Answer: This is a great question and I’m glad you asked it.

While it may seem as if lightworkers are not engaging in social issues, the opposite is actually true. While everyone else is out there fighting, arguing, debating, pushing, warring, and creating conflict, a true lightworker knows that the way to change our planet is to hold the vibration of what we want: peace, love, compassion, kindness, gratitude, and joy. While everyone else is sinking down into the mud to fight about things, the lightworkers are cleverly keeping their vibration high.

And do you know what that does? It changes the world from within. One person at a time. That may seem slow, but it is the only way. And there are many lightworkers affecting many people. Oh you won’t hear about them on the news. “Today in the mall someone cast love at 80 people.” You only hear of the violence, “Today in the mall someone opened fire and killed 10 people.”

If lightworkers focus on the negative, if they allow themselves to become upset, angry or fearful, then the other side wins. The dark takes over. We cannot change our problems with the same thinking or actions that caused them. We must rise above. It may sound airy fairy to some, but that’s okay. For every man out there with a rifle and a vendetta, there are 10 lightworkers casting love at people in the mall, the grocery store, on a blog, at a conference, or a family event.

We are not turning a blind eye. Not remotely. We are well aware of the fear, greed, control, and anger. We are well aware of the needless deaths, the irresponsible acts, the horror and violence. We hold our light anyway. We are being in the world what we want to see in the world. We are speaking, not always with our voices, but with our vibration. We are keeping our candle lit, sheltered from the winds of violence snuffing it out.

And we are many and growing every day.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Up Against the Ropes: A social psychology experiment
2. Is Evil Really Winning?
3. Was Hitler’s life pre-planned?
4. The Golden Rule
5. I Have a Dream Too
6. What is the spiritual meaning behind mass suffering?
7. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?

Answer: See last week’s answer about empathy and negative energy. However, I’ll take this opportunity to tell you and all the other empath’s out there that you do not have to take on other people’s negative energy. It’s not part of your job requirements.

If you can’t stay away from negatively charged people, then learn to keep yourself shielded from their negativity. This is the difference between sympathy and empathy. You can be sympathetic without having to feel their pain and suffering. You can care without being crippled. Practice this until you can maintain some energetic distance from their pain.

What you’re doing is equivalent to someone being on fire and putting your hands in the fire so you know how they feel. Get a bucket of water on them instead. Learn to help raise people’s vibrations so there is no negative energy that can stick to you.

A drowning man is not helped by you drowning with him. Learn instead how to use your gifts to be the beacon of light that pulls people out of the darkness instead of you going in there and getting swallowed by it yourself.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How To Spot and Get Rid of an Energy Vampire
2. Can negative entities masquerade as spirit guides?
3. How To Know if You Are an Energy Vampire
4. Does the energy of your sitter affect the intuitive reading?
5. 5 Steps to Greater Empathy and Oneness
6. The Other Side ebook Release
7. Giving People Permission to Die

Can spirit guides interfere to such an extent that they can save lives? If so, why wasn’t everyone saved? Did saving people violate their free will?

Here is what I believe happened that day from the perspective of the other side.

This event was no accident. It’s not like, say, a car accident where someone was texting and ran into another car because someone wasn’t paying attention. In the case of an accident, a guide has precious little time to send a warning. Sometimes you get just enough of a nudge to avoid an accident, but guides can’t easily prevent an accident that they don’t know is coming.

But the attack on 9/11 was an orchestrated, planned, intentional event. That means that spirit guides knew and were aware of what was potentially coming. They would have known the intentions of the perpetrators, so they would have sprung into action. I can almost imagine a Spirit Guide Battalion Chief gathering his fellow guides and saying, “Look this is going to happen and we need to save as many people as possible, but we can’t save everyone. If your charge isn’t involved in the attack, help those with charges who are. There’s little time, so get moving, and work together.”

Spirit guides can nudge, urge, maneuver and manipulate situations to cause different outcomes than would otherwise be had with no intervention. So I believe thousands of spirit guides got to work to try to save as many people as they could by making them late to work. How would they do this? Alarm clocks wouldn’t go off on time. Subway doors would slam in someone’s face so they have to wait for another. People would get sudden unusual urges to go out late the night before and be too tired to get up in the morning. Someone’s kid would hurt their ankle and need to go to the doctor. Another person may have run into an old friend while walking in to work and stopped for a chat. The line at Starbucks could have been even longer that morning. It could be anything. The guides would have done whatever they could to cause their charge to be anywhere but in his workplace on time. They have the capability of putting ideas in your head, or in the heads of other people who could interfere with your plans.

How about the ones that went to work anyway and got there on time? Were they fated to die? Did their guides just leave them to their own devices?

I don’t believe anyone was fated or meant to die. The terrorists premeditated their attack, which means they intended to sever the thread and cut short the lives of thousands of people. Some of those innocent people may have received an intuitive feeling but ignored it. Some may have used logic to override their intuition. Still others may have received an intuition not to go to work or to be late, but feared being fired so pushed themselves to make it to work on time. We can’t really ask any of them now.

Once the attack happened, I’m sure there were spirit guides trying to get help and rescue to their charges. And I’m sure there were some people there who on a soul level (not a conscious one) agreed to die in order to help others. Those are the heroes we’ve read about – the ones who stayed behind to get people out, and the rescuers and first responders who went in to risk their lives to help others.

These kinds of premeditated tragedies are not orchestrated by anyone on the other side, however they do provide opportunities for spiritual growth, individually and as a group. We saw people come together to help strangers. We saw compassion, unity, and teamwork. We saw connection and love. Everyone affected by the events of September 11, 2001 are now tied together. We’ve been given a mission; to remember that we are all connected, to show compassion, to work together as a team, and to love each other, not hate. So that they did not die in vain, let us remember this lesson … for the price we paid was high indeed.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Spirit Guides: Who are they and how do you connect with them?
2. Why don’t you just channel God instead of spirit guides?
3. Spirit Guides at Starbucks
4. Are Spirit Guides Deceased Relatives?
5. How many spirit guides do I have?
6. Can you tell me who my spirit guides are?
7. Past Lives

“Erin, this 30 day trial was amazing. I decided to call people on the phone instead of sending emails. I didn’t end up making 30 calls but I did end up with 17. I can’t tell you what a wonderful experience this was for me and my family and friends. At first it was hard because I wasn’t sure exactly how to explain what I was doing but eventually I found my rhythm and it was easier. Without an exception, I ended up going so deep with each person, and it gave them a chance to tell me how much they love me too. Thanks for doing the trial. I’m going to keep it in mind throughout the year!” – Maria

“Great experience here for me, Erin. I had the best reaction from my father. I’ve never really told him how much I love him, and more importantly, WHY I love him. He was so touched by what I said that he had tears streaming down his face. Then I started tearing up myself. It was crazy, but so cathartic. I haven’t had that amazing a connection with my father in decades. Thanks for doing this. It was awesome!” – John

“What a great experiment this was! I forgot some days but picked it right back up again, especially when you reminded us on facebook. The people I sent notes too were stunned. Like you, a lot of people wrote back that they were speechless. They just didn’t know how to respond. It’s interesting because I think most people expect complaints, and when they get love instead, it just sort of blows them away. I loved the experience. I definitely got as much out of it as them!” – Angela

“Loved the experiment. As I went along my notes started getting longer and longer. I really got into a groove. I was on a high each time I wrote something, and got even higher when they wrote something nice back. Way cool! You rock, Erin. Keep the love flowing!” – Markus

I also got an email from one of my readers who was attending a birthday party. The person planning the party asked each of the guests to write something about the birthday girl about what they appreciate and love about her. Then she made it into a book and presented it to the birthday girl. Imagine what a lovely and precious gift that was to know how you’ve positively impacted all your friends and family. Think about doing this for someone’s big birthday (40, 50, etc.).

Spread the love. Once a week. Once a month. Every day. Or just when the spirit moves you. What you put out into the world will come back to you a hundred-fold. When you raise people’s vibrations, it sends ripples of love and positive energy throughout the world. Makes the world a nicer place for everyone.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. 30-Day Love and Gratitude Trial
2. Tell Them Now
3. 10 Ways to Show Yourself Some Love
4. Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough
5. Casting Love At People
6. But Where’s the Love?
7. They’ve Forgotten Love

To start, this has definitely been one of the most profound and transformative trials I’ve ever done. When I first got the idea to do this, I knew it would be powerful, but I didn’t know how powerful and what a shift this would create for me and, apparently, some of those who received my emails.

I decided to use email as my source of communication, but it was originally suggested in the article that you could do it in person, by phone, text, or body language. As long as your recipient felt your love and gratitude, you did it right.

I crafted my first email to my twin sister, Nicole. I told her how positively she’s impacted my life and how grateful I’ve always been to have a twin sister who I know will always have my back. By the time I was done writing out my two paragraphs, tears were sliding down my face. I sent it to her, already feeling amazing just from what I had written. Then she responded to my email with some tear-creating thoughts of her own. By the time we were done going back and forth, I was bawling. And it was good. The rest of my day was awesome.

On the second day I sent a note to my mother. I love my mother very much, but there have been times throughout the years that we’ve disagreed so vehemently on things that I lessened my contact with her to avoid arguments. Still we have a pretty good relationship. As she is getting on in years and beginning to suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease, I realized that now was the time to tell her how much she means to me, not after she’s gone! So when I wrote the email to my mother it was probably the most cathartic thing I’ve ever written. I realized that I chose my mom for one reason and one reason only… to learn love. She was an extremely loving parent to me growing up. Despite the fact that we never had healthy food or clean clothes (not her strong points!) I realized all of a sudden that none of that mattered. She gave me exactly what I needed most. Love. And suddenly I was able to forgive her for all the things I thought she “should have” done and became simply grateful to have had such a loving parent growing up. She was beyond tears when she called me to thank me for my letter. I have a lot more patience for my mother now. Our relationship was completely transformed with that one expression of love and gratitude.

On day three my father got his email. He wrote back, “I couldn’t read your letter to the end because of all the tears in my eyes. Your mom had to read it to me.” I told my father how dearly I love and appreciate him and how wise I think he is. I thanked him for all the loving time and attention he gave me growing up and how special I always felt to be his daughter. Again I went through a transformative experience just acknowledging the gifts he’s given me throughout the years.

Day four was for my brother, someone I don’t communicate with a whole lot as our lives are just very different. He was completely stunned by the sentiments I sent him, and it connected us in a way that I never thought would happen.

I was on a roll and loving the trial! I spent the next several weeks sending these love and gratitude notes to friends and other family members. Each and every time as I wrote, my eyes would tear up. I started to realize how many truly awesome people are in my life and how each one has given me a gift.

The responses I got back were heartfelt, and surprisingly similar. “I’m speechless” was common. And several people told me they were so moved by what I wrote that they were going to keep the email and re-read it whenever they felt down. One of my friends told me that when I told her how I see her, it finally gave her permission to see herself that way too. She had suspected she was a certain way and she suspected she was having a certain impact, but when I shared it with her it gave her some validation that it wasn’t all in her head.

I encouraged everyone to pay it forward and send a love and gratitude note to someone in their life. A lot of people expressed to me that their vibration was raised the entire day after they received my note. That was definitely part of my intention and what I suspected might happen when I thought up the trial.

I think the most profound thing I learned from doing this trial was that we shouldn’t wait to tell people how they’ve positively impacted our lives. Often we wait until we are giving a eulogy to talk so positively about a person, but how about we tell them now when it will do even more good?!

Tell them now!

Connect with all the people you have in your life today or from the past, and tell them why you are grateful. Tell them how much and why you love them. It’s an amazing gift to give and to receive.

To tell someone that they are loved and that you are grateful to have them in your life is priceless. To tell someone how they’ve positively impacted your life is immeasurable.

Don’t wait until they’re gone.

Tell them now.

P.S. Since today is the last day of the trial, I want to thank each and every one of you who support my work. I appreciate all of you! Thank you for letting me express my thoughts to you. Thank you for guiding my articles with your questions and desires. Thank you for trusting me, letting me help you, and for being there for me when I have my own challenges. I could never have hoped to have so many people appreciate my work and support what I do. I am grateful to have the opportunity to impact so many lives, and I will continue to do this work with the wisdom and insight my own guides give me. In love and light… Erin.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. 30-Day Love and Gratitude Trial
2. Remember To Give Thanks
3. You Must Have God In You
4. 10 Ways to Show Yourself Some Love
5. My Friend the Murderer
6. 6 Ways to Raise Someone Else’s Vibration
7. Holiday Wishes

So I was thinking about this the other day because people send me emails all the time expressing love and gratitude to me for the work I do, the articles I write, or the readings I’ve given them. And it occurred to me that the power of love and gratitude is so awesome that we really should get in the habit of expressing love and gratitude to the people in our lives as much as possible. I want to make this a habit. So I’ve decided to do a 30-Day Love and Gratitude Trial, and I’d love for you to join me.

For the next 30 days we’re going to express love and/or gratitude to one person each day. The medium doesn’t matter. You could do it by phone, in person, email, text, body language, morse code, or even smoke signals. The trick is you must do it consciously and sincerely.

If you’d like, you can make a list of 30 people you’re going to do this with, or you can just decide each morning. Think about how this person contributes to your life and how much you love them. Then communicate that love, appreciation, gratitude, and affection to them directly. If you can’t think of 30 people, it’s okay to duplicate people along the way, but I think you can find 30 people in the world who deserve your love and gratitude. Besides the usual suspects (family, friends, co-workers) you could include bloggers, authors, your masseuse, your postal worker, the lady at the grocery store that you see week after week, your spirit guides, angels, higher self, God. You could even send a note to yourself!

It doesn’t have to take long. You could write a short one-line email, or a simple text. Or you could craft an entire letter to them. Whatever moves you. Just really give some thought to how this person affects your life positively and thank them for it. You will be utterly amazed at what happens to you for sending it and what happens to them when they receive it.

On August 31, I’ll check in with you to see how you did and what you learned. And I’ll post some of the stories, so please feel free to submit them to me using my contact form.

Are you ready to have a ripple effect? Are you ready to put positive energy into the lives of others? Are you in?

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. 10 Ways to Show Yourself Some Love
2. Remember To Give Thanks
3. Casting Love At People
4. They’ve Forgotten Love
5. Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough
6. But Where’s the Love?
7. 30-Day Raw Trial Post Mortem

How can you love others if you don’t love yourself first? You can’t give what you don’t have. I know so many beautiful, loving people who give so much to others but suffer silently because they are not receiving love back. If you can learn to love yourself, and proactively show yourself some love, you will have a rich and renewable resource with which to love others.

Here then are 10 ways you can show yourself some love.

Just Say No
Learn how to say no to people, even people you love. It’s not loving if you agree to do something you don’t want to do just to make someone else happy. Instead find something you can do with or for someone that makes you both happy.

I’ll share a recent example of this in my own life. I bought a ticket to a toastmaster contest and event and encouraged a toastmaster friend of mine to go to the event as well. He initially said he would go, but I sensed a hesitancy in him. As the event approached I found out he hadn’t bought his ticket yet and was going to pay at the door, which would cost him $50 more than if he’d bought the ticket in advance. He said, “I’m only going to this thing for you.” So I told him in no uncertain terms to please not do that. It seems loving on the surface, but knowing he only went to make me happy would not have made me happy at all. I told him not to come and that I’d be fine with all my other toastmaster friends who wanted to attend. Instead I suggested we do lunch or go hiking, two things that we both enjoy.

Go through your friendships and relationships and get clear on how you like to show love to those people. Don’t agree to do something you don’t want to do. It’s no fun for either of you. Find the areas you both enjoy and engage in those activities together.

Guard Your Energy
Every day that you wake up in your bed you have a chance to make it a good day or a bad day by your decisions and actions. As you go through your day, sometimes events will happen outside your control. Only you can decide how you will let the events affect you. You can choose your emotions, you can choose the meanings you assign to events, and you can choose your reactions. Guard your energy, because as soon as you start feeling down or low vibrational it will affect not just you but everyone around you. To show love to yourself, choose positive emotions and reactions to everything life throws at you. If you are completely knocked off your feet, lean on your friends for support. Then get back in the game with a reframe and move forward. Sometimes we do need friends to lift us back up, but you can work on learning to reframe experiences as they happen so that you are not knocked down so often.

Carve Out Me-Time
I know you’re busy, there’s lots to do every day. And I know a lot of people who spend most of their day assisting others, whether personally or professionally. It’s vital to restore, recharge, and repair yourself each day, and sometimes the only way to get some me-time is to carve it out in stone! Even 15 minutes a day completely to yourself, with no other obligations, can be enough to recharge. Sit and read a magazine and have a cup of tea. Take a bath, or a long hot shower. Take a walk or sit in nature. Turn off your cell phone and leave the laptop behind. Don’t answer the phone, and don’t respond to requests for help. Be vigilant about your me-time. Let nothing and no one disturb you. If you’ve never carved out time for yourself, you’ll be amazed at what happens when you start doing it. It’s like putting fresh batteries in your body. You come back restored and replenished and ready to give some more.

When my kids were young I spent a lot of time attending to their needs, and I felt myself becoming energetically depleted and sometimes frustrated and angry. My fuse became very short. So I started taking every Saturday morning to go have lunch with a friend. I noticed that when I got home, I was ready and raring to see my kids again, totally restored and recharged and ready to be a great mom. Sometimes to love others more, you have to step back and love yourself first.

Use Your Love Strategy On Yourself
What makes you feel loved? Gary Chapman wrote a fantastic series of books related to the five love languages that I … well, love! What is your love strategy?

Words of praise: You like it when someone pays you a compliment or tells you how great you’re doing.

Physical affection: You like it when someone gives you a hug when you feel down, and you like physical affection from a partner or spouse to show you that you are lovable.

Gifts: When someone gives you a gift you feel loved, like when you get flowers or a token of affection.

Acts of service: When someone does something for you, you feel loved, like when your spouse takes out the garbage or picks up the kids even when it’s your job to do so.

Quality time: You like it when someone spends a lot of time with you, like taking a long walk or listening to you talk for hours, or going on a long vacation with you.

Now, determine your love strategy and give it to yourself! In the same order as above, try these ideas:

Words of praise: Pay yourself a compliment. Write yourself a love letter telling yourself what you love about you. Write “You are lovable” on your mirror and read it every morning, out loud, five times.

Physical affection: Get a massage, hug yourself, or make your bed the most luxuriously snuggly place you can imagine. Get slippers. Go plush.

Gifts: Give yourself a gift. A small trinket, a piece of jewelry, a foot massager for under your desk. Send yourself flowers every week. Be your own gift-giver. After all, you know what you like, so no guess work or returns involved.

Acts of service: Go to a restaurant and let someone else cook for you. Hire a cleaning service to clean your house so you don’t have to. Pay someone to run errands for you. You can actually give yourself acts of service as odd as that sounds.

Quality time: Spend quality time with yourself. Mark off an entire afternoon to engage in an activity you love. Go to lunch and a movie. Take a long walk on the beach. Sit in the park and read a book.

Actively love yourself using the same strategy you have with others.

Do What You Love
One of the greatest ways to love yourself is to make sure that you are spending your days doing what you love, whether that’s professionally or personally. When you go to a job you hate, your negative energy exudes out into your office environment and affects others. When you go to a job you love, your positive energy washes over others and they end up having a better day. I’m sure you’ve seen this in action yourself. You owe it to yourself and to others to do what you love, and to do what makes you happy.

The same is true for your evenings and weekends. If you’re at a job you hate all day and you come home grumpy and depressed, that’s no fun for your family. Likewise if you’re a stay-at-home parent and you’d rather be working, you’re injecting a lot of negative energy into the home. One of the greatest gifts you can give your family, friends, and co-workers is to love yourself enough to insist that your day is spent doing something you love and that makes you happy.

Forgive Others
Holding a grudge or carrying anger and resentment towards others only burdens you. Every morning you have to pick up that grudge again and carry it around with you all day. You have to send hateful thoughts to other people. It’s like putting poison in a cup and sending it to your enemy hoping they will receive and drink it. Why not just decide to forgive? Tomorrow morning, instead of picking up that grudge, pick up a cup of forgiveness and drink it. Let it go. Give it up. Let them be. Move on. Concentrate on your own life and your own future, and leave the past in the past. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Whatever was done to you, decide you learned a valuable lesson, and move forward. If you need to extract some meaning from the experience, help other people who may have been hurt in a similar way.

Reward Yourself
This is one of my favorite ways to show myself some love. Indulge in a reward. Do you reward yourself for a job well done? How about a life well lived? Go on, reward yourself. Sometimes after I finish a huge project, release a product, or complete a training, I take a day off and go to the spa. I get a massage and soak in the Jacuzzi for hours. Other times I reward myself with a new book, or a night out, or a nice meal at a fancy restaurant.

Keep a list of rewards, and as you tackle new challenges in your life, attach a reward to completing one. It’s guilt-free and you’re worth it! Indulge.

Plant a Tree in Your Soul
Sometimes loving yourself means taking the time to plant a seed that won’t bear fruit for years. Love yourself enough to make a long term plan that will ensure your happiness. I know people who worked intensely for 10 years to make enough money to be financially independent by age 35 and never have to work again in their lives. Those 10 years were brutal, by their own account, but worth it to have financial freedom so young.

If you’re in a job or relationship you hate, or your health isn’t what you want it to be, make a plan change it. Then start taking actions today that will get you where you want to be tomorrow. Tune in to what your heart really desires. How do you really want to spend your life? Then make a plan to transition. Plant a little tree in your soul, water it, and let it grow. One day you’ll use that tree to climb out of your current situation. Be patient, but start now.

Keep a Journal
Journaling is a great way to show yourself some love. It’s like having a deep conversation with yourself, and it’s on paper so you can look back on it later to see where you were and how far you’ve come. Grab a blank book or an online journaling program and start writing down your thoughts, fears, feelings, and successes. A journal is a great place to vent when you are angry and have no one else to vent to. Share your feelings, and release your burdens.

Be Grateful
Gratitude is a super high vibration. When you are in a state of gratitude and feeling blessed you become more resourceful than you can imagine. Use your journal or just grab a piece of paper each morning and write down 10 things for which you are grateful. Part of my audio program, Raising Your Vibration, contains a 10 minute gratitude meditation, which can be done every evening. Being in a state of gratitude restores and resets you. Gratitude helps you show love to yourself and to others.

***

What are some other ways you show yourself some love? Come up with your own methods, and use them often. The more you’re willing to show yourself some love, the more love you will have to give to others. It’s a win-win for everyone!

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. 6 Ways to Raise Someone Else’s Vibration
2. Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough
3. Casting Love At People
4. They’ve Forgotten Love
5. But Where’s the Love?
6. Getting Back to Love
7. 5 Good Ways to Ground Yourself

Recently I received an email from a reader who had a beautiful story to tell that illustrates what happens when you are guided by connection instead of separation. He gave me permission to share it with you.

“I just wanted to tell you that your article for Martin Luther King Day, I Have a Dream Too, was very touching and I wanted to share a little story on how I did something today that I would have never done if I had not read your articles over the past couple of weeks.

Then I said goodbye and went on my way. But from you I realize that God or Source is in all of us. We choose everyday how we are going to act in a situation. If it was not for me reading your articles saying to give money to the homeless when in need I would have walked right past him. I felt really good about what I did today. And whenever someone on the street asks me for change, I always give what change I have even though I am a student and not wealthy. I do this simply because I am grateful for what I do have, and giving spare change to someone in need does not hurt me and it will help them. So, again thank you for all of your articles. You have changed who I am in a short period of time and I am really grateful! Take care!” – D

“You must have God in you.” What does that mean? What did he see? Compassion, care, connection, a generous heart, and a sympathetic spirit. How do you feel when you reconnect with the God-ness in you? When you help others it raises your vibration. It elevates you to a state of compassion, gratitude, and love. When you can gift those feelings to another the love is magnified. How do you think the homeless man felt as he went on about his day? He probably felt loved, cared for, and like he mattered. And he probably paid it forward throughout the rest of his day.

Do something today that reconnects you to Source. Connect with another tendril. Give love, express compassion, offer empathy and understanding. We might look like we’re going through life as individuals, but we’re actually all connected. When you help others, you’re really helping yourself.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How to Stop Being Jealous
2. You Are Worthy of Love
3. Gimme a Break
4. 5 Steps to Greater Empathy and Oneness
5. The Connection Between Psychic Abilities and Being Vegan
6. George Bush and the Fate of our World
7. Seeing Things Differently

My dream is simple. I have a dream that one day the people of the world will put a greater value on love and peace than on violence.

I have a dream that one day conflict resolution will begin and end with polite, reverent, respectful discussion instead of war, bombs, and physical violence. I dream that one day there will be no thought of going to war to settle a disagreement. War will be considered the domain of those barbaric ancestors who were controlled by fear, greed, anger and pride.

We teach our children not to hurt others, but we do not model this behavior at the highest level of our government. Instead, we invade, kill, and hurt others to get what we want, what we think we are entitled to, and we think this is acceptable behavior. So it does not matter what we say to our children if we cannot model it for them in the world. They step into a broken system.

How can we change the world? Is this even possible? I believe so.

We must see that we are all connected, that we are but pieces of a much greater Whole. Hurting anyone hurts the Whole.

We must ensure that every man, woman, and child on this earth has food, water, shelter, and clothing. No exceptions. This is possible now if only we would allow it.

We must elect leaders whose dominant values are compassion, love, and peace. When these leaders interact with the world, they will bring hope to their fellow man, not fear.

We must model love and peace to our children, and teach them respect for all people. Instead of investing in killing tools, we would invest in teaching men and women how to be loving parents. And we would raise the next generation with love and oneness in their hearts.

In the simplest of terms, we must plant seeds of love in the hearts of our children so that when they grow and take over the world, the harvest that is reaped will be peace.

It may take some generations. It will take some patience. Just as we tend to the garden even when it has not yet given us fruit or flower, we must continue to nurture, water, and trust that the day will come. We must be steadfast and work together, each tending to our part of the garden and helping others when they need help with theirs.

If we want peace, we can have peace.

This is my dream.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Is Evil Really Winning?
2. Why Do We?
3. The Golden Rule
4. Can we learn new things in a lucid dream?
5. Ask Erin: How do you wake up from a dream gone bad?
6. Casting Love At People
7. Enhancing Dream Recall

Six years ago Steve took me to a Toastmaster Division contest and I wasn’t a Toastmaster myself yet. I was looking forward to meeting all the people he’d been telling me about. He was making a lot of friends in Toastmasters and I hadn’t met any of them yet, so this was my first opportunity to see what these people were all about. He assured me that all Toastmasters were friendly and could easily engage in conversation with complete strangers. I was excited because I love meeting new people.

We sat at a round table and enjoyed dinner with a bunch of Toastmasters from his club and a few other people even he didn’t know. Everyone introduced themselves around the table and we engaged in lovely social conversation for the duration of dinner. There was an older couple at our table, and at one point we were talking about something computer related. The wife made a comment like, “Oh when that happens I just reboot my computer. And the problem usually goes away.” Her husband responded with, “You? Use a computer? What do YOU know about computers? You’re a total nincompoop with anything electronic. Why you can’t even work our microwave!” He started laughing like he was making a funny joke. But his wife was not laughing. She looked mortified, and literally shrank in her seat. He continued to point out her flaws to us. “You guys should see my wife try to use the remote control on our television. It’s hysterical. If I’m not there, she ends up watching the same channel for hours.” He continued to laugh. No one else at the table was laughing. In fact, we were all extremely uncomfortable. But he didn’t notice. His wife put her hand on his arm and said, “Come on, honey. I’m not that bad.” He snorted. Before he could launch into more of his insensitive tirade someone had the good sense to change the subject. But I was watching the guy’s wife and her lower lip was trembling, and I knew she was holding back tears. I felt sorry for her, and I was annoyed at the husband for treating his wife like that in public.

I don’t understand when people publically tease or embarrass the people they supposedly love. I don’t mind a little good natured teasing, but when it’s hurtful or obviously upsetting to your partner, you shouldn’t do it. Or if you’re sharing private and personal information that your partner doesn’t want you to share, you shouldn’t do that either. Why would you want to hurt someone you love?

A few years ago Steve was making a 90 minute presentation in our Toastmaster club. We got there early to set up and I planted myself in the front row. While he was talking to our club President, preparing for his PowerPoint presentation, I was looking at Steve with a great deal of love and pride. Next to me, one of my male Toastmaster friends caught my stare and said to me, “I hope one day a woman looks at me the same way you’re looking at Steve.” I was caught by surprise by his comment, but when I thought about it I realized that when you love someone you SHOULD be caught looking at them with love and pride. How else would you look at them?

I started to really consider my interactions with Steve when we were out in public. And I realized that I’m the type of person that expresses love and appreciation publically. And I know it feels good because when we would go out Steve would do the same for me. He never put me down in public. Or tried to embarrass me. Or revealed private information I wouldn’t want him to share in public. I really thought all couples did that. So I started taking note of how some of my other coupled friends treated each other. And I saw some things that surprised me.

In one such couple, every time I went out with them I noticed the female partner was always putting down her male partner. “Oh, you know Scott, he’s such a baby. You can’t count on him in a crisis.” Or “Scott leaves his dirty underwear all over the bathroom. It’s disgusting. I hate cleaning up after him.” Hello? He’s sitting right there! I took my friend Scott (not his real name) aside one day and asked him how he felt when his partner said things like that in public. He said, “Oh she’s only teasing. I know she loves me.” I said, “You wouldn’t know it by listening to her. All she ever does is complain about you.” He thought about it said, “You know, you’re right. I can see how it might look. I’m not sure why she does it because when we’re alone she’s always very supportive, loving, and appreciative.” I said, “I know she loves you, but when she complains about you when we’re out it is really disrespectful and inconsiderate. It makes the rest of us uncomfortable to hear her air your dirty laundry in front of us.” He gave it more thought and decided he would talk to her about it.

He took her aside one day and told her the following, “Stacy, I know you love me and I love you too. Sometimes when we’re out in public, though, you reveal things about me that are sort of private and personal, things I don’t really want my friends to know. I think it makes them uncomfortable. And sometimes you say things that are sort of negative and teasing and it makes me sound like a total dolt. Would you be willing to alter the way you talk about me in public?” She took it extremely well, understood completely what he was saying, and realized that what she was doing didn’t accurately express how much she loved him. She immediately agreed to change her manner around their friends and also took that opportunity to point out to him that he often corrected her in front of others in a way that made her feel stupid. He realized she was right and agreed to stop doing that as well. Things got a lot better for this couple after that talk.

Another couple I know didn’t fare so well. She was constantly negging (speaking negatively) her partner in public. I actually brought it to her attention one night because I was sick of it. I said, “Do you have anything NICE to say about David? Because based on the way you talk about him, I can’t even imagine why you want to be with him.” She looked shocked and said, “Well yeah, I mean, of course.” I said, “Go ahead, tell us what you like about him.” She literally had to think about it for a while, and finally said, “Well, he pays for my drinks. I like that.” It wasn’t much. I said, “How long do you think he’s going to want to stay with you if you keep complaining about him?” That seemed to kill her buzz. She said, “I am kind of mean to him huh? Maybe I SHOULD be nicer.” I suggested she try a 30-day trial of only saying positive (but true) things about him in public. She thought that was an excellent idea. I asked the guy what he thought about all her negging and he said, “I just tune it out. I don’t really care.” And I said, “You shouldn’t have to tune out your partner though. What does that say about your relationship?” He thought about that and realized it could be a sign of incompatibility. They are no longer dating, not solely because of the negging, but that was definitely a sign of problems for them.

I’m not suggesting you can’t tease your partner in a good-natured way while out in public. But there’s a difference between gentle teasing and downright embarrassment or negging. If you’re uncomfortable with how your partner treats you in public, talk to your partner about it. It could be indicative of an underlying problem in your relationship. Is it possible your partner complains in public because they feel uncomfortable bringing up relationship problems privately? How good are your lines of communication? Do you know whether your partner is holding something inside because they are afraid to bring it up? When people pick on each other, it’s sometimes indicative of problems that are being swept under the rug.

Check in with your partner. Don’t be afraid to ask if there’s something bothering them. If they have to complain in public about where you throw your dirty socks then the lines of communication are clogged. Complaining about your partner in public is often indicative of repressed anger bubbling to the surface. It’s best to work these things out together, not at a dinner table full of friends.

Think now about how your partner treats you in public. Does he or she speak of you with love, pride, and appreciation? If not, are you okay with that? Are your friends okay with that? What kind of relationship would feel better to you? And are you currently in such a relationship?

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How To Handle Public Criticism
2. Fear of Public Speaking
3. Can you read for me and my wife together?
4. Creating Reference Experiences to Achieve Your Goals
5. To Thine Own Self Be True
6. 2010 State of the Nation
7. Coming Out of the Broom Closet

Listen to them
Sometimes people who are down just want to be left alone, but sometimes people are carrying a weight so heavy that they are glad for someone to come along and help them carry it or remove it. That’s where you come in. When you see someone who is troubled, offer your ear. “Joanne, you seem troubled. Do you want to talk about it? I’m here to listen if you’d like.” And then really listen. Give the person an opportunity to just get it all out. Talking about our problems helps us process them. You may be able to offer a solution to their problem or just let them know they’ve been heard and aren’t alone. Just knowing someone cares enough to listen can raise someone’s vibration. Try it and see.

Give them love
One of the best ways to raise someone’s vibration is to give them love. People receive love in many different ways, so it helps if you know how the person likes to receive love.

People whose love strategy is physical affection may respond well if you offer them a hug. People with acts of service as their love strategy may appreciate it if you offer to help them with a task or chore that will lift their spirits or help them with their burdens.

People who respond well to words of affirmation may really appreciate you telling them how wonderful they are and how happy you are to have them in your life.

People with quality time as their love strategy may feel better if you offer to take them out for lunch or take a walk with them in the park.

And if receiving gifts makes a person feel loved, you could buy them a little trinket signifying your love/friendship, or you could make them a card or something cute. When people feel loved, their vibration goes up.

Express your gratitude
Another great way to lift someone’s spirits is to express your gratitude to them. Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations you can feel, so lifting someone to a place where they feel appreciated will do wonders for their energy and resourcefulness. Go up to the person and very sincerely tell them what you love most about them, or the ways in which they positively impact your life.

Be happy
Sometimes the best way to raise someone’s vibration is simply to keep your own vibration super high. Your vibration could rub off on them quite easily. I recall one evening as I was on my way to a toastmaster meeting, I had just received a very scathing email from a stranger who wanted me to know in no uncertain terms how incredibly fat I was and that I should just kill myself. I know, right? Kinda rude. So I’m driving along trying to shake off the negative energy and not succeeding very well. But when I got to my toastmaster meeting I was greeted by S. Frank Stringham, who enveloped me in a bear hug, dipped me, and started noisily nibbling on my neck. This is his usual greeting, and I love it. I can always count on S. to make me laugh. In no time at all I had forgotten the nasty email and was instead bantering and laughing with S. and the gang. S. is one of the most jovial and loving people I’ve ever met, and if I’m ever lying in a hospital bed, suffering, he is the one I want sitting in my room with me cheering me up!

Sing to Them
Does anyone remember the tv show Laverne and Shirley? Whenever one of the girls was down, the other would start singing High Hopes. “Just what makes that little old ant, think he can move that rubber tree plant. Everyone knows an ant, can’t, move a rubber tree plant. But he’s got high hopes…” etc. And before long the other would be singing along. I know it sounds a little strange, but it does work. Find someone who isn’t feeling empowered and start singing at them. A nice hopeful, empowering song. Eye of the Tiger. High Hopes. Hum the Chariots of Fire theme. Gonna Fly Now (theme from Rocky). What a Feeling. Whatever is suitable for the situation. See if you can get them to sing too, but even if you can’t, just you standing there singing at them might be enough to raise their spirits. If you can dance around a little, that will help too.

Knock them out of state
Do you know someone who wallows when they are upset or depressed? Whenever you talk to them they just can’ t be cheered up and seem to enjoy being miserable? No matter what you say or do they just want to hang on to their unhappy state? Sometimes you just have to shake things up. Next time they start going off about their problems, have a cup of water in your hand and toss the contents into their face. Yep, a nice splash of cold water, right in the face. They will be so utterly shocked that you did that, they might start laughing! If they don’t, back away slowly and blame it on an arm twitch.

Another way to knock them out of state would be to get up into their face and make googly eyes and noises at them. “Booga booga booga!” They’ll stop their complaining to ask you what in tarnation’s gotten into you. If you keep doing strange things to them whenever they try to express their depression soon you’ll have broken their pattern and they won’t know what to feel. That’s when you can start lifting their spirits using another method.

In summary, you can help other people raise their vibration. When your own vibration is high, it will naturally rub off on others. Get into the habit of noticing the vibration of the people around you, and when you spot trouble, spring into action! Try it today and see what you can do. High vibrations make for happier and more resourceful people. Do your part in helping to bring the planet to a state of love and peace. Raise a vibration today!

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. 10 Ways to Raise Your Vibration in Under 10 Minutes
2. How To Raise Your Vibration
3. How To Raise Your Vibration When You Feel Fear
4. Raising Your Vibration Audio Program
5. Guarding Your Vibration
6. The Singing Mechanic
7. 5 Good Ways to Ground Yourself

There are four concepts I want to teach my children that I think will help them navigate through life in a meaningful and empowered way. They are:

Treat others with kindness, compassion, and respect
The golden rule states that we should treat others the way we’d like to be treated. I think that’s a pretty fair and reasonable tenet. But sometimes people want to be treated differently than we’d treat ourselves. So in addition to the basic gist of the golden rule, I am teaching my children to treat others with kindness, compassion, and respect. It really costs us nothing to be kind and to show compassion towards others. And while we may not agree with or even understand another person’s point of view, we should still respect their right and their freedom to hold their own beliefs. We’re all in this together, and it behooves us to help others when and where we can.

Be responsible for your actions
I don’t believe in right or wrong; I believe in choices and consequences. Most people on the planet can’t agree about what’s right or wrong. Is murder wrong? What about if it’s to save your threatened children? Is lying wrong? What if it’s to spare someone’s feelings? Is abortion wrong? What if it’s to save the mother’s life? People argue and debate over right and wrong and it’s so subjective. What is wrong for one person may be right for another. What is right in one situation may be wrong in another. We all have different perspectives. Instead of right and wrong, it’s really about taking responsibility for your actions. You’re free to do as you will, but you must accept the consequences of your actions.

So I’m teaching my children about the concept of choices and consequences. “Emily, if you hurt Kyle he probably won’t want to play with you anymore. How will you feel if you no longer have a playmate at home?” When the children complain about an unfortunate situation in their lives, I ask them, “What choice did you make that led to this consequence? And how can you change that in the future so it leads to a more acceptable outcome?”

Fail to study, fail your test. Decide not to brush your hair, get painful knots and snarls. Pick a fight with a friend, lose the friendship. Eat only junk food, feel lethargic and sick. And so on. When my children ask me what they should do in a situation, I ask them what consequences they’d like to have and we go over how to best get the results they want by making the choices that will most likely lead to a favorable outcome. In this way I teach them how to make decisions by looking at the short and long term effect of their actions. And when they’ve done something that leads to a negative outcome, we discuss responsibility and making better choices in the future.

Learn how to make yourself happy
I think one of the greatest gifts you can give a child is to teach them how to make themselves happy so they don’t rely on someone else to do it for them. To that end, I help my children explore the activities and feelings that give them joy. I want my children to be proud of themselves rather than seeking approval from me. When my children excitedly share an accomplishment I say, “Wow, you must be very proud of yourself.” Or I say, “I’ll bet you feel great that you accomplished that.” If instead I were to say, “I’m so proud of you” then it makes them feel they must earn my approval. That will later translate into earning approval from others like their partner or boss or friends. Even though I am the parent, it’s not my place to judge their actions. If they have done something they are excited about, I want them to take credit for creating that in their lives.

Follow your heart
I may act as a guide or a repository of experience that my children may draw upon, but ultimately I want them to follow their own inner compass and do what’s right for them. Often parents want their kids to take a certain path because the parents feel they are making the best decision for their children, but I want my children to learn from their mistakes, follow their hearts, and guide themselves. I want them to feel they can come to me anytime and ask my opinion, but I don’t want to them to walk a path simply because I wish them to.

***
I am not a perfect parent by any means. Sometimes I get frustrated with my children’s behaviors. Sometimes I am not in the best place to be parenting. Sometimes I break my own rules because my energetic reserves are depleted. But my kids know their mama is generally kind, compassionate, gentle, and loving. They know I will not judge them or cluck in disapproval when they experience a negative consequence to their actions. Instead I help them understand what happened and how it can be prevented in the future. Then I leave it to them to figure it out. Sometimes being a good parent means letting your child experience failure, so they can grow and take care of themselves one day.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. A Spiritual Perspective on Homosexuality
2. Why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?
3. The Secret to Forgiving Yourself
4. Why Do We?
5. The Spiritual Consequences of Suicide
6. Why I Deplore the Death Penalty
7. Isn’t there a less painful way to learn spiritual lessons?

I was working with a client recently who was very upset because she was going to have to declare bankruptcy due to the failure of a start up business. She had quit her job a year prior, taken all the money she and her husband had in savings, and started a business making and selling jewelry online. She made beautiful jewelry, but lacked the business acumen and experience to get enough sales. After a year of sinking into debt, she and her husband had to admit defeat and were preparing to declare bankruptcy. The weight of the guilt crushing her spirit was overwhelming her. She simply could not forgive herself for “ruining her family’s financial lives.” She had become depressed, withdrawn, and forlorn. She had even considered suicide because she couldn’t bear her shame and the disappointment she read on the faces of her husband and children. She felt like a complete and utter failure.

She wanted to know what she could do to make the situation right. She was hoping her spirit guides would give her a new business plan or a quick way to earn money so they wouldn’t have to declare bankruptcy. But that’s not what her guides offered her. They offered her the gift of self-forgiveness. At first, it may not seem like much of a gift, but knowing how to forgive yourself and how to move on after tragedy strikes is a skill you would benefit from developing. How did they do it?

They told me to ask her this question… “If your best friend came to you with this problem, what would you tell her?”

“Oh I would tell her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself, everyone makes mistakes. I would tell her that she is resourceful and intelligent and can recover from this setback. I would tell her not to give up, but to dig in, make better choices, learn from her mistakes, and move on.”

So then I said, “And why can’t you say this to yourself? Why doesn’t this apply to you?”

She was stunned for a moment, speechless. Then she said, “But I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

So I said, “How come your friend deserves forgiveness but you don’t?”

She didn’t answer.

“Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are free from the consequences of your actions. Yes, there will be consequences, but those consequences don’t have to include feeling guilt, shame and depression. Guilt, shame, and depression aren’t going to make you resourceful or stronger, in fact, they will weaken you and make it harder for you to recover. Don’t you owe it to your family to keep your vibration high so that you can help navigate out of this situation in the fastest and best way possible?”

She replied, “Yeah, I suppose I do owe them that. But if I forgive myself and act all happy again won’t people think I’m not taking my failure seriously?”

“Do you think your family wants you to sit in the corner and cry and blame yourself? Or do you think they’d prefer it if you were resourceful and working daily to improve your situation? Don’t you think they know you’re sorry?”

She started to cry. “I am. I am soooo sorry I did this. I can’t believe I hurt my family so badly.”

“You didn’t hurt them. You’re disappointed in yourself and you’re disappointed in the outcome of your actions. But neither of those are permanent. It doesn’t matter if you fall. Everyone falls. It only matters how quickly you get back up and continue the race. Your family is counting on you. What’s the very best thing you could do to help them right now?”

“I could get a job.”

“And you will, but the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Give yourself the same compassion and understanding you’d give one of your children if they made a decision that had a negative consequence. You want your children to learn from their mistakes right?”

“Of course. I want them to know they should never give up. I don’t want them to end up depressed, crying in the corner, like you said.”

“Well show them how to fall and get back up. You have an opportunity to model for them what true success is, which is learning how to recover after a setback. Unite as a family, come up with a solid plan for recovery, work your plan, and keep moving forward. Being happy and resourceful after a setback doesn’t mean you’re denying responsibility for your actions. It just means you’re acknowledging the situation and being committed to doing something to improve it.”

By the time our conversation was over she was feeling much better than when the call started. She adopted a new belief about her situation. Instead of thinking of herself as a failure, she started thinking of herself as a “success in progress.” She was committed to spending her time and energy on improving her situation instead of beating herself up over it. And she finally accepted the forgiveness her family had offered but which she couldn’t take before. She started treating herself the way she would treat others in the same situation.

The secret to forgiving yourself is to take responsibility for your actions, but not to let your perceived failure bury you. When you fail, when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up. Raise your vibration, become more resourceful, and ask for help when you need it. Give yourself the forgiveness you so willingly give to others. You are worthy of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself that acknowledges you’re human. You can’t always prevent failure, but you can always forgive yourself for failing.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. The Secret
2. Do I have to meet up with an abusive parent in the afterlife?
3. The Life Review
4. How To Get Out of Hell
5. What is evil? Does evil truly exist?
6. Pinpricks of Light
7. A Little Empathy Goes a Long Way

Answer: Selling your soul to the Devil sure is an interesting concept. What would you sell your soul for? What is worth eternal hellfire and damnation? A few decades of wealth, fame, and power? Really?

Selling your soul to the Devil is impossible because He doesn’t exist, so don’t stand at the crossroads and bury your photo with a chicken bone waiting for the Devil to arrive with a contract and a pen with bloody ink. It’s not going to happen.

However, you can sellout your soul, so let’s talk about that. When you decide that your personal goals are more important than your soul, you start to take actions that may not be aligned with the highest good of the people around you. You might be willing to lie, cheat, steal, or worse to get what you want, believing you deserve it, or because you simply don’t care about negative consequences or harming others. In that case, you are selling your soul, but not to the Devil. You’re disconnecting from Oneness to nab resources from the Body of Humanity in a way that will likely deplete the Whole. And when you do that, you can expect the Body of Humanity to attempt to eject you for the good of all.

When you sell your soul, you begin racking up karmic debt that must be paid back, not with punishment, but with understanding. Some people might call that hell or damnation so, to that extent, selling your soul could result in a hellish experience on earth or in the afterlife. You must pay the price for your actions. When you contribute to the Body of Humanity and work in alignment with Oneness, you are rewarded with more resources. When you steal from the Body of Humanity and disconnect from Divine Love, you are cast out, isolated, and ejected. Some people are okay with that, and that’s fine. But balance will win out in the end.

Before you decide to sell your soul, please consider what you’re selling it for. Is it wealth, fame or power? All of these can be had by contributing to humanity. It might seem easier in the short run to take instead of give, but in the end the rewards for contribution are happiness, oneness, and connection. The “rewards” for selling your soul are not nearly as pleasant. But it’s your choice. Always has been, always will be. Choose your path wisely.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. VegFamily Sold: How I used the Law of Attraction to sell a business
2. Soul Mates vs. Soul Connections
3. Can a picture really steal your soul?
4. Do you believe in Soul Mates?
5. Ask Erin: If you find money should you give it back?
6. Does Hell Exist? Does Satan Exist?
7. Can we meet celebrities on the other side?

And the hits just kept on coming. People I’d never met and had never read for started writing things about me publically, calling me a fraud, a criminal, and a charlatan. That surprised me because well… I’d never even met the people! I couldn’t understand why someone would express an opinion like that without at least having the decency to interact with me first. But hey, it’s a free country, and people can say whatever they want, even if it’s not true.

I even received death threats from people who told me to stop what I was doing or they’d make me stop. If that doesn’t rattle you, you’re a stronger person than I am! Luckily those were few and far between.

I was very hurt and even surprised by the negative criticism and hate mail. I have a thin skin, probably because I don’t wantonly express hatred towards others and can’t understand why people would hate me. I started to wonder if it was worth it, being in the public eye, attracting the attention of people who wanted to “take me down.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to go down the road of being unfairly and unjustly judged. I had to really think about this issue.

I knew other people in my profession bore the brunt of unfair criticism all the time. Poor John Edward was featured in a Southpark episode where they referred to him as the biggest douche in the universe. One day when I was at a John Edward show, someone in the audience asked him how he felt about that episode. His reply interested me greatly and is what ultimately helped me decide to continue on my course no matter how much criticism was levied at me.

Basically he said something to the effect of, “I knew when I started doing this work publically that I was painting a bullseye on my ass. I knew people would take shots at me, and I knew I would face extraordinary criticism for my chosen vocation. But I don’t care. I am called to do this work, I do it well, and I’m not going to let other people stop me. They’re free to think what they want. All that matters is that I know I’m doing my job with integrity. I will never defend what I do. People can try to discredit me until they’re blue in the face; they can challenge me, they can try to assault my character, it’s not going to stop me.”

If you’ve ever heard John speak in person, you’ll know that his Italian and New York background make him fully capable of withstanding assaults on his character. I greatly admire his tenacity and stalwart presence in this field. He’s like the leader of the pack, using a machete to cut his way through the jungle of doubt and criticism for the rest of us to follow. And I am grateful to him for being willing to lead. It can’t be easy, no matter how much Italian and New York blood he has in him.

And so it was that I adopted this same mindset. I know without a doubt that the work I do helps others and I work with high integrity and a code of ethics I don’t always see in the industry.

So one day a friend in a similar industry as mine asked me how I handle criticism, especially when people are making false accusations. I told her that it used to bug me a lot, and that I used to try to defend myself, but I stopped. And I shared my new mindset with her and told her what I’ve learned after years of being in the public eye:

I’ve learned that what others say about me does not define me. I define me.

I’ve learned that people criticize what threatens them, and that’s their challenge to overcome, not mine, unless I choose to carry that burden for some reason.

I’ve learned that other people’s opinions of me are based on expectations and assumptions that may not be accurate, and that they must do their own research to arrive at the truth. I’m not required to do that research for them.

I’ve learned that when people attack me, they are feeling fear, and I give them understanding and compassion, but not my power.

I’ve learned that some of the greatest people in our world faced criticism and false judgment, but they persevered to create long and lasting changes that benefit others. If they can do it, so can I.

I’ve learned that people don’t always think before they speak, and that what they say about me or to me doesn’t actually require a response on my part.

I’ve been known to tell people who express hatred towards me that I do not need or require their love and approval to do my work, and that I can still live just as happily even if we never see eye to eye.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Often what we criticize in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.

At the end of the day if I can look at myself in the mirror and feel proud of what I do, then that’s all that matters to me. There’s no way anyone could know all that I do, what goes on behind the scenes, the efforts and lengths I go to to help people in crisis, so when people judge me I know they are judging me without knowing enough to truly form an accurate judgment. I’ve learned not to judge others for this very reason. You are the only person who can accurately judge you. Nothing anyone else says (good or bad) is entirely real, it’s just a reflection of their thoughts, expectations, assumptions, and experience.

The way to handle public criticism is to always have integrity in your work, so there is nothing you need to ever defend. Your actions will speak louder than your words. It’s not lost on me that the people who are my most vocal detractors are the ones who have never met me, and the ones who are my most vocal supporters are the ones I’ve spent the most time with.

If you are facing the prospect of doing work that puts you in the public eye, be sure you always have integrity, honesty, and truth in all of your dealings. Send compassion to those who judge you, and serve those who need you. Keep doing what you do best, keep moving forward, and don’t let anyone stop you or bring you down.

© 2006-2011 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Fear of Public Speaking
2. To Thine Own Self Be True
3. How To Be Honest All The Time
4. John Edward Live
5. Who’s Responsible?
6. How To Stop Fearing Death
7. Creating Reference Experiences to Achieve Your Goals