A couple weeks ago when I was at the Abraham-Hicks seminar in Phoenix, Arizona, one of the things Abraham said that really stuck out to me was this:

“You can never feel bad enough to make someone who feels bad feel better.”

Abraham went on to explain that putting yourself in a state of misery does not help someone reach a state of joy.

When tragedies happen, it is very normal to feel sad for the victims and angry at the perpetrators. When tragedy happens, it is very normal to feel powerless and want to instigate actions to prevent tragedy from happening again. It’s normal to want to make sense of the tragedy, to understand why, to point the finger, to place blame, to do whatever is in your power to make sure it never happens again.

Your heart goes out to the victims and their families. All very normal.

But one of the most important things you can do when tragedy strikes is not to slip into a lower vibration like sadness and anger. Rather, one of the best things you can do for the world is to keep your vibration high.

I’m not suggesting you ignore what has happened. I’m not suggesting it’s not worth thinking about. But as Abraham said, you can never feel bad enough to make someone who feels bad feel better.

Keep your vibration high. Stay in the place of gratitude, compassion, love and joy. That’s what shifts the world. Don’t let your light go out because tragedy has befallen others. Otherwise, the world succumbs to darkness.

It is during times of great moral tragedy and senseless loss of life that it becomes even more important for those who generate light to stand fast, to be a beacon for those whose light falters.

Otherwise you slip into despair and powerlessness and that doesn’t do anything for anyone.

As you go on about your life, live it from a place of light, to honor those who lost their own chance to shine. As you go on about your life, stay in a place of joy and love for everyone. And above all, be grateful for everything you are and everything you have.

If you are standing in the light, and beaconing love, extend your energy to those who are sad and lift them up. Help them rise again, or hold them until they can stand again on their own. But do not crumble beside them. They need your strength and your light.

You are here to shine your light, to be a beacon. You are not here to chase people down and force your light upon them.

Some will be attracted to your light, and some won’t. It is not your job nor your responsibility to seek followers.

Just be a beacon, and those who want to step into the glow of your light will.

There is nothing for you to do. Your job is to be. Be who you are at your core. Remember who you really are, and be that person.

All of your actions will stem from your inner light.

When you are in alignment with all that you are, then all your actions will be so aligned. And those who are attracted to your light will receive benefit.

As you struggle to define yourself, to figure out what you’re supposed to do, try to remember that much of this world was crafted by those who have forgotten their higher selves. What you see in the world today is in many ways a contrast to what it could be.

The more you can remember who you really are, and the more you can align yourself with that person, the more change you will see in the world, because it will be a reflection of your higher self.

The world today is a reflection of the light we are casting. Is your light casting fear or is it casting love?

As you beacon, so shall the world be. So be a beacon. But be a beacon of your highest self.

Awaken to your light. Remember who you really are. And love.

And he ran off and started running through the grass in the most lovely and abandoned way that children do. When he came back he had two sticks in his hand and handed me one and said, “This is your wand. We’re going to grant people wishes when they walk past us.”

I said, “How will we know what they want? Are we going to ask them?”

He said, “No, we don’t need to ask them. We’re just going to grant them happiness, because that’s what everyone is really wishing for deep down.”

I gave that some thought and realized he was right. All the things we wish for are really an attempt to bring us happiness aren’t they? Think about what you’re wishing for right now.

Are you wishing for money? Is that because you equate financial abundance with happiness?

Are you wishing for love? Is that because you believe that being loved will make you happy?

Are you wishing for solutions to your problems? Or for your goals to be achieved?

We want to be happy.

And we chase happiness all over the place, don’t we? We try to create it. We try to mold our environment to support it. We try to force things to happen to make us happy. We put conditions on happiness, “I’ll be happy when ….” Or “I’ll only be happy if ….”

But the reality is that happiness is ours to claim anytime we wish it. Happiness is a feeling. And feelings can be generated from inside us, even when there are no “real” reasons to feel happy.

How many times have you heard or read a story of a person who maintained their happiness in the face of what others would easily consider a horrible tragedy or adversity? That’s because no matter what is happening to us, we can choose to be happy. It may not always be easy. It may not always feel justified. But it’s always our choice.

So you can grant yourself the wish of being happy any time you want to. Be happy for no reason. Spend some part of each day in a state of total happiness, even if just for a minute. If you’re having trouble finding your happiness, look for it under the blanket of gratitude. Think of 10 things you’re grateful for. Happiness will follow. Or use one of my methods for raising your vibration in less than ten minutes. Happiness is in there too.

As I concluded my walk with Kyle he said, “I wish we could grant this wish for everyone on the planet.”

I replied, “I do too, kiddo.”

Get out your magic wand and make the wish for yourself right now. You have the power to be happy if you choose it. You choose your perspective, you choose your emotions. If you’re not used to exercising that choice, then start now. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

There was just one lady in front of me. An Indian woman with her teenage daughter. I was confused for a minute because although she had a cart full of items, she wasn’t putting them on the conveyor belt. The check out lady, Maryann, came around with a scanner and scanned the woman’s flowers, reassuring the Indian gal that she didn’t have to take them out of the cart.

But then the shopper started handing Maryann items from the cart, one at a time. First was a huge bag of produce. Maryann noticed that inside the bag were different kinds of grapes. “I’m sorry, miss, I need to ring these up separately.” The reply was, “But they are all the same price.” Maryann countered with, “But for inventory purposes I need to ring them in separately because they have different plu numbers.” The woman looked very distressed.

Maryann said, “Don’t worry, I won’t let them touch the scanner.” That’s when I noticed there was a paper bag over the scanner. What’s the deal? I started to wonder.

Then the grapes came up at $4.99 per pound and the woman complained, saying they should be $3.99 per pound. She ordered her daughter to go check the price. The daughter looked very embarrassed. Maryann insisted she had to go check the price. The checker left the checkstand. NEVER a good sign.

I started to wonder how long this was going to take. People who got behind me in line left to go to another line. I wanted to leave too but all my groceries were already on the belt. Tension rose.

Maryann and the produce guy had a long conversation about the price being mismarked. Finally she came back to continue checking these people out. Then the woman sent her daughter back into the store to grab some more items. Really? You’re not done shopping and you’re in the checkout line? Come on! Show some courtesy. I sighed loudly.

The daughter looked very apologetic and even more embarrassed but left to do what her mother told her. The checkout continued with the woman handing Maryann one item at a time and Maryann having to take disparate produce items out of all the bags, somehow weigh them without touching the scanner, and then put them back into the little plastic bags.

The daughter came back with more items to scan. At this point I’d been in line about 10 minutes. Then the Indian woman asked if she could get two large cases of water. Maryann left the checkstand again with the woman so they could go discuss which cases she wanted. More people in line behind me found other lines. I was trapped. My frozen foods were starting to sweat.

I began to feel annoyed. I hate wasting my time. I hate standing in line. And I hate it when people are unprepared before they get in the checkout line. And I glared at the woman for a second, issued another loud sigh, and she looked at me. Our eyes met for a moment, then she looked down at the floor in shame.

Wait. Hang on. The negative energy between us was thick.

That’s when I started really paying attention to what was happening. Yeah, I was upset and annoyed. I knew that. But what was going on with everyone else?

I opened my energy to the other people. Maryann was feeling stressed. She knew she was keeping me waiting. The teenage daughter was feeling embarrassed and ashamed. She knew her mom was creating a problem. And the Indian woman was feeling shame.

All low vibrations. That’s when it sort of hit me. It doesn’t have to be like this. We’re all in a low vibration right now, and I don’t even really know what’s happening. All I know is that I’ve now been in line for 20 minutes and I’ve made no significant progress.

But I made a decision. I decided that even though I didn’t know or understand what this woman’s deal was, I didn’t want her to feel shame. Shame is such a low vibration. Without knowing what her situation was, I was judging her and the situation and reacting negatively. That’s not who I want to be.

I decided I could be stuck in line and feel happy, or I could be stuck in line and be upset. I immediately shifted my energy. I decided I was fine. I decided that there was no problem at all. I relaxed my body. I sent the woman some love energy. Unconditional love. There was no reason not to.

It didn’t matter that my situation could be judged as unfair and that I had the “right” to be upset. I could still choose how I felt about it. I chose love.

The daughter looked at me and I smiled. She shrugged and said, “Not what you were expecting was it?”

I replied with a smile, “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Maryann turned to me and said, “It will just be a minute. I need to get someone over here to get the big boxes of water for her.”

I said, “No sweat. I’m good.”

And the woman turned to me and said, “I’m so sorry for holding you up.”

And I said, “You’re not holding me up. I’m perfectly fine where I am. Do what you need to do.”

She relaxed. Everyone relaxed.

Now people came to get the water but Maryann realized that the two cases of water wouldn’t fit in the cart, especially not on top of the flowers, so she said, “We need to get you another cart.” Yep, Maryann and the woman left the store entirely to go outside to get another cart.

I started giggling at this point at the absurdity of the situation. The daughter laughed with me. She said to me, “Your shirt is beautiful.” I said, “Thanks!”

We waited a couple of minutes and they came back with another cart. The Indian woman asked Maryann if she could get some help putting the boxes in her car. Maryann called for backup and we waited some more.

Finally the woman paid, got her groceries, her two carts, her help and her daughter and left the store.

As I walked up to the register, Maryann pre-empted my quizzical look and said, “She’s a germaphobe. She doesn’t want any of her food touching the conveyor belt or scanner so I have to cover the scanner with a clean bag so I can weigh her produce and then make sure nothing touches anything.”

Wow. Interesting. I had instant compassion and empathy for what this woman must go through to get her needs met. And I realized it must be very difficult for her in situations like a grocery store. She knows she’s going to piss people off. She knows she’s going to delay people. She knows her fears are going to create upset in other people, but she still has to buy food and do other mundane tasks. She has to keep going.

And we all have a choice. We can make her life more difficult or we can be supportive. We can push our energy onto her so she feels ashamed or we can give her love and understanding.

Sometimes we’re so involved in our own upset that we don’t even realize that the person we’re upset with might need help or love, not derision and judgment. It’s so easy to judge. So easy to be annoyed at what others are doing TO us. But what torture are they putting themselves through?

The next time a stranger upsets and annoys you, try empathizing with them. You don’t know where they’re coming from, what struggles they have, what crosses they bear. Maybe you can relieve their burden for a moment by not adding to it.

How would you feel if you were this woman? Would you want people to be angry or understanding? Often we give empathy to those who have an obvious disability. Would you judge a man in a wheelchair if he couldn’t lift a case of water? Probably not.

But the emotional and psychological struggles people carry with them are often invisible. They are no less deserving of our compassion and understanding.

Put yourself in her shoes. Choose compassion. One day you may need it from others.

Many of you feel alone. This could not be further from the truth. You are part of a collective whole that consists of pure, unconditional love. You have simply forgotten who you are and where you came from.

There is inside of you right now the memory of your true identity, your true place in the cosmos. Your essence, your consciousness, is in every particle of matter and energy in the universe. You are simply choosing to focus on the piece that is the human identity you see in the mirror.

You cannot be separate from the universal whole. You can only forget your connection, but you cannot sever it.

If you sit in silence, you will hear the tone of Oneness. If you look inside your heart you will remember the connection you have with all. You must push away the vibrations that disrupt your memory. These are fear, anxiety, shame, guilt, anger, and sadness. These vibrations pull you away from your memories.

Lift yourself to joy, compassion, and gratitude and the memories of your connection to Love will resurface.

When you feel alone, sit in silence. Forget all that you struggle with, and remember only where you come from. From Love. Let this memory refill your soul. When your cup is empty, you have but to refill it in the ocean of Love. This ocean is always present, is always now, and cannot be depleted.

There is nothing in the world that is not part of you. Where you see struggle, darkness, and fear, you are seeing spots where someone is blocking themselves from receiving and remembering love. Change your vibration to change theirs, for you cannot change theirs without first adjusting yours.

You cannot see it with your eyes, but every single one of you is holding hands with everyone else. Walk together. Share the joy of the journey. Share the memory of love with those who are forgetting. Hold them tenderly. Do not judge, do not reject. In every person is your essence too.

When you have forgotten… when you feel alone… go back to the memory of unconditional love. It is in your heart. Feel the energy of love coming into your being, and remember that it is impossible to lose this connection.

You walk with many. And you are never truly alone.

Who are they? Why are they there? And is there any way to know when one is around?

I’m talking about an array of beings on the other side, connected to you with bonds of love and emotion that are strong, caring and supportive. Angels. Spirit guides. Deceased loved ones. They’re all there.

I see angels around people who are going through a particularly rough time physically or emotionally. During readings if I see an angel around my client I know they have gone through a devastation or are even suicidal. Often the client has lost a child or a loved one recently. The angels are there to hold you when you feel like falling and giving up. You may not see or feel them, but they are there. They are the most powerful beings I see around people and they radiate pure love. It’s beautiful.

Your spirit guides are always with you. They are there guiding, nudging, and supporting you in life. While not as powerful as angels, your guides never leave your side, whereas I tend to only see angels when my client is going through devastation.

Your guides are broadcasting wisdom, support, insights, and directions to help you navigate the maze of your life. If you can get to the point where you can communicate with them, you will be able to receive their wisdom all the time.

When you are going through a rough time, your guides kick into high gear to try to bring solace, comfort, and change to your life. So where an angel is holding your energy to keep you from falling off the ledge, the guides are out there trying to find you the softest place to land.

Now what about your deceased loved ones who have crossed over? The people who loved you in life often stick around and hover a bit, especially when you’re going through a tough time. Not all spirits do this, but some do stay connected to those they left behind, offering a supportive thought, a virtual hug, and sometimes warnings and advice.

I had an interesting experience with this recently myself. I received some bad news and was feeling very sad. That night my deceased friend, Pam, who died in 2011, came to me in a dream. I’ve only seen her in my dreams maybe half a dozen times since she died, but there she was. In the dream we talked about the news I’d received, but then she showed me every time over the past year that she had been by my side. It was awesome. It was one scene after another where she showed me how she was holding me, comforting me, and trying to tell me everything would be okay. Although I have felt her energy around me many times in the past year, I’m not sure I noticed each and every time she came to me with supportive energy.

The next time you’re going through an emotional crisis or suffering physically, open your senses and try to detect the energies offering you comfort. They are right there, standing next to you, arms open, ready to catch you, hold you, and comfort you. You’re never truly alone. Even when you can’t see them, there are helpers nearby offering you support.

Let their love comfort you when you need it. Let it fill you with hope. Let it guide you to a more positive outcome. Thank these helpers for being with you, and feel their energy. Send them gratitude and their energy will expand. Work together when you can, and let them completely support you when you’ve got nothing left. You’re in good hands.

I watched with total abject horror as Reginald Denny, a white man in the wrong intersection at the wrong time, was violently pulled from his truck and beaten almost to death by rioters. I remember actually covering my mouth and screaming “No, stop it! Leave him alone” to the screen, as if somehow my voice could carry through the airwaves and make those men stop beating that innocent man.

I watched as the news choppers and reporters used their voices to try to get the rioters to move away. But they were ineffective.

The riots had begun.

My entire family sat glued to the television screen. We lived far enough away from the rioting that we didn’t fear for ourselves; most of the rioting was happening in the inner cities. Fires, looting, and violence continued on into the night and then kept going the next day. It was really horrible. So many people were getting hurt.

The second day of the riots dawned. I needed to be at my job at 1pm. My mom told me not to go. She was afraid I would be pulled out of my car and killed, raped, or robbed. Although there had been a few minor reports that looting and rioting had extended to the San Fernando Valley, where we lived, I really thought the odds of me encountering danger were minimal. And I had a plan. If anyone approached me, I’d gun my motor and drive away real fast. My mom was not pleased, but I left for work anyway, hyper-vigilant and on guard.

I made it to work. At the time I was working on the second floor in an office above Radio Shack. I worked for an assessment center and our job was to test people who had been injured on the job or who were on welfare to see what capabilities and job skills they had so they could go back into the work force.

I’ll take a moment to tell you that my office co-workers consisted of two white people, two Asians, and one Hispanic gal. The rest of our office was filled with our clients for the week which were about 25 African Americans, 5 Hispanics, and 2 Caucasians. I point this out because the moment I walked into my office the racial tension was so strong you could practically taste it. What had once been a jovial, collaborative atmosphere was now almost deathly silent.

Everyone was on guard. What would happen? I don’t mind telling you that I was a little nervous.

Before long, we heard a huge commotion downstairs. And glass breaking. A lot of glass. My boss left the office to see what was going on. He was only gone a couple of minutes when he came rushing back into the office, breathless and said, “Huge gang of black guys downstairs, they’re looting the Radio Shack. Broke all the windows. Quick, we need to secure the office.”

For a moment no one moved. I can tell you that I was so scared I could barely breathe. My mom’s fears all hit me at once. After they looted the shop, would they come upstairs and beat and rape us?

We closed and locked all the doors. Our offices were on the inner part of the corridor so we had no windows, just doors. A bunch of the guys moved cabinets in front of the doors so that if they broke in they’d have to push down the heavy cabinets to get to us.

After we were secured in our lockdown situation, we all sat down in the middle of the room. And then we looked around at each other and realized we were a huge mix of ethnicities. What would happen? Would people take sides? Would the African American males attack us as a show of solidarity with their brothers downstairs? Would people start fighting?

The room was deathly quiet. No one was talking, but everyone was thinking the same thing. Would rioting start INSIDE the office?

After long minutes of total silence, one of our Hispanic clients said, “I could sure use a sandwich!”

For a second, there was no reaction, and then everyone started laughing. Everyone. The tension was broken. Black men clapped the guy on the back and shook his hand.

And then my boss said, “Look everyone, obviously this is a highly charged situation, but just because the guys downstairs are acting foolish doesn’t mean any of us have to. I care about everyone in this room and I’m not going to let anything happen to anyone. We’re in this together and we’re going to survive this together too.”

One of the black men stood up and said, “Look, you all need to know that we are not like those guys downstairs. We don’t condone what they’re doing. And if anyone tried to break in here, we would defend your lives like our own.”

I remember feeling love pouring into the room as everyone’s energy merged in solidarity instead of fear. I calmed down. I felt safe.

It took about 30 minutes for the coast to be clear. As soon as the looters had left Radio Shack, we were escorted to our cars in large groups for protection, and sent home for the day. We didn’t come to work the next day, as my boss decided we were closed until the rioting was officially over.

The L.A riots were very upsetting to me. I really dislike physical violence. I remember really feeling the power and energy of his plea when Rodney King said, “Why can’t we all just get along?” Why indeed!

In the aftermath a lot of things happened. Some good, some bad.

Over time there has been healing and understanding, and there’s also been friction and fear. We’re not quite there yet. Hopefully, we’ll find our way before having to endure another crisis like this.

My mom used to say to me, “We should all just make babies with each other. After a few generations you wouldn’t know who was what, and it wouldn’t matter anymore. We’d all be the same.” No labels, no differences, no colors. Just people.

It would be nice.

The bully replied, “But I’m not sorry.”

Adrienne said, “It doesn’t matter. Tell her you’re sorry.”

So I jumped in and said, “Why should he tell her he’s sorry if he’s not? That’s not a real apology if you don’t mean it.”

She said, “Saying sorry is the proper thing to do, and he has to learn so that when he’s an adult he’ll know to apologize when he’s done something wrong.”

I said, “But if he’s not actually sorry, then he’s being disingenuous. Isn’t it better to help him see what he did wrong and teach him not to do it again? Then if he actually DOES feel sorry, he can apologize from the heart.”

We argued about it for a bit. In the end, she forced him to say sorry to the little girl, but it just made him madder and when our backs were turned he hit her again.

I pondered the whole concept of apologizing. Saying you’re sorry if you’re not is a waste of time, because if you don’t really understand what you did wrong and if you don’t really believe that what you did was wrong, you’re more likely to do the same thing again. What good is an apology under those circumstances? You’re putting the onus on someone else to grant you forgiveness, and they appear rude if they don’t accept your apology. “But I said I was sorry….” How many times have you heard that from someone who then commits the same unacceptable behavior again later?

So this past weekend I was at a seminar where coaches Steve Chandler and Rich Litvin spoke to a crowd of 50 people who wanted to learn how to create clients. Before we went to lunch we were told to be back in our seats, ready to go, at 2pm. They were very clear that they were going to start on time.

At 2pm, I would say 45 people were back in their seats. Within 20 minutes, the other 5 had returned as well. At one point a gal asked for the microphone and said, “I just wanted to apologize for being late. It was rude and disrespectful to the students and instructors. I’m sorry.”

Rich stopped her and said, “Wait. You don’t need to apologize to us. It’s not about us. You made a decision to be late, and saying you’re sorry doesn’t change anything. Instead, would you perhaps like to make a commitment about this behavior going forward?”

She thought about it for a second and replied, “Yes, I commit to everyone here that I won’t be late again.”

I thought this was brilliant, and I plan to use this same strategy when next someone apologizes for their behavior. It’s not about whether the apology is genuine or not – a genuine apology from the heart is awesome to receive. But the truth is, if the person is truly sorry they can demonstrate that by no longer engaging in the behavior they had to apologize for.

Years ago I had a friend who was constantly late to our meetings and social outings. He would breeze in late and say, “Sorry I’m late. I got tied up.” Or “Sorry I’m late, I got a late start.” Or “Sorry I’m late, I lost track of time.” Finally I told him, “Don’t be sorry, just stop being late.” He looked at me like I’d grown horns or something. He said, “I told you I was sorry!” To which I replied, “I don’t want an apology. I want you to be on time. If you can’t be on time, let me know and I’ll decide whether I want to accept this behavior or find a new friend. But don’t tell me you’re sorry and then keep coming late.”

He was never able to show up on time and I eventually dropped him as a friend, in large part because of his consistently late arrivals.

The next time you do something wrong, I invite you to make a commitment to changing the behavior instead of asking for forgiveness. Like I said, a genuine apology from the heart is nice to hear, but changing the behavior is even better. Show people you’re sorry, don’t tell them.

“I’m sorry I was late. That was disrespectful. I am making a commitment to being on time from now on. I hope you will give me a chance to prove myself.”

Is there someone in your life who constantly apologizes for a behavior in which they continue to engage? Do you tolerate that? Could you ask them to make a new commitment instead? That puts it back on them to do what they say they will do. And then if they can’t reform their behavior, you get the opportunity to disengage from them or simply accept that this is how they are.

The next time you catch someone apologizing for rude behavior, ask them to make a commitment to new behavior and see what they do. The real apology is change.

Oh he didn’t just yell at us, he went on a tirade. “You rotten kids. You don’t know how to respect someone’s property. Don’t you ever trespass on my property again or I’ll shoot you dead. I have every right to, ya know! I’m an American!”

Todd, my dear pacifistic friend, apologized to him profusely. “We’re sorry sir. We didn’t mean to. The street is so narrow, we had to go onto the apron of your driveway to get the truck backed up. It won’t happen again.”

Crabface waved his arm down at us and said, “Bah. Stupid kids. I better not hear any loud music coming from your house!” Then he went into his house, slamming his screen door as best he could.

Day after day Crabface had some kind of altercation with someone. I remember when the city workers came by to dig up the street and replace a pipe or something. He came outside yelling at them. “Stay off my property. You don’t have any right to be here. Get out of here now!” The worker said, “Look sir, we’re not on your property. This is city property, and we’re just here doing maintenance. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Then Crabface told the man to go back where he came from, that this was America! And the American Indian city worker replied, “Sir, I’m a Native American. Why don’t YOU go back to where YOU came from.” Crabface gave him the “bah” wave and stormed off back into his fortress.

Crabface always knew what was going on in front of his house because he liked to sit on his porch with his shotgun in his hands. Kids would ride past his house on their bikes and he would lean forward like he was getting ready to shoot them. It was bizarre.

Every time Crabface drove up into his driveway he would yell out very loudly, “Martha, I’m home!” I thought it was weird that I never saw his wife myself.

Finally one day I spoke to one of the neighbors who told me that Crabface was a veteran. An old and crotchety veteran I decided. Apparently he still thought there was a war going on because he acted like he was ready to do battle on a daily basis. I asked my neighbor why we never saw his wife. He replied, “She’s been dead for 10 years, but every single day when he comes home from running errands he let’s her know he’s home. It’s sad really.”

Okay this guy was off his rocker. I just hoped he wouldn’t shoot me one day. We gave this guy a wide berth.

Nine months later, everything changed.

On January 17, at precisely 4:31 in the morning, the Northridge Earthquake hit. Did I mention I was living 1.5 miles from Northridge at the time? No? Well I was. When the earthquake happened it literally felt like a giant walked down the street, picked up our house, and shook us like mice in a jar.

In the pitch blackness I didn’t even see my bed move all the way across the room with me still in it. I heard glass breaking, lamps crashing to the ground, and wood creaking. The worst was the sound of the roof cracking. I literally thought I was going to die and be buried in the rubble. I decided that if I was going to die, I wanted to die screaming. I opened my mouth to scream and no sound came out. I tried as hard as I could to scream but my throat was closed up tight. Oh well, I decided I’d have to die in silence.

When the shaking stopped I couldn’t believe I was still alive. Todd came running in from his bedroom to find out if I was alright. This was the big one. The one you grow up preparing for but are never actually prepared for.

There was no light anywhere. The power was completely out in the city. As soon as I could muster it, I got out of bed and Todd and I started walking through the house to gauge the damage. The contents of the kitchen were all on the floor. Even the refrigerator and freezer doors were open and now empty. Every glass, dish, and bowl was shattered on the floor. There were significant cracks in the beams of the house. A painting on the wall in the living room had landed 30 feet away in the dining room.

Incredibly, two very important things survived. A lemon cake I’d made the night before was still sitting on the counter right where I’d left it. I don’t think it moved an inch. A miracle! And my computer. My little Macintosh computer was still sitting on my desk, undamaged and unmoved. Praise God!

We had a problem though. We were trapped in the house. A heavy bookcase had fallen in front of the door and was blocking our exit. The back door was stuck, it wouldn’t open. There was so much glass on the ground and we couldn’t find shoes in the dark so our bare feet were getting cut up by glass as we moved around. It was horrible.

Everything was in shambles. Stress was very high. All of a sudden we saw a flashlight from outside coming our way. And then we heard a man’s deep voice. “Are you kids okay?” We looked out the tiny bedroom window. The man behind the flashlight was Crabface!

We responded, “Yeah, we’re okay but we can’t get the door open. It’s blocked.” He yelled back to us, “Don’t worry. I’m coming! I’ll get you out.” And all of a sudden he was there. He jimmied the door open with some kind of tool and then hacked away at the bookcase until he had cleared a path for us. As far as I was concerned, Superman had just appeared at the door. He led us out onto the street. Then he said, “Stay here, I’m going to turn off your gas and come back to check you out.”

We stood there freezing in our pajamas, bare bleeding feet, huddled in the dark, while this miracle of a man took complete charge of the situation. He came back from around our house and said, “Had to turn the gas off. There’s a huge gas leak in the neighborhood. See there?” He pointed to a spot behind our house. A few blocks away we could see a huge spire of fire in the air. What on earth was THAT!? It rose about a hundred feet into the air.

He checked us out very quickly, saw we were in state of emotional shock, but not significantly injured. He said, “Sit down on the driveway and wait for me. I need to check on everyone else.” And then he was gone. He went to every single house on the block and helped and liberated everyone who needed help, turning off the gas at every house he went to. He moved like lightning. We could see his flashlight bobbing around in the dark.

People were coming out onto the street. Everyone was moving slowly, clearly numb. No one on our block seemed to be significantly injured, but we had a lot of elderly people on the street and some of them were having chest pains.

Then Crabface gathered us all together and started barking orders at us. “Don’t go in your house until I’ve checked the structure. Once I’ve cleared your structure, go inside and find some clothing, put on some shoes, and get as much food as you can and bring it out here. Do not use the water in your pipes, it’s probably tainted. If you have camping supplies, bring them.”

Phone lines were dead. We couldn’t call our families to tell them what happened. That was frustrating. I had family scattered all around the valley and at this point we didn’t know how close to the epicenter we were and we didn’t know if our families were still alive.

As dawn approached we began to see the devastation with our own eyes. If you stood in the backyard of your house, you could see down the entire street of backyards because every single wall was rubble on the ground. We were united in that moment. We were a family. And Crabface was our leader.

He was the one with the emergency supplies, the radio, the food, the flashlights, the heavy tools, the hard hat, the camping equipment. He passed out water purification tablets which was great because we eventually found out that all our water was tainted with giardia.

Todd’s dad was the first to reach us. Once he saw that we were okay, he had to take off to find the rest of his family. I sent him with a message to find mine. There were no cell phones at this time. Trees and power poles were down and driving was super dangerous. Sinkholes had even opened up in some locations.

My family was okay, but an entire wall of my parents’ house came down, along with the chimney. Todd’s family gave us food and water. The structure of our house was surprisingly intact. Apparently when you are super close to the epicenter the shaking is very tight, whereas the outlying areas get the rolling wave which takes down structures. So we didn’t have to go to a shelter.

We spent three days just picking up the pieces (and living on lemon cake!). The entire time Crabface was on hand to help everyone. He became the defacto leader on our block. And you know what? He changed. He was happy as a clam. He was in his element. And we were all extremely grateful to him for helping us and for taking charge.

After the earthquake, he didn’t sit on his porch with his gun anymore. Instead he took walks up and down the block asking people if they needed help with anything. He waved to the children on the block and gathered them around to tell them stories of the war. He stopped to have long chats with people tending their lawns outside. He came over and taught us how to turn off the gas in an emergency, and started fixing some things around our house. He was a changed man. He even stopped telling Martha he was home.

The day the walls came down was the day all of our walls came down. We embraced him and he embraced us. It’s sad that it took an earthquake to shake the judgment out of us. But I’m glad it did. The earthquake brought us together. And it introduced us to a fascinating hero of a man. His name was Bill.

First I sat in the waiting room like everyone else. Shielded. Sitting two inches from another person but valiantly trying to maintain my space. I had a newspaper; the classic sign for “leave me alone.” I didn’t feel like engaging with anyone. I was only supposed to be there for 20 minutes after all. No time to make someone’s acquaintance.

But the universe threw a wrench at my car, and my mechanic said, “you’re due for the 120,000 mile service. We can do most of it here so you don’t have to go to the dealer. But it will take a good 45 minutes. Maybe longer.” Robble. But I acquiesced because I was already there. In for a penny, in for a pound, and the universe was surreptitiously tying my feet to my chair so I couldn’t leave anyway.

I decided, with a grand sigh, to put my newspaper down and engage with the other hapless victims of the mechanic’s shop. The kid next to me was reading a sci-fi novel. He was my first victim. All I did was say, “Man it always takes longer than you think it will.” He looked up, smiled, and started sharing his life story, as people are wont to do around me. I didn’t mind. I knew I was going to be there for a while. Universal tendrils snaked their way up my leg, tethering me further to my chair. Something was coming. Something important.

There was an old man with a cane and two hearing aids sitting near us. He looked like he was trying to nap. You see, because my car was being worked on so heavily, it backed up the entire line and the waiting room was filling up with people. I continued talking to sci-fi guy and gave him some advice to help him make a really important life-changing decision. I looked to the universe and said, “There, I helped this young man. Was that what you wanted? Can you untie me now? And can I get my car back?” The universe slowly shook its head.

A few minutes later the mechanic came in with an update, “Due to the position of your transmission this is going to take a little longer than we thought. Probably 2 hours.” Sheesh! I have things to do and was running out of people to talk to.

The universe cinched a belt around my waist and I saw new tendrils snaking their way around my arms, pinning me to the seat. Wow, whatever’s coming must be good! My poor car.

And then I saw him. The kid in the hoodie. He was coming our way. Was he going to enter the waiting room? I didn’t even see him leave a car anywhere. As soon as he walked in, everyone got shifty and the energy changed. What was jovial was now guarded. People clutched their belongings closer. Merely the presence of this hoodie was enough for people to start judging.

He was a kid, early twenties. Beautiful bleach blonde hair, gorgeous piercing green eyes, tan skin, super skinny, and he was deeply hidden by the cowl of his hoodie, his hands in his pocket. There was a light around this kid. Target acquired. The universe whispered in my ear, “Watch him. Carefully. You’ll know what to do when the time is right.” I was firmly pinned to my seat now with the gravitational force of an object launching into space. What was going to happen? Who was this kid? What was he going to do? What was his story?

We all sat there in silence. Then hoodie-kid got a phone call. He answered and we could hear at least one side of the call. Wasn’t hard to figure out what was happening. “No, Dad, I’m not going to make my fiancé take a bus to work. I gave her my truck.” “Look, Dad, it’s not a big deal. Nothing is going to happen.” “Well I don’t care if you don’t like it. It’s my truck and my decision.” “Because I love her, that’s why.” And the last thing he said was, “Tough shit.” And he hung up the phone. He was upset and sat down.

Now? I asked the universe. The universe said, “Not yet. Hang on a click.” I waited.

In a minute, hoodie-boy said to one in particular, “Parents!”

Old guy with the cane rolled his eyes. Sci-fi kid gave a polite snort of agreement but shook his head at the kid as if to say, “You should respect your parents.”

The universe said, “Now. Move in. Go.”

I leaned out a little, looked right at him and said, “Is your dad mad at you?” That was the key that opened the floodgate. “He’s not my real father. But yeah, he’s mad.” He then launched into his story, right there in front of everyone. The story went roughly like this:

“I grew up a rich kid in a great neighborhood in Los Angeles. My parents were both in the movie industry and I had it made. But when I was 14 my parents were both killed and I found myself suddenly alone. I was taken in by my aunt and uncle, but only until the inheritance money was firmly in their hands, then they kicked me out, knowing I had nowhere else to go. I didn’t care. I decided to stay on my own and be homeless.”

Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and perked their ears. He continued.

“I slept behind the gym at my school, outside, sometimes inside the dumpster if it was clean. I was terrified that someone was going to find me and I figured if I was in the dumpster nobody would see me sleeping on school property. I took gym class first period so I could shower and wash my clothes. I lived on school breakfast and lunches, and sometimes I begged for money or food from others.”

I asked him why he didn’t go into foster care so at least he’d have a roof over his head and food in his belly. He said, “I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone, and I didn’t want to ever risk losing family again.”

He continued, “Sometimes at night I had to go to a gas station and beg them to give me some food because I’m a diabetic and sometimes I just couldn’t wait until morning to eat again. It was tough. But I did okay, and graduated high school. Then one day I was sitting out on the beach and I ran into one of my dad’s old friends. When he found out I was homeless he took me in. And I let him because honestly I was tired of living on the street.”

The room was deathly quiet. People were rapt with attention.

“Now I’m 22 years old. I have a full time job and also go to college part time. My girlfriend has been with me since 7th grade and we’re getting married this year. She also works and goes to school. I don’t drink, and I don’t do drugs. I pay all my bills myself.”

At this time the old guy’s car was ready and he stood up to pay his bill. The moment he did, his cane dropped to the ground. Without hesitation, hoodie-kid rushed to pick up the man’s cane, and held it out to him saying, “Here you go, sir.” The old man looked at him strangely and said, “Uh, thanks.” He replied, “No problem, sir.”

As the old man left, he said to the kid in the hoodie, “You’re a good kid, son. I respect what you’ve been through and what you’re doing with your life.” Hoodie-guy said, “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. You have a great day!”

His story was fascinating. I had so many questions about how he survived for 4 years on his own. Sci-fi kid got involved too, asking questions, and before long the room was simply full of respect for this young kid.

I said to the universe, “Wow, what an interesting kid. So, he pulled himself together and is living a good honest life. What do you want me to do with him now?” The universe replied, “Tell him to write a book about his life.” Awesome idea!

So I said, “Hey, you should share your story with others. Write a book about how you survived on your own.” He laughed and said, “It’s sort of funny you say that because you’re the 4th person this week to tell me that. I don’t know if you believe in signs but it sure seems like something or someone wants me to write a book. I would love to but doesn’t it cost like thousands of dollars to get something like that published?”

Ah, that was it. Now I knew what I was doing there and why the universe made my car so difficult to repair. I took the next 15 minutes to explain to him how to self-publish his book, how to find an agent, and divesting him of the beliefs he had about the trials and tribulations of getting a book published.

He was rapt with attention. He thanked me profusely. “Oh my god, you have no idea what you just did for me today. I had no idea I could do this or that it was possible to self-publish. I will totally get onto this website you gave me and get going on a book.” He hugged me twice. I told him he might even interest a publisher in his story and could potentially make some money. He said, “Oh I don’t care if it makes money. I just want to help other kids who are runaways or homeless. I have a warm bed to sleep in every night. That’s all I need in the world to be happy. People take their beds for granted, but I’ll tell you that after sleeping on concrete for 4 years, a bed is the biggest luxury there is.”

Sci-fi guy said, “Dude, you’re awesome. I’m never complaining about my life again.” I asked hoodie his name. He said, “Brandon.” I told him my name. He said, “I can’t believe I met you today. You totally changed my life. Do you believe in spirits? I think my parents are still looking out for me from beyond. And I think they sent you into my life to help me.”

I winked at him and said, “Could be.” I hugged him. Twice. His energy was amazing.

At that moment my mechanic walked in and said, “Your car is done. Let me show you what’s under the hood.” I smiled and thought to myself, “I know what’s under the hood. A really special kid who is going to change people’s lives for the better.”

Sometimes you are the change in someone’s life. Look for the light, listen for the whispers, and see the opportunities to help others. You never know what’s under the hood.