Answer:  Sometimes when I’m doing a reading for a client both of their parents do come through during the reading.  The way they present to me tells me more about their relationship than if they flat out told me what their situation was.

If a couple was happily together at the time of the first person’s demise, I usually see them come through together, as if they are holding hands or hugging.  It doesn’t really matter whether they were legally married or not; their closeness in death reflects how close they were in life.

If they were separated in life, as in their energy was separate from each other, I usually see them standing apart, with one parent behind the left shoulder and the other parent behind the right shoulder.  In this case it also doesn’t matter whether they were married or divorced… it’s more a statement of their closeness at the time of their demise.

Sometimes four parents will come through and I’ll have to discern who the step parents were and who is connected to whom.  Yes, it can get complicated.  But honestly that’s rare.  I usually only have one deceased person come through, and sometimes they bring through another member of the family.

During readings I will also see parents and deceased siblings come through together, i.e. the sitter’s brother and mother are deceased and they come through to me together.  How they present visually is an indicator of their closeness in life. 

Are they really all together on the other side hanging out all day shooting the breeze?  Yes and no.  From what I’ve been shown, some energies do choose to stick together, and some go their separate ways at death.  I wouldn’t say they’re sitting around shooting the breeze.  I think it’s more that they come together during a reading because of the opportunity to interact with their living loved one, and they use their energy to show me their relationship.  After a reading is over, they go back to what they were doing before the reading.

In short, you stick with the energies of people with whom you’ve made strong loving connections, and you part ways with those you don’t resonate with.  But just because you fight or argue with a loved one while incarnated, doesn’t mean you’ll separate out when you get to the other side.  Where there is love, there is connection.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  Not usually, no.  In my many experiences of being outside my body I was unable to move objects in the physical world either through touch or telekinesis.  Nor would I necessarily expect to be able to affect physical reality while on the astral plane.  Let’s look at it logically.

Your physical body vibrates at a certain density, a lower density than your energetic or astral body.  So your physical body is fully capable of grasping a cup, opening a door, and walking around for example, because those objects are on the same plane as your physical body.  Your astral body is energy without physical form and is roaming around on a different plane.  Just as in your physical body you cannot “touch” anything on the astral plane, so too on the astral plane you cannot “touch” anything on the physical plane.

One of the reasons you can so easily float through a wall or window while in an astral state is precisely because the wall exists on the material, physical plane, where you are no longer vibrating.  You may see the wall in your astral state, but it is not on the same plane as you anymore so you easily pass through it like it isn’t there.  One thing that can affect how well and how easily you move through the wall, though, is your expectation of being able to do so.  Many people, when they first go astral, assume they must maneuver around physical objects; but soon you learn that you can easily fly, float or fling yourself through them quite easily.

One thing you can do to the physical world while in an astral state is be sensed by people who are awake.  I’ve had experiences where I was astral, floated on over to a friend’s house while they were awake, tried to get them to see me or notice me, and have them tell me the next day they “felt my presence” at the same time I was there.  This is difficult however.  Most people who are awake are not at all attuned to the astral plane.  That would be like tuning in to a cable channel you don’t normally get just to see if something other than static is coming through at that moment.

I do believe, though I’ve never personally experienced it, that it’s possible with great effort to do something to the physical world while in an astral state.  If you’ve seen the movie, Ghost, with Patrick Swayze, he eventually learns how to move a physical object (the penny) but it takes great effort.  You have to force the energy of your astral body to vibrate at a lower density to bring it into phase with the physical object you’re trying to move.  That’s tough.  So while I believe in theory it could work, I think you’d have to really practice and spend a lot of time trying in order to get it done.

Meeting up with another astral person is possible while in an astral state, because you’ll come into phase with them.  Both of you would have to be astral at the same time and know where to meet and when.

If you are an accomplished astral projector and you have managed to affect the physical world while astral, please report your story in our forums, as I’m very interested to hear your account.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

In reality, it’s your belief about death that causes you to fear it.  Do you fear death because you believe it will be the end of you, your essence, and you don’t want to end?  Do you fear death because you’ve been taught that God will judge you and  you may not fare so well?  Are you afraid you’re going to go to Hell?  Do you fear you’re going to be floating like a cloud for eternity?  Are you concerned that you might be “alive” in your body in your coffin forever?  Do you fear death because you don’t want to meet up with abusive parents on the other side?

We fear death because we don’t know what’s going to happen when we die and therefore we don’t know if we should be afraid or look forward to it.

What evidence do we have about the existence of the afterlife?  There are books that include accounts of people who have had near-death experiences, where they died, had an experience, and came back to tell of it.  Some would say they weren’t really dead if they were able to come back, so their accounts aren’t real and were probably hallucinations.  There are books that contain accounts of those who remember their past lives, suggesting there is a life, then an afterlife, then more lives.  There are those who have had out of body experiences and know that their soul can live without their body.  And of course there are mediums who communicate with those on the other side; if the dead weren’t there, how could mediums communicate with them? 

Some say near death experiences, past lives, out of body experiences, and communication with deceased relatives are hogwash.  These people have probably never experienced any of them, because I can tell you that people who have experienced them tend to have no doubts that our consciousness survives death. 

What if death was something wonderful though?  What if when you die you go to a loving, peaceful place?  What if you’re reunited with loved ones you’ve been missing terribly?  What if death releases you from pain and misery and puts you back together again, whole? 

Since most people have not had a personal experience that convinces them of the existence of an afterlife, they have no choice but to bring their dominant belief about death to the table.  What is your belief?  And do you realize that with no personal experience, you’re adopting a belief for which you have no evidence?  And if you have no evidence for it, then your belief is based on speculation.  Why speculate that something terrible happens after death instead of speculating that something wonderful happens after death?  Since you have an absence of evidence either way, why choose something that scares you?  How does that empower you? 

All of your beliefs in life should empower you.  If you lack evidence for a belief, adopt one that empowers you instead of one that scares you.   

If you want to stop fearing death, first get clarity on what  you believes happens when we die.  Then ask yourself if you have evidence to support that belief.  If not, ask yourself if there is a more empowering belief you could adopt that, if it were true, would cause you to stop fearing death.  Then adopt that belief. 

I personally don’t fear death at all.  I’ve had out of body experiences that show me that my body is just a shell that houses my soul.  I’ve communicated countless times with deceased people on the other side when I do intuitive readings for my clients, making connections with people I can’t possibly know existed.  I have memories of past lives.  And lastly, I have memories of my time between lives which I believe to be accurate.  Have I physically died in this incarnation yet?  No.  But I don’t fear death because my personal evidence strongly suggests to me that death is nothing to fear and that we do go on with our consciousness intact. 

I don’t fear death, which makes living a lot easier too.  When you aren’t afraid to die, you find you aren’t afraid to really live, because in the end, nothing can truly harm you, not even death.

Lose your fear of death today.  Adopt a new, more empowering belief about death, and then join Toastmasters to get over your fear of public speaking.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  My mom and I were talking on the phone one day about death and whether we wanted to be buried or cremated.  She said she was afraid to be cremated because she doesn’t want to feel the burning pain.  I was sort of surprised she would even think that was possible.  Was she under the mistaken belief that when you die you just sit around in your body, conscious and bored in your coffin?  Trapped in your now lifeless shell?

If anyone else is under the impression that you will feel anything that happens to your body once you leave it, rest assured that once you die, the connection is severed and your body becomes a shell, incapable of registering pain.  So whether you are cremated, autopsied, or buried in a coffin, don’t be afraid that you will feel any of it.

When you die, the astral cord that has connected and tethered you to your body during your life gets severed.  Once that happens, you aren’t getting back into your body!  All of your consciousness is in your spirit, your soul, your ghost-like form.  You will look at your body the way a peanut might look at its shell, “Thanks for sheltering me, but you can go now.”  The body is just the organic casing for the peanutty goodness that is your essence.

Energetically speaking, however, how long do you stay attached to the body before you cross over?  If you die unexpectedly, like from an accident or murder, you will probably hang around your body for a while;  anywhere from 20 minutes to several days.  Often people who die suddenly don’t figure it out right away or resist accepting that they have died, so they hover around their body trying to make sense of their current situation.  Once the body is cremated, autopsied or buried these people usually get the idea that there is no going back and they begin to move on, cross over, look for the light, or try to remain earthbound if that’s important to them (as is often the case with people who have unfinished urgent business).

Cremation is safe for your soul.  (Hmm, that would make a good bumper sticker).  However, I do think it’s a good idea to wait 3 or 4 days after a person dies before you dispose of the body.  That seems sensible to me.  It gives the living time to adjust, and it gives the dead time to let go.  Death can be somewhat traumatic for people who weren’t ready for it.

I told my mom I wanted to be cremated so I didn’t take up unnecessary space on some otherwise beautiful land.  A nice roaring funeral pyre in the forest with some Celtic music playing in the back would be welcome too.  How would you like to honor your shell for its lifetime of service?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  The way you’re using the term “at rest” to me means the spirit has crossed over fully, has accepted the light, has gone through their life review, come to terms with their deeds, and is now kicking back with a brewsky on the other side (metaphorically speaking of course!).   If that’s what you mean by “at rest” then a spirit would not be at rest if any of those components are not fulfilled.

So let’s take each component in order.  First, crossing over fully.  Some spirits hang around the earth plane.  I often see this with people who were murdered or had a sudden, unexpected death through an accident.  They either don’t know they’re dead or they aren’t ready to accept it.  Or they are waiting for their killer to be brought to justice, or they are still very attached to their earthly life and can’t let it go.  They have not crossed over yet and are earthbound.  This spirit would not be at rest.

Now let’s take the case of a spirit who is ready to let go of their earthly existence but fears judgment.  These people resist the light because they fear they will be sent to Hell or that there is some horrible punishment coming up.  They end up stuck between earth and the ether, feeding off the energy of the living to resist the light.  They’re not waiting for justice like in the previous case, they’re not waiting for some event to take place, they have detached from their earthly life but don’t want to go into the light.  They are not at rest either.  Not by a longshot.

Next are the people who detach from their earthly life and go into the light, sometimes with great eagerness and sometimes a little hesitantly.  They get to their life review and are horrified by the pain they’ve caused others.  They can get stuck in a situation where they replay events over and over again for whatever reason: to endure the pain they caused others, to understand their choices better, to make different choices, etc.  Sometimes spirits can spend a lot of time here, unnecessarily, but we all let go at our own pace.  There are spirits and angels there helping you process it all and encouraging you to forgive and move on.  A spirit in this place is “not at rest yet” but is definitely on their way.

And lastly, there are those who cross over, completely severing their attachment to this earthly life, have their life review, process it all and accept it, and move forward into the welcoming embrace of the afterlife and all their dearly departed loved ones (and animal companions!).  These spirits are very much at rest.  That doesn’t mean they don’t care about loved ones here on Earth.  They tune in periodically to see what’s up, but they’re also creating a new experience on the other side that isn’t part of their old incarnated human life.

I hope at this point you’re not thinking, “Dear God!  I don’t want to be hanging around in a disembodied state totally afraid of the light!  And what if I don’t pass my life review and decide to punish myself?  Gack!”  The vast majority of spirits cross over just fine, have a lovely life review over tea and pastries, and make it to the other side in time for the party.  Don’t worry.  Learn to forgive yourself now so when you see what you’ve done to others during your life review you’ll have understanding instead of regret.  But like I said, most people cross over just fine and are guided through their life review by compassionate and understanding beings.

So how do you know what state your dearly departed are in?  A medium would know what state a spirit was in when she tuned in to them.  A person without the ability to tune in to deceased energy would have a hard time knowing what state a particular spirit is in.  However, you can often pick up clues from dreams.  Dreams are a place/plane where incarnated individuals such as yourself can hook up with reasonable accuracy and clarity with other beings, including deceased relatives and friends.  Are you dreaming about the individual and if so, is he coming to you and telling you he’s just fine or do you see him suffering? 

If you ever encounter a spirit that you believe is earth-bound or suffering in some way or resisting the light, you can communicate with them energetically and try to help them cross over and accept the light.  Talk to them.  Meditate to get yourself into a higher vibration.  Hold an object they used to own which will help you zero in on their energy (sometimes).  Encourage them to go into the light and not to fear judgment.  Encourage them to release their fear.  Help them understand that nothing bad will happen to them in the light no matter what they’ve done on earth.  Sometimes a spirit sticks around when people are heavily grieving.  Let such a spirit know that you’ll be okay without them so they will move on.  It’s not healthy to be earthbound.  If they’re waiting for justice to be served (and I’ve encountered people who are still waiting 60 years later!) help them detach from the tangled web of karma and move on, knowing their killer will not truly get away with anything.

It sucks to be stuck here waiting for justice.  It sucks to put yourself in a self-imposed hell and avoid the loving light of the divine.  Don’t do it!  Educate yourself now so that when you get to the other side you can fly right through.  Death is a time for rest and rebirth, for reconnecting with Source, not for punishment and fear.  Rest easy I say.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

You hear a lot about near death experiences from the people who have experienced them, but you never get to hear what happens after you’ve been “processed” and are completely disconnected from your body because obviously they don’t come back and tell us.  The only way to find out would be through psychic mediums who ask dead people what they do all day.  Even then, we’d have no proof, no way of checking if the information we’re receiving is accurate.  We’d have no way of validating the information that came through.  It’s easy to validate information from a person’s life, but how can you get confirmation of what happens when no one living is around to see it?

When I speak to deceased people during readings I do get a glimpse into what’s happening on the other side, but admittedly the view is extremely limited.  I’ll share what I know, but this must only be the tip of the iceberg.

When I do a reading, I usually get who the person is in relation to my sitter, then they show or tell me how they died, then they start sharing information about their life to validate that it is really them and not something I’m making up.  They share love, warnings if necessary, and that’s usually it.  However, upon occasion I’ve gotten a little more information that goes beyond the usual.

In one reading, a father came through for his daughter and his signal was very strong to me.  His energy was that of a highly aware, highly conscious person.  I was impressed with him and his connection strength.  When the reading was over, I actually hung on to the guy a little longer to converse with him myself because the connection was so strong and I wanted to talk to him.  He indicated that he was attending what we would call lectures on the other side.  And that he spent his day discussing philosophy with other souls on the other side.  He indicated that it was wonderful, stimulating, and he was surprised to find it available.  I got a sense that he was definitely continuing his growth and wasn’t just sitting around like a blob of energy floating through the ether.

In another reading, I was connected with an individual who had died at a pretty old age, I think he was in his 90’s.  He indicated to me that he was still very  much tuned in to the lives of the family members he’d left behind.  He showed me an image of himself sitting in front of what looked like a television and watching his various family members on different channels.  Now he wasn’t really sitting in front of a television, it was a metaphor to explain to me what he was doing.  But yeah, he indicated he spent his days still very tuned in to his family.

I’ve also tuned in to dead people who can’t let go of their past incarnation and are going over and over it, replaying it with different outcomes.  Often these are people who have committed suicide or been murdered and their killer has not been brought to justice yet.

I also know that there are spirits who are in charge of making certain things work, like helping people cross over, helping creative people get inspiration, and helping souls choose where to incarnate next.  I’ve seen conclaves of what I would call ascended masters working on creating change on our planet using their energetic influence and intelligence.

I know that you can hang around with other souls you used to know.  I’ve seen families on the other side “having dinner” together.  And I know you can engage in an energy merge that blows incarnated sex right out of the water! 

And that’s about all I’ve seen.  Admittedly, it’s not that much.  Like I said, I am sure there is a lot more going on up there than I can see.  Maybe I’ll start looking into this more consciously.  Next time I get someone “on the line” who’s hanging out in the ether I’ll ask them what they do all day.  I’m sure they don’t even have “days” like we have.  And I’m sure time is irrelevant there.  Being dead is just another state of being. 

Maybe we’re not supposed to know too much about the afterlife so we can concentrate on living this one.  For now, it’s enough for me to know that I have guides and angels looking out for my best interests, and I get to chat with the occasional deceased person which is always fun and interesting for me.  We’ll just have to wait and see what happens next.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

At the time of his passing he was very surprised to find himself standing next to his own body.  He was confused initially.  Eventually he understood that he had died, but this didn’t happen immediately.  I think up until he got to the hospital he thought he might be able to get back into his body.

Once he realized he was truly beyond recovery, his attention turned to the energy being cast at him by the people milling around outside the hospital.  In some ways, this energy tethered him.  Such an outpouring of love, he was filled by it.  It was gratefully accepted by him.  He seemed very much in a state of peace, love and gratitude.  It’s almost as if he was wading through a pool of love energy, with a sense of wonder and he felt blessed.

I don’t feel like he immediately went to his family.  This is probably because the energy around the hospital was so strong.  But eventually he was able to tune into his family and go to them.  It feels like he centered his energy on his mother and his children.  Although it pained him to see his family so upset, I feel like he was mostly trying to let them know that he was okay, perfectly fine, and totally intact.  The aura of peace around Michael was very strong, and he wanted to comfort his family but could not.  I have no doubt his family will feel his presence around them during this difficult time for them.

People have asked me how he feels about his children. He loves his children so honestly, easily, and ardently.  He feels they are in good hands with his mother.  I feel he feels some regret that he won’t be there to raise his children, but I don’t feel like he is agonized over this.  He believes they will be okay and very well cared for.

There is a sense of relief in Michael.  A feeling of putting down a very heavy weight and finally being free.  He can feel the love people are casting at him, and although he feels the sadness too, it is not crippling him in any way.  He feels compassion for those who are mourning him.

I also feel he is hovering, easily and nicely, without great effort.  He will probably cross over completely after his funeral or at such point as people disconnect their energy from him in a more “official” manner.  Maybe that’s why we have funerals and say goodbye to our deceased loved ones, to let them know it’s okay to go on.

Michael is bathed in love at this moment.  He is surrounded by angels both living and incorporeal.  He feels grateful for the life he had, and feels intense love for his family and children.  Although the people he left behind may mourn deeply for him, he is awash in a state of love, gratitude, and peace.

The best thing you can do for Michael now is to keep sending him love, and cherish the positive happy memories you have of him and his impact on your life – big or small.  His journey is not quite over, but he’s getting there.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  More than one person has asked me this question recently, and in light of the recent deaths of so many celebrities (David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson) I figure it’s a good time to answer it.

Technically, the answer is yes.  You can interact with anyone on the other side as long as you both are willing.  At that point you will both be energy, not identity, and it won’t be as thrilling or exciting as you’re probably imagining it now. 

Remember that fame is something that happens here on Earth.  It’s not like Elvis is entertaining in the ether, performing 5 sold out shows per week.  His energy is there, sure, and you could probably even engage with him in some type of dialogue.  But once you arrive there  you will remember that Elvis is just an aspect of God consciousness, as you are, and the lure of celebrity will be gone.  What is left are our experiences, consciousness, and growth, not our bank accounts, notoriety, or fame.

There are some celebrities who may not have fully crossed over, though.  People who were murdered or committed suicide, or who really resist dying, could still be lingering around with their celebrity identities intact.  In those cases, when you died, you’d probably breeze right past them and not encounter them at all.  But these celebrities could still be communicated with by a psychic medium, and the celebrity would retain their identity, even though it would be healthier for them to let it go and cross over.

Remember that we live many lives.  You might get back to the ether and discover you were Cleopatra in a previous life, or Marilyn Monroe or Albert Einstein.  Wouldn’t that be a kick?  What if you’re the celebrity or famous person everyone wants to connect with and you don’t even remember who you were?  In the ether we are identified by our wisdom and our level of consciousness, not our record sales on Earth.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  You are greeted on the other side by Love.  You can expect to see angels, family, friends, and even your pets.  During readings I sometimes pick up on the energy of deceased pets as well as relatives and friends.  Pets do wait for us on the other side when there was a close, loving attachment on this side. 

Sometimes people ask if they will meet up with their abusive parent on the other side.  You may or may not.  It’s not like a voice comes up on a loud speaker and says, “Will the relatives of Joe Smith please meet Joe at the pearly gates.  Joe Smith.  All relatives of Joe Smith please report to the pearly gates now please.  He’s on his way!”  They will be drawn to your side by the ties of love when you cross over. 

Sometimes people have a religious experience when they cross over, meeting up with God or Jesus or whomever they believe will greet them.  Sometimes you’re with an angel who helps you understand what happened to you, as sometimes people aren’t aware that they’re dead. 

If you read accounts of near-death experiences, you’ll see that often people are told by a deceased relative that it’s not their time to die.  You’ll also read accounts of people who are greeted by pets, family, and friends on the other side. 

Love never dies.  You will see your loved ones again on the other side. 

The only caveat to this is if you send yourself to Hell and disconnect from the Light.  And on some occasions I’ve seen relatives who have cut the cords between them and their earthly families for whatever reason, and I would not expect to see them when you cross over.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

First of all, Hell is a place you send yourself when you disconnect from Source/God and believe you are not worthy of universal love.  You can go to Hell when you die or you can put yourself in Hell even while you are still living.  Whether you are there while physically incarnated or after you slough off your mortal coil, the way to get out of Hell is exactly the same.  Stop beating yourself up.  Forgive yourself for your transgressions.  Accept the consequences of your actions.  Allow yourself to be loved once again.  I know, this is easier said than done.

Sometimes people feel they have done something so horrible in life that they need to be punished.  In life, we send people to prison, but in the afterlife, people seem to think they belong in the ultimate prison, Hell.  The only reason you feel that way is because you’ve been socially conditioned to believe that bad people go to Hell to burn for eternity.  So the universe accommodates you.  But the universe does not require you to go to Hell to serve out some retributive sentence on its behalf.  God loves you, no matter how you comport yourself while incarnated.  Yes, even if you murder, rape, and pillage your way through life, you are still loved by God.  I know, I know, how can that be?  Let me use one of my famous analogies.

Let’s say you’re a parent and you’ve got two kids.  They come up to you one day and say, “We’re going to play cops and robbers out in the backyard okay?”  You reply, “Sure kids, have fun, and try not to hurt yourselves.”  The kids go outside and one of them decides to play the part of the cop and the other the part of the robber.  A crime is committed, a great chase ensues, and there is a mock gunfight.  One of them goes down in a blaze of glory.  Are you mad at the shooter?  No.  Why?  Because it’s not real.  It’s pretend.  No one actually got hurt.  Why would someone ever choose to play the part of the robber – the bad guy?  Because it’s fun to see what it would be like, especially when you know it’s not real.  You get to explore and experience being “bad.”  Is anyone really hurt?  Nope.  As a parent do you love the “robber” child any less than the “cop” child?  No, of course not.  When the dust settles, they both get up and say, “That was cool.  Let’s play again.  Only this time let’s switch roles!”

I’m not sharing this analogy to condone you become a robber or a bad person, but to illustrate that you are never punished eternally for the role that you play.  Imagine if the “robber” child goes back into the house and says, “Mom, I think I should stand in the corner for an hour because I shot Johnny while we were playing cops and robbers.”  That would be silly.  God doesn’t require you to flog yourself for eternity no matter what mistakes you think you’ve made.  That doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for your actions.  You make choices so you can learn and experience, and then you decide how you want to live. 

Back to your sojourn to the afterlife.  When you die,  if you really want to, you can decide that you deserve some kind of punishment.  This is a real shame in my opinion because it is so unnecessary.  But people do it, and I’ve seen it, especially among suicide victims and those who have committed murder.  They resist the Light because they fear judgment.  So they either stick around Earth, sucking on the energy of the living to do so, or they send themselves to the “corner,” (only in this case it’s a helluva corner!) where they allow lower vibrational entities to torture them for a really long time.  Eventually an angel comes by and says, “You done yet?  No?  Okay, I can wait.”

If you are one of the unfortunate people who find themselves in Hell, there’s only one way out.  You must forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you’ve done wrong.  You must remember that you are worthy of love.  And you must kindly ask the demon with the pitchfork to stop poking you so that you can go back to the welcoming embrace of Source.  Guess what?  The demon works for you.  So if you tell him to stop, he will.  Just say, “Jolly good, mate.  Thanks for the flogging.  Won’t be needing that sort of thing anymore.  I’m going Home now.  Have a nice day.”  And out you go.

People write to me all the time asking if they are going to Hell.  Some of them have never even hurt anyone.  One guy told me he denounced the existence of God one time and felt that certainly he couldn’t get into Heaven for that sort of transgression.  If you’re a parent, has your child ever said, “I hate you, Mom!  I hate you forever!”  Do they really?  As a parent, we understand frustration, anger, resentment, and the occasional shove.  You don’t go to Hell for that (unless you want to!).

When you make a mistake in life – and you will – learn to give yourself the same kind of love and forgiveness that the universe extends to you.  There is no reason to buy a ticket to Hell.  If you don’t like the result of your actions, make amends.  If you’re a mean son of a bitch, stop being a mean son of a bitch. 

When you die, you do go through a life review, and you get to see the consequences of all your actions whether you were present to experience them at the time or not.  And if you harmed others, you will feel and know their pain.  That is not Hell, that is understanding.  The life review is there to help you understand how your actions affected others.  You’re not meant to suffer for eternity.

When you die, don’t resist the light, the love, and the forgiveness.  You’re playing a part in a play.  If you didn’t like how it turned out, pick another part next time so you can experience something different.  And if you’re playing a role today that doesn’t feel good to you, it’s up to you to write new lines for your character right now.

You will pay for your crimes, so think carefully before you commit them.  But that payment comes through rehabilitation and understanding, not retribution and punishment.  Unless you’re into that sort of thing…

There is no Hell but that which you create for yourself.  Don’t go there.  There is no need.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I get variations of this question a lot.  It’s normal to want contact from people who have recently crossed over.  You want to make sure they’re okay, that they didn’t suffer, and you want to know they are still connected to you.  There are several reasons why you may not hear from them so fast, if ever.

First, you have to be an open conduit.  If someone is calling your cell phone and you’ve got it turned off, whose fault is that?  If you want to receive communication from deceased loved ones you’ll have to be open to it.  That means paying attention to your dreams, watching for signs that were unique to them, and being open to a clairvoyant, clairaudient, or clairsentient message from them.  If you associate your boyfriend with a certain song, maybe you’ll hear it on the radio at the same time you’re already thinking about him.  Maybe you’ll smell gardenias when none are around and you equate this to your grandmother.  In short, maybe communication is there and you’re just not picking up on it.

Second, maybe they want to contact you but can’t.  Reaching the other side isn’t a one way ticket to omniscience.  People don’t suddenly become god-like on the other side.  Some spirits are unable to make contact with the living.  Sometimes they need help.  Other, stronger spirits, can sometimes bring through a deceased relative who can’t come through on their own.  Or your spirit guides can at least relay messages between you two.  Again, you’ll have to watch for communication from many different channels and methods.  Over time a spirit can learn to reach back to the living, which requires altering their frequency, and that isn’t an automatic skill.

Thirdly, maybe they don’t want to communicate with you.  Sometimes when I do readings a bunch of people from one family will come through, but someone will be conspicuously absent.  I am sometimes told that that person has already “moved on” and is no longer feeling an emotional connection with family they left behind.  Sometimes, I get a mother who will talk to my sitter and then leave before the father comes through.  Usually that means they were separated or divorced (or hated each other) while alive, and they are not wanting to come through together.

Fourth, maybe you are blocking the communication with your emotions.  Sometimes when a person dies the people they leave behind are angry.  It’s hard for a spirit to come through anger.  People can inadvertently block communication with a spirit if they’re feeling angry or too upset.  When you settle down you might find the spirit was there all along.

Some people are better able to pick up on deceased energy.  So if you don’t hear from your boyfriend it doesn’t mean he isn’t connected to you.  Give it time, patience and love.  Concentrate on his energy.  Hold a photo or something dear to him.  Ask him to come to you and tell him you will be open to the signs, signals, and synchronicities that work best for him.

Sometimes it can be hard to know if you’re really receiving communication from deceased loved ones or if it’s all in your head.  That’s one reason why going to mediums is excellent because they don’t know anything about you or the deceased person.  So if a medium starts telling you about your first date with the deceased or something equally private, it will give you greater confidence that your loved one is really there on the other side.  I once did a reading for a guy and his grandmother came through. Her first words to him were “Don’t worry.”  That was significant for him because those were apparently the final two words she spoke on her death bed and only he, his father, and his dying grandmother were present to hear it.  But if he had tuned in to her on his own and heard “don’t worry” in his mind, that may not have been enough proof for him to believe he was really communicating with her. 

Even professional mediums can wait months or even years to get definitive communication from their loved ones on the other side.  Which just goes to show that if you’re sitting there waiting by your phone you still may not get a call.  Go live your life, watch for signs and communication, keep sending them love, but try not to be terribly upset if you don’t dream about them right away.  These things take time.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  I’ve done readings with people where I could see one of their close loved ones was going to die, and I’ve done readings that contained dire warnings for my sitters about health situations that needed urgent attention or death might follow, but so far I haven’t foreseen an actual death of my sitter.

The first time I saw death looming closely was a very unfortunate situation because I was reading for a bride at her bachelorette party.  How’s that for festive?  The very first thing I received from her guides was that one of her soon-to-be husband’s relatives was going to die from cancer that had spread throughout his body.  I had to pause for a minute to consult with my own guides as I had never seen something like this before.  I asked them if I was supposed to share this news.  They told me that I wouldn’t have received the info if I wasn’t supposed to share it.  I asked the bride-to-be when the wedding was going to take place.  She said 3 months.  I knew the guy would be dead before then.  I saw he had maybe 6-8 weeks left if he really hung on.  So I very politely said, “How important is it to you that this person sees you guys get married?”  She said it was very important.  So I said, “Then you may want to go to a Justice of the Peace and let him witness your official marriage, and then go ahead with the wedding in 3 months.”  She nodded and said, “I understand.  Thank you for telling me.”  It was a tough situation.  A couple of months later I got word that this person had in fact died before the wedding.  I was told they appreciated the warning.

I’ve accurately foreseen the imminent death of a loved one maybe a dozen times, so it certainly doesn’t happen that often.  In all cases that I’m aware of, my client appreciated having the foreknowledge so they could do what they needed to do and say their goodbyes before it was too late.

One of the covenants I’ve made with the guides is to pass on all the information they give me.  So if someone asks me if they are going to die I will get an answer and I will pass it on to my sitter.  So don’t ask me a question you don’t want answered.

I recall in one reading an older woman, probably 70 years old, asked me if she was going to die soon.  The guides told me it looked like she had a good 15 years to go.  I told her and she started sobbing.  She said, “No no no.  I want to go now!  I can’t live without my husband.  Isn’t there some way to hasten my passing?”  That was unexpected.  I had to go back to the guides and get some more information for her.  She had not completed her journey and there were some lessons she still needed to complete.  Obviously we have free will and, if she wanted to, she could easily hasten her demise by taking up any number of deleterious behaviors like smoking, drug abuse, alcoholism, or even suicide.

I’ve also done readings where I see a health problem for my sitter right off the bat.  Usually career and relationship advice comes through first, so when I get a health situation for my sitter it’s usually dire or urgent.  I always tell my sitter what I’m seeing, but I’m not a medical intuitive so I don’t always get good details.  If a psychic is well versed in medicine, they will usually be better at passing on detailed health information.  So I do the best I can with my limited knowledge.  I can usually pinpoint if an issue is hormonal, structural, muscular, chemical, etc. and the location of the source of the problem like endocrine system, nervous system, brain, kidney, liver, etc.

If I saw that my sitter was actually going to die I would want to at least address it.  If their death was due to illness, chances are good the sitter already has a clue about their condition.  I would simply ask them if they’d done everything they could to save themselves and offer any help from the other side that the sitter may not have considered. 

But what about accidents or murder?  Can I foresee that?  In one reading I told this lovely woman that I saw an old boyfriend with a gun coming back to potentially kill her.  I got the impression he was an abusive boyfriend from her past and was actively stalking her or trying to find her.  She admitted she had an abusive boyfriend and that he had threatened her life repeatedly, but that she had gone underground, moved, and hid all her private information so he couldn’t find her.  I was very worried because the information was coming through so strongly.  She appreciated the warning but sort of blew it off as unlikely.  Not a week goes by and she emails me to tell me this boyfriend ran into one of her friends in a grocery store and casually asked the friend where my sitter was living, and her friend told the guy!  She hightailed it out of town as soon as she heard.  Did she prevent her own murder?  I ended up doing 3 readings for this woman over a one year period and as far as I know, she’s still alive.

I don’t recall ever getting information about an impending accident, like a car accident.  Maybe car accidents are more likely to be cosmic accidents as well.  I think it’s easier to detect an impending fatality when it’s an illness that is already gripping someone.

The bottom line for me is that I open a channel to a person’s guides and I pass on whatever information they give me.  That’s the promise I’ve made; not to filter or dilute information that I don’t think a person is ready to hear.  I’ve had to learn ways to gently and sensitively say things to people.  All part of the job I suppose.  And I’ve gotten better at it over time.

A psychic reading is no guarantee though.  Sometimes foreknowledge of impending death is not something the guides are offering; it’s not something you’re supposed to know.  But if I hear about it, I will tell you.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

The battle was over.  Mangled bodies littered the field, piled on top of each other. I walked among the carcasses, the acrid stench of death filling my nostrils, looking for other survivors.  Around me, other soldiers did the same.  No one spoke.  I looked for signs of life among the dead, and found none.  I wandered for a while, unwilling to give up.  I refused to leave a single man behind.   Some of the other soldiers just stood rooted to the ground.  Some wept quietly.  Others, like me, were prodding the bodies, willing them to rise from their slumber.

After a while I realized no one else had survived.  I looked around at the two dozen men around me.  As one, we moved together, drawing in our ranks.  Still no one uttered a word.  The eyes said it all: regret, sadness, misery.  War is hell.

By some unspoken agreement, we just started walking until we were clear of the field.  I couldn’t bear to look back.  Suddenly a train pulled up out of nowhere.  The doors opened in front of us.  Was this our ticket out of Hell?  Rescued!  I walked inside the train car, and the other soldiers followed.  I finally found my voice, then I found the conductor.  “Hey, excuse me, sir.  Where does this train go?”

The conductor had a kind face.  He replied, “Son, this train will take you home.”

I felt relief.  Sure, I felt bad for all the guys who didn’t make it, but I was glad to be going home.  I couldn’t wait to see my wife and kids again.  The other guys seemed relieved too.  Everyone put down their rifles.  The doors closed, and the train started moving.  It felt good to be getting away from the battlefield.

I said to the conductor, “How did you know where to find us?”

He said, “It’s my job.”

“I hate to say this, but as bad as I feel for those other soldiers lying dead on the field, I’m so grateful to have made it out of there alive,” I said.

The conductor looked at me quizzically but with compassion in his eyes and said, “Son, what makes you think you made it out of there alive?”

I looked out the window and all I saw was gray mist.  In a moment the memories came back.  The first shot had clipped my elbow.  The second shot hit me in the thigh sending white hot pain coursing through my entire body.  The third was the killer.  It nicked the artery in my neck.   My life spilled onto the field in seconds. I never even saw my killer’s face.   

I looked around at the other guys.  They had heard my conversation with the conductor.  Realization dawned on all of us.

I quietly asked the conductor, “Where did you say this train was taking us again?”

He answered slowly, “Home, Son.  You’re going Home.”  He patted my shoulder comfortingly.

I sat down heavily on a bench.  I buried my head in my hands and cried.  Home…

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Answer:  When you cross over the chances are excellent you’ll be greeted by your loved ones.  That’s sort of a loaded sentence so let me break it down into its component parts.

First, when you cross over you might be greeted by deceased loved ones, or angels, or your spirit guides, or even God or Jesus, depending on your beliefs, desires, and expectations at the time of your demise.

Second, if you are greeted by deceased family members, some of them may be people who were abusive towards you while you were both alive, and sometimes those people aren’t there when you cross over.  Let me explain that further.

When abusive people cross over they have the same life review that everyone has, where they get to see the effect of their behavior on the people they affected.  They are given the opportunity to forgive themselves for their behavior.  Some choose to forgive, others can’t forgive themselves and healing must happen.   When they are done with their life review and done processing everything that happened in that incarnation, they merge back with their higher self, and go join the other energies in the afterlife.  Reunions are had, love is expressed, I hear there’s coffee and donuts.

So when you cross over, that abusive person you knew is no longer as they were when you knew them.  You may choose not to connect with them, but you will be able to sense their higher self, not that lower, incarnated, abusive self.  Still, you get your life review, you do your processing, and then you decide who you will share your energy with on the other side.  My personal advice is to stay open because you might find something you weren’t expecting on the other side.

Having said all of that, there are occasions when abusive people cannot forgive themselves for the suffering they caused.  They sometimes have a hard time fully crossing over and embracing their higher self.  I’ve seen people on the other side, usually people who have committed suicide and are filled with regret, shame, or guilt, who are not hanging out happily with their other deceased loved ones.  I’ve done readings where I can see one part of a family coming through together, and another relative off to the side, who appears not to be connected with the core family.  I personally feel sad when I see that, but such is life.  They will eventually heal and end up where they need to go.

So to sum up:  You don’t have to communicate or have contact with anyone on the other side that you don’t want to, but I think when you arrive you’ll find a different person than you were expecting.  We’re human, we make mistakes, we make bad choices sometimes.  Sometimes those choices negatively affect others.  It’s all about forgiveness.  I urge you to forgive an abusive parent.  It helps them heal, and it helps you heal.  During your own life review you’ll gain some perspective on how they became abusive.  Understanding is the first step towards forgiving.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

You can do both and they will hear you both ways.  When you think a thought, it creates energy.  That energy can be received and understood by guides, angels, higher selves, God, anything with a consciousness.  You can cast your thought to one specific energy, like your higher self, or you can cast your thought out to the Universe, like, “I am ready for love, Universe.  Bring it on!”

A lot of people think they need to be in a specific building, praying to God in a certain way.  That works, but it’s not necessary to be in a building, on a certain day, praying in a certain way.  Our guides on the other side can hear our thoughts whenever we think them. 

If you want to hear them back, that’s another story.  They don’t communicate using vocal chords and mouths to your ears.  They will respond energetically, the same way they received your communication.  So if you’re not able to tune in to their frequency, you won’t hear their message. 

But there are other ways of receiving their response or communication.  For one, you may get an image in your head, a form of clairvoyance.  You may hear a thought come back to you like, “Yes, my child, you are indeed loved.”  That’s clairaudience.  You may get a warm tingly feeling in your stomach or chills up your back.  That’s clairsentience.  Alternatively, you may get signs, symbols or synchronicities in your life, which is their way of letting you know they received your message.  Interpreting them isn’t always easy, but you do the best you can.  You can consult an intuitive, someone whose job it is to receive energy from the other side and interpret it for you.  These people, such as myself, have trained themselves to receive and interpret communication from the other side.

Who should you address yourself to?

If you need help immediately, like your life is in danger, call upon the angels.  Specifically, Archangel Michael would be a good choice.  If you need healing, call on Raphael.  If you want to commune with God, Source, Oneness, Love, direct your thoughts to your version of God.  If you want to make something happen in your life, like you want to change careers or find a new relationship, I would address yourself to your spirit guides.  If you want to remember who you really are and consult with the highest version of yourself, talk to your higher self.  If you’re curious about what it’s like on other planets or in other dimensions, ask a high vibration celestial being to communicate with you.  If you’re, uh, more attracted to the dark side, you can ask for a low vibration being to assist you.  I’d watch out for that though.  They don’t always play fair.

How do you talk to them?

Some people use meditation.  Quiet your mind, open your chakras, breathe deeply, and ask them to appear to you in your mind.  Talk to them telepathically and see what they say.

Some people like ritual.  Light some candles, turn on the fountain, add some relaxation music, chant, hum, sing; however you feel like connecting, connect. 

Some people like prayer.  Sit quietly or kneel, go into your heart and/or mind, and commune silently with your God.

Some people do well with journaling or automatic writing.  I especially recommend this technique for the left-brained folks who don’t go in for the woo-woo stuff.  Just write down some questions in a Word document, and type back the answer you see, feel, hear, or just know.  Or the answers you think you just saw, heard, felt, or knew.  Rationalize it later.

You can communicate with the other side in dreams too.  This was a method I preferred growing up.  I would program a dream or ask for a message dream on a certain night and pay close attention to what my dreams were about.  If I got myself a lucid dream, I was good to go!

There are many ways to communicate with the beings in the ether.  Try different methods until you find the one you like best.

How do you know if your guides are communicating with you or if you’re just hearing things or making things up?

Practice for one thing.  Keep communicating and acting on what you get.  See if it turns out like you thought it would.  That will strengthen your communication.  I also find that the deeper into meditation I go, the stronger the connection.  You want to get yourself to the point where you can discern the difference between your ego, logic, intuition, and guides.  It’s not likely going to happen on your first attempt unless you’re already a pretty advanced intuitive and just didn’t know it.

You can talk to your higher self, guides, angels, and God out loud with your voice if you want.  That sends the same energy as doing it in your mind.  Sometimes it feels better to hear your prayer out loud.  You can put some oomph and inflection into it. 

Knowing that the Universe receives your thoughts and wishes, I encourage you to send love and gratitude out whenever you can.  That tends to be returned in kind.  And I encourage you to watch the negative thinking as you don’t want to accidentally manifest something unfortunate for yourself.  The universe responds to our thoughts. Guard yours well or they will become your destiny.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.