages for you.  Really that’s what I’m doing when I do readings with people.  I’m checking in with your posse on the other side to bring you their messages that you aren’t receiving on your own.

My guides send me a ping or feeling when they’ve got something they want to tell me.  Steve’s guides get my attention too, so sometimes I go up to him and say, “Sit down.  I’ve got some messages for you.”  If I haven’t been checking in with my guides or if I’m avoiding hearing something, then sometimes Steve comes up to me and says, “Your guides are knocking.  Sit down.  I’ve got some messages for you.”  Sometimes I’ll even get pings from guides of people I’ve read for in the past.  It’s like once they get my spiritual email address they think they can just send me email all the time!  Many times I’ve received word from the guides of a previous client, and sure enough a day or so later that client has booked another reading, because they too sense a message wants to come through.

Bottom line is, yes the dead can hear our thoughts, they’re not always listening, and they know what you did last summer.  Be responsible out there.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  When you cross over the chances are excellent you’ll be greeted by your loved ones.  That’s sort of a loaded sentence so let me break it down into its component parts.

First, when you cross over you might be greeted by deceased loved ones, or angels, or your spirit guides, or even God or Jesus, depending on your beliefs, desires, and expectations at the time of your demise.

Second, if you are greeted by deceased family members, some of them may be people who were abusive towards you while you were both alive, and sometimes those people aren’t there when you cross over.  Let me explain that further.

When abusive people cross over they have the same life review that everyone has, where they get to see the effect of their behavior on the people they affected.  They are given the opportunity to forgive themselves for their behavior.  Some choose to forgive, others can’t forgive themselves and healing must happen.   When they are done with their life review and done processing everything that happened in that incarnation, they merge back with their higher self, and go join the other energies in the afterlife.  Reunions are had, love is expressed, I hear there’s coffee and donuts.

So when you cross over, that abusive person you knew is no longer as they were when you knew them.  You may choose not to connect with them, but you will be able to sense their higher self, not that lower, incarnated, abusive self.  Still, you get your life review, you do your processing, and then you decide who you will share your energy with on the other side.  My personal advice is to stay open because you might find something you weren’t expecting on the other side.

Having said all of that, there are occasions when abusive people cannot forgive themselves for the suffering they caused.  They sometimes have a hard time fully crossing over and embracing their higher self.  I’ve seen people on the other side, usually people who have committed suicide and are filled with regret, shame, or guilt, who are not hanging out happily with their other deceased loved ones.  I’ve done readings where I can see one part of a family coming through together, and another relative off to the side, who appears not to be connected with the core family.  I personally feel sad when I see that, but such is life.  They will eventually heal and end up where they need to go.

So to sum up:  You don’t have to communicate or have contact with anyone on the other side that you don’t want to, but I think when you arrive you’ll find a different person than you were expecting.  We’re human, we make mistakes, we make bad choices sometimes.  Sometimes those choices negatively affect others.  It’s all about forgiveness.  I urge you to forgive an abusive parent.  It helps them heal, and it helps you heal.  During your own life review you’ll gain some perspective on how they became abusive.  Understanding is the first step towards forgiving.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  The guides would ask you why you feel the need to resist your path so stubbornly that being dropped on your ass is the only way to get you to stop for a second and notice where you are.

In truth, the guides don’t do anything to us, at least not overtly.  They’re not conspiring behind the scenes to get you fired or to send you a brain tumor.  They are there to encourage us, to drop signs along the way, like breadcrumbs to follow.  I like to imagine it metaphorically as our guides standing above a maze.  We, the rats in the maze, are dropped at one end and we have to find our way to the “cheese” which is whatever your higher self intended for you to experience and learn in this lifetime.  The guides are standing there saying, “Come on, kid, you can do it.  Keep going.  Wait, why are you running down that path?  That’s the wrong way.  Uh oh, you’re really lost now.  You took so many twists and turns down the wrong path it’s going to take you years to get back on the right one.  Would you like to use a lifeline?”  The guides can’t pluck you off your path, that’s against the rules.  They are allowed to send nudges though.  Intuitive flashes of insight, people telling you that you’re on the wrong path, synchronicities, signs, symbols, gut feelings, those are all methods they use.  If you can’t tune in to your spirit guides on your own, there are people like myself who can do that for you.

How do you know if you’re running down the wrong path?  You’ll know you’re on the wrong path if you wake up each morning dreading your life, if you feel dead inside.  Remember that hot-cold game where someone hides something and in order to find it you wander around and they tell you if you’re hot or cold (close or near)?  Same thing happens in life.  When you’re going in the wrong direction you can almost sense someone telling you that you’re getting colder.  When someone is barreling towards their goal don’t we sometimes say, “He’s on fire!”  See … you’re getting hot! 

Dropping you on your keister is a blessing.  It’s like they put a hand up in front of your little rat nose and said, “Enough.  We can’t let you keep going down this path.  Will you please just tune in and hear us?”  The best way to honor the ass-drop is to take it seriously.  Stop.  Breathe.  Listen.  Tune in to your heart’s desire.  Figure out where you went wrong.  Make a plan.  Then get up, dust yourself off, and get going in the right direction.  Remember to thank your guides for caring enough about you to get your attention.  That wall you’re crashing into is Divine Love.  It might be painful, but maybe it’s there to stop you from running off a cliff just around the corner.

When life drops you on your ass see it as a gift.  It’s a chance to correct your course before you plow into a mountain or drop into a pit of spikes.  The worst thing you can do is sit there and do nothing, moaning or whining about how life ain’t fair.  For all you know, you may look back on your predicament one day and realize it was the best thing that could have happened to you.  Honor these moments.  Honor the setbacks.  And keep going.  Always keep going.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.