You can’t succeed if you don’t try
Are you afraid to try a new trail? Does it seem impossible to hike? Does it completely overwhelm you to think about? I didn’t think I could tolerate a hike. I just didn’t think I was physically capable. But I decided to try without expectations. Once I got on the trail I realized the hike was going to be even more strenuous than I first thought, but I was there, committed, and eager to try it. So I told myself to just go as far as I could and that would be enough. The more I walked the easier it became. My only goal was to hike as long as I could. I couldn’t fail at this. I could only fail if I didn’t try. I wonder how many other things I’m capable of doing but haven’t tried yet. Don’t let fear of failure prevent you from going after something you want. Just start going, see how far you get, improve your abilities, and keep going.

Encouragement from others can keep you going
We’re all in this together. You might have to carry your body up the trail alone, but there are plenty of people on the path who are traveling with you. Encourage each other. Cheer each other on. Share resources, help each other. It doesn’t matter if others pass you on the trail. You could just as easily pass them later. It’s not about who gets to the top first. Enjoy the camaraderie of the hike. Share the beauty of life. You are not alone.

It’s about the journey, not the destination
If all you care about is reaching the summit you’re missing the point of life and the beauty of the hike. Life is to be enjoyed, every step of the way. There may be an amazing view at the summit, but there is just as much beauty along the trail. Enjoy the fresh air while you climb. Enjoy the smell of the pine as you traverse the trail. Listen to the twittering of wildlife along the trail. Feel the warm sun on your skin and the cool breeze on your body. Be present while you climb and take note of the beauty all around you. What would happen if you didn’t make it to the summit and you didn’t bother to enjoy the journey? Then your life will be filled with disappointment and it will feel empty. Enjoy the journey because it is filled with its own peaks.

It’s okay to stop and catch your breath
Sometimes it seems like you can’t go on. You can see the path, it’s wide open. But you’re tired, and you just can’t continue. It’s okay to rest. Take a breather. Slow down. Take stock. Ask for help even. The hike I just went on was at high altitude and I had a hard time catching my breath, especially going uphill the entire time. I literally stopped to catch my breath every couple of minutes. At first I was really disappointed with myself, but then I realized that if that was the only way to make it to the top, then I could easily accept that pace. The alternative was to push myself so hard that I passed out and couldn’t continue at all. Don’t let others push you beyond your limits either. Go at your own pace, but keep going.

Soreness happens
Also known as growing pains. When you step out of your comfort zone, when you push yourself, sometimes life slaps you down a little. Think of these as battle wounds; wounds you would never have received if you weren’t in the game at all. Soreness after a hike is an indication of growth, an indication that you’ve pushed yourself to the limit and beyond. And how does the body respond? By knitting you back together stronger, because you’ve told the body where you’re going and what you’ll need to get there and the body responds by making you stronger and more capable of withstanding the rigors you’ll face. So embrace the soreness, the wounds, the injuries, and know that next time you make an attempt you will be much stronger.

***

I can’t wait to hike again. I want to experience all kinds of different hikes. I like the feeling of pushing my body and being out in nature. Had I been in a gym on a stair climber I think I would have stopped at 5 minutes. On this hike, I climbed for 75 minutes. So, I will hike again, but it really doesn’t matter to me if I ever reach a summit. To me the summit is my willingness to hike the trail in the first place.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. What I learned from Gordon Smith
2. Isn’t there a less painful way to learn spiritual lessons?
3. When Life Appears to Be Against You
4. Understanding Your Life Purpose
5. Can You Use Law of Attraction to Attract a Specific Person Into Your Life?
6. Making a Living vs. Making a Life
7. Some Good Weekend Reading

Our first team was named the Cowboys and we represented the West Valley. We were up against the East Valley, North Valley, and a few other teams in the area. We were a great team and were doing quite well … that is, until we played North Valley.

North Valley was another story entirely. The girls on the North Valley team were from an economically depressed area of the valley. They were amazing athletes – tall, fast, and fierce in their dedication to the game. When we played North Valley we got trounced every time. I don’t just mean trounced like a score of 50-42. I mean buried alive. Usually we were lucky to score 1 or 2 baskets against these girls while they would easily rack up 60-80 points. It was pretty demoralizing to play a game whose score was often 80 to 2. Our coaches, including my father, tried to negotiate with the North Valley coach to get his girls to ease up a little so we could all enjoy the game, but no quarter were we given. There was no “easy” to be had. We were told that many of these girls’ only chance to go to college would be to win a sports scholarship, and their dedication really showed. They were in it to win it. We started to really dread our games against North Valley because we knew we were in for a beating. But we persevered.

I remember one particularly brutal season where the North Valley players decided that it wasn’t enough to win the games, they had to also make us wish we had never showed up to play at all. They played very aggressively and often our players were intentionally injured during fouls. I remember one game we had to forfeit because we ran out of able-bodied players! Luckily that year our coach was a paramedic so he used to bring his little black bag and fix us up as we got sidelined with injuries. A plea was once again made to the North Valley coaches to ease up, but again we were told if we couldn’t take the heat to get out of the kitchen.

For five years we played North Valley with no hope of winning. Not once did we ever come close to winning or even making it challenging for them. It was like a mouse trying to defeat a lion. Then we all went to high school.

My sister and I immediately joined the high school basketball team. My father was invited to act as our assistant coach. Life was good until we had to play Kennedy High School, which is where all the North Valley girls ended up. It was like Wolf 359 (or for you non-trekkies, it was a slaughterhouse). Now our rivals were taller, fiercer, and even more athletically gifted. Kennedy was undefeated and had a history of going to the city championships. We had no hope of ever beating these girls or this team. Or did we?

One day our coaches took us aside and gave us the pep talk of all pep talks.

“Do you girls want to beat Kennedy?”

“Uh yeah, sure… maybe. That would be nice,” we replied half-heartedly.

Coach said, “No, I mean it. Do you want to beat them? Yes or no?”

“Yes, we want to beat them. But it’s been years. How are we supposed to do that?”

“First you’re going to change your attitude. You go in with a defeated attitude and you’ve lost before you ever get out onto the court. Second, we’re going to change up how we run our plays, and we’re going to play to our strengths, keep them totally off guard about what we’re doing. We’ve been studying Kennedy and we’ve found some areas where they’re weak and we’re going to exploit those weaknesses. Third, I’m going to ask each of you to work harder than you ever have on your basic skills like shooting, dribbling, and passing. And fourth, you’re going to spend an hour every day improving your fitness, endurance, and strength. I’ll tell you this right now, you CAN beat Kennedy. But you have to want to win and you have to believe you can.” We were in!

For the next several weeks we were totally focused on our goal of beating Kennedy. We worked harder on our skills, stayed later at practice, took it upon ourselves to practice on the weekend when we could have been out partying, and went jogging voluntarily to build our endurance. We designed all new plays. We worked harder at rebounding and assisting. We were dedicated to our goal. We started to imagine what it would be like to actually beat our biggest rivals. And we started to believe it was possible.

When the day of the big game arrived we walked onto their court not with an air of expected defeat, but with intensity, focus, and concentration. We decided that every time we had the ball we were going to score a basket. And every time they had the ball we were going to work our hardest to make sure they never made their shots. We were going to stay present and in the moment and make every second count.

Basketball games start with a jump ball to determine who gets possession. I stood face to face with my biggest rival and decided I was going to jump higher and stronger than I ever had in my life. When the ball went up, I leaped into the air like Superman and tipped the ball to my point guard. I don’t think we had ever won a jump ball in any of our games. We were off to a great start.

We played exactly like we practiced. We snapped the ball super fast, passing at least 6 times before even attempting to take our shots. We positioned ourselves strongly under the basket and pushed out our opponents with our butts in order to get the rebounds (totally legal as long as you don’t use your hands.) We cherry-picked the ball down the court to our point guard who positioned herself under the basket early in case we got the opponent’s rebounds. Our fast breaks were lightning fast and well coordinated. We ran our new plays, used double screens when we could, double-teamed their ball handlers, kept our hands in their faces to make it harder for them to shoot the ball, and moved powerfully under the basket. Our shooting averages were up, our foul shots were going in, our passes were connecting where they needed to be. We kept the pace fast, never letting up, which we could do now that we were all in better shape physically.

The game turned super intense. Kennedy’s coach actually got up out of his chair and started yelling at his players to get on the ball. Time outs were called as the other team tried to adjust to our new strategy. But it was too late for them. They didn’t know what we were going to do and didn’t have a defense ready. They started playing more fiercely and aggressively, and we endured the pain but didn’t crumble or go down.

I have never felt more in control, confident, and focused as I did on the court that day. We could taste victory. Throughout the entire game there was never more than a 4 point spread. As we neared the end of the game, we were tied. When the buzzer rang, we were tied. We went into overtime, tired, but still completely driven. The crowd in the bleachers was going wild. They had never seen the Kennedy girls so challenged. We played through overtime and were tied again when the buzzer rang. So close! We went into sudden death. Whichever team made the next shot would win.

And so it was, in the final moments, as we pushed and pressed and passed and took shots that… Kennedy made the game winning basket.

But something very strange and unexpected happened when the final shot was made. Our team started hooping, hollering, and high-fiving like we’d just won the NBA Championship game, and the Kennedy girls looked… defeated. That’s right. We didn’t win the game that day, we won something more important. We won a moral victory. We proved to them that we could take them, that we were a real threat, and that they couldn’t walk all over us anymore. More importantly, we proved to ourselves that with determination, teamwork, concentration, and focus, we could achieve anything! What we used to think was impossible was now totally possible. We walked off the court that day as winners in heart, body, mind, and soul. The Kennedy coach shook my father’s hand and said, “I’m not going to wish you guys luck anymore. You don’t need it.” We sang “We are the Champions” on the bus all the way home. And we celebrated our victory long into the night.

You see, in life it’s not about the score. It’s about how you play the game. Are you giving it your best effort? Are you improving your ability to succeed? Are you challenging your limiting beliefs? Are you adopting beliefs that serve you better? Are you improving your “game?”

If you want it, you can have it. Believe it is possible, adopt a positive attitude, set your goal, take action, persevere, and don’t give up until you achieve victory.

So… what do you want? And how are you willing to improve your skills to get it?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Sharone
2. Creating Reference Experiences to Achieve Your Goals
3. 100 Stones in the Worry Bag
4. How To Find and Ignite Your Passion
5. Up Against the Ropes: A social psychology experiment
6. Are drugs a good way to achieve spiritual experiences?
7. Stop Complaining and Do Something

You may remember the article I wrote, Cultivating Command and Leadership, where I detailed what happened during our final disaster simulation and how I ended up taking command of the entire team. It was the kind of experience that made me want to get even more involved in disaster preparation and mass casualty incident training.

When you graduate from CERT class, you are put in a system that notifies you if there is ever a disaster in your local community, so that you can respond to the scene and help out with medical triage, search and rescue, and even fire suppression. Periodically, Dana and I would receive notifications from the system about events and trainings being held in town that would enhance our training. But nothing terribly intense or interesting has happened since I graduated from CERT. Until recently that is! Dana and I received a notification that the North Las Vegas Fire Dept. needed volunteers to assist them in a Mass Casualty Incident drill. We would get to play accident victims, complete with bloody make-up and fake injuries, and more importantly, we’d get to watch how our actual fire and rescue crews handled themselves in the drill. I was giddy with excitement and signed us up to attend 2 out of the 6 incidences.

Here is an account of what happened to us during the drill and our thoughts about what we experienced. Dana is going to share his thoughts as well since we were in different positions both times.

The Briefing
All the participants were briefed on what was going to go down. We were to get our characters, go to make-up to get our fake injuries put in place, and be ready to go by 8:30pm. We were given a safe word to use in case we really got sick or injured during the simulation. If we said, “Real world” and then made a complaint, the rescue worker would know we needed real help. Otherwise, we were told, to really get into our characters so it would feel as real to the rescue workers as possible. I was looking forward to acting and hamming it up a little.

Dana’s Experience:
To be honest, it was your run of the mill briefing. Sign in, sign waiver, and wait for further instructions. They had pens with pink ink, which I found interesting as you don’t really expect to find pink pens at a manly firehouse.

The head fireman in charge had a strong presence and was able to communicate effectively what was to go down that night. After our briefing, he assigned roles. Each “role” came with a write-up of the person, injury, vital signs etc. Erin and I were both a bit thrown off as the write-up was done in what I can only imagine is ‘Firespeak.’ Lots of shorthand, acronyms and codes we didn’t fully understand. Erin actually made a comment about this, and we were both impressed to see that at the second go-around, the severely injured characters had a plain-english write-up describing their injuries so they could act them out more accurately.

Getting into Make-Up
For our first simulation, I played a pedestrian who had been hit by a truck. I had a fib/tib deformity and upon examination they would discover I had internal injuries. I got make-up put on my leg, and then read my card over carefully to make sure I understood my role. Some of the abbreviations were hard to figure out so I asked a paramedic what LOC, CP, SOB, JVD, CC, and Ax0x4 meant. How could I play my part properly if I didn’t fully understand my symptoms? Those abbreviations stand for loss of consciousness, chest pain, shortness of breath, jugular vein distension, chief complaint, and alert and oriented x 4. Watching everyone get their make-up on was fun. Some people had fake bones sticking out of their extremities, and someone had their intestines protruding from their body. These were obviously the more critical patients!

Dana’s experience:
My first injury was “Airbag Face.” I could only guess I was the person driving the truck that nailed Erin. My injuries just required me to have a couple splotchy blood spots and chemical burns on my face and arms where my fictitious airbag hit me on impact. Other than that my injuries were fairly unremarkable, basically just some back pain. I remained conscious during the accident, and was well aware of what speed I was travelling at, and everything that happened.

The make-up people were a local indie film crew that was volunteering their services. I was really impressed with how they performed. They knew their injuries well, and had plenty of neat looking ‘accessories’ on hand to embellish wounds. Erin and I laughed that they likely have spent lots of time staring at nasty wounds and injuries to be as good as they were.

Getting into Position
The rescue workers were getting briefed while we were getting our make-up on. There must have been at least 50 of them. We were taken out to the scene of the accident. They were simulating a bus stop accident that involved 2 cars that were seriously munched, plus 5 trucks and vans that had also collided. A guy with a map started placing us in our positions. Since I was a pedestrian and had a broken leg, I had to lay on the ground between two trucks. It was a hundred degrees outside, and I was lying in dirt and gravel. Not comfortable, but I didn’t care, I was just excited to start playing!

Dana’s experience:
I lucked out. The first time I got to sit in a truck right next to the munched cars. Second time I played “walking wounded,” so no dirt and gravel ever touched my butt.

Action!
A guy came by and said, “We’re live. Start acting.” We were told to really get into our characters and try to play them as true to life as possible. Fire trucks rolled onto the field with their lights going. I was wondering how they were going to see our cards in the dark, but they brought a crane in overhead with lights to illuminate the entire scene. I was so excited! I started moaning and complaining that I needed help. And then I waited. And waited. There must have been 40 or so wounded people on the field and about 30-35 rescue workers, so I assumed that someone would come by to triage me within a few minutes. But that didn’t happen. I had a limited view from my vantage point on the ground, sandwiched between two trucks, but it seemed as if most of the rescue workers went to the two munched cars to extract the badly injured in the vehicles.

After about 20 minutes, I decided to be more vocal. I grabbed a lady near me who was “walking wounded” and said, “Help me, please! My leg is killing me. Can you get a paramedic for me?” She said, “Are we allowed to do that?” I said, “Yeah, they told us in the briefing that it was okay to make a nuisance of ourselves because the guys had to get used to that too and learn how to handle people at a major accident scene.” She lit up, and started walking around yelling, “We need help over here! This lady is badly injured. She can’t move. Someone please help her!” A rescue worker came to me and said, “What seems to be your problem?” I replied, “My leg hurts really bad.” He took a cursory glance at the card hanging around my neck which shows my vital signs and injuries, and he put a tag around my wrist that said, “Delayed” meaning my injuries weren’t critical. He didn’t do the head to toe assessment that we were taught to do in CERT training. If he had, I would have reported tenderness and rigidity to the abdomen and he might have noticed I had internal bleeding.

So I waited some more. And some more. After lying on the ground for about 45 minutes, a guy came by with a backboard. He rolled me onto it and strapped my head in place and buckled all my extremities in. I felt very trapped and claustrophobic at that and started to wonder why I volunteered for this. Another guy came by to do my assessment. He asked if I could wiggle my toes, which I could. He checked for a pulse in my leg, which was good. He asked what happened to me and I said, “I was hit by a truck.” He seemed shocked and said to the other rescue worker, “She got hit by a truck and all she has is a broken leg? Are you sure?” The guy said, “Yeah I guess.” They both looked dubious about that, but assumed the original guy who tagged me had been thorough (he hadn’t). Just as they were getting ready to move me to the treatment area, another guy came by and said, “Why are you working on a delayed person? We have critically wounded people over there.” So they left me, lying on the board, in the most uncomfortable position I could be in. My lower back was starting to hurt for real.

Luckily, someone came by to check on me every few minutes. But I laid there for about 20 more minutes wondering what was happening since I couldn’t turn my head. It sucked.

Finally three guys came to take me away. At this point I realized they still had no idea that I had internal injuries so I started complaining that my stomach was hurting really bad. They asked if I needed to vomit and I said no, so they paid that no more attention. They put me on a gurney and wheeled me halfway to the triage area. The senior paramedic told the younger paramedic to stay with me in case I vomited, but the younger guy really wanted to get back into the fray. So after 30 seconds, he just up and left me. I was annoyed, and fake dying from internal injuries no one knew about yet. I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and texted Dana, “Come find me and get me off this backboard!” He didn’t answer. I knew his injuries were light and figured he was roaming around somewhere. I was wrong.

Someone came by a short while later and said they needed the gurney and asked why I had been left all alone. No one had a good answer. So they took me off the gurney (still tied to the horrible backboard) and put me in the treatment area for triage. Now we were getting somewhere! They asked my name and if I remember the accident. I complained about pain in my leg and told them my stomach was now killing me. He looked at my card and then started slapping cards on my body to simulate treatments. I had cards that said IV hookup, blood pressure cuff, bandages, splint. I asked if I could please get up off the backboard and they said yes but told me to stay where I was because they had to simulate putting me in the ambulance. When I sat up, I saw that Dana had been lying next to me on a backboard of his own. No wonder he never answered me. He was trussed up like a Christmas turkey.

They took me to the ambulance where a senior paramedic stood waiting to receive me. He asked what was wrong with me, and they said, “possible fracture of the tib/fib, otherwise stable.” The senior paramedic looked at my card and actually read it all the way through. He said, “Did anyone notice that this woman has internal bleeding?” One replied, “Uh no, we thought she only had a broken leg.” He said, “Did you assess her?” They shook their heads. He said, “If you had, you would have noticed she has tenderness in her stomach and rigidity. She should have been labeled critical and transported a long time ago. She probably won’t live to see the hospital. She’s been out here, what, an hour and a half? Yeah, she’s probably dead.” The paramedics with me seemed really crestfallen. I felt sort of sorry for them, but I had tried to clue them in all along the way.

I was released, so I went to check on Dana who was just getting his assessment.

Dana’s experience:
For the first incident, I was sitting right next to the munched cars, and since my injuries were light, I was able to have a first-hand view of the extraction teams brace, chop and open up the munched cars.

The assessment area for me was fairly unremarkable. Being that I didn’t really have any serious injuries there were no surprises for the medical assessment team like Erin had. I was just asked a bunch of questions about my injuries and then released. I was going to live!

Assessment:
Once we were released, we started walking the scene and talking about our experience. We were both sort of shocked by a few things that happened.

First, from CERT class we were taught that everyone in the field needs to be triaged and tagged before anyone actually gets treated. This didn’t happen. It seemed as if they started at one end of the accident and slowly made their way to the other end. I wasn’t triaged or tagged for at least 30 minutes. Had I been critical I would have had very little time to get to a hospital for treatment.

Second, I was tagged incorrectly as “delayed” which means I could survive my wounds without getting treatment right away. This was not true as my character had internal bleeding. Just because a patient doesn’t complain about pain in an area doesn’t mean they aren’t injured in that area. If the paramedics had either read my card completely or done a head to toe assessment, they would have figured it out much sooner.

Third, once the first rescue worker tagged me as delayed no one else bothered to double check that. So even when one guy found out I’d been hit by a truck I could see the light go on in his head that I should be more injured than just a broken leg, but when he saw I’d been tagged as delayed he overrode his own critical thinking and decided I must be in the appropriate category.

And lastly, it was hard for us lay people to understand what the abbreviations and symbols on our cards were. I wrote a letter to the Captain outlining a few changes I wanted to see made to those cards so that we, the actors, could better play our roles.

Dana’s experience:
Ditto what Erin said.

I also was a little put off by how fast the rescuers went to my injury card instead of discerning what was wrong with me. My acting isn’t great, but I was hoping they’d do a little questioning before they grabbed the cheat sheet and started reading the answers.

Our Second Experience:
We went back a second time for another simulation. I was really surprised and happy to find that the captain had made some changes to the simulation cards so that it was much easier for us to understand how to play our roles. When it was time to get our roles I asked for a critically injured character so I could see the difference in treatment time. He gave me a character who was in the passenger seat of the van, (yay, no gravel and dirt!) had a head injury, abdominal pain, dizziness, and nausea. I had also lost my front teeth and had reopened an old foot injury. I was a mess.

There are three triage assessment items. The first is capillary refill. When they squeeze a finger or toe your blood has to fill it back up within 2 seconds. Otherwise, you’re critical. The second is respirations. If you’re breathing less than 10 or more than 30 times in a minute, you’re critical. Both of those were okay for my character. But the third item is mental status. If a patient can’t recall the accident or is unconscious or confused, that is a critical item. My character card said I had lost consciousness at the scene and couldn’t remember the accident. I got in the van and was there with 4 other people. When they yelled action I couldn’t wait to see how long it would take them to do their initial assessment.

Unfortunately, a guy came by the van and said, “How you all doing in there? Everyone okay?” I don’t think you should let the patient tell you whether they’re okay or not. How would they know for sure? They could be in shock! So the rest of the van passengers vocalized their chief complaint “My ankle hurts. My wrist hurst. My back hurts, etc.” I looked dazed, confused, and my head was lolling around. He didn’t notice, and no one in my van spoke on my behalf. The guy left us to move on to more critically injured people.

After 10-15 minutes I said, “This sucks. We weren’t assessed or tagged. And I have critical wounds. I’m probably gonna die in here waiting for them.” So the lady in the back seat said, “Oh no you won’t. We’re gonna get you help!” Then she started being super vocal (I loved this woman!). “Hey, hello, excuse me! We need help in here! Our friend is horribly wounded, she lost consciousness, she’s not BREATHING!” Okay, I was breathing, but I appreciated her efforts on my behalf. So a guy came by and said, “What’s going on in here?” She told him I was severely wounded. That’s when he looked at my card for the first time. He asked, “Do you know where you are?” I said, “Uh, Narnia?” He laughed a little. Then said, “Do you remember the accident?” I said, “Was I in an accident?” Doing everything I could to portray mental impairment so he’d get the clue. He said, “You’re alright. Just hang tight. We’ll get someone here soon.” I held out my teeth and said, “I think these are my teeth.” He said, “Ewww, uh just hang on to those for now.”

Just a few minutes later three guys came and dumped me out onto a backboard lickety split. This time I was put on a gurney right away and they didn’t strap my head down due to my head injury being in the way. Before I knew it, though, I found myself put into an actual ambulance! I protested. “Wait, I’m a simulated transport. I’m not going to the hospital” which is where they were taking most of the critically wounded people so the doctors at the hospital could practice too. The paramedic replied, “Oh yeah, you’re going.” I said, “No wait, I can’t go to the hospital. I got people waiting for me. I’m paying a sitter by the hour. Please don’t take me.” He said, “Oh, well, alright, let me find out if we’re taking you or not.” When he came back he said they weren’t taking me, but just then someone got in the front of the ambulance and started up the truck. I said, “Does THAT guy know we’re not going!?!?!” They told him to turn off the truck.

So now we’re sitting in an air-conditioned vehicle (ahhhh) and they do their assessment. The senior paramedic asks the younger guy to assess me. He missed my critical injuries on the basic three item triage assessment. So the senior paramedic explained to him that mental impairment is indicative of a brain injury which puts me in the critical or immediate category. I mean, I learned this in CERT class and I’m not a trained professional. Why don’t the paramedics know this?

I was taken to the triage treatment area, assessed properly this time, and sent on my way.

Dana’s experience:
Before I start, I just want to say Erin’s knocked out teeth were amazing. Bloody Tic Tacs in gauze… She made tons of friends with the busted teeth too. Probably one of the best conversation starters ever.

I also got to see my friend “The Back Board” in action, and maybe gained some more clarity into why it’s now a nemesis of mine. They were carrying a guy out who was about my size and the thing looked more like a hammock than a board. There was a definite U-shape happening. When he was released I overheard him laughing about “feeling like he was going to fall off the thing.” Coincidence?

What we learned
I had a blast playing in the simulation and would definitely do it again. I know it must be hard to coordinate so many units and people. I was somewhat disappointed by the level of skill of the paramedics and hope they are getting properly trained. I think Dana and I both left the simulation deciding under no circumstances did we ever want to be in a car accident in Las Vegas. But we know it was a training drill and I’m sure the senior paramedics and firefighters in charge did their best to educate and debrief their younglings after the drill.

Dana’s Experience:
Pretty much what Erin said. It was a lot of fun, but not as intense and satisfying as I thought it would be. If you ever come to Vegas, try not to be in a multiple car / bus-station accident.

If you want to find a CERT class in your area (they’re all free!) go here.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Cultivating Command and Leadership
2. What is the spiritual meaning behind mass suffering?

And the hits just kept on coming. People I’d never met and had never read for started writing things about me publically, calling me a fraud, a criminal, and a charlatan. That surprised me because well… I’d never even met the people! I couldn’t understand why someone would express an opinion like that without at least having the decency to interact with me first. But hey, it’s a free country, and people can say whatever they want, even if it’s not true.

I even received death threats from people who told me to stop what I was doing or they’d make me stop. If that doesn’t rattle you, you’re a stronger person than I am! Luckily those were few and far between.

I was very hurt and even surprised by the negative criticism and hate mail. I have a thin skin, probably because I don’t wantonly express hatred towards others and can’t understand why people would hate me. I started to wonder if it was worth it, being in the public eye, attracting the attention of people who wanted to “take me down.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to go down the road of being unfairly and unjustly judged. I had to really think about this issue.

I knew other people in my profession bore the brunt of unfair criticism all the time. Poor John Edward was featured in a Southpark episode where they referred to him as the biggest douche in the universe. One day when I was at a John Edward show, someone in the audience asked him how he felt about that episode. His reply interested me greatly and is what ultimately helped me decide to continue on my course no matter how much criticism was levied at me.

Basically he said something to the effect of, “I knew when I started doing this work publically that I was painting a bullseye on my ass. I knew people would take shots at me, and I knew I would face extraordinary criticism for my chosen vocation. But I don’t care. I am called to do this work, I do it well, and I’m not going to let other people stop me. They’re free to think what they want. All that matters is that I know I’m doing my job with integrity. I will never defend what I do. People can try to discredit me until they’re blue in the face; they can challenge me, they can try to assault my character, it’s not going to stop me.”

If you’ve ever heard John speak in person, you’ll know that his Italian and New York background make him fully capable of withstanding assaults on his character. I greatly admire his tenacity and stalwart presence in this field. He’s like the leader of the pack, using a machete to cut his way through the jungle of doubt and criticism for the rest of us to follow. And I am grateful to him for being willing to lead. It can’t be easy, no matter how much Italian and New York blood he has in him.

And so it was that I adopted this same mindset. I know without a doubt that the work I do helps others and I work with high integrity and a code of ethics I don’t always see in the industry.

So one day a friend in a similar industry as mine asked me how I handle criticism, especially when people are making false accusations. I told her that it used to bug me a lot, and that I used to try to defend myself, but I stopped. And I shared my new mindset with her and told her what I’ve learned after years of being in the public eye:

I’ve learned that what others say about me does not define me. I define me.

I’ve learned that people criticize what threatens them, and that’s their challenge to overcome, not mine, unless I choose to carry that burden for some reason.

I’ve learned that other people’s opinions of me are based on expectations and assumptions that may not be accurate, and that they must do their own research to arrive at the truth. I’m not required to do that research for them.

I’ve learned that when people attack me, they are feeling fear, and I give them understanding and compassion, but not my power.

I’ve learned that some of the greatest people in our world faced criticism and false judgment, but they persevered to create long and lasting changes that benefit others. If they can do it, so can I.

I’ve learned that people don’t always think before they speak, and that what they say about me or to me doesn’t actually require a response on my part.

I’ve been known to tell people who express hatred towards me that I do not need or require their love and approval to do my work, and that I can still live just as happily even if we never see eye to eye.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Often what we criticize in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.

At the end of the day if I can look at myself in the mirror and feel proud of what I do, then that’s all that matters to me. There’s no way anyone could know all that I do, what goes on behind the scenes, the efforts and lengths I go to to help people in crisis, so when people judge me I know they are judging me without knowing enough to truly form an accurate judgment. I’ve learned not to judge others for this very reason. You are the only person who can accurately judge you. Nothing anyone else says (good or bad) is entirely real, it’s just a reflection of their thoughts, expectations, assumptions, and experience.

The way to handle public criticism is to always have integrity in your work, so there is nothing you need to ever defend. Your actions will speak louder than your words. It’s not lost on me that the people who are my most vocal detractors are the ones who have never met me, and the ones who are my most vocal supporters are the ones I’ve spent the most time with.

If you are facing the prospect of doing work that puts you in the public eye, be sure you always have integrity, honesty, and truth in all of your dealings. Send compassion to those who judge you, and serve those who need you. Keep doing what you do best, keep moving forward, and don’t let anyone stop you or bring you down.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Fear of Public Speaking
2. To Thine Own Self Be True
3. How To Be Honest All The Time

Here you are in the middle of a crisis, another disaster, one failure on top of another, universe smooshing you to the ground, stepped on like a bug on the bottom of the shoe of life. Where is your guidance now? Where is the Divine Source when you need it? Why aren’t the guides helping you!?

Hear this now. Your guides will always come for you. But how can I be sure? Because this is true love. You think this happens every day?

The truth is, your guides do not abandon you. They signed up for this gig knowing there would be challenges and heartache. More likely you’ve either abandoned them, you stopped listening to their advice, or you can’t hear them even though you want to. It is especially during times of crisis or emotional hardship that your guides try their hardest to send you help. But you’ve got to know what it looks like, sounds like, or feels like or you might miss it.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could just get a letter in the mail from your spirit guides telling you exactly what you need to do to make your life better? We all wish it was that straightforward. Unfortunately, guides can never find a pen, and a stamp costs a bazillion dollars per ounce to mail from the ether. So we’re left with signs, signals, synchronicities, or a really good intuitive who can tell you what your guides want you to know.

Your best bet is to learn how to hear, see, feel or know your guides. To do this, you need to know what your intuitive modalities are. I’ve written a nifty article on this topic, so please read it when you’re done with this one: How To Recognize Your Intuitive Modality. After you have determined the ways in which you receive intuition, you should use that modality to connect with your guides. I wrote another nifty article to help you with that called Spirit Guides: Who are they and how do you connect with them?

The best and most common way people connect with their guides is through meditation, but there are certainly other ways as outlined in the above article. But if you don’t have the time or inclination to learn how to speak to your guides directly, rest assured they will come to you. Usually they send signs, signals and synchronicities to help guide you to the person, place or plan that will help you the most. Do you know when you’re getting a sign or some guidance? Here are some articles that outline how you can tell:

Spirit Guides at Starbucks
Like Rats in a Maze
Interpreting Synchronicities From Spirit
How Should You Communicate with Your Spirit Guides?

Life is not trying to punish you. Sometimes you make decisions that lead to physical hardship or emotional pain and suffering. That’s when learning and growth happens.

If you aren’t sure what your guides are trying to tell you, you can book an intuitive session with me and I will tell you. But honestly, it’s best to learn how to do this on your own because you can’t keep going to an intuitive for advice when you have a problem. One time, when you’re really stuck, yes that’s appropriate. I can also help you understand your intuitive modalities and give you some advice on how to connect with your guides specifically. Let’s meet them together so you can form a relationship with them that will last a lifetime… because that’s how long they’ll be with you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How Should You Communicate With Your Spirit Guides?
2. How To Tell the Difference Between Your Ego, Logic, Spirit Guides and Intuition
3. Are guides always wiser than us?

Erin’s Free Teleseminar – Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I’m doing my first live teleseminar on Wednesday, April 7 at 8pm EST.  To listen in on the call you MUST register for it.  When you register you can also submit a question for me to answer live on the call.  The teleseminar will be rebroadcast once on April 8 at 8am EST so if you can’t make it on the 7th you can catch it on the 8th.

This is being sponsored by the Meditation Mind.  I’ll be interviewed by Scott Degrosseilliers, founder of TheMeditationMind.com which is home to some wonderful teachers like Sonia Choquette, Gary Renard, and John Assaraf to name a few.  Scott’s site is amazing and full of resources, so check it out and become a member.

If this teleseminar goes well I’ll probably do more, so get in on this action now while it’s free!

Intuition: The Bridge to Your Desires Workshop
Join me on Saturday, April 17 in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada as I present at this intuition workshop with the lovely ladies of my mastermind group.  We’re going to help you get clarity on what you want in life, help you overcome blocks, fear, resistance, and any doubts you have about manifesting it, and teach you how to tune in to your intuition so you can continue to get guidance on your path long after the workshop is over.  It’s going to be an amazing day you don’t want to miss.

Register for the workshop before April 10th to take advantage of the discount.  It’s $79 before April 10 and $99 after. 

You’ll get plenty of personal attention at this workshop, which will leave you empowered and ready to make your dreams a reality!  I can’t wait to do this workshop and get you in tune with your intuition!!

Conscious Growth Workshop
If you want a truly amazing and empowering experience, join Steve Pavlina in Las Vegas May 14-16 at the Flamingo Hilton for the Conscious Growth Workshop and kick start or ramp up your personal development.  You’ll get serious help in the areas of career, relationships, health, finances, habits, spirituality and more!  Plus you’ll meet amazing people you’ll resonate with who are on the path of personal growth with you. It’s a transformative weekend to be sure.

The cost of this weekend intensive workshop is $497 if you register by April 14, and $597 thereafter.  CGW now comes with a money-back guarantee!

For more information and register online.  I’ll see you in Vegas!

***

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and my message for the past 4 years.  As I expand into new ways of expressing that message I look forward to the joy of connecting with more of you in person!  Stay tuned in to upcoming events by signing up for my newsletter now.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. The Intuition Workshop
2. Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas
3. Conscious Growth Workshop – Early Bird Discount Ends Tomorrow

In order to even be on the show, I had to be interviewed by the show’s producer.  Once we got on the phone we talked about my abilities and experiences.  He told me I would need to give him a very accurate and impressive reading on the phone right in that moment.  My heart started pounding with nervous energy, but it was a fair request.  When I tuned in, I immediately got information about his dating life as that seemed to be an area where he was struggling.  I quickly identified his main problem and the guides provided him a previously untried solution.  He was grateful.  Then he asked me if I sensed any deceased people around him.

I waited for someone to come through.  After a moment or two I started picking up the energy of a grandfather figure who came through with some validating information, including the fact that the producer was driving with a super low tank of gas that morning.  The producer laughed when I said that and confirmed that he was indeed running on fumes that morning and didn’t have time to stop for gas.  The producer also told me that he had interviewed another psychic earlier that day and the same grandfather had come through for him as well.  After doing a 30 minute reading for the producer he decided I’d be a good candidate for the show.  I was stunned.  To be honest, I wasn’t ready.  I wasn’t ready to showcase my abilities on an Oprah-sponsored radio show in front of 2 million people.  To me, that was like starting at the top, like being President of the United States without ever being in public office prior to that.  I wanted to get my feet wet and do some local radio show for like 200 listeners.  After giving it careful thought, I told the producer that I appreciated the invitation but didn’t feel ready.  He understood completely and gave me some suggestions for getting ready, and also told me when I wanted to be on the show to email him and he’d set it up.  He was wonderfully encouraging and thanked me for the reading.

So what happened?  For a while I really beat myself up.  “Oh Erin, why didn’t you take that opportunity?  That was like a gift from God.  You should have done the show.”  But the truth is I wasn’t a vibrational match for that opportunity at that time.  I was obviously capable, but I wasn’t ready.  Not for that.  It took me some time but I realized there is a difference between being capable and being ready.

I know scores of people who are capable of achieving something they really want to do, but aren’t quite ready.  Like people who want to quit their jobs and go after that new career, people who want to end a dead relationship and find a new more empowering one, people who want to lose weight and regain their health and vitality, and so on.  And you know what?  It’s okay to be capable but not ready. 

Too often we “should” all over ourselves.  “I should quit my job.”  “I should leave this relationship.”  “I should stop eating donuts.”  When you’re really ready, when you’re really a vibrational match for your desire, you won’t have to “should” on yourself.  It will just happen.  Easily and effortlessly.  You’ll just let go of the old way and slip easily into the new.  In the meantime, keep your eye on your goal and work to become a vibrational match for it.

A year ago I really wanted to do a workshop.  All of my speaker friends told me I could do it, and I knew in my heart that they were right.  I’d been attending toastmasters and giving speeches for 3 years at that point and I had the necessary skills and abilities to put on a decent workshop.  But I wasn’t ready.  The thought of it made me really nervous.  Today, I am ready, and in fact eager, to share my knowledge on a stage to a group of people.  So I’m doing my first workshop in about 4 weeks.  Sure, I probably could have pushed myself to do the workshop a year ago, but I wasn’t a vibrational match for its success and I could easily have sabotaged myself.  Today I am congruent with this next step on my path, and I’m certain it will be a success and lead to more workshops in the future.

Are you in a similar situation?  Is there something you want to do but don’t feel quite ready for yet?  That’s alright.  Don’t force it.  Instead, prepare yourself.  Go at the pace that feels comfortable to you.  Don’t bow to peer pressure, societal pressure, pressure from a spouse/partner, or a well-intentioned crowd.  You’re the only one who knows your comfort level.

Now I’m not saying you should sit back and watch your goals recede into the distance.  I’m saying to walk the path but at your own pace.  Take your time, but keep moving forward.  Baby steps or large steps.  It’s your choice.

You’ll know when you’re ready because you’ll be eager.  You won’t have to be pushed, you’ll reach for it with both hands.  You won’t have to be coerced, you’ll be begging for the opportunity.  It will come.  If it’s meant to be, if it’s part of your highest path, it will happen.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Video Interview with Steve and Erin Pavlina
2. Criss Angel Update
3. How To Tell the Difference Between Your Ego, Logic, Spirit Guides and Intuition

Most of my friends were working a fast food job, but I really didn’t want to do that.  My only skills at the time were an incredible typing speed of about 70 words per minute, my natural intelligence, and my people skills.  So I looked for a job as a secretary, receptionist, typist, administrative assistant, etc.  I scanned the papers and found a job listing for a part-time administrative assistant for Chrysler Credit Company.  I got myself an appointment to go in for an interview.

I filled out the application (first time ever!) and waited for the manager to interview me.  I remember he was a little stand offish when he realized I was only 17.  But I was friendly, honest, open, and eager.  I’d never interviewed for anything before.  He said, “I’ll call you if we’re interested, there are a lot of applicants for this job.”  I shook his hand and left his office smiling and full of hope.  He didn’t call.  I was disappointed so I asked my father what I should do.  He told me to call the guy and remind him that I was ready and raring to go.  So I did.  The man didn’t even remember me, but I told him I was perfect for the job and I could start immediately.  He told me to come in for another interview.

This time I met with him and the girl I’d be working directly under if I got the job.  Her name was Susan.  Susan and I hit it off.  She was 21 and I was 17.  Most of the other people who worked there were 30 or older.  I spent 5 minutes alone with Susan making friends with her.  We talked about our mutual interest in the paranormal, and our boyfriend troubles.  She wanted me to work with her, I could tell.  She took the manager aside and said something to him on my behalf. 

The manager, Dave, gave me a typing test.  I remember being incredibly nervous to take the test, but as it turns out I scored 75wpm.  He was impressed.  He mentioned he was having a hard time filling the job because there were so many qualified people.  I said, “Look I live right down the street.  I’d love to work here.  You guys seem really cool.  I’m honest, reliable, an A student, and I won’t let you down.  And besides, wouldn’t you rather be working on something else instead of continuing to interview scads of people?”  That’s when I saw his energy shift and he said, “Yeah, actually I hate interviewing but it’s part of my job.”  So I said, “I imagine you have better things to do than wade through piles of prospective applicants don’t you?”  He smiled and said, “Yes indeed.”  So I said, “Well here I am, qualified and ready to go.  I’m the solution to your problem.  If you hire me today, you can get rid of all those other resumes.”  He said, “You’re right.  What the hell?   You are technically qualified though you’re a little young.  But I’ll give you a shot.  You’re hired.  How much do you want?”  Er, isn’t he supposed to tell me how much the job pays?  I was feeling so bold and excited that even though my father told me to ask for no more than $5.00/hour I actually said, “How about $5.50?”  His eyes got dark.  Oh no, I made a mistake!  I asked for too much!  He said, “Oh, uh… well actually the job pays $6.50/hour minimum so why don’t I go ahead and start you at that wage.”  SCORE!   I was making more than all my friends working their fast food jobs and it was my first “real job” ever!  I was elated.  My father was proud.  I was working for Chrysler!

I loved my job at Chrysler.  I was in charge of making address changes, distributing mail, handling the phones while the phone girl went to lunch, inputting check payments into people’s files, and paying the company’s bills.  I learned a lot and had a great time working there.  When summer was over, I quit because I was starting college full time and I couldn’t get the schedule I wanted since I didn’t have any priority, so my class times conflicted with my job times.  I left on good terms.  I was officially in the work force.  That’s also when I learned that the government doesn’t do any of your work but expects to be paid 25% of your paycheck.  Didn’t appreciate the injustice of that.

When the next summer rolled around I did the same thing, scanned the papers for an administrative job.  I ended up applying at Honda in their service department as their cashier and phone receptionist.  How did I get that job?  When I sat down to interview I sensed the woman interviewing me was upset about something.  With minor probing I found out she had been laid off and was really upset because she wasn’t sure what she was going to do.  The last thing she was tasked to do was hire someone for my position.  I empathized with her and got her talking about her feelings and her skills.  Before long she was feeling really empowered about leaving and had a new excitement about the direction she was planning to go.  She told me she liked me, hired me on the spot and offered me $9/hour even though the job was only supposed to be $7/hour.  She said she wanted to “stick it to the company for firing her.”  I was fine with that.  My coworkers were really upset when they found out I was making what they were making and they’d been there for a decade and were in a higher position than I was.  That made things a little uncomfortable for me but I was pretty secure and dealt with it just fine.  When summer ended I quit that job too as I still couldn’t get evening classes.

And so it went… summer after summer and sometimes into the school year, one job after another.  Every time I applied for a job that I wanted I got it.  It took me years to discover that this wasn’t the norm.  Was I more qualified than the other applicants?  No way.  I finally figured out what it was.  I never went into a job interview assuming I’d get offered a job based on my qualifications alone.  My father told me that most of the people who apply for a job are qualified.  Instead, I offered myself as a solution to the interviewer’s personal problem.  I went in looking to make friends with the people I’d be working with.  Those are real people behind the desk.  They have a difficult task.  They have to find some way of differentiating all the applicants in their stack of resumes.  What do you think they’re really thinking?  “That guy is qualified but he smelled horrible.  No way I want to be working around that for the next 3 years.”  Or “She looks good on paper, but she was so quiet.  What if I have to do lunch with her day after day for the next 3 years?  What a bore!”  Or any number of reasons a person just doesn’t feel right about hiring someone.  It may not be legal, it may be discriminatory, but I’m sure it happens.

Look, if you had a stack of 10 qualified people and you knew you were potentially going to be working with this person for years, wouldn’t you start thinking about whether you could get along with them?  I would.  All other things being equal, who do you think they’re going to hire?  If everyone is equally qualified, they’re going to hire the person they want to spend time with.  Are you that person?

The next time you go in for a job interview remember there is a real person behind that desk.  It’s not just about you and your skills.  It’s about how well you’ll fit into the company culture.  It’s about how easily that interviewer can see themselves working with you.

Even when I interviewed with someone that I wasn’t going to be directly working for, I still treated them with great empathy.  Instead of just answering their questions and trying to impress them with my skills I would say, “Are you getting a lot of applicants?  Yeah?  Do you like the interviewing process or do you find it sort of tedious?”  They’d break “character,” lean in, and say, “Truth be told, I really don’t like interviewing, but I have to.”  Or “Yeah I love interviewing because I get to meet so many interesting people.”  No matter what they said, I’d connected with their true self.  And I’d just keep going.  “Well you guys seem to be a close knit group.  I saw full tables in the lunch room when I passed by.  Seems like a friendly place to work.”  I was friendly.  I showed them there was a real person behind my resume.  I showed interest in them as a person, not a potential employer.  Maybe that’s not what you’re “supposed” to do, but I’m telling you, it worked.  Sometimes I’d uncover a personal interest we had in common and say something like, “Well whether you end up hiring me or not it was a real pleasure getting to know you.  We should hit a Star Trek convention together some time!”  On several occasions I got home from interviews to find a message already on my voicemail that I’d been hired.

Over the years I worked for some amazing companies like Chrysler, AT&T, Honda, and DuPont.  In every case I wasn’t the only qualified person applying for the job.  I stood out because I made friends with the interviewer.  I painted a picture for them.  I solved their hiring problem.  I didn’t muddy their waters any further.  I gave them clarity and confidence that they would be happy with their decision and wouldn’t regret hiring me. 

Help make the interviewer’s decision easier for them, not harder.  Be personable and friendly.  Be empathetic to what they might be going through.  I doubt the lady at Honda told all her applicants that she’d been let go by the company.  Maybe it was partially due to my intuitive gifts that I was able to draw people out of their shells quickly and form connections fast.  It’s a good skill to have, though, and you can develop that skill if you don’t already have it.  If you’re out in the job market today, take heed.  Interviewers are people too.  Connect with them as real people and they will want to hire you and find a reasonable justification on your resume for doing so.

You’re not selling your qualifications, you’re selling interviewers on the joy it will be to have you working at the company.  Now go be in the company what they want to see in the company.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. How To Become The Person You Always Wanted To Be
2. How I Accidentally Became a Scientology Fundraiser
3. Making a Living vs. Making a Life

Imagine you had a car and it was your job to give people rides in your car, to help them get where they needed to go.  You invite someone into your car, take them where they need to go, drop them off, and pick up the next person.  You do this happily.  It gives you a sense of purpose, contribution, connection, and love.  And you do it without expecting anything in return, not even gas money.  Even when people offer you money for gas, you turn them down, because to accept the money would cheapen your service, it would devalue the gift.

Then what happens?  You run out of gas.  And since you collected no money from your rides, you can’t pay the gas station attendant for more gas.  People still need you.  You’ve set up a system, they’ve come to rely on you, and you can’t let them down.  So you keep inviting people into your car, but now instead of driving them where they need to go, you’re pushing the car instead.  They’re uncomfortable because now they can see you suffering on their behalf, and you’re uncomfortable because you actually are suffering.  How long can you keep that up before you keel over from exhaustion? 

You know who you are.  You’re emotionally drained.  Physically exhausted.  Spiritually tapped out.  You’ve got nothing left to give.  And why?  Because you didn’t fill up your gas tank so you could keep giving people rides.  There’s nothing wrong with giving rides to others if that’s what you want to do, in fact it’s an admirable way to go through life.  But when you disallow others the opportunity to give back to you, the system eventually fails and everyone suffers.

Somewhere along the way you were taught that to give is divine and to receive is selfish.  This is false though.  To give is indeed divine, but to allow others to give back to you is divine also.  If you don’t receive it means you’re blocking someone else from giving.  Yeah, that’s not cool is it?  When you give but do not allow yourself to receive you are molding yourself into the role of martyr.  What’s going to happen when you’ve got nothing left to give and you’ve conditioned people never to help you?  They’re going to move on and get help elsewhere.  Then how will you achieve that sense of purpose you attached to giving without receiving?  If you’re tapped out, the people who rely on you have to seek help elsewhere.

The solution is to allow people to give you fair value in return for the value you’ve given them.  This could be in the form of money, a service, emotional support, good will, or a material possession.  It doesn’t matter.  You must be energetically open to receiving, otherwise you’ll eventually run out of juice and be so depleted you can’t give anymore. 

I frequently see this syndrome among mothers who give all their time, attention, love and support to their families and get nothing in return.  I also see it in people who have limiting beliefs like, “I should help people with my gift and not expect anything in return,” or “Money is evil, I’ll just learn to live on less and less.”  This helps no one.

So how do you restore yourself?  How do you fill the tank?  Here are some ideas:

• Accept monetary compensation for the value you provide (I know, what a concept!)
• Take a day off to restore your energy by  doing what YOU love
• Mark off time in your day where you work on your own life goals instead of helping everyone with theirs
• Learn to say “no” when you are depleted and just let others know you’ll be back when you’re restored
• Graciously and sincerely accept praise when it is bestowed upon you
• Ask for love when you need it
• Learn to stop feeling guilty for taking care of your own needs
• Learn to accept assistance from others when you actually need help
   

Being a martyr is a dead end path.  Instead, give and receive equally to keep the gears turning and the spice flowing.  The more you have, the more you can give.  Don’t restrict the energetic flow of abundance or you’ll end up taking yourself out of the game.  And then who is going to help everyone you’ve been helping?

I could sum up this entire concept with the oxygen mask on the airline example.  Put your own mask on first and then assist the others around you.  If you go down who will help all those people who need assistance to get their masks on?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. See a Penny, Pick It Up
2. Ask Erin: If you find money should you give it back?
3. Do Your Fears Hold Other People Back?

Polyamory
Last year was a strange year for me.  When Steve and I announced we were going to try polyamory there was a firestorm of response, which was expected, of course, but the degree was off the chart.  I can recall headlines on other blogs that said something about “Steve Pavlina Cheats on Wife” and the like.  I think what bothered me most were the lies being told about us.  I don’t mind when people write factual things about us, but when people tell bald-faced lies based on no research of the facts, and then their readers believe them and make judgments based on those lies, then I cry foul.  I learned last  year how celebrities in tabloids must feel and I developed great empathy for them.  I say to you now, don’t believe what you read unless it comes straight from the source or the source’s representative.  You don’t want to go through life believing lies.  I know I don’t.

The truth is that polyamory was awesome.  Not because either of us actually slept with someone outside our relationship (for the record, neither of us ever had sex with another person at any time during our 15+ years together), but because we opened ourselves up to greater emotional intimacy with others.  I was blissful during the first 9 months of 2009 as we explored polyamory.  We learned that compromise just makes both people unhappy.

Separation
So if I was so blissful for the first 9 months, what happened to cause a separation?  Steve and I realized we had developed incompatible lifestyle goals that were making it difficult for us to have a life together.  To generalize a little, Steve is always wanting to push the edge, to explore, experiment, grow, and change.  He gets bored with routine.  I, on the other hand, prefer routine and stability.  I like to build on what I already have, not tear down the monument and start building again.  While Steve loves to travel, I can take it or leave it.  Steve wants to see the world.  I’d like to see England, Ireland, and Scotland, but other than that I feel no strong desire to travel.  Wish I did, but I don’t.  Steve wants to immerse himself in different cultures, and I want to set down roots in a single community and get to know everyone for years.  I’d also like to keep my kids in one school instead of moving them around so much.  Kyle is only 6 years old and he’s lived in 5 homes.  I loved stability growing up and wanted to provide that for my kids too.

Steve and I are great friends and probably always will be.  To preserve our friendship, and to preserve our relationship, we had to end the marriage contract; the contract that says we stay together no matter what, no matter who we become or what our preferences are.  It became like shackles around our ankles, where neither one of us could grow in the direction we wanted.  So we decided to separate, amicably.  We basically freed each other of the shackles so we could each explore what we want without compromise.  And that has felt great to both of us.  We don’t hate each other, and we didn’t separate because we were fighting all the time.  On the contrary, there was so much love between us that we recognized we would each be happier outside the marriage.  The resentments are gone, the restrictions are gone, and now we can go back to connecting in the areas where we are compatible, and not feeling honor bound to connect in ways we don’t want to anymore.

Health Goal
At the beginning of 2009 I set a health and wellness goal.  I learned a lot this year, like never to announce a health and wellness goal in a public blog.   I was overloaded with contradictory advice that served only to confuse me.  I had moderate successes in my health goal.  I ended the year at roughly the same weight I started.  My overall health improved, however, as in 2008 I was a real mess of problems that are all fixed now.  I’ve had to start working out from home as now that I have the kids full time I can’t spend 2 hours every morning driving to and working out at the gym unless I want to cut 2 hours out of my work schedule for the day.  I’ve started doing my old Tae Kwon Do workout which is intense, and I’m lifting weights at home thanks to a weight set Steve got me for Christmas.  I will not be blogging about health and wellness this year.  Just watch the Facebook photo to see how things are changing.

Business Goals
My main focus this year is going to be to ramp up my business.  Right now I’ve got the blog and the intuitive readings.  The blog is free and the readings are up there in price.  I’d like to create something in the middle.  To that end, my plans include creating CDs, doing teleconferences, a workshop, and an audio program.  I will continue blogging, and I’m planning to do at least 4 YouTube videos each month (subscribe to my channel now). I will be on stage with Steve during the Conscious Growth Workshop coming up January 15-17, and I may be involved in future workshops he produces, depending on many factors.

Currently, I’m working on a CD that I intend to release this month.  If you signed up for my newsletter you received my free ebook, 10 Ways to Raise Your Vibration in Under 10 Minutes, which people seemed to really love.  Due to high demand, I’m recording an audio version of the ebook that will include two guided meditations that are under 10 minutes each that you can use to raise your vibration very quickly.  It will be available on CD and as an MP3 download.  If you want to know when the CD comes out and you’re not used to visiting my site daily looking for a new blog entry, be sure to sign up for the newsletter right away.

Personal Goals
My personal goals are related to courage, power and authority, the side of the TLP triangle that is weakest for me.  My new motto this year is “just do it.”  I have a tendency to shy away from things that require boldness and courage, so this year I’m going full steam ahead.  If it’s fun, I’m doing it.  If it’s exciting, I’m doing it.  If it’s crazy, I’m filming it!   Going to the gun range with a friend was an example of something I’ve always wanted to try but never did.  We’ll be going back soon to try an automatic rifle. I know, it’s crazy right?  Which is why I’ll be filming it!  I’m also joining the local Improv Troupe, which is something Steve did years ago that he says really helped him with his public speaking, so now it’s my turn.  I’m going to plug into my power and do all the things I want to do but have been too nervous or afraid to try.

Since our separation I’ve been spending more time socializing with friends.  That’s been really awesome!  I started a game night with friends that we host at Steve’s house.  So far we’ve done this twice.  We played poker the first time and Cranium and Charades the second time.  Our friends are all professional speakers, and some are comedians, and that makes for some really funny stuff at game night!  In a few weeks I’m going to play basketball with another toastmaster friend who found out I used to be a really kick ass basketball player.  I don’t know if I’ve “still got it” but it will be fun seeing if I do.  I also might get back into role-playing games (the pen and paper and dice kind).  I’m particularly fond of the Heroes Unlimited system, so if you’re in Vegas and you’re keen on role-playing let me know.

Summary
I think the year ahead is going to be fascinating and joyous.  I’ll be spending less time on correspondence and email (that just never ends and I can’t possibly help everyone who emails me) and more time on product creation and spreading my message to more people.  Thank you to everyone who has been so incredibly supportive to me this year.  I may not be able to respond to everyone, but as of now, I’m still able to read all the correspondence, so know that your messages to me have been wonderfully touching.  Love to you all!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Health and Wellness: My Primary Personal Goal This Year
2. How To Be Honest All The Time
3. Our Separation

What is one book or other source you would highly recommend for a complete beginner interested in becoming an intuitive counselor?

You’ll want to develop a very clear connection with your guides, specifically your conduit guide.  And you’ll want to be proficient in counseling.  So I would study the “How To” information of other intuitive counselors such as myself, Colette Baron-Reid, and Sonia Choquette.  Read their books or their blogs, attend their seminars, teleconferences, and workshops.  Or arrange a consult to get detailed answers to the questions that pertain to you in your individual situation.

What do colors in dreams represent?  Aura or chakra colors?  I have had two dreams in a row where the same shade of the colors green and orange have featured prominently in wedding scenes but in different contexts.

Green is the heart chakra color related to compassion, empathy, love, and connection with others.  Orange is the sacral chakra color related to relationships and emotions.  It’s no wonder you saw them at a wedding.  I’d have to know how you felt in the dream to help you better understand why these colors are coming up for you.

In times of personal woe, a lot of people have trouble connecting spiritually. How would you suggest they find comfort if they feel cut off in that way?

In times of woe is definitely when you most need your spiritual connections.  Read my free ebook: 10 Ways To Raise Your Vibration in Under 10 Minutes, which you can get instantly when you sign up for my newsletter.  Everything in there will help you reconnect with yourself and your spiritual posse on the other side very quickly.  Nothing helps me reconnect faster than sitting down to a nice virtual cup of hot chocolate and a hug from my higher self, who is a constant reminder that this too shall pass, that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and that you can always choose love.  For long term reconnection, I highly recommend meditation and the practice of feeling blessed by keeping a gratitude log.

Do you have any thoughts about whether the use of antidepressants inhibits a person’s intuitive abilities and/or psychic development?

I’ve never been on antidepressants nor have I known someone who has tried to utilize their intuitive abilities while on antidepressants, so I could only hazard a guess.  Anything that impairs your vibration or ability to connect with your guides is going to impair or inhibit your intuitive abilities and your psychic development, whether that’s alcohol, drugs, shame, fear, anger, anxiety, guilt, etc.  To effectively utilize your psychic faculties you’ll want to be as clear as you can.

What are the top two or three inspiring books you read in 2009?

Most of the books I read in 2009 were related to health and relationships, but I wouldn’t say any of them were particularly inspiring; rather I would say they were informative.  One of my goals in 2010 is to catch up and brush up on the spiritual books out there.  First up is Conversations with God, which I’ve never read, but now feel called to read.  I’m just going to pop by the Hay House website and see what they’ve got on tap.

How do you deal with a deceased person who keeps coming into your dreams and insists she is not dead?

Whoa.  Talk about violation of personal space!  If it were me, I would show them the door, which in this case is the light.  Help them crossover by gently suggesting they are in fact dead, and I would ask the angels to guide them to the other side.  I encountered a fellow many years ago who didn’t know he was dead.  It took me 5 tries to convince him he was dead.  If they won’t go, find out if there is unfinished business they’d like you to help them tie up.  That might be enough to get them to cross over peacefully. 

And what’s your take on crystal healing?

I don’t have a lot of experience with crystal healing.  I recall when I was a teenager trying to use crystals to heal myself when I was ill or in pain.  It never seemed to work, so either it doesn’t work or I was doing it wrong.  My jury is still out on crystals.  I haven’t worked with them enough to tout their benefits just yet.

In order to heal deep emotional wounds do we need people or life situations to open up (trigger) those wounds in order for us to heal them?

No I don’t believe so.  You are capable of deciding how you want to feel about the past, the present, and the future.  It isn’t always easy to hold a loving energy towards a situation, event or person, but it’s always possible.  I find that asking the pain why it’s there is important, and learning the lesson is important too.  Pain and difficulty come when we resist what is, when our expectations are violated, when we feel victimized.  I have found that accepting responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions is very helpful in healing old wounds, as is asking myself how I’d like to feel about the situation.

Does hanging around people with a lower vibration lower my vibrational frequency? And do I have the capacity to become immune?

If you are in a high vibrational state like love, peace, or gratitude and you hang around with someone in a lower vibrational state like anger, for example, then either your vibration will drop or theirs will be raised, or you can both maintain your vibrations if that is your desire.  It is not automatic that yours will lower or theirs will raise.  Guarding against those whose energy lowers ours, though, is something I highly recommend.  Learn how to maintain your higher vibrational state when you are around those who might pull you down.  Be an example for them.  I think we all have the capacity to choose the frequency at which we want to vibrate, but I haven’t personally met anyone yet who doesn’t occasionally drop into a lower vibration.

What is the most empowering lesson that you’ve learned so far from your recent separation? (I hope it’s not too personal or too soon to ask) I just think more people need to see that you can find personal power in “negative” situations. I believe you have a good perspective on life and can get that message across.

Great question.  Most empowering lesson is that I’m learning to rely on myself.  Expressing my own power and authority.  It feels great.  A little scary, but ultimately awesome!  I kill my own spiders, open my own jars, set up my own electronics, I’m a rockstar!    My relationship with Steve is like energy, it was not destroyed in our separation, it merely changed form.  And I’m enjoying getting reacquainted with parts of me that were buried in the relationship.  I’m remembering the power of my own message and am looking forward to sharing it more often and more deeply with my readers.

I have been working on my ability to tune into various energies, such as my guides, angels, and environment. However I am not exactly sure specifically how to tune myself in, outside of guided meditations and visualization. Besides simply concentrating and focusing on that which I want to tune into, can you describe in detail the general “tuning in” process? Sometimes it feels as if I cannot locate my station changing knob.

Tuning in is usually the easy part.  The hard part is trusting that you are tuned in to the being you’re trying to communicate with, being able to interpret and understand what you’re receiving, and having the confidence to act upon it.  Unfortunately it’s beyond the scope of this article to go into the kind of detail we’d need to go into, but I would say to continue to have long conversations with your guides (the longer you go the more tuned in you will be), write down what they’re telling you or showing you, act on it, and see what results you get.  You can also ask your guides to help you tune in better, then get out of your own way (and your own logic) and let them show you how to hear them best.

How can you distinguish the voices of your higher self/spirit guides from those of your ego or mind chatter?

Read this article I wrote on this subject: How To Tell the Difference Between Your Ego, Logic, Spirit Guides and Intuition.

How can you learn to control your visions/premonitions/clarsentience, such as recurring ones happening only when touching a certain person/animal, that will fade when you ask questions instead of giving answers?

If you’re getting repeated visions or premonitions there’s obviously a strong warning in that.  If something you’re seeing is going to come to pass you can either try to prevent it or you can get ready to deal with it.  If you no longer want to receive the premonitions you’ll have to shut down your psychic radio and stop tuning in.  That’s sometimes easier said than done, but maintaining control of when you get information and when you don’t is important.  I had to learn how to stop receiving communication from my guides and deceased people when I wasn’t officially working.  Now my guides can reach me in case of emergency or urgency or when I’m working.  It takes a strong spirit to get my attention when I’m not working.  It does happen but it’s rare now.  Work with your guides.  Tell them what you want and need.  Sometimes I get a metaphor for someone that I just don’t understand and I ask the guides to give it to me again a different way.  This is a two way street.  Let them know what you want and what you can handle and ask them to ease off if you don’t like the kind of communication you’re getting.

Do you have a perspective on ‘protection’ – i.e. managing your field and energy both during sessions and when at parties or out and about like new year’s eve?

Great question.  I was recently at a casino in the evening (rare for me) as I was going to a club to hear a comedian.  I immediately realized I was way too open to be there comfortably.  So many people walking around in a state of arousal, excitement, debauchery, alcohol … many of who had nefarious intentions.  Just a lot of low vibration people (not to say everyone there was that way!  Heaven’s no, but definitely a bunch of energies I don’t normally enjoy being around).  So I had to close my “door” so to speak so I wouldn’t be affected by their energy.  First, I closed up my chakras to be tighter in my body.  So the size of an orange instead of the usual size of a basketball I’m used to.  Then I had to close off my energy by erecting an energy shield around me.  You know the kind I’m talking about, the one that says, “leave me alone” or “I’m not the droid you’re looking for. Move along.”  With practice you can do this too.

When I’m working, it’s the opposite.  I open my chakras very wide and connect them with the infinite divine.  I only do this under the protection of my work environment – my White Room – and in the presence of my conduit guide, Bob.  Managing energy is very important in life.  If you’re too open in a room full of lower vibrational people, you can easily pick up on their energy and take it home with you, much like when I’m in a casino and come home wreaking of smoke even though I never touched a cigarette.

If someone is interested in becoming a psychic medium/intuitive counselor, what should they do on a daily/regular basis to achieve that goal? (besides meditate)

Connect with your conduit guide.  Practice giving readings to friends and family.  Get feedback on your methods.  Then practice on total strangers.  Keep refining your process until you’re very confident in your ability to tune in for anyone.  Let your guides teach you as well.  Raise your vibration and keep it high when you are working.  Don’t be afraid of making mistakes; they will happen.  Don’t be afraid of failure.  Just keep working at it until you are comfortable with the results.

Do you have any new year’s resolutions? 

No.  Not sure I like the whole New Year’s Resolution thing, but I do like writing out my goals for the year, so I’ve already done some work on that.  This year will be all about creating products, teleconferences, more videos, and maybe a workshop or two.

When you give a reading, has anyone ever had and shared a psychic hit on you?  What is the etiquette for that sort of happening?

Do you mean that while I’m giving a reading someone gets information for me?  Yes that has happened a few times.  I do read for a lot of other psychics and mediums, some of them in training and some of them relatively famous.  I also read for clients who are just really intuitive.  And on occasion someone will tell me, usually at the end of the reading, some information they’re getting about me.  I don’t mind receiving it, so I’m happy when that happens.  I’ve also had very intuitive friends and colleagues send me impromptu information they’re getting about me.  I like that too.

The other morning, not quite awake, I heard a woman’s voice call my name very distinct accent, I’m sure it was my spirit guide. How do I hear more, like answers to questions?

The time between sleeping and becoming awake is often a time when we pick up on snatches of conversation at another frequency.  It could have been a spirit guide, or it could have been an auditory hallucination, or a hypnogogic hallucination.  It’s a hard time to get answers to questions.  I would work on lucid dreaming if you want to use your sleep time to communicate with your guides.

Could you ask your guides about free will? Say if you wanted to pray for the protection of someone or if you wanted to perform distance healing, would the angels/guides be limited in helping those people because the request doesn’t come from them directly?

Curses and prayers get through with equal effectiveness.  They either bounce off someone’s aura or they impact.  Whether it happens or not depends on the vibration and intention of the person receiving the curse or prayer or healing for that matter.  You can accept or reject either “gift.” 

If you have a reading that states a possibility for your future, but then a decision you make changes the ending, will the universe bring you back on track somehow?

Depends on whether you want it to or not and if you’re a vibrational match for the path you desire.  Like you’ve correctly presupposed, you can change your future, it is not set in stone.  If, during a reading, a psychic tells you something is likely to happen, you can take steps to alter that outcome.  Just change course.  If, however, you change course but you’re still a vibrational match for that thing happening, you could easily slip back into your old trajectory.  At all times and in all ways you are responsible for the outcome of your decisions.  So always think carefully as you move along the path. 

Do you believe in Jesus?

Depends on your definition.  I believe there is a highly conscious being (one of many actually) who incarnated on Earth to help remind us of who we really are.  I’m not sure when he lived or how many times he’s been back since.  I’ve encountered an energy on the other side that felt like the Christ energy to me, and it was quite humbling.  When I think of Jesus, I think of the highly ascended consciousness.  We are all One, so if you believe in Jesus I hope you look in the mirror and see him staring back at you.  You have access to all of his wisdom and power.

Can psychic powers be gained with yoga and your views on Yogic siddhis?

Psychic powers could be accessed while you’re doing yoga, sure.  Anything that puts you in a higher vibration or balances your mind, body or spirit will help you in the development of your psychic faculties.  I don’t know what a Yogic Siddhi is, so I’ll defer to those who know more on that subject.

***

If you want to discuss any of these answers, there’s a forum thread for this blog entry.  Head on over and let’s hear what you’ve got to say!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Quick Answers to Quick Questions Part 2
2. More Quick Questions and Answers
3. Quick Answers to Quick Questions Part 3

During my sessions with clients, I am often able to tune in to their passions.  There’s this big aha moment when I dig up something they long thought buried, and then outline the steps they can take to leave their old passionless job and step into a career that excites them.  Recently I did a reading for a woman who was at the top of her game career-wise, making a mid-six-figure income, success all around her.  But she wasn’t fulfilled, so she was about to quit her job and go into consulting in the same industry she’d been working for for years in an attempt to at least have some freedom.  She wanted advice on her new chosen career path.  But her guides wouldn’t go there with her because she was not on the path with passion.  Instead her guides showed me a scenario where she started a foundation to help impoverished women and children in third world countries, which was not even close to what she was doing today.  I reminded her that before she went to college this is what she wanted to do.  She agreed that was accurate; that that had been her dream long ago but she didn’t think she could accomplish it so she went the corporate/law route, and rose through the ranks in a very large, well known company.  Her hope was that she could convince this company to be more charitable, but it never happened as she got lost in the corporate shuffle of earning profits or else.  When I tapped her back in to her compassion and outlined the steps she would take to make this foundation a reality she was really quiet for a moment and then got really emotional and said, “I would love to do that more than anything on the planet.  Thank you for reminding me who I really am.  It makes so much sense now.”  On the bright side, her power, contacts, and connections in the corporate world are now going to assist her with manifesting her dream.

So what are you passionate about?  Do you remember?  If you’re not sure, here are some steps you can take to tap into the passion you buried long ago or are putting to the side until “later.”  Get some paper or open a Word document.  You’ll want to keep this handy for “later.”

What makes you giddy with excitement?
Think about all the things in your life you love to do.  Whether it’s skiing, reading, hiking, socializing, going to parties, making videos to upload to YouTube, playing poker, or just meditating quietly for hours.  Just make a list of all the things you would feel eager to do if someone told you to take the day off from work and just do what you wanted to do.  “Hey so-and-so, why don’t we blow off work today and go ________?”  Fill that blank in with a list of things you’d rather do than work.

It doesn’t matter if it seems wasteful on the surface.  One of my friends goes nuts over video and computer games.  He’s a gamer, pure and simple.  There’s nothing he’d rather do.  He went to college to learn computer science because it seemed like a likely choice for himself career-wise, but he really wasn’t into it.  Now he works as a game tester and gets to play games all day.  He rose through the ranks quickly and is well-liked because he is excellent at providing constructive feedback that will make the games better.  If he keeps at it, he could potentially create his own game one day or be on the design team.

Another friend of mine loves movies and television.  He spends a lot of time watching both and getting excited about upcoming new shows and movies.  He’d be excellent at creating a new television series, which is something he is now looking into.  But before I suggested it he thought it impossible.  His day job is at an accounting firm where he daydreams and imagines new characters, stories and shows in his head.  The talent and passion are there, he just has to take action on them.

Once you’ve got your list of the things that excite you, really consider how you might segue into a career that allows you to do that all the time!  Think hard and be creative.  You don’t have to quit your job today, just start thinking about ways that other people are earning money doing what you love, and see if you can find your way into that same arena.

What breaks your heart?
When you look around the world today do you see people suffering?  Do you see things that are wrong with the world that you’d love to see fixed?  What breaks your heart?  Starving children?  Abused children?  World politics?  The homeless?  War and conflict?  What breaks your heart is often a clue to passion.  If you were ignited and believed yourself capable of making a difference in the world, where would you turn your attention?  What problem would you tackle?  No one is saying you have to end world hunger overnight.  Just tap into your heart break and see what’s there.

Make a list right now of all the things that really break your heart.  I’m talking about the things that really tug at your heart strings or ignite you with passion and zeal.  Once you’ve got your list, see if you can figure out a way to take action on your heart break.  This doesn’t have to be something you do for a living, but maybe it’s something you start doing on the side, which will eventually lead to expertise, progress, and job offers.  There are people out there who earn a living tackling world problems, such as politicians, movie producers, and bloggers.

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?
What I hear most often from those who know their passion but aren’t taking action on it is, “But I don’t know how.”  No one knows how when they’re first starting out.  Not knowing how to do something is not a good enough reason not to do it.  You learn how.  You either find someone who is successful doing it and learn how they did it, or you go through your own trial and error until you figure it out. 

On your sheet of paper, write down the phrase, “If I knew I couldn’t fail I would …”  and then make a list of what you would do.  Think big, really big.  The sky’s the limit.  Here is my own list:  If I knew I couldn’t fail I would want to help people remember that we are all connected, that we are all One, and that hurting others only hurts ourselves.  I would teach people about compassion and kindness towards their fellow man.  I would empower others to awaken and take action in the area of their passion.  I would teach acceptance and love.

Now think about it, there are so many ways to accomplish the items on my list.  I could be a motivational speaker, a diplomat, a politician, a counselor, a writer, a coach, a screenwriter, etc.  As long as I stay tapped into my message, the medium is my choice.  What could you do with your list?  Make a list of all the careers or jobs you could have where you could make progress on your “If I knew I couldn’t fail” goal.  See what emerges. 

What makes you feel like you’ve contributed?
Another way to determine your passion is to ask yourself to finish this phrase, “At the end of the day, I feel best when I’ve _________” and fill in the blank.  Do you feel best when you’ve solved a problem, helped someone who was suffering, had an impact, made a change in your life, challenged yourself, organized an area, gotten all the kids to after-school activities on time, made a nice dinner for your spouse, taken time out for yourself, meditated, communed with nature, etc?  What gives you that nice sigh of contentment and the feeling of a job well done?  Could you earn money doing that for a living?  You bet you could.  Even if you feel most content sitting in a hot bubble bath or getting a massage, why not open a spa and sell that contentment to others?  What if you’re a stay-at-home-parent who is super organized and you feel great at the end of the day if everything is in its proper place and all the children are well fed and clean?  Write a book to help others who aren’t as good at it as you, or start a blog, or do workshops on it.  Don’t discount contentment and contribution.  If you love it, chances are other people would love it too.  Help them find it if they don’t have it and you’ve got a new career.

***

Your passion is in you somewhere.  Remember it or find it.  Then turn your passion into action. Find the road that leads to success with your passion.  You can do it!  When you combine passion with skill and contribution, success is not far behind.  Don’t spend another day doing something you hate. Find and ignite your passion today!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Embracing Your Passion Podcast
2. How To Choose a Career That Will Make You Happy
3. How To Know When To Leave Your Job

I’m a heart-centered person who’s very compassionate, kind, gentle, and caring. That’s my dominant energy. As a result, in my life I usually take a back seat to others with more power, confidence, courage, and authority. Never bothered me; I was happy to let others take command … and the responsibility that usually went with it. I was the ship’s counselor, not the captain. But over the years I realized that walking around just caring about others wasn’t enough. Caring about an impoverished person doesn’t feed them. Caring about child abuse doesn’t save a single child. It’s only by taking action, by exerting our power and courage, that we can effect change. Likewise, if you’re someone who is strong in the areas of power, courage, and authority but you’re not heart-centered and caring, you could end up being a guy like Donald Trump or Dick Cheney; people willing to walk all over someone to get what they want.

Years ago I played an online role playing game called City of Heroes. My character was the group’s healer. I stood in the back and cast heals on people and would occasionally throw a punch, but I was pretty squishy so never ventured too far into the fray lest I be crushed by a single attack. This character I created was a pretty accurate representation of who I was as a person. Willing to let others fight and potentially be injured, but there to provide comfort, healing, and support. I was pretty comfortable in my role. One day, though, just for the heck of it, I created a scrapper character, a hand-to-hand combat fighter that couldn’t do anything from a distance. I had to run in and bear the brunt of the first wave of attack, and I was the one doling out the punishment. I felt really uncomfortable playing this violent character… at first. And then I started to feel more powerful and tough, and I started to really enjoy getting in there, getting my hands dirty, protecting the squishy healers in the back from being pummeled to death. As it turns out, there was a little fighter in me all along.

After I stopped playing City of Heroes I asked myself if in life I was a healer or a scrapper. I wanted to say healer, but after spending so much virtual time as a scrapper I realized it had brought something else out in me besides the caring, supportive, after-the-fact helper. I liked the feeling of power and responsibility that came with taking command of a group. And I also discovered I was pretty good at taking command. I wondered if in my real life I could channel the same energy as courageously as I did in a game where I couldn’t really be physically hurt.

I made a conscious decision to start working on my command and leadership skills. If you’re a fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation, I was Deanna Troi taking the Bridge Officer’s exam so I could command the ship in case of emergency. So over the years I started volunteering to lead. In my toastmaster club, Voice Links, I volunteered to be President, even though I didn’t yet feel qualified. I studied and learned what I needed to be a successful club president, and I was told by people who’d been in the club for many years that I did a fantastic job. But Voice Links is a pretty small club and its members are very easy-going and therefore easy to lead. It was the equivalent of leading a transport ship. I wanted to test myself further.

Last July I became the President of Powerhouse Pros, one of the largest toastmaster clubs in the southwest region. This was like taking command of the Enterprise, the flagship of the Federation. I felt tremendous anxiety about taking the position as I didn’t want to screw up the club with my lack of leadership ability. But as time went by I discovered again that I was comfortable with command. It became easier every week. There are a lot more challenges in this club than there are in Voice Links, but I’m loving it and have become quite comfortable with the job.

Last week, however, the universe threw me a test. Was I the scrapper or still the healer? The captain or the counselor? The leader or the follower?

Many of you know from my tweets that I’ve been taking a CERT class. That stands for Community Emergency Response Team. It’s a course you can take for free, sponsored by Homeland Security, that teaches you what to do when disaster strikes your town and first responders are overwhelmed. You’re basically trained on how to help yourself, your family, and your neighbors survive until the cavalry can reach you. You learn medical triage, fire suppression, search and rescue, disaster psychology (like how to help victims cope with loss and fear), and lots more. I took the class with my friend, Dana Richardson, who had taken the class before and took it again as a refresher. It was nice going through the class with him because he already knew so much and was a good source of information for me when I had questions between classes. Dana was pretty good at this stuff, and a couple of weeks ago he acted as our Incident Commander when we did a light simulation of how to do search and rescue in buildings. Everyone in the class relied on Dana since we all knew he’d taken the class before. This was to be a big mistake however, and something that taught me a big lesson.

Last week we had our final class. We had to do our big disaster simulation, which basically involved handling the aftermath of an “earthquake.” Several members of the fire department were on hand to help us with our simulation and make sure no one really got hurt, and our two instructors were on hand as well. The week prior we had signed up for our roles. Everyone nominated Dana to be our Incident Commander, the person on scene who is totally in charge and has to decide where everyone goes and what everyone does in the midst of chaos. Below him are the Medical, Search and Rescue, and Operations (fire) leaders. And each of those leaders has a team of people. I signed up to be on the search and rescue team… pretty low down on the totem pole. My job was going to be to search rooms for “victims” and bring them to medical for triage. I didn’t feel remotely qualified for a higher position. I was new and inexperienced. Those who had taken the class before we put into the leadership positions. All this planning turned out to be for nothing though as you will soon see.

The night had arrived for our final class. We were given our CERT bags which included a helmet, goggles, vest, flashlight, first aid kit, and so much more. Dana knew I was giddy with excitement and nervousness. I had heard the simulation was pretty intense. But I knew all I had to do was listen to the Search and Rescue leader and do what he said, so I figured I was in good shape. We were told to take a quick break to use the bathroom and then to meet outside to begin the simulation. When I got outside though, I didn’t see Dana. I looked around for him, but he just wasn’t there. The fire dept. lit a controlled fire outside the building, and our instructor, Page, came by and said, “Okay everyone listen up. There’s just been a terrible earthquake. People are trapped in the building and there are fires all over the place. Go.” Someone said, “Wait, where is Dana? He’s going to be our commander.” Another person said, “Hey, our Medical leader isn’t here either. We can’t begin without her.” Page yelled out, “People are now dying while you’re talking folks.”

I quickly realized what had happened. Page removed all our leaders and tucked them into the building as victims. She threw us into chaos as our command structure broke down instantly and we had no “leaders” to take charge. Someone said, “Who’s going to be in charge then? What are we going to do?” Before I knew what I was doing, I walked to the highest spot on the lawn in our group and raised my voice, “Listen up! Dana’s not here and we don’t have time to wait for him. You, over there, you’re going to be our Search and Rescue Leader. Stand over there. You, over there, you’re our Operations Leader, please stand right over here. Do I have a volunteer for Medical Leader?” A woman tentatively raised her hand. I said, “Great, please stand over there.” Everyone else, go stand behind the leader of your choice. They all moved. Someone yelled out, “Are you going to be our Incident Commander then?” I paused for a moment. I hadn’t even realized what I’d been doing. I just knew we had to get started and were wasting precious time so I started moving people into groups. So I said, “Uh yeah, I can do it until someone more qualified comes by to relieve me.” Inside I was thinking, “Shoot, I didn’t read up on what the Incident Commander does! I have no idea what to do here! How can I possibly be the commander?” Even though we had covered in class what an Incident Commander does, since I knew I was only going to be on the Search and Rescue team, I didn’t bother to brush up on it, so I had to recall information I’d learned weeks ago.

I turned to my Fire Suppression team because the fire was already going and I knew we had to get that out first before we could even enter into the building. I told them to engage the fire and put it out. Fire extinguishers were standing by so they went to handle that. Then I told my Search and Rescue leader to start assigning people in his group into teams. And I told my Medical leader to pick someone in her group for triage, transport, and morgue detail. I also told her where to set up her medical operations once we got inside and to create separate areas for triage, for victims whose injuries were delayed or minor, for victims whose injuries were life-threatening or immediate, and a morgue for victims who died on scene. By the time I was done, our fire crew had the fire out and we were ready to go into the building.

I knew our instructors had set many traps for us, and my most important goal and duty was to keep my CERT members alive. So we entered very cautiously, even though our urge was to rush in and start saving people. It took upwards of 5 to 10 minutes for the Search and Rescue teams to put their gear on (helmet, goggles, gloves, vest, flashlights), and for our Medical team to move chairs into circles for their various triage areas. The whole time our adrenaline was pumping. Even though we knew it was just a simulation, we were all on edge and in the moment. We didn’t want to screw up our final exam.

I realized that as the Incident Commander I had no one to tell me what to do. I had to make the final decision on everything. My operations team was running around the outside of the building putting out fires (under supervision of the real fire department) and turning off electricity and gas (simulated, not real). My medical team had no victims to treat so I turned my attention to Search and Rescue (S&R). Mark, my S&R leader, had two teams assembled. Before we sent them out, I reminded them not to go into any rooms where they smelled anything toxic or heard coughing coming from inside. The search teams went out and started searching rooms. I had to plant myself in a position so my S&R and Medical leaders could both see me. I can’t tell you how hard it was not to start running off to search rooms but to trust that our crews could manage the job.

One of our search teams didn’t come back to report in. Both Mark and I had to resist the urge to run down the hall to find out what happened to them. I had to grab a runner from Medical to gear up and go check. We told him to go down the hall, turn left and let us know if he could see the search and rescue team down the hall. But for some reason, he opened a door and went in by himself to look for the team. He was pronounced dead by our instructors. You never go in a room or building without a buddy. While we came to grips with our loss, I had to get another person from Medical into their search and rescue gear.

One lone team member came back from the original lost team to report that they had gone into a room where they smelled ammonia and heard coughing and she’d lost contact with her partner. Dead. We were all upset. After the warning I had just given them, they went and entered a toxic room. We’d lost another rescue worker. I felt like a failure and so did Mark and the lady who’d lost her partner. Two down and we hadn’t even found a victim yet! I was frustrated but we had to keep going. I had to grab more people from Medical to replace the lost search and rescue workers, leaving Medical with only two people to manage what should have been a 4 person team.

Meanwhile, our instructors turned off the lights in the hallway and now we were working in pitch black. I heard Page say, “I hope you all brought your flashlights…” in a sing-songing I-know-you-didn’t-bring-your-flashlights kind of way. Some of us did have our flashlights, thank goodness. Pretty soon one of our S&R teams found a victim. Dana. As they brought him in to Medical with “minor injuries” I shot him a look that basically said, “You could have warned me…” He just grinned evilly and went inside to be treated.

Bodies were piling up in the morgue: 3 dead, 1 injured. We had to find 2 more in the building somewhere. Our S&R teams were moving a lot more cautiously and slowly as they had already seen 2 of their own “die.” We found the last two victims and Medical took care of them. My Operations crew reported the building was now free of fires and electrical and gas hazards. The building was as secure as it could be, our search and rescue efforts were done, and Medical had all the injured (and dead) under control. The simulation was ended. It was way more intense than I expected it would be.

Our instructors then went over everything we did right and wrong. I was compelled to find the S&R member who walked into the toxic room and ask her, “Why did you go in there after I had just warned you not to? I’m curious.” She said, “I know, I know. But I heard people alive in there, coughing, and I figured I could just run in and get them and be out really quick.” In an intense, emotional, situation you don’t always think with your head but with your heart. That can get you killed in a disaster though.

There were accolades all around. When Page got to me she said, “How did Erin end up as the Incident Commander? Anyone know?” Someone said, “Because she stepped up when no one else would.” Page said, “That’s right! The Commander isn’t the person who is most qualified. It’s the person willing to take charge when no one else will. The person willing to take responsibility. How long do you think you would have been standing there, while people in the building were dying, if she hadn’t stepped up when she did? It took her only 10 seconds to assume command. All of you were just as qualified as she was, but none of the rest of you stepped up to the plate. Congratulations Erin on being a leader.”

I was proud of myself for taking command of the situation. I wouldn’t have done that a couple of years ago. I would have gladly waited for someone else to do it – not my problem, someone else can have that responsibility! But after consciously working on my leadership and command skills it was nice to see the Universe giving me a chance to exercise them. I was surprised no one else stepped up to take command though. Dana told me he’d read that in a disaster situation, 10% of the population is just going to break down, totally incapable of coping, 80% will be willing to be led, and 10% will step up into leadership positions.

My CERT disaster simulation showed me a side of myself I wasn’t sure was there. In the past, I wouldn’t have taken a leadership role because I couldn’t handle the responsibility of being wrong or making a mistake. Today I feel differently. I accept that as a leader I will make mistakes, but I’ll learn from them. I’m not afraid to fail anymore.

When was the last time you assumed a leadership position or took command of an urgent situation? How did you feel taking command? Are you comfortable with the mantle of leadership or are you content to let others make decisions that will affect your life?  Try cultivating command and leadership in your own life.  See what you’re made of.  See what you can get done.

Side note: CERT class is awesome – and FREE! It will help you prepare for disaster and learn how to do basic first aid and triage life-threatening injuries. I highly recommend it. You can find a course near you here.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!
2. Running for President
3. Sharone

Time and again I’ve noticed that when I play it safe, very little changes.  I make no progress towards my goals, and if that goes on too long I even start to feel stuck.  The river of your life is a constantly moving entity, pulling and tugging at you, trying to get you to your destination.  Your destination is whatever goal you’ve currently filed with the Universe.   If you don’t like your destination, submit a “change of destination” form.  But don’t sit in your boat in the river and resist the current.  It wastes time and energy. 

Often we know what our next move is but we’re simply too afraid to take it.  Sometimes courage is required.  Sometimes you have to be daring.  Sometimes you just have to say, “What the hell… I’m doing it!” and deal with the consequences.  You don’t have to run off half-cocked though.  You can take a moment to aim.  But don’t take too long.  It’s better to take a shot at something and fail then never to try at all.  In my own life, I’ve definitely seen that when I take risks they always pay off.  Not necessarily the way I thought they would, but if I fail I get a learning experience.  Don’t be afraid to fail, otherwise you’re saying you’re afraid to learn.

Imagine if you went to the shooting range for the first time.  You hold the gun tentatively in your hand, lift it to eye level, use the site to take aim at your target and fire a shot.  What’s the likelihood you’ll hit a bullseye on your first shot?  Probably pretty small.  What if you keep shooting?  Will you get better?  Of course.  What if you get instruction from someone who already knows how to shoot?  You’ll do even better when you take your own shot.  What if you learn all you can about shooting and you practice and practice?  Eventually you will hit that bullseye.  Eventually you will accomplish your goal and get where you want to go.

Last week I decided to do something I’ve always been a little afraid to do.  I wanted to face the fear head-on and see what happened.  What I did last week actually illustrates the point I made above in a pretty literal way.  I went to the gun range with a friend who taught me how to shoot a hand gun.  I know, I know… what is Erin the spiritual guru doing with a gun?  That’s pretty far from “Spiritual Wisdom for Conscious People” right?  Nah.  I’ve always been interested in self-defense, disaster preparation, and protecting myself and my loved ones.  Two decades ago I had a boyfriend who taught me how to shoot a rifle, use nunchucks and throwing stars, and how to shoot a bow.  I’ve always been fascinated, but responsible.  I filmed my trip to the gun range; you can watch it below.

(Note: First video I’m posting to YouTube.  Be kind; I’ll get better over time.  Please subscribe to my channel for future video updates if you’re a YouTube member: www.youtube.com/erinpavlinadotcom)

I challenge you to take aim at a goal you’ve been putting off and take your best shot.  Nothing is gained by procrastination.  Go out and fail a little, try a little, improve a little.  Keep shooting.  Keep learning.  Don’t stop until you reach your goal!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Health Goal Update for April 6, 2009
2. If You Weren’t Afraid
3. Health and Wellness: My Primary Personal Goal This Year

In reality, it’s your belief about death that causes you to fear it.  Do you fear death because you believe it will be the end of you, your essence, and you don’t want to end?  Do you fear death because you’ve been taught that God will judge you and  you may not fare so well?  Are you afraid you’re going to go to Hell?  Do you fear you’re going to be floating like a cloud for eternity?  Are you concerned that you might be “alive” in your body in your coffin forever?  Do you fear death because you don’t want to meet up with abusive parents on the other side?

We fear death because we don’t know what’s going to happen when we die and therefore we don’t know if we should be afraid or look forward to it.

What evidence do we have about the existence of the afterlife?  There are books that include accounts of people who have had near-death experiences, where they died, had an experience, and came back to tell of it.  Some would say they weren’t really dead if they were able to come back, so their accounts aren’t real and were probably hallucinations.  There are books that contain accounts of those who remember their past lives, suggesting there is a life, then an afterlife, then more lives.  There are those who have had out of body experiences and know that their soul can live without their body.  And of course there are mediums who communicate with those on the other side; if the dead weren’t there, how could mediums communicate with them? 

Some say near death experiences, past lives, out of body experiences, and communication with deceased relatives are hogwash.  These people have probably never experienced any of them, because I can tell you that people who have experienced them tend to have no doubts that our consciousness survives death. 

What if death was something wonderful though?  What if when you die you go to a loving, peaceful place?  What if you’re reunited with loved ones you’ve been missing terribly?  What if death releases you from pain and misery and puts you back together again, whole? 

Since most people have not had a personal experience that convinces them of the existence of an afterlife, they have no choice but to bring their dominant belief about death to the table.  What is your belief?  And do you realize that with no personal experience, you’re adopting a belief for which you have no evidence?  And if you have no evidence for it, then your belief is based on speculation.  Why speculate that something terrible happens after death instead of speculating that something wonderful happens after death?  Since you have an absence of evidence either way, why choose something that scares you?  How does that empower you? 

All of your beliefs in life should empower you.  If you lack evidence for a belief, adopt one that empowers you instead of one that scares you.   

If you want to stop fearing death, first get clarity on what  you believes happens when we die.  Then ask yourself if you have evidence to support that belief.  If not, ask yourself if there is a more empowering belief you could adopt that, if it were true, would cause you to stop fearing death.  Then adopt that belief. 

I personally don’t fear death at all.  I’ve had out of body experiences that show me that my body is just a shell that houses my soul.  I’ve communicated countless times with deceased people on the other side when I do intuitive readings for my clients, making connections with people I can’t possibly know existed.  I have memories of past lives.  And lastly, I have memories of my time between lives which I believe to be accurate.  Have I physically died in this incarnation yet?  No.  But I don’t fear death because my personal evidence strongly suggests to me that death is nothing to fear and that we do go on with our consciousness intact. 

I don’t fear death, which makes living a lot easier too.  When you aren’t afraid to die, you find you aren’t afraid to really live, because in the end, nothing can truly harm you, not even death.

Lose your fear of death today.  Adopt a new, more empowering belief about death, and then join Toastmasters to get over your fear of public speaking.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Related posts:

1. Solid Evidence for Existence of the Afterlife
2. Seeking People Who Have Had Near Death Experiences
3. The After-Death