What IS a soul mate?
The most common definition of a soul mate is the person you are destined to marry. You guys arrange to incarnate together, and you incarnate every time in every life and hook up, make babies, and live happily ever after. This would be great if it were true, but it’s not really how things work.

So do soul mates exist at all then?
In a way they do and in a way they don’t. We’ll have to reclassify the definition a little. It’s true that before you incarnate you make arrangements with certain other souls to meet, connect, and have some kind of impact on each other. You might even end up marrying one of these souls, but it’s not necessary to satisfy the arrangement or plan you had with them. All that is intended to happen is a connection. So our new definition of soul mate should be closer to this: A soul mate is a person you have a soul connection with whom you decide to interact with on a permanent or semi-permanent basis.

So what’s a soul connection then?
There are infinite souls out there, all extensions of Source. Let’s use an analogy. If we’re all cells in the Body of Humanity, we’re all ultimately connected with each other the same way a liver cell is ultimately connected with a heart cell. But if you’re a heart cell, for example, you’ll find yourself resonating more closely with other heart cells. You may not have much connection with a liver cell if you’re a heart cell, but it’s okay, there’s no bad blood between you. You just don’t hang with each other much.

So when you incarnate, you may recognize some of the cells in your posse. “Hey, don’t we know each other from somewhere? Oh I remember, you’re a heart cell. Me too! Yo, my brother! What’s the haps?” These are soul connections. People you recognize because you know each other from the ether. You’ll feel drawn to them. You may have even pre-arranged a meeting because you have business together. You’ll have soul connections with potentially hundreds of people in any incarnation. You may not meet them all, but they’re here. These soul connections are with people in what we call a soul group.

So who am I supposed to marry? Someone from my soul group?
It’s very common for people to fall in love with people with whom they have a soul connection. It’s a natural extension of the fondness you feel for them and the familiarity you have with them. Sometimes this fondness results in a commitment, like marriage. Sometimes it becomes a business partnership. Sometimes you are just amazing friends. Think about it. Don’t you know a few people in your life that you feel very close to but they aren’t your spouse? Haven’t you known someone in your past who had a huge impact on the course of your life but maybe you don’t even keep in touch now? A teacher? A mentor? A friend? Probably members of your soul group.

Do you always marry someone from your soul group?
No, but I do think it’s more likely. These are people you’ll have a natural attraction towards. These are people you’ll recognize on some level. But you could be a heart cell who marries a liver cell and you can live happily ever after too.

So how am I supposed to find “the one?”
There is more than one “one.” It’s probably religion that has indoctrinated us to believe we’re supposed to find one person and settle down for the rest of our lives. So of course you want to find the right “one.” Totally understandable. But let me reassure you that there are scads of people on this planet who would make a good partner for you. It all depends on what you want, what they want, and if you’re at Starbucks when they are. Don’t get caught up with the idea that if you can’t find the “one” that you are doomed to be alone the rest of your life. Just find one of the “ones” and you’ll be fine.

Weren’t you and Steve soul mates?
I’ve probably alluded to that in other blog entries. I’m certain Steve and I pre-arranged our connection here. I’m certain we are members of the same soul group. I know our souls are deeply connected, and I know our mission here is well aligned. But I also know there are other people in our group out there too. As we drift around in this incarnation, we’ll keep ourselves open to interacting with them. Restricting ourselves to one connection in each life is so unnecessary. Don’t do it to yourself either. Keep yourself open to meeting anyone and everyone with whom you have a connection. Open yourself to what you could gain by interacting with cells outside your soul group too.

Is there a way to find people in our soul group more easily?
Yes there is. Go where they are. Seriously. Tune in to your soul group. What kind of work do they do? What sort of philosophy of life do they probably have? Where are they likely to feel most comfortable? Most called? It’s probably similar to you. I’ve found one of the best places to find people in a soul group is conferences and seminars. If you’re interested in something, chances are the members of your soul group are interested too. Workshops, conferences, retreats, gatherings, groups, are all great places to start your search. When I first went to Hay House’s I Can Do It Conference it was like a soul group reunion! Oh my heavens, I felt like I’d found my tribe. Once I had that experience I started going to anything and everything where these people were likely to go. The Conscious Growth Workshop is another good place to find high awareness, conscious folks eager to grow. I’ve found members of my soul group at Toastmasters. You might find some at the gym, a yoga class, or at art school. They’re out there.

So the next time you ask a psychic where your soul mate is, I hope she says, “They’re all around you. Pick one. What kind of connection are you seeking at this time in your life?” An intuitive should be able to help you find one, but I hope you understand now that it won’t be the one and only.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Mutual Decision
Our decision to end the marriage was definitely mutual.  I haven’t been kicked to the curb, cast out, or anything like that.  Our desires in life are no longer as compatible as they were in our early years.  We both want to live in ways that the other is not interested in, so we were constantly compromising what we wanted to make the other person happy, which left neither of us truly happy.  I urge you to examine your own situation to see if anything like that is happening in your relationship.  Do you have to quell your strongest desires in order to be with your committed partner?  While there is something to be said for honoring a commitment, there is no way to know long ago what you might want today.  When you’re no longer compatible or desire the same things in life, I think it’s time to let go and find your true happiness.

What We Still Share
Steve and I are still friends.  We enjoy each other’s company, and still have a lot in common.  We both share a strong desire to help raise the consciousness of the planet.  For me, I want to help people reconnect with their higher selves, remember where they came from, and realize that we are all connected and we are all One.  Our life purposes are still quite compatible.  That isn’t enough to maintain a marriage or living arrangement though.  This is why, at least for the time being, we intend to continue working together and helping each other with our goals and missions in life.

Did you see it coming?
Some people want to know if I saw this coming because I’m psychic.  I saw this coming because I was there.  It didn’t take foresight to see that we were both compromising our desires to meet in the middle.  But it did take courage and conscious thought to realize our commitment to the institution of marriage wasn’t nearly as important as our commitment to our passions, desires, and goals.  The marriage had to go so we could both express ourselves freely and fully.

But aren’t you sad?
I’m sad about some things and very happy about others.  My friend, Vicki, helped me see that what I was grieving was the old story, and how I thought that story would end.  Metaphorically, it’s like I was writing a book and someone just took the book out of my hand and handed me a blank set of pages.  I have a new story to write.  Doesn’t mean the old story wasn’t great, I just need to take the story in a new and more powerful direction.  I’m not depressed and I’m not spending my days in tears.  There is a definite relief in the fact that we are keeping what’s best about us and removing the thorns that caused us to bleed.  If sadness wants to come, I will let it and honor it.  If anger wants to come, I will let it and honor it.  I will keep myself open and let the emotions run through me and not bury them.  I have the most amazing friends who have been supportive and loving, and I truly appreciate all the well wishes I’ve received since we made our announcement.

What about the kids?
We know that separation is hard on children.  We believe that staying in a marriage with lots of conflict is worse.  We believe we’ll both relate to the children better because we’ll both be happier people.  I am keeping a close eye on the children.  We’re doing a lot of talking and processing.  In the coming weeks I’ll be looking for resources and information on how to help children cope with divorce.  They will be loved and nurtured.  And if they need more help, they’ll get it.  Their teachers and school counselors are aware of our situation and I’m communicating daily with them to make sure the kids are doing okay.  There is a lot of laughter in our home, and I’m making sure the kids can openly express their true feelings towards us both so they feel heard.  We’ll do the best we can with what we’ve got to work with.  And we will heal.

What about plans for your business?
Like Steve mentioned, it’s business as usual here.  I’m helping him plan the logistics for the upcoming workshop.  I’d like to speak at the next workshop, especially to share what we’ve learned in the relationship segment.  I’m still doing readings, I’ll still write blog entries, and I’ll probably finally get around to writing a book or making that audio program that’s been languishing in my mind for eons.  The kids are in school during the week, so my working hours will remain largely the same.  I’ll be keeping my married name as that is what I’ve built my brand on.  And who knows what else lurks on the horizon for me.  The possibilities are endless!

Love and Support
I want to thank everyone who emailed me or posted their support in our forums, facebook, and twitter.  It means a lot to me to have your love and support.  I’m especially touched by the people I’ve helped over the years who are reaching back to help me now.  I gratefully accept your kindness, love and support.  Like I mentioned I have the most amazing friends, including my Toastmaster friends and the ladies in my mastermind group.  My family has been very supportive as well. 

Yes there is some sadness for what will never be, but there is also great joy in the endless possibilities that await me.  The story continues, though some of the characters may change.  The river draws me in a new direction and I will explore it daringly, while still remembering where I came from, and that I am always loved.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Steve was asked to become a member after having been nominated by a current member of the group.  Not everyone is asked to join this group, and not everyone who wants to be in this group will get an invitation, so we were both completely honored to be welcomed into this group, he as a member and me as a member spouse.

This retreat has nothing to do with making deals or trying to get anything from anyone.  It’s about giving, sharing, and being together.  It was more like a family reunion than a networking meeting.  We settled easily into the flow of this group as they were more than welcoming. 

By the end of this retreat I looked around the room and said to myself, “Wow, the world really is in good hands.”  It was like being in a room of higher selves.  Everyone there was consciously directing their growth.  They were all authentic, loving, giving, nurturing, supportive people.  There were presentations, but also a lot of singing, dancing, meditations, experiential exercises, and sharing of meals.  I never felt higher or lower than any person there.  I felt completely included and loved instantly.  It was like going Home. 

You would probably recognize many of the names of the members of this group, and some you would have never heard of because their work is in niches you’ve probably never studied.  But the names really don’t matter, it’s the work that matters.  All of these people are raising the consciousness and vibration of the people on our planet.  After meeting and getting to know them, I realized we all have the same message: Love.  It’s only in the ways we teach and express it that we differ.

This past week I saw in action the loving tendrils of Source energy who spiral out into the world, touching individuals all over the planet with Love.  This past week I was invited on stage because someone recognized that I am fearful of the stage.   She invited me up and said, “Do what you fear the most” so I started dancing, and I loved it, and I didn’t feel embarrassed or self conscious at all.  There was no judgment in that room.  And Steve got it on film too so I’ll always remember what I did.

I was transformed.  I gained courage.  I touched love. I was wrapped in this nurturing, powerful collective embrace that together said, “We can do it! We are unstoppable!  We can bring the planet to a state of Love.” 

Have you ever had one of those moments, days, or weeks that completely transformed your energy?  Where you knew you could never go back to how it used to be?  Where something just clicked and you realized you’d reached a new level of awareness, a new purpose, with new drive and passion?

The last time this happened to me was April 2006 when I discovered I was a psychic and medium.  That was a three week whirlwind of transformation that included filming for the Criss Angel show and then having Doreen Virtue read for me at Hay House’s I Can Do It event. 

So many ideas are flooding through me right now.  I can’t wait to sort through them and see what blossoms from this experience.  I am filled and overflowing with love.  And I’m going to be exploring new ways to share my message of love, oneness, and connection with the world.  Stay tuned, the best is yet to come!

P.S. If you want to see photos of the conference, I’ll probably be posting a few on my Facebook account.  Send me a friend request so you don’t miss out.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I get this question periodically so I figured it was a good time to answer it publicly. 

I discourage couples from getting a reading together where they are on the phone at the same time.  Experience has shown me that when spirit guides want to bring up something related to the marriage that sometimes the couple clams up their energy because they are afraid the guides are about to reveal something they don’t want their partner to know.  It can get uncomfortable real fast.  And when a person chokes off their energy like that, I can sometimes lose the connection to their guides.

Even when people don’t think there is a relationship problem, sometimes the guides need to tell you something that you need to know about the relationship or the partner, etc.  Imagine what would happen if you had a controlling guy in a relationship with a submissive woman and they were both on the phone.  The guides may need to talk to the woman about developing her personal power so she can get up the nerve to leave the guy or make serious changes in the relationship, but if the guides bring that up while the controlling guy is on the phone, she’s going to be in real trouble when the call is ended.

Or what happens if one partner is hiding debt from the other and the guides want to provide counsel on how to get out of debt?

The other issue that comes up is personal privacy.  Sometimes the guides will bring up issues from a person’s past, such as sexual abuse, because they need to talk to the sitter about it.  It’s possible the sitter’s spouse isn’t even aware of their partner’s previous sexual abuse.  How fun would that be for it to come out during a reading?  Because I am an intuitive counselor, personal issues do come up in readings sometimes, but the guides only bring them up if it will have a direct bearing on the challenges my sitter is facing, and where the resolution of those challenges will help them on their life path.

On rare occasions I will let a couple split their 30 minute reading into 2 15-minute readings, but that doesn’t really give us enough time to cover all aspects of a person’s life, and it doesn’t leave time for many follow up questions.  It’s sort of like asking a doctor to open you up, remove half your tumor, and then sew you up again.  While I’ve got you “open” so to speak, I want to finish up in there before I sew you back up.

Most people take notes during their reading, or record their reading with me, and then share what they want to share with their partner later.  It allows them to choose what they will share and what they want to keep private.  Readings are very personal and often times emotional, so think long and hard before you bring your partner in with you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

I had friends who were religious.  My best friend, Frances, apparently belonged to a very religious Christian household.  Whenever one of her family members would leave the house they had to say, “Goodbye, I love you, and Mary and Jesus too” or something like that.  When I spent the night at her house, her mother made me say prayers.  I thought it was cute, but I had no idea who this God person was that I was supposedly talking to.  This was also a violent family.  The son was a vandal and arsonist, setting fire to the hill behind his house.  I watched from afar as his father whipped him with a belt to teach him a lesson.  Frances was often dragged by her hair down the stairs by her brother.  The father was a lawyer and was often called upon to keep his own son out of jail.

I remember one time my babysitter took us to her catechism class.  We got to paint pine cones and dip them in glitter.  I think we were making a Christmas tree ornament, but alas, no tree graced our home.  In fact, during  Christmas break from school my sister and I would often lament that all the stores were closed because of those Christians.  We were the ones going to the movie theatre and eating Chinese food on Christmas.

I got a vague understanding of who this God person was when my friends would talk about him.  They all seemed to think it was cool that we didn’t have to go to Church on Sunday, as they mostly thought it just wrecked their Sunday morning.  I remember asking my Christian friends why they believed there was a guy sitting on a throne up in the sky.  None of them gave me a particularly compelling answer.  Most said, “Because the bible tells me so” or “My parents told me there is a God so there must be.”

I am really grateful that I had parents who were not religious.  I never had to break free of religious indoctrination.  I never feared God or loved him.  I never feared going to Hell, which to me was this fictitious prison that bad Christians got sent to if they angered God.  Sometimes I was told that God was a loving God and sometimes he was furiously angry, wiping out entire civilizations on a whim.  The story was very confusing.  Being non-religious, I never felt like I was missing out on anything important.  It all seemed so silly to me to believe in some invisible guy who was constantly watching you to make sure you were good.  I thought that job belonged to Santa Claus. 

As I got older, some of my friends told me they feared for my soul because I wasn’t baptized.  They told me I was automatically going to go to Hell because I was not a Christian and did not believe in Jesus.  Honestly, that seemed sort of stupid to me.  I recall saying to one of them, “So if I am really loving and kind and good but not baptized, I go to Hell?  And someone else can be a murderer or pedophile and as long as he believes in Jesus, he gets to go to Heaven?”  They told me yes.  I’m sure it’s not as easy as that, right?  I said to these friends, “Why would you want to believe in a God that punished the good and let the bad into Heaven?”  They told me believing was not a choice but a commandment.  None of it made sense to me.

There was one thing I liked about religion.  Community.  There were a lot of Christians who seemed very kind and loving.  These were usually old ladies and they ran the church parking lot sales.  I met many Christians who were so kind, compassionate and caring.  People in the church took care of each other.  Families looked out for one another.  I thought that was kind of cool.  I asked my parents what would happen to us if we were ever destitute and poor and didn’t have the Church to take care of us.  They told me I didn’t need to worry about that, as we did quite well financially.  So I stopped worrying.

By the time I got to high school I assumed I was just an atheist.  I didn’t believe in God and that was the end of my story, or so I thought.  I found myself praying to God when I was in trouble.  I found myself making deals with Him all the time.  I hoped I was wrong about God because it sure felt comforting to think there was a kindly old guy looking out for me from above.  I couldn’t rationally convince myself that He existed, but when you’re in trouble, you’ll reach for any hand that might pull you out!  Still, I never saw any evidence that He existed. I figured if he was really there and all powerful like people said, that he surely knew I didn’t believe in Him and if He had an issue with it I was sure He would take it up with me personally.

I like how my mom puts it, “I don’t believe in God but I’m afraid to say that out loud in case He gets mad at me.”  Lordy. 

As I matured I realized that religion is man’s way of trying to interpret the divine presence inside all of us, of trying to make sense of the memories we retain even after the veil is drawn and we are left here, seemingly disconnected from Source.  I reconnected with Source on my own.  I explored the divine inside of me and found God staring back.  I began to remember where I came from, where we ALL come from.  And I began to see how we are all connected, simply projections of Source incarnated into outwardly disparate bodies.  I didn’t have this realization in a church, and I didn’t read about it in a book.  I felt it.  I remembered it.  I stopped cutting myself off from Source and Source came back to me.

Today I know there is a God, but God is not some man sitting on a throne pointing his finger at us in judgment.  God is what’s gazing back at you when you look in the mirror.  Which aspect of Him are you?  Are you His compassion?  His love?  Or are you His anger?  His judgment?  His intolerance?

I’m glad I grew up without a religion.  It left me free to find God on my own, in my own way, and in my own time.  I doubt I will ever be religious.  I find it unnecessary.  God is either in your heart or not there at all.  You either carry Him with you all the time, or cut yourself off from Him.  Have you found the divine presence yet?  Can you remember where you came from and where you will return?  Does God reside in your church, or in a book, or is he sitting quietly in your heart, waiting for you to notice Him?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Meeting Bryan
I met Bryan in junior high school around the age of 14.  When I met him he was already in a dark place, but I didn’t know it.  I knew his parents were divorced, but that’s all I knew.  I was attracted to his intellect, his love of all things sci-fi and fantasy, and he was really cute to boot.  My girlfriends and I hung out with him and his male friends, sort of a group thing.  Nothing much happened.  At graduation from junior high we went our separate ways.  He went to a different high school than I did and I figured I’d seen the last of him.

Char’s Prediction
When I was 15 I had a psychic reading with Char.  She came up with his name, including the fact that he spelled it with a “y” instead of an “I” and told me to watch out for him, that he would lead me down a dark path, not get along with my family, and that he was bad news.  I assured her that that was the past she was picking up on, not the future.  She seemed dubious, but what could she say really?  She’d given me her warning and I discounted it completely.

Sweet 16 Party
I had an awesome Sweet 16 birthday party.  Best party ever!  Instead of everyone going home at a reasonable hour, we all decided to pile into some cars and go carousing all night long.  No parental knowledge or supervision within miles!  At one point we hooked up with an old friend, named John, who mentioned he was just hanging out at a pizza parlor.  So we high-tailed it over to meet up with him.  Who was sitting with him?  Bryan.  At age 16 he was incredibly handsome, chiseled features, muscular build, he actually looked a lot like Matt Damon.  And I was on this incredible high from it being my party night.  I was quite flirtatious with him, enjoying being the center of attention.  I gave Bryan my phone number and told him to call me sometime.  Now that we were all 16 the distance between our homes was no big deal.  Bryan lived a 30 minute drive away from me.  At age 14, that’s too far to get your mom to drive you.  At age 16 with a driver’s license, that’s nothing!

A Slow Start
Bryan came back into my life.  I found out soon enough that he didn’t have his license.  Bryan would often ride his bike to my house, which would take him like an hour and a half!  Sometimes he was hanging out with John, who lived much closer to me.  There was a group of us, we’d all hang out, boys and girls alike.  We’d stay up all night talking about life, the universe, and everything.  All of us were smart, a little weird, and very open-minded.  Good group.  Bryan started putting the moves on me, just like I wanted, but apparently I was going a little too slow for him.  When I tried to put the brakes on a little, he gravitated to my best friend who was more than eager for a shot at this handsome hunk.  Before I knew it, she was doing things with him that I was only dreaming about.  I felt terribly jealous.  Going against my own instincts, I fought to win him back, and back he came.  Now that I had him, what was I going to do with him?

Darkness Reveals Itself
I turned 17 shortly after Bryan and I officially started dating.  Around this time I started to notice Bryan’s dark side.  He was angry all the time.  He was vain.  If his hair wasn’t perfect he wouldn’t leave his house, cancelling plans if necessary.  We argued a lot.  He never had any money, but I did, so I often paid his way to the movies and bought him dinner and gifts.  I thought I was making life easier for him, but in reality this made him feel ashamed of his lack of money.  He lived with his father, but I was never allowed to go inside his house.  He was ashamed of that too.  He lived in sort of a bad neighborhood so I never really pressed to hang out there anyway.  Plenty to do in my neck of the woods.  At this point in time I didn’t understand the depths of Bryan’s dark side.  I sort of felt sorry for him, though I think that just made things worse.  And I started to see evidence of violence.  He would throw things at the wall.  He would push me around a little when he was upset with me.  He was always brandishing his fists at me like he had to hold himself back from hitting me.

He wasn’t all dark though.  I was still totally attracted to his intellect, his creativity, his open-mindedness, and his love of role playing games (like Dungeons and Dragons).  We got along swimmingly when he wasn’t mad at me.  He was fiercely loving towards me, almost possessive.  At the time I thought it was cool.

The Rape
Bryan wanted to have sex and I didn’t.  I just wasn’t ready.  I figured I would be at some point.  I liked kissing him and making out a little.  He was already sexually experienced thanks to a single mom on his block who took it upon herself to deflower all the cute teenagers nearby.  He was getting tired of waiting for me to be ready while I demanded he be loyal only to me.  One night I was driving him back to his house and he was drinking beer in the car.  This was beer he was supposed to be bringing home to his father (long story, don’t ask), but he decided to drink the whole six pack on the way home.

When we got to his house he told me to pull into the alley around the back so we could make out a little.  It was late and I wanted to go home, but he insisted and I hated to say no because it would lead to a horrible argument.  To avoid that, I agreed.  So there we were, sitting in my car, in a dark alley, when Bryan said he was tired of waiting for me to be ready and wanted to have sex right there and then, in the car.  I protested saying that was not how I wanted to lose my virginity!  How horribly unromantic.  He started to get angry and I got really uncomfortable.  He got more aggressive and insistent, pulling down his pants to show me the goods.  But with all the alcohol in his system he seemed to be having a hard time getting an erection.  I laughed at him.  That was my fatal mistake.  Above all else, Bryan hated appearing foolish in any way, shape or form.  If you made fun of Bryan you were as good as dead.  Before I knew what was happening, he punched me really hard across the face.  I saw a blue spark of electricity upon impact, and then darkness.  As I came to, I noticed three things at roughly the same time.  First, I couldn’t move my arms at all.  My head was lolled to the side and I couldn’t move it.  Second, I noticed I was crying, that there were tears streaming down my face. And third, Bryan was having sex with me.  I tried so hard to move, but it was like the electrical system in my body was shorted out.  I couldn’t lift my arms or speak.  I could only lay there waiting for it to be over.  It didn’t take long.  He ejaculated.  That seemed to calm him right down.  As the moments passed, my brain was booting up, and I was finally able to move again.  I was so dazed, I don’t think I could even form a sentence.  I remember looking at him and he actually looked remorseful.  But that didn’t last.  He pulled up his pants, patted me on the head, opened the car door, said, “I love you.  I’ll see you tomorrow” and hopped the fence into his backyard, and off he went.

My thought at that moment was, “What the hell just happened to me?”  I was sitting there alone trying to piece together what happened.  This is the part that’s going to sound crazy.  I wasn’t sure if I’d been raped or not.  Back in those days there was no date rape.  No one was talking about rape much at all.  There was no discussion of domestic violence back then either.  My only thought was, “Shoot, I shouldn’t have angered him so much.  Look what happened.  I’d better be more careful next time.”  My other thought was that he didn’t seem to think he’d done anything wrong, otherwise why would he tell me he loved me, pat me on the head, and take off like nothing bad had happened?

I pulled myself together, got into the driver’s seat, and drove slowly home.  By the time I got home I felt something odd going on down there.  When I looked, there was blood and semen pooled in my underwear.  I snuck into my house, hoping everyone was asleep, and took a shower.  There was a red mark on my face where he’d punched me.  I cried myself to sleep, unsure what tomorrow would bring.  I felt ashamed and humiliated.  I retreated into a shell, broken.

Classic Abusive Relationship Coming Right Up
The day after the rape he acted like nothing had happened so I just decided to forget about it.  I didn’t want to be a rape victim and deal with all of that so I rationalized it all away.  I stayed with Bryan for three and a half years.  Yes, you read that right.  For three and a half years, I was part of a violent, sexually and emotionally abusive relationship.  I learned what his triggers were and made sure I didn’t trigger him.  He was always careful not to hit me in places that would show the bruises.  He went to work on my self esteem, telling me I was no good and no one else would want me.  He isolated me from all my friends, until the only friends we had left were his.  He was possessive, jealous, and angry all the time.  He often accused me of sleeping with other people, though I never did because frankly, sex disgusted me so why would I want to have sex with anyone?  We continued to have sex very regularly, sometimes three times per day.  During sex I would just tune him out.  He was usually done in a minute or so.  My pleasure was never his concern.  I just wanted it to be over asap.  If I ever tried to refuse having sex with him he would either argue me into submission or just pull me into the bedroom and have at it.  Did I mention how muscular he was?  I was never a match for his physical strength.

But I had a few things going for me.  First, he was so conciliatory after hurting me, that he actually handed all the power back to me for a short while.  I would use this mercilessly to get him to do what I wanted.  This was not healthy, but it was the only time I had power in the relationship.  Second, I made all the money and he made none, so he was dependent on me financially.  This gave me some control since if he wanted anything he had to ask me for it.  I would use that to keep him in line sometimes.  And third, we lived in separate homes, so when necessary I could stay away from him for a little while. 

None of my family knew what was happening, but none of my family liked Bryan too much.  We were good at hiding our situation.  I thought this was how all relationships were.  My friends noticed he would sometimes punch me in the arm, but I would act like it was no big deal and they would keep quiet.  None of my friends ever wanted to challenge Bryan because his fists usually did the talking for him.  I would sometimes think about breaking up with Bryan but whenever I brought it up he would cry and get so upset, and he’d tell me he couldn’t live without me.  In fact, it got to the point where he told me if I ever tried to leave him, he would kill me and my family, and then kill himself.  I believed him.  He had no less than a dozen weapons in his possession from knives, to crossbows, and even a gun.

The Bright Side of Bryan
If things were all bad all the time, I surely would have left him.  But there was another side to Bryan.  He was very protective of me.  No one could hurt me but him.  If anyone gave me any kind of problem in life, Bryan would handle it.  He argued with my parents a lot.  They eventually banned me from seeing him, but that didn’t help as it only meant I had to sneak out of the house to see him.  I knew my parents wouldn’t kill me for doing that, and I felt Bryan might kill me if I didn’t.  There were times when Bryan put his own life in danger to protect me.  Uh, usually the danger was because Bryan was picking a fight with someone, or we were somewhere sort of seedy, but he was still willing to take a knife in the gut to protect me.

Bryan was exceptionally intelligent.  He blew me out of the water when it came to grades and studying, and I was no slouch!  His teachers loved him.  He was a prized pupil.  I loved role playing with Bryan and our friends.  We’d spend hours upon hours at a time just role playing.  As long as we were around other people, Bryan acted the part of a good boyfriend.  It was only when we were alone and fighting that things turned ugly.  I learned to just deal with it, afraid to break up with him.  I had such low self esteem, and I figured I was lucky to have a guy in my life at all.  Even though he was very possessive, I took this as a sign of devotion.

The Sorority
Bryan and I both went to the same college.  During my sophomore year I wanted to join the sorority that my twin sister had joined.  Bryan didn’t want me to be in a sorority because he felt it would take time away from him.  But I really wanted to do it so he relented (yes I had to get his permission to do almost everything).  He warned me, however, that if I got so involved with my sorority that I started to neglect him that I would have to quit.  I became my pledge class president, and I thought he’d be angry but he actually seemed proud of me.  What he didn’t realize was that the sorority would eventually lead to the escape of his most prized possession: me. 

There was a girl in my sorority who apparently was in an abusive relationship of her own.  We discovered each other’s secret one night when we double dated.  She asked me if my boyfriend hit me and I found out that hers hit her.  We commiserated together.  It was the first time I ever found someone in the same boat as me.  One day she came to me and told me she’d left her abusive boyfriend and that I should leave mine.  She explained what an abusive relationship was, because at this point I still had no idea I was even in one.  I got so angry at her.  It was like I was sitting in a jail cell with her, happy for the company, and she got up and tried the door only to find it unlocked.  She left our happy, safe little cell and encouraged me to leave too.  But I was too afraid.  So I pushed her out of my life and pretended she didn’t exist.  But it nagged at me.  This idea that you could leave the relationship was alien to me. 

The more time and energy I put into the sorority, the more power, courage, and authority I started to have.  My self esteem improved.  I took on officer positions and got things done.  People encouraged me, people praised me, and I started to find my will again.  Bryan started noticing that I would back talk more often, that I wasn’t in line anymore, and he started to hate the sorority.

The Ultimatum
Finally things were coming to a head.  One weekend, our sorority Rush weekend, I told Bryan I couldn’t see him at all because there were going to be tons and tons of parties.  From Friday to Monday I was going to be 100% committed to the sorority Rush events.  He said, “But I need you to drive me and Brandon to the opening of a new movie on Saturday.” (I was his ride everywhere he needed to go).  I told him I couldn’t take him and his friend to a movie because I would be fined $50 for every party I missed and to find his own ride or take the frakkin’ bus.  He said, “I don’t give a damn how much it costs you.  I want to see this movie on this day and time and you’re going to take me.”  I protested, “But there are 8 parties, so that’s $400 I’ll have to pay if I take you to a movie you can see any other day.  Is that what you want me to do?”  He said, “Make your choice.  It’s the sorority or me.”  He hung up on me, confident I would choose him, as I had always done in the past.  I spent the entire night awake trying to figure out what to do.  The biggest internal battle raged inside me.  I thought he was being completely unreasonable in his request.  I kept remembering his threats to kill me and my family if I ever broke up with him.  I cried, I freaked out, I didn’t want to let my sorority sisters down.  But denying Bryan his request would be inviting certain death.  What to do?

Finally I made my decision.  I called him at 5:30 in the morning because I couldn’t wait another minute.  He got groggily on the phone.  I said, “Bryan, I never want to see you again.”  He said, “What?”  I repeated, “I never want to see you again.  I’d rather be dead than spend another minute with you.”  I waited for the tirade.  I was actually prepared to die if I had to.  I was done.  He tried pleading with me, threatening me, and reasoning with me, but my decision had been made and I knew I wouldn’t change my mind.  He threatened to kill me and I told him that if he felt that strongly about it, to go right ahead.  Inside I flinched, but I stayed strong.  To everything he said, I simply replied, “I never want to see you again.”  It was like stabbing him in the heart with a dagger.  Eventually I had to tell him our phone call was over and hung up on him.  I immediately broke down crying, but I was happy.  I was free.  No matter what he did to me now, I would die free if that’s what it came to.

I called his friends and told them we broke up and asked them to please not pick Bryan up and bring him to my house.  I went to my sorority event, a total wreck from being up all night crying, and I came home watchful.  I looked over my shoulder for days, and then weeks.  He never came by.  He didn’t try to call me.  I thought maybe I was going to make it through the break-up unscathed.

The Letter
One day a letter arrived in the mail.  My mom intercepted it and read it.  Big mistake.  It was 27 pages of Bryan ranting and raving at me.  It started off with begging.  “Please come back to me.  I promise I’ll treat you better.”  And segued into “You god damn bitch.  Who do you think you are for leaving me?  If I can’t have you, no one will!”  My mom of course got really upset when she read this.  I assured her it was some prank and that Bryan wasn’t going to come and kill us all in our sleep, as he’d threatened in the letter.  But I was a nervous wreck wondering when I’d be on the receiving end of his knife or gun. 

Healing
I healed.  I slowly got my life back together.  One thing that helped me tremendously was finding out that Bryan had been cheating on me much of the time we were together.  I had no idea!  When we broke up, he went to her immediately, and found solace in her arms.  I think that girl saved my life, actually.  He had someone else lined up in case things went south with me.  I was so grateful he’d been cheating on me.  Crazy as that sounds.  I was 20 years old when I left Bryan.  By the time I was 23 I had found my personal power, confidence, and strength.  I’d dated a few guys, but nothing terribly serious.  And I met Steve.  Over the years, Steve helped me heal the damage my relationship with Bryan had done.  I had sexual hang ups, anxiety, and control issues.  I used to have dreams that Bryan would sneak into my home and kill me and my husband and children.  Steve patiently helped me deal with the aftermath of the abusive relationship, and he helped me understand how I ended up spending three and a half years with an abusive boyfriend.

The Understanding
It took me years but I finally understood what happened.  The piece of information I’ve yet to reveal is about Bryan’s mother.  When Bryan was a young boy, I think he was 9 if I remember correctly, his mom left home with Bryan’s sister, in the middle of the night.  Imagine it.  Imagine your mom taking off with only your sister and not you, in the middle of the night, without saying good bye.  That crushed his spirit.  He must have been wondering what was so terrible about him that his own mother would leave him behind and take only his sister with her.  For many years he had no contact with his mother, so angry was he at her.  Bryan suffered from extreme abandonment issues.  This is why he clung so possessively to me, why he threatened to kill me and kill himself if I ever left him, and why he had other women lined up in case I should leave him.

I came to a point in my adult life where I completely understood how Bryan and I ended up in an abusive situation.  He was angry and afraid, which led to the violence. He couldn’t bear to be left by someone who loved him.  He did what he had to to keep his relationship with me secure.  He used control, violence, emotional manipulation, and sometimes even devotion, loyalty, and love.  And I stayed in the relationship because I had low self esteem, I was a rescuer, and couldn’t imagine abandoning someone in pain.  We were a total vibrational match for that relationship.

Forgiveness
Steve helped me understand that it takes two people making a choice to be in an abusive relationship.  Initially I blamed Bryan for everything.  Then I blamed myself for staying with him when I had the choice to leave any time I wanted.  I was all for giving up control of my life to someone else, and Bryan was a perfect match to take control of my life and my will.  Eventually I came to realize that we were both young and inexperienced.  I couldn’t rescue him and he couldn’t overcome his feelings of anger and abandonment.  He needed professional help but got none.  I went through a process of forgiving Bryan for everything that happened between us.  I no longer blamed either of us.  I just had understanding.  Then came the compassion for the little boy whose mom abandoned him in the middle of the night and went off and created new children without him.  His father also remarried and had new children.  Bryan had no one.

Getting Closure
In my 20’s I had a chance contact with Bryan, thanks to some mutual friends who were discussing me with him one night at dinner.  On the phone with me he admitted to raping me and apologized sincerely for it.  That he even admitted it was a big part of my healing.  In my early 30’s I thought about contacting Bryan to tell him that I had forgiven him for everything and to show him I understood why things went down the way they went down.  I knew he lived in Portland, but I couldn’t find any contact information for him anywhere.  I figured that one day we would eventually have our conversation.  But that wasn’t to be.

Death Comes Marching In
In February of this year an old friend contacted me to ask if I’d heard the news.  Bryan had killed himself during a police stand-off.   Here is the short version of the story as it was relayed to me.  After we broke up, Bryan went to graduate school and became a social worker who did wonderful things with war veterans related to post traumatic stress disorder.  He fell in love with a woman who had three children and married her.  He helped her fight to get sole custody of her children.  This put him in significant debt.  He decided he wanted to leave his job and go become a fiction writer (something I think he would have been enormously successful doing).  But the stress of debt and the custody battle, and possibly some depression, caused him to check himself into a mental institution for a little while.  When he left after a few weeks he was just getting back on his feet.  His wife was on her way to the pharmacy to pick up medication for him after speaking to someone on a mental health line.  The mental health line worker decided to initiate a suicide check, so police were dispatched to Bryan’s home to “check on him.”  Bryan wasn’t a big fan of the police.  He was really into survival, so he was always prepared in case he needed to survive after a nuclear war or to run from the police.  So when the police arrived he got upset, afraid, and angry when they wouldn’t leave.  He barricaded himself in his house, got out one of his rifles, and trained it out the window towards the cops. 

The cops decided they had a “gunman” on their hands, cleared the street, and called the SWAT team.  Bryan called his wife who was on her way home.  She tried to calm him down, but the police took the phone away from her, shoved her in the back of a police car, and refused to let her try to talk him down.  This agitated Bryan even more.  He held his position for 8 hours, and finally gave up, shooting himself and ending his tumultuous life.  He was 39 years old.

Coping With Bryan’s Death
When I heard the news I became very sad.  He didn’t deserve that kind of end.  All he wanted was to be loved, unconditionally, by someone who cared about him.  I couldn’t even imagine what kind of fear he was feeling during the 8 hours he was alone, isolated, and holed up in his house.  He probably figured he was going to jail no matter what, since he’d pulled a gun on the cops.  At the very least, they’d probably commit him to an institution for treatment or monitoring.  You never wanted to back Bryan into a corner.  He’d take the extreme way out if he had to.

I’ve sat with this news for weeks.  I spoke to our old friend, John, who helped me put together many of the pieces of Bryan’s final years on Earth.  I’m told Bryan received awards and accolades for his work with war veterans.  His memorial service brought more than 100 people to his side, eulogizing him for the caring, compassionate person he’d been to them.  I’d like to think Bryan finally found love in his life.

The Afterlife
So the first thing on my mind was trying to connect with Bryan on the other side to see how he was doing.  In the case of suicide I sometimes find people who go to a very dark place and rehash their suicide over and over again.  But I couldn’t find him.  I know other mediums have mentioned that when people close to them die it can take months or even years to get communication.  I think it’s hard when you’re so close.  But I kept my antenna attuned for Bryan.

Yesterday I finally had the communication from him that I’d been seeking.  He is definitely in a good place mentally.  He radiated wisdom, understanding, compassion, and a little bit of chagrin.  He is whole again, totally reintegrated with his higher self.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in such a state of peace.  We talked about our relationship.  He told me that I probably saved his life back then because I gave him love so unconditionally.  No, it wasn’t a healthy love, but he told me I probably saved him from committing suicide in his late teens.  This gave him the chance to go on and help so many others in his work, and to get to a place where he could understand compassion and love himself.  He thanked me for anchoring him to this world during a troubled time in his life when he felt completely unworthy of love.

The last thing he did was to carefully lift away the energetic cord that connected our heart chakras and let it fall gently to the ground.  He smiled and told me our karma was complete and that I didn’t need to carry that heavy weight around anymore.  We shared an energetic moment of love, and then he was gone.  I don’t know if I’ll have more contact with him in the future, but I’m grateful for the contact we did have.

And so I close that chapter of my life.  I have no regrets.  I learned important lessons from my relationship with Bryan.  Lessons about love, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness.

Rest in peace, dear one.  You will not be forgotten.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  When you cross over the chances are excellent you’ll be greeted by your loved ones.  That’s sort of a loaded sentence so let me break it down into its component parts.

First, when you cross over you might be greeted by deceased loved ones, or angels, or your spirit guides, or even God or Jesus, depending on your beliefs, desires, and expectations at the time of your demise.

Second, if you are greeted by deceased family members, some of them may be people who were abusive towards you while you were both alive, and sometimes those people aren’t there when you cross over.  Let me explain that further.

When abusive people cross over they have the same life review that everyone has, where they get to see the effect of their behavior on the people they affected.  They are given the opportunity to forgive themselves for their behavior.  Some choose to forgive, others can’t forgive themselves and healing must happen.   When they are done with their life review and done processing everything that happened in that incarnation, they merge back with their higher self, and go join the other energies in the afterlife.  Reunions are had, love is expressed, I hear there’s coffee and donuts.

So when you cross over, that abusive person you knew is no longer as they were when you knew them.  You may choose not to connect with them, but you will be able to sense their higher self, not that lower, incarnated, abusive self.  Still, you get your life review, you do your processing, and then you decide who you will share your energy with on the other side.  My personal advice is to stay open because you might find something you weren’t expecting on the other side.

Having said all of that, there are occasions when abusive people cannot forgive themselves for the suffering they caused.  They sometimes have a hard time fully crossing over and embracing their higher self.  I’ve seen people on the other side, usually people who have committed suicide and are filled with regret, shame, or guilt, who are not hanging out happily with their other deceased loved ones.  I’ve done readings where I can see one part of a family coming through together, and another relative off to the side, who appears not to be connected with the core family.  I personally feel sad when I see that, but such is life.  They will eventually heal and end up where they need to go.

So to sum up:  You don’t have to communicate or have contact with anyone on the other side that you don’t want to, but I think when you arrive you’ll find a different person than you were expecting.  We’re human, we make mistakes, we make bad choices sometimes.  Sometimes those choices negatively affect others.  It’s all about forgiveness.  I urge you to forgive an abusive parent.  It helps them heal, and it helps you heal.  During your own life review you’ll gain some perspective on how they became abusive.  Understanding is the first step towards forgiving.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Do you have a friend or relative who seems to be hanging on to life even though they are suffering terribly or are in such a state of decline that their quality of life is practically zero?  What can you do to help them?  Pour over medical books and try to find a cure for what ails them?  Push them to persevere despite their pain and suffering?  Maybe.  Or maybe you need to have a conversation with them and let them know that it’s okay to go.  Sometimes that’s all people are waiting for, the green light, the go-ahead, the thumbs up.  Can you give them that gift?

On a soul level, people choose their time to die.  On some level, we know when we’re done.  But sometimes people hang on long after they’ve chosen to cross over.  Why would they do that?  One reason is fear.  Many people simply fear death.  Some people fear God’s judgment, while others who don’t believe in an afterlife cling to their life because they don’t want to disappear forever.

Another reason people hang on is because of family.  Sometimes people don’t want to leave their loved ones because they believe their family will be lost without them (financially, emotionally, etc.).  But when it’s time to go, it’s time to go.  You can delay it for days, months, or even years, but usually you’re suffering needlessly.  Get your affairs in order and pack your bags.  You’re going to the other side at some point.  Go when you’re ready, but don’t overstay your time here.

If you are the relative or friend of someone who is hanging on beyond their time, you can help them make their transition by giving them permission or encouragement to cross over.  Let them know you’ll be okay without them.  Let them know they don’t need to stay.  If they’re afraid, help them understand that they will be met on the other side by loved ones and the most intense love and joy they could ever imagine.  Prepare them for their journey.

Years ago I helped my grandmother make the decision to cross over. She resisted it for years.  She suffered through cancer and a heart attack, and was living in a retirement home.  Her husband was already dead.  At night, he and I would have conversations with her soul and let her know it was okay to cross over and that her time in this incarnation had come to an end.  She was afraid to let go.  She was afraid to die.  We encouraged her many times, but she just wasn’t ready.  Finally one night she gave us a different answer.  She had made her decision and told us she was ready to go.  Three days later we got word that my grandmother died, in her sleep, no discernible cause.  She just slipped away.  She joined my grandfather on the other side, whole and complete, no longer afraid or suffering.

One of the kindest things you can do for another human being is to give them permission to die when it’s their time to go and they are suffering.  There is no need to rail against the dying of the light, because what is on the other side is like going home.  It’s beautiful, loving, and whole.  Don’t anchor people’s energy here by keeping them on life support for months or years.  You’re keeping them from peace.  It’s hard to let go, yes.  But remember that they’re not really going anywhere.  They’re just sloughing off their physical shell.  They are intact and whole on the other side.  You can still communicate with them, still love them, and one day you’ll see them again.

Honor those you love by releasing the emotional tether that holds them to Earth.  Honor those you love by giving them permission to let go and cross over.  Let them know they have nothing to fear and that you’ll be just fine without them.  You will.  In time.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

First, I announced on my blog that I was developing my psychic abilities to a point where I could actually begin doing readings for people.  I blogged about my awakening and my experience on the Criss Angel MindFreak show.  I was off and running, I was happy, congruent, and really proud of myself.  At the same time this was happening, I was still running my online magazine, VegFamily.  I was also doing web consulting and programming, and I had an independent publishing company.  I announced on VegFamily that I was a psychic medium and that if anyone wanted a reading, to go to my new site.  This was the beginning of the end of my naiveté.

I immediately got a bunch of nasty emails from readers who told me I was doing the devil’s work, and that the Bible expressly prohibited them from interacting with me in any way, shape, or form.  They told me they were going to stop reading the magazine, even though they’d been loyal readers for years and found the information great.  That surprised me. 

Then I got an email from a woman who had contributed several articles to the site over the years – a  woman I had exchanged many pleasant emails with – who asked me to remove all of her articles from the site because I was going against the Lord and working for Satan.  I wrote back to her for clarification since I had no awareness of what she was talking about.  She sent back a lot of quoted scripture and there is indeed a passage in the Bible that says you’re not supposed to truck with mediums and you should stone them on sight.  I’m glad she lived in another state.   I got into it with her for a few exchanges because I wanted to sincerely understand how she could be my friend one day and the next want to shun me. For her, what it came down to was that she was a devout follower of the Bible and the Bible expressly stated to her that she could not have any contact with me.  I wished her well in her life and we parted ways permanently.  I think what shocked me most was that I felt I was being unfairly and harshly judged by vegans, who were no strangers to harsh judgment from family, friends, and society.   Shouldn’t they have known better?

Next, a couple of my web clients stopped doing business with me because I was a psychic.  And some members of the vegan community with whom I’d been doing business suddenly stopped responding to my emails.  None of them called me devil-spawn, they just drifted away or gave me the cold shoulder.  So coming out publicly as a psychic negatively impacted my businesses and to some extent my income. 

Then there were the friends.  I don’t have many religious friends so I wasn’t expecting any kind of negative response from them regarding my new profession.  I was wrong though.  There was a new problem to contend with.  It took me a while to figure out why some of my friends and acquaintances were treating me so coldly.  I found out quite by accident that they were wondering why I’d turned to a life of crime.  Yes, crime!  Apparently, and I’m not sure you’re aware of this, all psychics are frauds, charlatans, and criminals who prey on people who are gullible enough to think that psychic abilities and talking to dead people is even possible.  Yes, that’s right.  These people thought I was actually, and quite deliberately, turning to a life of crime.  I can’t blame them for not wanting to associate with a criminal, except for one problem, I wasn’t a criminal!  This actually hurt me a lot more than the religious issue.  I’m used to some religious people turning a blind eye to their own intuition in favor of what’s fed to them via holy scripture.  I’m not used to being thought of as a criminal though.  That took some time for me to digest.  Rather than try to understand how I was developing my psychic abilities, they found it much more believable that I had simply decided to rip people off.  Some friends, right?  I recall one day asking one of my friends if he thought I was fraudulently ripping people off and he said, “I know you believe you’re psychic, and I know you’re not trying to rip people off, but everyone knows psychic abilities aren’t real so I think you’re probably deluded but not intentionally trying to hurt anyone.”  Gee, thanks.  Over the years he’s really come around, though, and thinks I just have an uncanny ability to accurately name people’s dead relatives and tell people what they do for a living without them telling me first.  He uses words like “lucky guess” and “coincidence” a lot.

I started to have concerns about even calling myself a psychic because of all the negative connotations built into the group.  To be fair, there really are a lot of frauds, charlatans, and criminals in this industry, and that’s a real shame, but let’s not throw the baby out with the bath water.  Not everyone who claims to be psychic is a criminal or fraud.  It reminds me of when I joined a sorority and my non-sorority friends thought that all sorority girls were vapid sluts only interested in hair, make-up and the size of frat boy bulges.  Lordy, people. 

So, long story short, I lost a lot of friends and apparently credibility when I came out as a psychic.  It wasn’t all bad though.  There were some unexpected positives.

My family has been incredibly supportive and proud of my work as a psychic medium.  My dad is so cute, he tells everyone about his psychic daughter.  He carries my cards around with him and gives them to everyone: the dental hygienist, the mail carrier, his business contacts, and friends.  In fact, my mom had to tell him to tone it down a bit as they came to find what I found, that some of these people thought I was a criminal too.  I think my dad was just as surprised to find this out as I was.  They started having uncomfortable situations with their own friends when my name was brought up. 

My sister has run into this problem too when she tells her friends that she has a psychic sister.  They all want to know why I haven’t won the lottery yet.  So for some, it’s just purely the fact that they know nothing about how psychic abilities work that cause them to suspect I am being less than honest.  I think the fact that my family has known about my psychic gifts for my entire life has helped them see that becoming a professional psychic was a natural progression for me.  They know I’m not a criminal or fraud and it’s hard for them understand why others think I am.

My aunt and cousin are also exceptionally supportive of me.  Sometimes when I’m in Los Angeles I do my in-person readings in their home.  Steve’s family has also been supportive.  I was concerned as they are very religious, but apparently their priest told them it was okay as I am using my gift to help others and because I believe my gift comes from God/Source, as I wrote about in my blog entry, But Where’s the Love?

I told Steve at one point that coming out publicly as a psychic medium must be somewhat similar to how homosexuals feel when they come out publicly.  You have to deal with and accept the fact that some people will shun you because of their beliefs about your “group.”  I have great compassion and respect for people who proudly share their real selves with the world, knowing it will probably create a disconnect with some people in their lives.  But it is only by fully sharing who we really are that we can begin to bring down the walls of preconception and challenge people to get to know us before deciding what we are.

If you are a fellow psychic, what has been your experience of coming out publicly?  Or do you only tell certain people?  What reactions have you received, and how have you dealt with any negative judgment?  If you’ve come out as a homosexual or anything that is sometimes perceived as an abomination or against the Bible or social norms, what has been your experience?  What words of wisdom can you share with others who are considering coming out?

All I can say is that coming out of my own closet was really eye-opening for me.  I discovered that even intelligent people can make assumptions that are not based on personal observation but just on preconceived ideas about a group.  This is wrong.  It’s wrong for all of us.  Guard against this at all costs as it’s very damaging to society as a whole.

To the budding young psychics out there who are considering becoming a professional psychic, know going into this that you may lose some friends, that some people who claim to love you may disconnect from you.  But if your heart is aligned with this truth you have nothing to be ashamed of.  Let people have their reactions, let them walk their own path, but don’t hide who you are.  We can’t change people’s beliefs about psychics by staying hidden or underground.  Be honest and forthright in all your dealings.  Perhaps in time we can repair our damaged reputation, and help people see we are truly aligned with love.  Even with all the negativity, the loss of friends, the damaged relationships, the harsh and critical emails from total strangers, I wouldn’t trade my path for anything.  It’s been an incredibly rich and rewarding journey, really a dream come true.

Now where did I put that broom?  I’ve got some flying to do.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  As you mentioned, I wrote an article in the past called Picking Our Parents and Life Circumstances which discusses the process by which we select suitable parents who will help us accomplish our goals in life, either by being great models of what we are to learn or by challenging us.  But do parents choose their kids too?

I’ve learned a lot about how this works while doing intuitive readings for people, because I can see the circumstances surrounding impending births.  In fact, while we always choose our parents and life situation, we don’t always choose what children we will have.  I’ve seen several variations in the ether.

The first situation I’ll describe is when you and your child’s soul choose each other before you’re both born.  So both of your souls are in the ether and you make a deal, a contract, a decision that one of you will be the parent and one of you will be the child.  The parent soul incarnates, does their thing, and when the time comes, if the circumstances are still right, the child soul will become your child (either through pregnancy or adoption, it will get to you somehow!).  Deal done.

In the second situation I’ve seen, an incarnated person makes a contract with a soul that has yet to incarnate.  You probably don’t do this consciously, though I’ve known people who were aware of their contracts even though they were already incarnated.  Usually it’s your higher self or the child’s guides who work out the arrangements, much as I described in my article on Choosing Your Parents.  In this case, the child sort of has the upper hand because they chose you, and you are not consciously choosing this particular soul, but are instead trusting your higher self and guides to find an appropriate soul to be your child.

I’ve also had people ask me during readings if they are destined to have children.  In some cases I can see they’ve made a contract with a child before incarnating so I tell them that yes, indeed, there is a child contracted to come to you.  I can usually pick up on details around the arrangement, like why they chose you as a parent and what they’re waiting for. 

I’ve also read for people that have no contract with a child soul at all.  In this case, you’ve decided to incarnate but did not decide in advance if you yourself would someday be a parent.  It becomes a choice for you later.  If you decide you want a child, you request one from the ether.  One may not come to you, though.  Again, circumstances have to be right for the child to choose you as its parent.  If a child does come to you, it has been deemed appropriate by the child’s soul, your higher self, and the guides.  If you decide you don’t want a child, you’re not breaking any karmic contracts by refusing to have children.

Does the child have a contract with just one parent or both?  In some cases I’ve seen that the child appears to have a contract with just one parent, but the circumstances are just fine with the other soon-to-be parent as well.  Sometimes during readings I have said, “Oh this is your challenging child, the one you have karma to work out with.”  And my sitter usually confirms that they are aware of their particular “issues” and that the other parent doesn’t seem to have the same issues to work out with that child.  However, sometimes the contract is made with both parents.  I usually only see that when the contract is made after the two parents are together.

Can contracts be broken?  You betcha!  Remember, once we incarnate, we have free will.  You can decide you don’t want to fulfill a contract with a child.  I see it all the time.  Life can be very challenging and you may decide that bringing a child into the world isn’t in your or its best interests.  Sometimes the child decides to break the contract because your life circumstances have changed to the point where it doesn’t think it’s going to learn the lessons it wants to learn.  No hard feelings here, though.  The child will find other suitable parents or decide to skip incarnating.  If you have a soul connection with the child, you’ll see it again when you disincarnate.

What about siblings?  Do they choose to incarnate together?  Yes, I see this frequently too.  In fact, I knew that both of my children had chosen to incarnate as siblings.  They have a contract with each other to go through life as siblings.  Their spiritual bond is very strong, there is some reason they chose to incarnate together.  Sometimes siblings don’t have a contract though.  The dynamics of this are wide and varied.

While we’re on the subject, sometimes I see deceased family members holding babies.  It took a while for me to discern whether these were babies destined to become family members or deceased babies who maybe died in utero, were aborted, or who died as infants.  I still get confused sometimes.  If you have lost a baby, trust me when I tell you that your baby is not alone in the ether.  He or she is with family or with angels, or perhaps even waiting for another chance at being a member of your family.  And yes, sometimes babies that don’t make it through the first time come back at a more suitable time.

If you are having difficulty getting pregnant or otherwise having a child, please consider that you either have no contract with a child, or the timing simply isn’t right for a child.  It could also be that your guides haven’t found the right child for you.  Work on becoming a vibrational match for this desire if you’re not already.  And be sure to watch for signs that maybe you’re supposed to adopt or become a foster parent, etc.  There are many ways to be a parent, and there are so many children out there in need of love.

Dreams of your future children are common too.  It’s their way of saying, “I’m coming!  Please wait for me.”  Or in some cases, “Can you please have sex?  Give me a shot for Heaven’s sake!” 

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

At our pre-Thanksgiving meeting we decided to do something different.  Instead of writing our own intention, we picked names out of a hat and wrote intentions for someone else in the group.  In order to write an intention for someone else you have to know them pretty well.  Since we’ve all been together for a couple of years now, it wasn’t terribly difficult.  Hearing an intention that someone else has thought of for you is incredibly revealing.  Think about what you might intend for someone in your own life.  Do you think you know them well enough to know what their heart truly desires or what they really need in their life?  We read our intentions out loud.  It was empowering, creative, and even a little frightening.  The intention I read for my secret member involved her taking massive action on something I felt she had pushed to the back burner.  She received it well and has taken incredible action since I cast the intention for her.

After going around the room, we did another exercise.  On a piece of paper we wrote all of the things we wanted to accomplish in 2009.  Then we went outside and our hostess gave us a bunch of electric, flameless, votive candles.  For each wish, we put a votive candle on this special light tree.  By the time we were all done, that tree was decked with beautiful lights.  Then we sat around a bonfire and released our intentions (threw the paper) into the fire, with a prayer that 2009 be our best year ever.  It was a beautiful and empowering night, and I left that meeting feeling wonderfully uplifted and inspired.

By the way, the intention written for me was that I make all my wildest dreams a reality.  It’s very powerful when you think about it.  Wildest dreams huh?  I don’t know, I can think of a lot of wild dreams.

Now fast forward to December where we decided to do something special for the holidays.  This time, we printed out small sheets of paper with the following written on them:  My Holiday Wish For You …, Thank You For …, What I Love About You …, and then we answered all three questions for each person in the group.  We brought a festive container to collect our holiday wishes from the others.  We sat in a circle and put our holiday wishes for each person into their bucket, tin, or box.  Then we went around the room and read them out loud.  I can’t tell you how beautiful this experience was for me.  If you’ve ever read my blog entry, Three Wishes, you’ll know that my three wishes in life are to know myself, know another, and to have another know me.  This exercise I did with my Mastermind group tapped into those wishes.  Hearing how other people feel about you is a gift, especially if you’ve impacted them in a positive way.

Some of my favorites were:

What I love about you is that you dare to be brilliant.  You dare to share your brilliance and you dare yourself to be a woman of substance and heart.

What I love about you is your excitement about life and new adventures.

What I love about you is your compassion for others and your committment to your clients, family, and friends.

What I love about you is that you have absolutely gorgeous hair.

What I love about you is your sweet, gentle, spirit that continues to illuminate those around you.  You bring light wherever you go.

Thank you for showing us how to live a more light-filled life.

Thank you for bringing your angels and guides to our meetings so that we may learn and grow.

I could go on but I think you get the gist.  I think we all left that night feeling loved and cared for.  I know I did.  My Mastermind group is a wonderful support for me.  Mastermind meetings allow me to share insights with the group and receive wisdom from them.  You learn a lot about yourself and what you have to offer in a such a group.  I’m blessed to have these wonderful, wise, women in my life. 

Even if you don’t have a Mastermind group, you can still do these exercises with your family and friends.  What would happen if you did?

Bright blessings to you all!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I believe spirit guides do play a role in many relationship meetings, but not all of them.  If your spirit guides have determined there is a good match for you they will discuss it with that person’s guides to see if the arrangement is suitable to that person’s goals and life plan as well.  If an agreement is reached then the fun begins.  They have to find ways of getting you two together.

Before Steve and I met, I was a graduate student at California State University, Northridge.  Unbeknownst to me, Steve was also attending CSUN on his way to getting his Bachelor degrees in Computer Science and Math.  I was in the Psychology program so the odds of us meeting in a classroom were pretty slim.  Except, there was this one class: Human and Computer Interaction.  I was in the Human Factors graduate program and this was a class that taught us how to design interfaces to be user friendly and intuitive.  I signed up for the class, although my area of specialty was aeronautics, not computers.  At the same time, Steve signed up for the class, probably as an elective.  Same class, same teacher, same time.  At the last minute, though, I cancelled out of that class to take something else that had opened up.  We found out later that we would have been in the same class, probably would have met, and maybe even found ourselves on the same team to do a group assignment.  Who knows?

Were the guides thwarted in their efforts to get us together?  Yep.  So a new arrangement was made.  I was a member of an online local BBS.  An acquaintance of mine, named Adam, was also on the board.  He was a Computer Science major at CSUN too and had met Steve there.  He convinced Steve to log on and create an account.  Steve’s handle was Savage (a name he chose quickly when he looked up and saw his Savage Empire game poster on his wall).  Meanwhile, I had just finished reading a romance novel where the main character’s name was Adam Savage.  So when I saw this guy named Savage log on, I sent him a quick private message and simply said, “I just read a book about you.”  Steve was intrigued, a dialogue followed, a meeting took place, and the rest is history.

Do I believe we were destined to meet?  I absolutely do.  I believe the guides work behind the scenes to help you meet people that will be important for your life plan.  Not just intimate relationships, but business relationships too.  Can you miss out on an arranged meeting?  Yes, you absolutely can!  Free will trumps all, as I’ve said many times.  I could have decided I wanted nothing to do with a guy whose handle was so dark (Savage? Lordy, he must be like a serial rapist or something), but the romance novel predisposed me to thinking he was some knight in shining armor.

So what should you do?  Look at everyone in a room and try to see if there is a light above their head or a spark coming off their aura?  I wouldn’t spend too much time peering into everyone’s soul and thinking, “Is this who I’m supposed to meet?  Or is that who I’m supposed to meet?”  It will either click for you or it won’t.  If you feel a strong attraction to someone or a strong feeling like you’re supposed to connect with someone, give it a shot.  Approach them.  Make small talk.  See what happens.  They might feel the same connection you do.  Just don’t block your intuition on this.  I’m sure it takes a lot of effort for the guides to arrange chance meetings, so be open for synchronicities (such as the romance novel character and Steve’s handle was for me).

What happens if you miss out on meeting someone you were supposed to meet?  Your guides will find another way to help you with your life plan, so don’t worry.  Their job is to help you.  But it helps them if you can develop your intuition and be open for those synchronistic meetings.

I have found that when I feel a strong desire to interact with someone, there is usually a reason.  Something is shared, something is learned, something is passed on.  So pay attention.  The girl in front of you in line at the grocery store could be your future wife.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

All throughout my childhood my dearest and closest friend was my own twin sister, Nicole.  The love between us was really strong.  Sometimes twins can end up competitive, but we were always supportive and loyal to each other.  If she was hurting, I hurt.  If I was in trouble, she’d do anything to rescue me.  We looked out for each other.

In elementary school we were separated and put in different classes in the hopes we would make friends outside just each other.  I hated that, but at least we got to spend recess and lunch together.  I was very social and made friends easily.  Nicole was more shy so she mostly hung around with me and the friends I’d made in my own class.  For a long while, this was perfect.  Until we got to junior high school.

We went to a very small magnet school.  There were only about 50 people in our entire grade.  There was a small group of popular kids and the rest were considered “outcasts” or simply lame.  Most of my friends from elementary school were in this magnet school with us, so in the beginning we continued to hang out with our old friends.  But by 8th grade, when I was about 14 years old, things started to change.  My friends started becoming popular, and I started to become popular too.  The only problem was, the popular kids didn’t like my sister.  She was too shy, too smart, too good.  The popular kids were into dating and pushing the limits of health and wellness, which is my polite way of saying they were into drugs, alcohol, and sex.

For a while I managed to straddle the fence.  I was allowed to hang out with the popular kids even though I wasn’t into alcohol, drugs, promiscuity, etc.  There were lots of parties and lots of times we would just hang out at someone’s house (especially when parents weren’t home!).  People would pair up and kiss or do other things their parents probably wouldn’t have approved of.  For some reason I was still accepted into this group even though I didn’t do any of these things, probably because they knew I wouldn’t tell.  But when my sister was around she would balk at these things, cluck in disapproval, and I think people were afraid she would tell. 

So my “friends” started making fun of my sister, and also started asking me to go places without her.  Sometimes it was easy; she didn’t always want to go or I just wouldn’t tell her exactly what I was doing.  But sometimes I could see it hurt her feelings to be left out and not included.  It pained me, but I wanted to hang with these people because they were cool, interesting, and the guys were hot.  For a while I made it work.

Then one day we were at a party and my sister was at the party too.  I remember I was playing the piano for everyone (I had learned all the cool songs of the day!) and someone made a comment like, “Hey, Erin, where’s your shadow?”  I acted like I didn’t know what he was talking about, but he said again, “You know, that girl who looks like you but never says anything?”  Okay, she was painfully shy, wore thick glasses, and was an overweight teen, while I was thin, attractive, socially outgoing, and a little risqué.  He said, “Why does she have to come with you every time we invite you to a party.  Either stop bringing her or stop coming to our parties yourself.  She’s lame and a total downer.”  This was the moment.  Would I stand up for my sister and get kicked out of the popular club?  Or would I sell her out for popularity and acceptance?

I sold her out.  With a laugh I said, “Yeah, she’s a real loser, but what can I do?  My mom makes me bring her.  I’ll just start ditching her and make sure she doesn’t come to any more parties.”  They thought I was so cool.  After that party I disconnected from my sister as best I could.  We started fighting and arguing all the time about these so called “friends.”  It was really hard because inside I was still hurting for her, but I reasoned that she was doing it to herself.  If she would just relax a little and not be such a goody two shoes maybe she could join us.   I fell into this crowd and followed them around like a sheep, dressing how they told me to dress, and acting the way they acted.  It was disgusting, but I couldn’t see it, I just wanted to be liked by the “in” crowd.

Then something unexpected happened.  In 9th grade my influence on the group was very strong and before long I was in prime position to be the queen bee.  But there was this other girl who wanted the position and she waged a cunning campaign against me.  Before long I found out that she was throwing parties and not inviting me.  She started spreading false information and rumors about me.  She turned my once close elementary school friends against me.  Suddenly I was on the receiving end of their animosity, hatred, and ill will.  They started making fun of me the way they used to make fun of my sister.  And I was so hurt, felt so betrayed, felt like an outcast… yeah, felt like my sister must have felt when I stabbed her in the back and cast her out of my life.  Oh.  So this is karma eh?

I was really sad, scared, and felt totally alone.  My self confidence was shattered.  It took only 6 months for me to be completely cast out by this girl’s campaign against me.  I wasn’t allowed to sit at the popular table anymore at lunch.  I was no longer invited to parties.  I didn’t fight that hard though, either, because as this was happening it finally dawned on me that what I had been seeking was not what I really wanted.  Two-faced friends who stabbed each other in the back and did horrific things to their bodies just for some fun.

I found my sister again.  We reconnected and rekindled that special bond we used to have.  And I realized that I was never truly alone when my sister was around.  Then I started noticing the other kids who were “outcasts.”  I started connecting with them and discovered they were intelligent, compassionate, kind individuals who didn’t judge each other.  They were accepting of each other’s differences instead of trying to make others be like them.  What a concept!  I found new friends among the outcasts, beautiful, bright shiny spirits who were sweet, loving, and wonderful.  And I was so happy, because I was loved just being myself.

The popular kids were coming from a very dark place of low self esteem, fear, anger, anxiety, shame, and guilt.  They were constantly lowering their vibrations, violating their ethics, throwing good judgment out the door, and stepping on the feelings of others to make themselves feel better.  Once I was outside the group I saw them for what they were… scared, small beings.

I learned so much from this experience.  First I learned never to disconnect myself from real love to chase a fantasy of popularity and acceptance.  I learned that it is never right to hurt someone else to make yourself feel good, and that anyone who asks you to do this is disconnected from love and oneness.  I learned that being myself was perfect and that I could find friends who would accept me for who I was.  Anyone who didn’t, wasn’t a real friend.  I learned that when I disconnected from the inner voice of my conscience I fell into an abyss of darkness where I couldn’t tell up from down, or right from wrong, where I could no longer see the path of love, but only the path of fear.

The years passed and we all moved on to high school, where the small group of popular people were swallowed whole and trounced upon by the popular kids from the local bigger junior high.  I saw high school as a fresh chance to attract some new friends who were compatible with the real me.  Being around people like this helped me blossom, increased my self esteem, and made me really happy.  I never disconnected from my sister again, and to this day we are still very close, loyal, and connected.  I regret ever disconnecting from her, and denouncing her, but I know I had to learn a lesson.  I’m just so grateful to have learned it at a relatively young age.

If you act against your conscience to get something you want, you’re sure to find out it wasn’t worth having.  If you are currently in a situation where you are taking actions that violate your own conscience I want to assure you that it won’t end well.  Have integrity, stand up for your beliefs, disconnect from those who want you to be someone you’re not, find yourself, find your voice, find your inner light.  Be the unique, beautiful person you are.  When you are your true self you will inspire others with your courage to become their true selves.  Try it and see.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” -  e.e. cummings

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  These are all great questions.  Let me see if I can offer some clarity on families, waiting, and crossing over.

I do believe that familial spirits in the ether know when a family member is about to die.  I’ve seen it a few times during readings and I’ve had my own personal experience as well.  First I’ll share my personal experience.  My grandfather died leaving my grandmother alone.  For years she was just fine and then health problems began to plague her.  We moved her to a retirement home.  My grandfather began coming to me in dreams periodically, and I remember at one point he sort of dragged me along to see my grandmother.  Once we arrived at her bedside he told her it was time to let go, she had accomplished her purpose, and could release.  She was afraid to die, afraid to cross over.  He tried to reassure her that she would be just fine but she was very resistant.  My grandfather conveyed to me that I should try to help her let go since she was suffering unnecessarily.

This visitation happened a few times.  But my grandmother’s health actually improved to the point where she was given a clean bill of health.  No more breast cancer, heart in pretty good shape, she could live for many years to come.  My grandfather continued to urge her to let go from the other side, bringing my spirit with him on these encounters.  Finally one night I had a visitation from my grandmother who told me she was ready to die.  I told my parents the next morning that grandma was going to die, heard it from her myself in a dream.  Three days later she was dead.  The doctors could find no real explanation either.  She just went to sleep and didn’t wake up but there was no heart attack or trauma or anything.  I knew grandpa had finally convinced her not to be afraid.  I have since seen her on the other side, and she is still with him.

During readings when I’m bringing through a deceased spirit, on some occasions they have told my sitter that so-and-so is getting ready to cross over. Sure enough, that person crosses usually within a few days up to a couple of months.  This is without me knowing the person is sick or ailing in any way.  It’s rare to be reading for someone who has a deceased relative come through who also happens to have a living relative about to die, so obviously this is very rare, but in over a thousand readings it has happened a few times.

Do spirits wait for spouses or kids to die and then cross over together?  It depends on the spirit.  I have definitely encountered spirits who have chosen to stay pretty emotionally connected to earth while waiting for a loved one to die so they can cross over together.  But I have also seen spirits who are fully crossed over and are still looking in on their loved ones periodically, much the way you might contact an old high school friend every couple of years.  I have also met spirits who are not waiting but have moved on totally, severing their emotional connection with their corporeal families.  It’s a choice.  Sometimes it’s based on events that happened during life, and sometimes it’s just that there are opportunities on the other side that captivate a person’s interest more than what’s happening here.  So it just all depends on the spirit, the connection they had while alive, and what else is going on for them.

Do we stay with our families when we cross over?  To some extent yes, especially where there is lots of love.  But you don’t have to.  I have seen situations, especially in divorced people, where they’re not hanging out in the ether together.  It’s weird, they each come through one at a time and usually wait for one to be finished before stepping in, whereas in couples who are still together they will speak to me interchangeably as though they are both on the same line at the same time.  But I’m still learning so much about relationships on the other side.  This is just what I’ve seen so far.

I have seen grandparents still very attached to their grandkids.  And sometimes I can tell a spirit has moved on completely.  A while ago I had a reading with a medium and he brought through the same three relatives I usually pick up myself.  He did not bring through the relatives I know have moved on.  So it was interesting validation for me as well.  Sometimes a relative is disconnected with their earthly existence so a medium won’t pick up on their energy.  A spirit has to be willing to connect for a medium to bring them through.  We can’t just go drag them out of their chairs to attend a reading.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

What are the consequences of following the path another has laid out for you?  You may get lucky and actually enjoy the path.  That’s certainly possible.  Or you may end up hating your job.  Do you really think your parents want you to be unhappy?  Often my sitters reveal to me that they are lying to their parents about how happy they are so they can avoid dealing with the situation.  Their big plan is to wait for their parents to pass away so they can begin living their life the way they want to.  That’s no way to live; waiting for another to die so you can finally be who you really are.  Give that some thought and ask yourself if you’re doing that in your own life.

Another big area besides career where I see this conformity to cultural norms is in marriage.  In some cultures there is apparently an expectation that marriage will happen by a certain age, and if it doesn’t happen on its own then a suitable mate will be found for the youngling.  Because of this, I have read for people, usually women, who are being told by their families that unless they find a husband soon then one will be found for them.  These are often women who have left their native countries to go to college in America.  I’ve been told by these women that once they saw how American girls/women were allowed to pick their own mates and usually on their own schedule that they became dissatisfied with having a mate chosen for them.  This often causes great conflict with their family back home.  These women either stand up to their families (and are sometimes disowned for this) or they race to find a husband that they can at least choose themselves, often picking wrong in their haste.

So what’s to be done?  What advice do I have?  I truly believe it’s best to follow your own heart.  When you give your power to others you are giving up control but not responsibility.  I’m sure families mean well, but how often do things actually work out well? 

It also appears that these families are coming from a place of fear.  “My daughter better get married soon or she won’t find a man who will take her, or she won’t have children in time.”  Or, “My son needs to be a doctor so he will be able to take care of the family financially.”  If you want to take care of your family financially then that’s great, do what you must, but is it right for them to expect you to give your life to a profession you’re not interested in?  I don’t think so.

I’m sure there are plenty of people out there with arranged lives who are very happy.  More power to them.  They got lucky.  But I also know, because I’ve seen this many times, that there are people out there who want to walk their own path and, because of guilt and expectations, bow to the will of their parents or cultural norms.

This doesn’t just happen in European and Asian countries either.  I’ve read for a lot of American men and women who are also following a path laid out for them by others, whether that’s parents, spouse, or social conditioning.  Are you walking your own path or did someone hand you a map and point to a goal?

Would you tell your child what to do with his or her life?  If you answer no, then is it fair for your parents to tell you what to do with yours?

Spiritually speaking, when you walk a path that is laid out for you by others then you miss or avoid facing the challenges and lessons you intended for yourself before you incarnated.  When that happens you get to come back and try again.  What did you sign up for in this life?  Are you fulfilling the expectations you set up for yourself?  Or are you fulfilling someone else’s expectations?

It may not be easy to tell your parents that you’re going to follow your own path, but the sooner you tell them the better.  If you wait until they die then I might have to be the one to tell them for you.  Let’s not put me in that position.

Get busy living your life and walking your path.  It’s unique and special, and was perfectly designed just for you.  Remember that expectations are not obligations.  Pick up your map and start navigating.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.