First, some basic definitions:

Demon: A demon is a non-corporeal entity that has never been human (and never will be human) that lives on another plane of existence. Demons are evil sons-of-bitches that seek only to hurt and harm tasty folks like us. You don’t want to call a demon, play with a demon, or invite a demon to dinner. They’re bad news all the way around.

Possession: Possession happens when a demon gains entrance to our plane by hopping a ride on a human. They move the human’s soul aside and take up residence in the human’s body. Finding out that you are possessed by a demon is about the worst news you can ever get. Yes, it’s even worse than finding out your stock portfolio is now worth 10 cents. Possession is something you want to avoid at all costs.

Hauntings: Hauntings happen when a human dies and refuses to cross over and go into the light. They fight to stay on our plane but, without a body, they are fighting a losing battle. In order to stick around, they must siphon energy from a person or people to sustain themselves. So they attach themselves, usually to a place, and usually the place they died, and suck off the energy of whoever is currently living in the house or visiting. You are a tasty snack, even when you don’t shower. I know, it’s crazy right?

Negative Entity Attachment: An NEA is more serious than a haunting because the spirit that didn’t feel like crossing over attaches itself to one person and siphons their energy. So you could be at the mall, at your boyfriend’s house, or on the moon and they’re still going to stay stuck to you. It’s like they’ve got a hook in you and you’ve got a new friend for life. You don’t want an NEA. The people most susceptible to NEAs are emo teenagers. More on that in a bit. NEAs don’t usually possess you, they don’t have the strength. But they will drain your energy to a point where you could potentially be open to possession by a demon.

Low Vibrational Beings: If you do any sort of astral projecting, sleep paralysis, or advanced lucid dreaming, you may come across low vibrational beings (LVBs). These are beings that are not demons and are not human spirits that refused to cross over. They are simply other beings that are living on another plane who feed off fear energy, so when you inadvertently or on purpose cross into their world, they will attack you like piranha. You have only yourself to blame. It’s like going into the shark tank without a cage. You’re in their world. I don’t recommend stepping into those worlds if you can help it.

High Vibrational Beings: The flip side of the LVBs are the HVBs. You can step into other planes of existence that aren’t all fear related. You can step into realms where the beings there are super high vibration. Instead of being attacked you will be showered with love. This is a good thing! Go often, bring flowers, and be nice lest they kick you out.

So how do you know what you’re dealing with?

Demons: If you are being attacked by a demon you will develop severe mental impairments (true psychological causes MUST be ruled out before you jump on the “I’m possessed, help me please” bandwagon.) There will also be significant paranormal activity going on around you including items being thrown across the room, doors opening and closing by themselves, bad smells, and being physically attacked (scratched, thrown around, raped, slapped, etc.). Your personality will undergo a significant change (again, psychological causes must be ruled out), and your family and friends will know something horrible is going on with you. Seek the help of a priest or demonologist who has experience expelling demons. Run, don’t walk to your nearest professional.

True demon possession is extremely rare! Angels guard the entrance to our world and don’t let the demons cross into our plane. When it does happen, it’s because someone opens a door using their free will and invites the demon in. Some people think calling a demon into our realm is nifty and will make for an interesting Saturday night. These people are dumb, and are sure to be eaten first. People who are shamed into believing they are devil-spawn sometimes open themselves to possession because some overly religious parent or pastor tells them they are lower than dirt and need to be cleansed. It’s horrible. The demons wait for such openings. But again, true demon possession is almost impossible so don’t worry too much.

Hauntings: If you live in a haunted house you should find a medium or other professional trained to help the stubborn spirit move on. You can try cleansing your house using sage and ritual and white light, but if you’re not familiar with how these things work, you should hire a professional.

Negative Entity Attachments: In my practice, while doing readings, I have come across maybe 20 people who actually have a true negative entity attachment. There’s only one way to get rid of the NEAs: you must raise your vibration, keep it raised, and fall out of vibrational harmony with being someone’s snack. To use an analogy, attracting an NEA is like spreading honey on your body and laying down near an ant hill. If you don’t want the ants crawling all over you, wash the honey off your body and stay away from the ant hill. An NEA is only there with your consent, so once you cut the cords, you will be free. People most susceptible to an NEA are people in the vibration of guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and depression, and to a lesser extent, people in the vibration of anger and pride. An NEA can’t feed off someone in the vibration of love, joy, compassion, gratitude, etc. You can release an NEA yourself or you can utilize the help of a professional like myself or anyone in the energy healing arena. If you keep your NEA, you will eventually be so physically and energetically drained that you will either want to commit suicide or you will fall into a deep depression. I should mention here that technically demons and low vibrational entities also qualify as NEAs, but the solution is the same. Raise your vibration!

Low Vibrational Beings: If you are going to swim with the sharks, for heaven’s sake protect yourself! If you astral project take your guides with you, surround yourself with white light, and go in with a high vibration, not fear. If you are being bothered by low vibrational beings call out to the angels for help. They will help you; it’s part of their job description.

High Vibrational Beings: You’ll know it’s an HVB you’re dealing with because you will feel love pouring into you. Pure and simple. It’s like being snuggled and rocked by your mom in her big fluffy bathrobe while eating a homemade chocolate chip cookie. Not to be missed.

I hope that clears things up a little bit. The best way to avoid being bothered by negative, energy-sucking baddies is to make sure your vibration is high. It’s like closing the screen door so they can’t get into your house. If they do make it in, zap ‘em with your electric fly swatter or show them out humanely. But never, ever, feed them after midnight!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Is possession possible?
2. The Dangers of Astral Projection
3. How do I protect myself and my room when I astral project?

Here you are in the middle of a crisis, another disaster, one failure on top of another, universe smooshing you to the ground, stepped on like a bug on the bottom of the shoe of life. Where is your guidance now? Where is the Divine Source when you need it? Why aren’t the guides helping you!?

Hear this now. Your guides will always come for you. But how can I be sure? Because this is true love. You think this happens every day?

The truth is, your guides do not abandon you. They signed up for this gig knowing there would be challenges and heartache. More likely you’ve either abandoned them, you stopped listening to their advice, or you can’t hear them even though you want to. It is especially during times of crisis or emotional hardship that your guides try their hardest to send you help. But you’ve got to know what it looks like, sounds like, or feels like or you might miss it.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could just get a letter in the mail from your spirit guides telling you exactly what you need to do to make your life better? We all wish it was that straightforward. Unfortunately, guides can never find a pen, and a stamp costs a bazillion dollars per ounce to mail from the ether. So we’re left with signs, signals, synchronicities, or a really good intuitive who can tell you what your guides want you to know.

Your best bet is to learn how to hear, see, feel or know your guides. To do this, you need to know what your intuitive modalities are. I’ve written a nifty article on this topic, so please read it when you’re done with this one: How To Recognize Your Intuitive Modality. After you have determined the ways in which you receive intuition, you should use that modality to connect with your guides. I wrote another nifty article to help you with that called Spirit Guides: Who are they and how do you connect with them?

The best and most common way people connect with their guides is through meditation, but there are certainly other ways as outlined in the above article. But if you don’t have the time or inclination to learn how to speak to your guides directly, rest assured they will come to you. Usually they send signs, signals and synchronicities to help guide you to the person, place or plan that will help you the most. Do you know when you’re getting a sign or some guidance? Here are some articles that outline how you can tell:

Spirit Guides at Starbucks
Like Rats in a Maze
Interpreting Synchronicities From Spirit
How Should You Communicate with Your Spirit Guides?

Life is not trying to punish you. Sometimes you make decisions that lead to physical hardship or emotional pain and suffering. That’s when learning and growth happens.

If you aren’t sure what your guides are trying to tell you, you can book an intuitive session with me and I will tell you. But honestly, it’s best to learn how to do this on your own because you can’t keep going to an intuitive for advice when you have a problem. One time, when you’re really stuck, yes that’s appropriate. I can also help you understand your intuitive modalities and give you some advice on how to connect with your guides specifically. Let’s meet them together so you can form a relationship with them that will last a lifetime… because that’s how long they’ll be with you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How Should You Communicate With Your Spirit Guides?
2. How To Tell the Difference Between Your Ego, Logic, Spirit Guides and Intuition
3. Are guides always wiser than us?

Answer:  Generally speaking, no, the dead do not miss the living.  I know that sounds horrible, but let’s look at death from their perspective so you’ll understand why they don’t miss us like we miss them.

When your loved one dies, he’s greeted on the other side by loved ones who have crossed over before him.  He goes back to the light of Divine Love.  To say he’s in a better place is an understatement.  He’s happy, blissful even.  It’s as exciting as winning the lottery.  He goes through his life review, understanding and comprehending the lessons and experiences he had in life.  He makes peace with himself, and crosses right on over into bliss.

The dead are aware, however, that those of us left behind are having a much harder time dealing with what we perceive as a loss, because we, the living, think the person is gone to a galaxy far, far away.  Our dead loved ones try to get our attention, to let us know they are just fine and playing Bingo in the sky with your old dog, uh … Bingo.  For them it’s like looking through one way glass where they can see us but we can’t see them.  So they wave their arms, stomp up and down, scream to us, but we can’t hear them.  How frustrating do you think that is for them?

So next they try getting our attention in other ways.  They send us dreams telling us they’re fine.  We discount those as “just dreams.”  They knock pictures off the wall.  We discount those as the house settling or the kids running amok.  They waft specific smells our way.  “Does anyone smell freesia? Didn’t grandma like freesias?  Weird.”  They put significant songs on the radio, drop change in front of our feet, make the rocking chair rock all by itself, and we chalk it all up to imagination or wishful thinking.  So finally they just sit and hold us with their incorporeal arms, trying to comfort us physically without a physical body to do it with.

And they listen.  They listen to our prayers and eulogies, our anger, our sadness.  And they watch.  They watch us cry, sleep, and cry some more.  They watch us slowly put our lives back together.  They feel joy when we have a victory over our grief.

But they’re also spending their time getting to know the other side and reconnecting with people there.  They realize that no one really dies, we simply transform.  This is nothing to be sad about.  It’s something wonderful.  If the living could remember that the dead are not truly gone, it could lessen our grief.  We grieve over our loss, over the loss of their presence in our lives.  And yes, that is a real loss, but it is not a complete, never-going-to-see-you-again loss. 

Honor the dead.  Share your joy and love with them.  Cast love energy their way.  And try to feel the love energy they’re casting back at you.  A medium can help you reconnect, but a medium is unnecessary if you open your heart and remember that the dead don’t leave us, so they don’t miss us.  Remember them and cherish your memories.  You can keep the connection alive by talking to them and acknowledging their presence at special family events.

They are still there, you can still talk to them, and they still see you and care about you.  They know you’re sad, but they know life is an amazing gift and experience, and they want you to enjoy yours to the fullest extent possible.  When you’re ready, move on with living your life. You will see your loved ones again.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Q&A on the Dead and the Afterlife
2. The Dead Speak
3. Can Dead People Negatively Affect Your Life?

When tragic deaths occur sometimes people want to consult a medium right away.  They want answers and comfort.  They want to know if the deceased made it to the other side or if they are stuck in limbo.  Sometimes they want details of a murder so they can find the perpetrator.  Sometimes they simply want to know why.

But should you consult a medium in the early days following your loved one’s death?

No, it’s not a good idea.  Here’s why:

Grief is a barrier to connection
When I read for people who are deeply in the throes of grief their sadness affects my ability to tune in.  When I open up to spirit I am also opening up to my client.  Because of my empathy, I feel the emotional pain of my client deeply.  To connect with a deceased person I have to stay objective and neutral.  So I have to tune out my client’s grief which means I’m closing a channel that could otherwise be useful to me in creating a strong connection with the deceased loved one.  It affects the strength of the connection.  I can still do it, but not as easily or well.

The deceased need time to learn how to connect with a medium
If you were suddenly thrown into a country where you didn’t speak the language, how long would it take you to be able to communicate effectively with the people around you?  When someone crosses over they are not automatically able to connect with a human medium to send messages to their loved ones.  They have to learn how to do it.  Every medium works slightly differently, so the deceased person has to figure out what frequency the medium is on and match it.  Mediums use clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience and claircognizance to connect with those on the other side.  A deceased person sometimes comes to me in images, or talks to me in my head, or makes me feel what they felt when they died.  There are many variables which have to line up for me to make a connection, and working with newly deceased energy is like talking to a newborn.

The deceased may not be ready to talk
I know you want to hear from your loved ones immediately, but they may not be ready to talk.  There’s a lot going on for them.  They might still be processing their own death and may not even be aware that someone is trying to communicate with them.  They sometimes need to get situated, work out some karma, find their way “home” before they can relax and consider the needs of those they left behind.  Be patient.  Sometimes another deceased relative will speak on behalf of the new arrival.  Be open to whoever wants to come through with information.

Answers may not be available
You want answers.  You want to know why your loved one was taken from you or why they chose to leave so soon or so suddenly.  Sometimes answers are forthcoming and sometimes they’re not.  Sometimes it’s not for you to know why, in the grand scheme, a person left this incarnation.  Perhaps you’ll never know, or perhaps you’ll see why later.  Sometimes it’s part of a major growth experience for you, and giving you answers without you searching for them robs you of that growth experience.  If deceased loved ones could tell us everything there was to know about life and death there would be a lot of lottery-winning psychics on Earth right now!  We may not be privy to the reasons why.  Trust in the universe, and know that you will someday reunite with your loved one on the other side and know for sure what happened.

So when SHOULD you consult a medium?
You should consult a medium when your grief is under control and not raw.  Usually three months is the minimum amount of time you should wait after someone has died before consulting a medium.  Longer if you’re still grieving really hard.  It’s not that you have you wait until you no longer care about your deceased loved one, it’s that you need to be strong and open, and not falling down under the weight of grief.  You want to lend the medium your strength, not ask her to hold you up while also dialing the other side. 

Will the deceased send signs or signals when they are ready to communicate?
Yes.  If a deceased person is interested in communicating with the living, they can learn how.  Knocking down photos, sending a scent into the air, stopping your clocks or your electronics, coming to you in dreams, coming to others in dreams to get a message to YOU, leaving coins in odd places, putting “their” song on the radio when you’re thinking about them, and cold breezes are just a few of the ways the dead will try to communicate with you.  Be on the lookout and pay attention.  When you start getting signs, it’s a good bet a medium will be able to reach the deceased person.

Will the deceased name their killers or provide other useful information regarding their death and/or life?
Yes absolutely.  I’ve done readings where dead people name their killer, describe details of their accident for investigative purposes, and even mention where to find the will or important papers.  Doesn’t happen all the time.  I can’t force information out of the dead.  I can only pass on what they’re willing to give.  Sometimes a deceased person will go on and on about one of their kids and not the other.  Doesn’t mean they loved them any less; could simply mean one of the kids is in a more emergent situation than the other.  The dead have a perspective that is very different from our own.  We can’t really understand why some information is shareable and other information must remain secret.  When you get to the other side, take it up with them.

To summarize, consulting a medium should be done only if you need closure and certainty.  Having validating evidence come through is extremely comforting to the living.  But wait a bit for things to settle down, for you to get through the intense grief, and for your loved ones to learn how to communicate with the medium.  Your loved ones are in good hands on the other side.  Don’t worry about them.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Can a Medium Pick Up On a Code Word?
2. Connecting With The Dead During Readings
3. How do you prevent unwanted communication from the other side?

Answer:  Both your higher self and your spirit guides are there to help you navigate your way through life, but they do serve different purposes and roles, so let’s talk about who you should consult and when.

A reminder that your higher self is your true essence, your soul, who you are when the veil that shrouds life is pulled back and you remember exactly who you are and where you came from.  Your higher self is the part of you that is most conscious, the operator to your avatar.  It’s like if life was a video game, the incarnated you is the character and the higher self is the gamer sitting behind the scenes eating pizza and drinking soda while influencing and guiding the character through the game of life.

Your spirit guides, on the other hand, were chosen by your higher self to help keep you on track as you navigate the maze of your life.  They are celestial beings who may or may not have ever been incarnated as humans, but are qualified to guide you.  Their job is to follow the boss’s orders and get you from point A to point B with as much learning, growth, happiness, and joy as possible.

I like to think of the higher self as the CEO of your company, and the spirit guides as managers.  Your higher self is the visionary, the leader, the one calling the shots, and your guides implement the strategies and directives set forth by your higher self.

So who should you consult when you need advice, help and answers?

In general, you would consult spirit guides when you want to know what’s coming up on your path.  Should you go left or right at the crossroads?  Should you study abroad?  Should you move to a new city?  Should you date the guy you met in your history class?  And so forth.  Your guides will be able to help you see where each path leads so you can make a good choice.

Your higher self, on the other hand, is a good person to consult when you want to remember your connection to Source, when you want to remember your message and why you incarnated, when you need love and support, and when you want to feel strong and empowered.  It’s not that your higher self can’t help you make a decision, but that’s really what the guides are best at. 

Commune with your higher self, consult your guides.  That’s my motto.

The reason I commune more often with my higher self than my guides is because at the moment my life is flowing totally easily and effortlessly in the direction I want it to go, so my guides are kicking back, taking a smoke break, and patting themselves on the back.   I enjoy meeting with my higher self in my garden because it’s peaceful and I like her energy.

I suggest you connect with both your higher self and guides, just understand where each is focused and how each can help you best.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How Should You Communicate With Your Spirit Guides?
2. How To Tell the Difference Between Your Ego, Logic, Spirit Guides and Intuition
3. Guided Meditation as a Tool for Speaking with Spirit Guides

Answer:  Sometimes when I’m doing a reading for a client both of their parents do come through during the reading.  The way they present to me tells me more about their relationship than if they flat out told me what their situation was.

If a couple was happily together at the time of the first person’s demise, I usually see them come through together, as if they are holding hands or hugging.  It doesn’t really matter whether they were legally married or not; their closeness in death reflects how close they were in life.

If they were separated in life, as in their energy was separate from each other, I usually see them standing apart, with one parent behind the left shoulder and the other parent behind the right shoulder.  In this case it also doesn’t matter whether they were married or divorced… it’s more a statement of their closeness at the time of their demise.

Sometimes four parents will come through and I’ll have to discern who the step parents were and who is connected to whom.  Yes, it can get complicated.  But honestly that’s rare.  I usually only have one deceased person come through, and sometimes they bring through another member of the family.

During readings I will also see parents and deceased siblings come through together, i.e. the sitter’s brother and mother are deceased and they come through to me together.  How they present visually is an indicator of their closeness in life. 

Are they really all together on the other side hanging out all day shooting the breeze?  Yes and no.  From what I’ve been shown, some energies do choose to stick together, and some go their separate ways at death.  I wouldn’t say they’re sitting around shooting the breeze.  I think it’s more that they come together during a reading because of the opportunity to interact with their living loved one, and they use their energy to show me their relationship.  After a reading is over, they go back to what they were doing before the reading.

In short, you stick with the energies of people with whom you’ve made strong loving connections, and you part ways with those you don’t resonate with.  But just because you fight or argue with a loved one while incarnated, doesn’t mean you’ll separate out when you get to the other side.  Where there is love, there is connection.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Who greets us on the other side?
2. Can we meet celebrities on the other side?
3. Why hasn’t my deceased boyfriend contacted me?

Answer:  Often people tell relatives, “If you make it to the other side, I’ll know you’re really there if you come through a medium with this code word.” It’s a nice idea, and in theory it should work.  I personally have never received a code word from a deceased person while doing an intuitive reading, but nor has anyone asked me to see if I could get one. 

As a psychic medium, receiving information psychically is not as easy as listening to someone on the other end of the phone just talking to you.  It’s not like we hear someone say, “Hey Erin, my name is Joe Smith and I’m happy to be talking with you today from the other side.  Could you please tell my son that the will is in the top left drawer of my study and the password for my computer is Ulysses.”  It just doesn’t come through that clearly most of the time. 

Psychics receive information energetically, on a frequency I couldn’t even begin to fathom as I’m not a psychic linguist or quantum physicist.  It’s like being immersed in a language you don’t know, and after years you eventually pick up on what certain sounds mean.  Only in the case of a psychic, no one is teaching you how to translate the energy, you just have to learn through trial and error and practice.  Eventually your connection gets stronger and your ability to fathom the meaning of the energetic signals gets clearer.  The more you work with your guides, the more you develop a shorthand way of communication, with them using certain symbols to mean certain things.  For example, when my guides show me a diamond symbol over a person’s chakra I know it’s their symbol for the fact that this client has professional level abilities related to that chakra.  So if I see a diamond over their third eye I know the person is capable of being a professional intuitive or already is one.  If I see a diamond over their throat chakra I know they are a professional singer or speaker or writer (or some other form of communication).

I am clairaudient, which means I do hear the guides talking to me, and sometimes I do hear things word for word.  I’ve had guides and deceased relatives come to me with a phrase so specific it feels like it took all of their energy to fine tune the beam in order for me to receive the transmission in its most pristine and unsullied form.  I am then able to pass it along easily as it’s already come to me pre-translated.  Yes, this makes my job easier and I love it when it happens, but for most of a reading I’m receiving impressions that I must translate. 

Spirits do not speak in man-made languages.  It’s not like you’ve got people over there speaking Chinese or English or whatever.  They communicate with energy.  So let’s say you’re recently deceased and your son goes to a medium.  Desperate to get a message to him that you’re alright, you try to form the code word but hey, you don’t have a mouth or vocal cords.  How are you going to get the message to the medium in a way she’ll understand?  You could push an image into her mind and if she’s clairvoyant she might get it.  You could send a sound wave and hope you’ve formed it correctly so that the medium interprets it correctly and it doesn’t come through garbled or like static.  You could try sending a feeling (how do you send “Ulysses” as a feeling?) and hope the medium is clairsentient.  Do you think it’s easy for a deceased person to communicate with a medium?  It’s not!  Often times the spirit guides have to bring messages through because the deceased person is incapable of expressing themselves using the language of energy.  There have been many readings I’ve done where I’m getting messages from spirit guides that are being relayed for the deceased person.  In some readings I’m communicating with the deceased person directly.  I never know what I’m going to get until I tune in.

I personally think a code word is a great idea.  But make it something easy for a medium to receive and for your relative on the other side to send.  If your word is, “serendipitous” come on!  Give us a break.  That’s never going to make it through the system.  Think of something that could be easily sent visually, that has a simple sound to it, or that could be felt, smelled, or tasted.  Some ideas would be a rose, a cat, a hat, a cat in a hat (just kidding), but you get the idea.  Simple sound, simple visual.  Then when you’re having a reading with a medium be on the lookout for the code word.  She might not know she’s receiving a code word; it might come to her in a way she thinks is metaphorical.  If your code word is rose, for example, and she says, “Your mom keeps handing me red flowers and they smell divine,” she could be picking up on the coded message even though she isn’t saying the word “rose.”  Maybe she’s seeing rosy cheeks.  Or the medium might say, “She’s saying you view the world through rose-colored glasses.”  We could simply be misinterpreting the nature of the communication.  So you’re going to have to be on the lookout.  It’s not like the spirit is going to say, “Hey Erin, can you please tell my daughter the code word is blue.  I’d sure appreciate it.”

When a medium is working, he or she should be able to relay information to you that validates the presence of the deceased relative in a way that you will find confirming.  For all we know, spirits aren’t allowed to pass on a code word.  Maybe it violates their prime directive.  I know that when I’m working I’m not able to extract information from a guide or spirit.  I have to let them do the talking and be patient as they choose how to answer the questions they’re given. 

Bottom line … I think a code word is a valid covenant to make.  I’ll probably set one up with my own parents just to see what happens.  But I wouldn’t hold your breath on receiving it during a reading.  Stay open to what the spirit wants to communicate, look for and expect validation on the part of the medium, and if the medium is close let them know.  We might make it look easy, but it’s not.  Tuning in, especially to deceased relatives, is difficult and takes a lot of practice to be able to pass on messages accurately.  It would be awesome if someone could invent a translator that would accurately translate energy into English.  Until then, we have to decrypt the energy the best way we can.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. See a Penny, Pick It Up
2. How To Find Your Optimal Medium
3. Can I contact a deceased relative on my own?

You come from Love, but you do not remember.  Know this though:  There is nothing you need to be or do to be worthy of Love.  You simply need to remember who you are.  You are a loving conscious tendril of Source, an expression of thought and energy.  You are the embodiment of Love.  You are an explorer, here for a time, and then back you go to Source.

If you ever feel disconnected from Source, that is your own perception, for Source is never disconnected from you.  There is nothing you can do or be that will cause Source to disconnect from you.  That is impossible.  Forgiveness, understanding, and compassion are yours.  Always.  Can you remember this truth?

Do not judge yourself.  Do not fear the loss of Love.  It is impossible for you to be cut off from Love.  You are living in an illusion where you think you must act a certain way in order to gain Love.  There is no mountain to climb.  There is no goal to reach.  No approval you must seek.  You must only remember that you are loved. 

When you remember that you are loved, help others remember this too.  Help others see the connection you all share.  None of you are separate from any other.  You are all One.  Do not jockey for position.  Do not put others down.  Do not harm another’s connection with Source. 

Pierce the veil and see past the illusion.  All you have to do is be.  All you have to remember is Love.  Feel the connection in your heart and in your soul. 

Act from Love and you act in accordance with the Universe.  Where there is Love, you will glimpse Source.  Act from fear and you will feel disconnected from Source;  you will be led further into the illusion.  Do not give in to fear.  Reconnect with the truth of Love.  Reconnect with Source.

Take heart.   You are never alone.  You can always draw upon Universal Love.  Let it fill your soul.  Let it propel you to greater peace.  Do not struggle against the current.  Do not struggle at all.  Surrender to Love.

You are loved.  Always.  It cannot be any other way.  Do you yet remember?  Search your feelings and you will find the Truth.  Honor the feeling.  Honor the Truth.  Be One with Love.

You are always worthy of love.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. But Where’s the Love?
2. Casting Love At People
3. Getting Back to Love

Receiving communication from the other side is a gift, in my opinion, however you must be the one who decides when that communication takes place.  Being too open is like leaving your front door unlocked and ajar; the deceased are going to push their energy at you whenever they see you can get a message to a living loved one. 

When I first started my work as a medium, I was open all the time.  Once I was chatting with the check out girl at a clothing store and her deceased grandmother started going on about how her granddaughter was going to give birth to a girl and name it after her.   At dinner one night with a couple, I saw the woman’s deceased father standing behind her and he had a lot to say about his death and his children.  Back then I blurted out everything as it came to me.  But one day I got information for a woman who didn’t want to hear from her deceased abusive husband.  I realized that not everyone is open to this sort of communication, so I stopped doing “drive by” readings.

The way I stopped receiving unwanted communication when I wasn’t working was thanks to my conduit guide Bob.  Bob is the guide who acts like a bouncer.  The only way a spirit can communicate with me now is if Bob lets him through.  On some occasions a strong and powerful spirit will get my attention when I’m not working, but it’s usually pretty important or urgent or Bob wouldn’t have let them through. 

If you don’t have a conduit guide, and I highly suggest you have one if you are a medium, then you’ll need to work on tuning out the constant influx of information.  You’ve got to turn off the psychic radio when you’re not working or wanting the information.  You can do this by pulling your chakras in tighter.  One of the reasons you’re getting so much information all the time is probably because your chakras are open too wide.  Your energy is brushing up against people’s auras and you’re getting an instant download about that person’s life.  Keeping your chakras open that wide can have unwanted side effects, as you can inadvertently take on the negative emotions of another person.

Also, stop using your psychic radio like a police scanner.  Most people new to psychic abilities scan every channel all the time.  They do this unconsciously.  This is one reason why negative and lower vibrational beings can bug you; you’re tuned in to their channel.  You’re allowing your “radio dial” to be pulled to a lower channel just because something is being broadcast.  Learn to be discerning. 

Learn to tune in only when asked or when the situation is urgent or important.  Get with a conduit guide who will agree to filter out the riff raff so you get communication when you want with who you want.  Pull in your chakras so you’re not empathically detecting every little issue with people you pass on the street.

If you do receive communication you feel is really important, you’ll have to learn to be very sensitive to how you pass on the information.  Some people think mediums work for the Devil, so if you blurt out your information, instead of being grateful you may get someone making the sign of the cross at you. If I’m with someone who knows I’m a medium, I will usually say, “Oh I seem to be in contact with someone who would really like to pass on a message to you.  Would you like to hear it?”  I’ve actually had people politely decline, but most of the time they are eager to hear the information.  If I’m with someone who does not know me and does not know I’m a medium, I usually keep my mouth shut, plus these situations don’t come up so much now that I have Bob standing guard.

Psychic work can be energetically draining, and mediumship more so.  You’ve got to guard your own energy.  To the other side, you’re walking around with a little light above your head that conveys, “I’m on and I can hear you.”  The deceased will flock to you if you you’re not careful so that you will pass on messages to their living loved ones.  You must be the one who decides what information gets through.  If you don’t control the information and when it comes through, it can overwhelm  you and cause you to become very unbalanced.   When this happens a lot of psychics try to turn off their abilities.  Instead I simply recommend becoming the commander in chief of your ability.  Take responsibility for the gift, and learn how to use it properly.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Language and Communication with the Deceased
2. Can I contact a deceased relative on my own?
3. How do you open and close chakras?

You hear a lot about near death experiences from the people who have experienced them, but you never get to hear what happens after you’ve been “processed” and are completely disconnected from your body because obviously they don’t come back and tell us.  The only way to find out would be through psychic mediums who ask dead people what they do all day.  Even then, we’d have no proof, no way of checking if the information we’re receiving is accurate.  We’d have no way of validating the information that came through.  It’s easy to validate information from a person’s life, but how can you get confirmation of what happens when no one living is around to see it?

When I speak to deceased people during readings I do get a glimpse into what’s happening on the other side, but admittedly the view is extremely limited.  I’ll share what I know, but this must only be the tip of the iceberg.

When I do a reading, I usually get who the person is in relation to my sitter, then they show or tell me how they died, then they start sharing information about their life to validate that it is really them and not something I’m making up.  They share love, warnings if necessary, and that’s usually it.  However, upon occasion I’ve gotten a little more information that goes beyond the usual.

In one reading, a father came through for his daughter and his signal was very strong to me.  His energy was that of a highly aware, highly conscious person.  I was impressed with him and his connection strength.  When the reading was over, I actually hung on to the guy a little longer to converse with him myself because the connection was so strong and I wanted to talk to him.  He indicated that he was attending what we would call lectures on the other side.  And that he spent his day discussing philosophy with other souls on the other side.  He indicated that it was wonderful, stimulating, and he was surprised to find it available.  I got a sense that he was definitely continuing his growth and wasn’t just sitting around like a blob of energy floating through the ether.

In another reading, I was connected with an individual who had died at a pretty old age, I think he was in his 90′s.  He indicated to me that he was still very  much tuned in to the lives of the family members he’d left behind.  He showed me an image of himself sitting in front of what looked like a television and watching his various family members on different channels.  Now he wasn’t really sitting in front of a television, it was a metaphor to explain to me what he was doing.  But yeah, he indicated he spent his days still very tuned in to his family.

I’ve also tuned in to dead people who can’t let go of their past incarnation and are going over and over it, replaying it with different outcomes.  Often these are people who have committed suicide or been murdered and their killer has not been brought to justice yet.

I also know that there are spirits who are in charge of making certain things work, like helping people cross over, helping creative people get inspiration, and helping souls choose where to incarnate next.  I’ve seen conclaves of what I would call ascended masters working on creating change on our planet using their energetic influence and intelligence.

I know that you can hang around with other souls you used to know.  I’ve seen families on the other side “having dinner” together.  And I know you can engage in an energy merge that blows incarnated sex right out of the water! 

And that’s about all I’ve seen.  Admittedly, it’s not that much.  Like I said, I am sure there is a lot more going on up there than I can see.  Maybe I’ll start looking into this more consciously.  Next time I get someone “on the line” who’s hanging out in the ether I’ll ask them what they do all day.  I’m sure they don’t even have “days” like we have.  And I’m sure time is irrelevant there.  Being dead is just another state of being. 

Maybe we’re not supposed to know too much about the afterlife so we can concentrate on living this one.  For now, it’s enough for me to know that I have guides and angels looking out for my best interests, and I get to chat with the occasional deceased person which is always fun and interesting for me.  We’ll just have to wait and see what happens next.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Solid Evidence for Existence of the Afterlife
2. Q&A on the Dead and the Afterlife
3. Do I have to meet up with an abusive parent in the afterlife?

Answer:  When I was a teenager a lot of scary beings used to visit me.  I was able to take control of the situation and open up a can of astral whoop ass on them, but I don’t recommend that approach for most people.

In my twenties I shut down my psychic abilities as best I could so I could get away from that life.  That worked pretty well for a while.  When I met Steve, though, he encouraged me to reopen that part of myself and continue exploring.  I found that when I opened up to the psychic realm as an adult, it wasn’t scary anymore.  This was due in large part to the fact that my vibration had changed.  I was no longer susceptible to fear.  I was vibrating a lot closer to love, so those darker entities just didn’t bother me.  We were not on the same channel anymore.

But like you, I was always afraid that ghosts or spirits would try to get my attention by appearing in my bedroom at night, in the dark, and scare me.  I could easily see having a heart attack if that happened!  When I started to see I had an ability that could help others, though, I knew I had to somehow get over my fear.

That’s when the tv show, Ghost Whisperer, came to my rescue.  In this show the main character, Melinda Gordon, is a medium who regularly sees and talks to spirits.  When they appear to her, they almost always startle her, but she is never afraid of them.  That’s when I realized that being startled is different than being afraid.  I decided that if I had to, I could live with being startled.  So I made a deal with my guides, telling them I would open myself back up to these psychic abilities I’d had practically my whole life, as long as they knew I didn’t want to see dead people in my room in the middle of the night.  And I told them if seeing the spirits in my room at night was the only way to help them, I would learn to deal with it.

As it turns out, I needn’t have worried.  I have a conduit guide named Bob that prevents spirits from presenting to me unless I’m working.  Only three times in the last three years have I had a spirit present to me when I wasn’t officially working.  All three came in very gently with me though, and all three came at night.  When you think about it, why would they want to scare me?  If I’m scared, I’m not going to be able to help them.

I did do a reading once where a spirit appeared to me in my White Room (the mental construct I go to when I do readings) and she nearly gave me a heart attack.  She had shot herself in the face and showed me the whole image.  And she was standing right over me.  It took me a moment to collect myself and I was quite startled.  She wasn’t trying to frighten me, she was just in an intense situation and probably didn’t know that I would react so strongly to her grisly visage. 

So my advice is to get a clear connection with your guides and tell them what you are and are not willing to tolerate.  Also, make sure you vibrate at a reasonably high frequency normally.  If you’re depressed, angry, sad, ashamed, or guilty you might attract lower vibrational beings when you open yourself up.  And lastly, decide in advance that if a spirit does show up, you’ll only be startled and not afraid.  They aren’t there to hurt you.   They’re there to reach out for your help.  If you have this gift, think of all the good you can do with it.  Don’t let a little fear stop you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

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At the time of his passing he was very surprised to find himself standing next to his own body.  He was confused initially.  Eventually he understood that he had died, but this didn’t happen immediately.  I think up until he got to the hospital he thought he might be able to get back into his body.

Once he realized he was truly beyond recovery, his attention turned to the energy being cast at him by the people milling around outside the hospital.  In some ways, this energy tethered him.  Such an outpouring of love, he was filled by it.  It was gratefully accepted by him.  He seemed very much in a state of peace, love and gratitude.  It’s almost as if he was wading through a pool of love energy, with a sense of wonder and he felt blessed.

I don’t feel like he immediately went to his family.  This is probably because the energy around the hospital was so strong.  But eventually he was able to tune into his family and go to them.  It feels like he centered his energy on his mother and his children.  Although it pained him to see his family so upset, I feel like he was mostly trying to let them know that he was okay, perfectly fine, and totally intact.  The aura of peace around Michael was very strong, and he wanted to comfort his family but could not.  I have no doubt his family will feel his presence around them during this difficult time for them.

People have asked me how he feels about his children. He loves his children so honestly, easily, and ardently.  He feels they are in good hands with his mother.  I feel he feels some regret that he won’t be there to raise his children, but I don’t feel like he is agonized over this.  He believes they will be okay and very well cared for.

There is a sense of relief in Michael.  A feeling of putting down a very heavy weight and finally being free.  He can feel the love people are casting at him, and although he feels the sadness too, it is not crippling him in any way.  He feels compassion for those who are mourning him.

I also feel he is hovering, easily and nicely, without great effort.  He will probably cross over completely after his funeral or at such point as people disconnect their energy from him in a more “official” manner.  Maybe that’s why we have funerals and say goodbye to our deceased loved ones, to let them know it’s okay to go on.

Michael is bathed in love at this moment.  He is surrounded by angels both living and incorporeal.  He feels grateful for the life he had, and feels intense love for his family and children.  Although the people he left behind may mourn deeply for him, he is awash in a state of love, gratitude, and peace.

The best thing you can do for Michael now is to keep sending him love, and cherish the positive happy memories you have of him and his impact on your life – big or small.  His journey is not quite over, but he’s getting there.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Can we meet celebrities on the other side?
2. Q&A on the Dead and the Afterlife
3. Connecting With The Dead During Readings

Answer:  I believe we all start out with guides who are well suited to our plans and goals.  Over time, based on decisions you make and the paths you choose, new guides come in and old guides go out.

If you align yourself with darkness, you will attract guides who are more aligned with that as well.  I wouldn’t say they are positive or negative though.  That implies a judgment.  If you decide you want to go through life deceiving people or hurting people, you might attract guides who are more suited to helping you make that happen.  If and when you decide to alter your alignment, those guides will leave and new guides will come in. 

I don’t believe guides misguide you.  But it’s possible and perhaps probable that what at first appears to be poor guidance turns out to be quite beneficial for you in the long run.  Do our parents misguide us?  Do people in authority misguide us?  Or are they simply expressing their truth and/or hoping to help you avoid pitfalls they know are coming? 

You can dismiss a guide.  That’s true.  You can fire your guides and ask for new ones.  I don’t recommend you do that unless you are really clear about what you want and you’ve raised your vibration to a point where you know what’s best for you.  Imagine a 3 year old firing his parents because they won’t let him stay up all night.  Don’t do it out of spite or childishness.

You can’t really lose a guide.  You can disconnect yourself from them, but I’ve never encountered a guide who said, “I’ve had it with this guy.  I’m outta here.”  If you lose your guides it’s because you walked away from them.

Now I would say there are negative influences out there, but I wouldn’t call them guides.  If you choose to listen to them and they are leading you down a dark path, you are still responsible for all your choices.

In summary, everyone has guides when they incarnate.  Guides come in and out of your life based on what path you’re walking.  Some guides are with you your entire life and some flit in and out and help you on a more project-like basis.  There are no negative guides, per se, but you can attract the “help” and assistance of those aligned with fear if you so choose. 

In the meantime, be kind to your guides.  Send them love and flowers.  They love you and are there to help you.  Show some gratitude once in a while.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Are guides always wiser than us?
2. Fear-Based Guides Part II
3. Are Spirit Guides Deceased Relatives?

We’re going to have to use an analogy to understand this best.  The stork drops you off in a forest and you get to wander around the forest for the rest of your life.  Before you were born, you decided you wanted to see certain sites around the forest, but when you are born, you forget what they were.  So in comes your spirit guides.  Imagine they are floating above the forest.  They always know where you are and so they know where you’ve been.  They can also see where you’re going, up to a point.

Let’s say you’re on the path that leads to a big lake.  You go see a psychic who can communicate with your guides and you ask, “Am I ever going to find a lake?”  The guides report to the psychic, “Yes, she is really close.  She turns the next bend and it will be right in front of her, but she can’t see it from where she’s standing.”  So the psychic says, “Yes, it looks like you’re going to find that big lake.  Just keep doing what you’re doing and keep going the way you’ve been going.  You can’t miss it.” 

But let’s say you ask, “Am I ever going to find a lake?” and the guides tell the psychic, “There’s definitely a lake there, but she’s about 30 miles away.  In order for her to get to the lake she’s going to need to take a right, then a left, then two more rights, and a final left.  But between her and that lake are some things she’ll have to deal with, like a hungry jaguar, a pit with spikes in it, and a tree that’s laying across the path.”  So the psychic tells the sitter, “I do see that as an option however it’s not clear whether you will actually reach the lake.  There are going to be some challenges along the way, and you may make decisions that veer you away from reaching the lake.”  The sitter is annoyed.  “Do you see me at the lake or not?  It’s a simple question?”  To which the psychic, if she is honest and ethical, must reply, “You are capable, you have the ability, but you are not close enough to this goal for them to say for certain that you will arrive there.  We’ll have to see.  To increase your chances, however, you should probably invest in a hunting rifle, a big wooden plank, and a chainsaw.”  And that is the benefit in getting a reading with someone who can communicate with the guides hovering above your forest, to prepare you to face what’s around the corner, and to inform you of what you’ll need to safely navigate the road ahead.

I’ve learned something interesting after doing more than 1400 readings and getting a lot of feedback as to how things turned out for people afterwards.   I can tell when something is definitely going to happen and when something is so far off in the distance that one single choice you make along the way can derail you.  I liken these two options to shooting a gun, or spraying silly string.  When you shoot a gun, that bullet is going out with such force and trajectory that nothing is going to stop it and it’s going to hit its mark.  When you spray a can of silly string, the force is weak and the trajectory is almost impossible to calculate.  So when people ask me a question about their future, I can tell by whether I feel the gun or the silly string how likely or how close they are to achieving this desire.

Imagine being in your forest and there was only one path, and all you had to do was follow it to reach the other side of the forest.   You weren’t allowed to veer off the path, explore deeper territory, or even back track and try another path.  Why bother living?  What would be the point?  In reality, we are dropped off in this forest and we’re allowed to explore at our own discretion.  As a youngster, we follow our parents who make decisions about where we’re going, but as we get older, we are asked to take the lead and go off and find our own path. 

When I read for people I sometimes see people latch on to others in the forest and follow them on their path.  You’re allowed to do this, but make sure you get the opportunity to explore the parts of the forest that appeal to you too.  It’s not healthy to just follow someone else your whole life.

Also, you will meet people in the forest who are coming from the same place you’re planning to go.  Ask them what the path ahead of you looks like.  They might say, “Well there’s a jaguar loose on the path that way, be careful” or “You are really close to a beautiful lake.  Take the next right and you’ll be practically sitting on top of it.  You can’t miss it.”

Sometimes people ask me, “What is the name of my future husband and where and what exact day will he and I meet?”  Unless that’s going to happen tomorrow, do you understand now why a psychic cannot tell you with 100% accuracy the answer to that question?  However, if you ask, “Do you see love approaching on my path?  Is a relationship coming?” that I can definitely get an answer to.  When the guides look down on the path they can see other people who are about to interact with you.  If you’re standing close to a good potential partner, we can give you the nudge you need to “run into him.” 

Some psychics are loathe to sound anything less than omniscient.  They do a disservice to the craft though when they tell you something is a definite when in fact there are 10 ways for you to be sidetracked from your goal.  So if you ask them, “Where and when will I meet my future husband?” and they say, “10am on June 18th 2 years from now at the Starbucks on the corner” you’re like, “Oh wow, that’s incredible!”  Yeah, check back in two years and you’ll realize it probably didn’t happen and that psychic is nowhere to be found.  And in the meantime, maybe your prince charming ran into you a year earlier and you ignored him because the psychic told you it wasn’t going to happen until June 18th two years from then.

You must also understand that the guides may know something that is about to happen to you but can’t tell you because it will rob you of your power or derail something important.  A man wrote to me recently to tell me that about a month after his reading with me his wife was in a car accident and hurt her neck very badly.  He wanted to know why the guides didn’t warn him.  First, it’s not the responsibility of our guides to warn us about every pitfall life has to offer.  We wouldn’t grow if we could magically avoid all hardship.  Second, maybe she wasn’t headed for a car accident at the time of the reading, but chose a path afterward that led her to this accident.  Third, what if she was tooling along properly on her path and someone else on another path made a decision that suddenly and without warning impacted her path?  Accidents do happen.  The guides can see but they can’t move people around like pieces on a chess board and sometimes collisions happen.  And lastly, what would have happened if the guides had actually said to this man, “Tell your wife to be careful while driving, she’s due to have a terrible accident.”  Would she have driven at all?  Or would she have been so freaked out that she decided to take the bus?  And for how long?  A day, a month, a year?  Telling someone that something terrible is about to happen to them can send someone to bed, hiding under the covers forever. 

Does that mean the guides can’t warn us if something terrible is about to befall us?  I have often received warnings for people, but that happens when the danger or problem is right around the corner or when it’s already happening and the sitter just isn’t aware of it yet.  For example, this has happened when someone was being stalked and her stalker found her but she didn’t know it yet.  It’s happened when a guy was about to be fired but didn’t know it.  And it’s happened when someone had a life threatening illness but wasn’t aware of it yet.  In those cases, the guides can see and report on something that is already in the process of happening.  That’s another good reason to get a reading.

Will a spirit guide always warn you about something bad in these cases?  They’ll only tell you if it will help you on your path.  Guides are concerned about your growth, and not necessarily about your comfort.  What if getting fired is the best thing for you and warning you would give you the opportunity to prevent it?  What if the next beating you get from your abusive boyfriend is the beating that causes you to leave the guy?  Would they want to prevent that?  Would they say, “Be careful not to burn the eggs or he’s going to bust your nose?” or would they allow it to happen because it’s for your own good?  It’s not for me to say or judge what information a guide gives me to pass along.  I’m just the conduit.

I know you want definitive answers from a reading, but that sometimes comes with a price and it’s usually powerlessness.  I read for a woman once and the guides told me she was in dire straits financially, and suggested she start looking for a job.  The woman confirmed for me that she was unemployed and had no intention of looking for a job even though her bills were piling up and she was in deep trouble.  So I had to ask her, “Why are you avoiding getting a job and taking care of yourself?”  To which she replied, “A psychic in California told me I was going to win the lottery and a prince from Europe was going to marry me, so why should I bother with getting a job?”  Even if this was true, (and it most certainly was not!), she gave all her power up to this “vision” of her future, deciding to just sit back and wait for it to happen.  What if the supposed prince was supposed to find her working at a job and instead she’s sitting at home waiting for him to call? 

The guides do not want to strip you of your power.  Sometimes knowing too much about your future causes you to stop taking the very actions that will ensure it.  So the guides have to be careful about what information they tell you and how it’s phrased.  Guides won’t lie to you, but it’s probable they aren’t telling you the whole story either as that would ruin your adventure.  What if you’re supposed to run into that jaguar because it teaches you courage.  If they tell you about the jaguar and you avoid it, they’ll just have to coerce a lion to attack you instead. 

So, what’s going to happen to you?  That’s your choice.  What does the path look like just ahead of you?   What tools do you need to better prepare yourself to meet what’s on your path?  What aren’t you aware of that could be negatively impacting your path?   Are you currently on a path that has the capability of leading to a desired goal or are you going entirely in the wrong direction?  All good questions to ask your guides.

Your guides are here to help you navigate your way through the forest of life, not to fight your battles or make your decisions for you.  They are the map, but you are the explorer.  Be prepared, stay sharp, and consult your map every once in a while to make sure you are where you think you are and are going where you think you’re going.  Life is easier when you consult the map.  But even that’s a choice.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

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2. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?
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Answer:  I get variations of this question a lot.  It’s normal to want contact from people who have recently crossed over.  You want to make sure they’re okay, that they didn’t suffer, and you want to know they are still connected to you.  There are several reasons why you may not hear from them so fast, if ever.

First, you have to be an open conduit.  If someone is calling your cell phone and you’ve got it turned off, whose fault is that?  If you want to receive communication from deceased loved ones you’ll have to be open to it.  That means paying attention to your dreams, watching for signs that were unique to them, and being open to a clairvoyant, clairaudient, or clairsentient message from them.  If you associate your boyfriend with a certain song, maybe you’ll hear it on the radio at the same time you’re already thinking about him.  Maybe you’ll smell gardenias when none are around and you equate this to your grandmother.  In short, maybe communication is there and you’re just not picking up on it.

Second, maybe they want to contact you but can’t.  Reaching the other side isn’t a one way ticket to omniscience.  People don’t suddenly become god-like on the other side.  Some spirits are unable to make contact with the living.  Sometimes they need help.  Other, stronger spirits, can sometimes bring through a deceased relative who can’t come through on their own.  Or your spirit guides can at least relay messages between you two.  Again, you’ll have to watch for communication from many different channels and methods.  Over time a spirit can learn to reach back to the living, which requires altering their frequency, and that isn’t an automatic skill.

Thirdly, maybe they don’t want to communicate with you.  Sometimes when I do readings a bunch of people from one family will come through, but someone will be conspicuously absent.  I am sometimes told that that person has already “moved on” and is no longer feeling an emotional connection with family they left behind.  Sometimes, I get a mother who will talk to my sitter and then leave before the father comes through.  Usually that means they were separated or divorced (or hated each other) while alive, and they are not wanting to come through together.

Fourth, maybe you are blocking the communication with your emotions.  Sometimes when a person dies the people they leave behind are angry.  It’s hard for a spirit to come through anger.  People can inadvertently block communication with a spirit if they’re feeling angry or too upset.  When you settle down you might find the spirit was there all along.

Some people are better able to pick up on deceased energy.  So if you don’t hear from your boyfriend it doesn’t mean he isn’t connected to you.  Give it time, patience and love.  Concentrate on his energy.  Hold a photo or something dear to him.  Ask him to come to you and tell him you will be open to the signs, signals, and synchronicities that work best for him.

Sometimes it can be hard to know if you’re really receiving communication from deceased loved ones or if it’s all in your head.  That’s one reason why going to mediums is excellent because they don’t know anything about you or the deceased person.  So if a medium starts telling you about your first date with the deceased or something equally private, it will give you greater confidence that your loved one is really there on the other side.  I once did a reading for a guy and his grandmother came through. Her first words to him were “Don’t worry.”  That was significant for him because those were apparently the final two words she spoke on her death bed and only he, his father, and his dying grandmother were present to hear it.  But if he had tuned in to her on his own and heard “don’t worry” in his mind, that may not have been enough proof for him to believe he was really communicating with her. 

Even professional mediums can wait months or even years to get definitive communication from their loved ones on the other side.  Which just goes to show that if you’re sitting there waiting by your phone you still may not get a call.  Go live your life, watch for signs and communication, keep sending them love, but try not to be terribly upset if you don’t dream about them right away.  These things take time.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

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