What IS a soul mate?
The most common definition of a soul mate is the person you are destined to marry. You guys arrange to incarnate together, and you incarnate every time in every life and hook up, make babies, and live happily ever after. This would be great if it were true, but it’s not really how things work.

So do soul mates exist at all then?
In a way they do and in a way they don’t. We’ll have to reclassify the definition a little. It’s true that before you incarnate you make arrangements with certain other souls to meet, connect, and have some kind of impact on each other. You might even end up marrying one of these souls, but it’s not necessary to satisfy the arrangement or plan you had with them. All that is intended to happen is a connection. So our new definition of soul mate should be closer to this: A soul mate is a person you have a soul connection with whom you decide to interact with on a permanent or semi-permanent basis.

So what’s a soul connection then?
There are infinite souls out there, all extensions of Source. Let’s use an analogy. If we’re all cells in the Body of Humanity, we’re all ultimately connected with each other the same way a liver cell is ultimately connected with a heart cell. But if you’re a heart cell, for example, you’ll find yourself resonating more closely with other heart cells. You may not have much connection with a liver cell if you’re a heart cell, but it’s okay, there’s no bad blood between you. You just don’t hang with each other much.

So when you incarnate, you may recognize some of the cells in your posse. “Hey, don’t we know each other from somewhere? Oh I remember, you’re a heart cell. Me too! Yo, my brother! What’s the haps?” These are soul connections. People you recognize because you know each other from the ether. You’ll feel drawn to them. You may have even pre-arranged a meeting because you have business together. You’ll have soul connections with potentially hundreds of people in any incarnation. You may not meet them all, but they’re here. These soul connections are with people in what we call a soul group.

So who am I supposed to marry? Someone from my soul group?
It’s very common for people to fall in love with people with whom they have a soul connection. It’s a natural extension of the fondness you feel for them and the familiarity you have with them. Sometimes this fondness results in a commitment, like marriage. Sometimes it becomes a business partnership. Sometimes you are just amazing friends. Think about it. Don’t you know a few people in your life that you feel very close to but they aren’t your spouse? Haven’t you known someone in your past who had a huge impact on the course of your life but maybe you don’t even keep in touch now? A teacher? A mentor? A friend? Probably members of your soul group.

Do you always marry someone from your soul group?
No, but I do think it’s more likely. These are people you’ll have a natural attraction towards. These are people you’ll recognize on some level. But you could be a heart cell who marries a liver cell and you can live happily ever after too.

So how am I supposed to find “the one?”
There is more than one “one.” It’s probably religion that has indoctrinated us to believe we’re supposed to find one person and settle down for the rest of our lives. So of course you want to find the right “one.” Totally understandable. But let me reassure you that there are scads of people on this planet who would make a good partner for you. It all depends on what you want, what they want, and if you’re at Starbucks when they are. Don’t get caught up with the idea that if you can’t find the “one” that you are doomed to be alone the rest of your life. Just find one of the “ones” and you’ll be fine.

Weren’t you and Steve soul mates?
I’ve probably alluded to that in other blog entries. I’m certain Steve and I pre-arranged our connection here. I’m certain we are members of the same soul group. I know our souls are deeply connected, and I know our mission here is well aligned. But I also know there are other people in our group out there too. As we drift around in this incarnation, we’ll keep ourselves open to interacting with them. Restricting ourselves to one connection in each life is so unnecessary. Don’t do it to yourself either. Keep yourself open to meeting anyone and everyone with whom you have a connection. Open yourself to what you could gain by interacting with cells outside your soul group too.

Is there a way to find people in our soul group more easily?
Yes there is. Go where they are. Seriously. Tune in to your soul group. What kind of work do they do? What sort of philosophy of life do they probably have? Where are they likely to feel most comfortable? Most called? It’s probably similar to you. I’ve found one of the best places to find people in a soul group is conferences and seminars. If you’re interested in something, chances are the members of your soul group are interested too. Workshops, conferences, retreats, gatherings, groups, are all great places to start your search. When I first went to Hay House’s I Can Do It Conference it was like a soul group reunion! Oh my heavens, I felt like I’d found my tribe. Once I had that experience I started going to anything and everything where these people were likely to go. The Conscious Growth Workshop is another good place to find high awareness, conscious folks eager to grow. I’ve found members of my soul group at Toastmasters. You might find some at the gym, a yoga class, or at art school. They’re out there.

So the next time you ask a psychic where your soul mate is, I hope she says, “They’re all around you. Pick one. What kind of connection are you seeking at this time in your life?” An intuitive should be able to help you find one, but I hope you understand now that it won’t be the one and only.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

If you’ve been following my blog regularly you’ll know that I’ve always had a deep fear of public speaking but that I’ve been actively working on overcoming it by taking massive action in the direction of my goals.  I joined Toastmasters 3.5 years ago, I’ve volunteered to introduce Steve when he goes on stage, I recently entered and won my first toastmaster contest, I volunteered to be President of one of the largest Toastmaster clubs forcing me to speak in front of a large audience at every meeting, I did a one hour radio show, and a 90-minute video interview.  All of these actions are part of my plan to become comfortable with public and professional speaking. 

The first time I introduced Steve on stage I was so nervous.  The old me would have quit speaking right then and there.  “Forget it, that sucked, I made a fool of myself, we’re never doing that again!”  But I’ve come to learn that failures and even embarrassments are nothing to be afraid of.  You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game.  So when Steve asked if I wanted to speak at the workshop I said yes even though it terrified me.  I knew that saying yes was the right thing to do.  I didn’t let the fear stop me.  But I told Steve that I didn’t want to prepare anything.  I wanted to be in the moment and stay fully present, not get stuck in my head trying to remember something I’d memorized.  He agreed that was best. 

During his planning he would occasionally ask me things like, “Do you want to tell your Star Trek story?”  or “Do you want to be on stage when I do the relationship segment?”  I told him to put me wherever he thought would serve the audience best.  So when the first day of the workshop rolled around, I had no idea if or when he would call me up to the stage.

It didn’t take long.  After the first break, Steve was talking about the principle of Power.  I heard him say, “I’d actually like to bring my wife Erin up on stage to tell us a story of how she successfully used her Power to accomplish a goal.”  That would be my Star Trek story.  My heart was pounding as I walked from the back of the room to the stage.  I had no idea what I was going to say, how I was going to start the story, or anything.  Earlier that day, I asked Darren LaCroix, World Champion of Public Speaking, our friend, and the guy who was introducing Steve, if he would come up on stage with me so I could feel what it might be like if I was up there.  I told him I was really nervous about speaking and asked his advice.  He said, “You’re going to be nervous when you first get here.  That’s okay.  Once you get your first laugh you’ll know the audience is with you, you’ll feel their energy, and you won’t be nervous anymore.”  I was doubtful but I absorbed the info and clung to it like a life preserver.

And so it was that I stepped on stage and began my story.  My breathing betrayed my nervousness, and I’m sure I stumbled a bit, but Darren was right.  As soon as I got my first laugh I relaxed.  I felt the audience was with me, that they wanted me to succeed, and that they were engaged in my story.  By the time I was done, which took maybe 7-8 minutes, I was actually enjoying myself.  That’s something I wouldn’t have believed possible before.  I left the stage, no longer afraid of being up there.  I began to hope Steve would call me up again.

As it turns out, Steve called me up during the career section also.  Then I did announcements daily from the stage.  Easy and very similar to what I do as president of my club, so I already had that as a reference experience.  On the third day we did indeed do much of the relationship segment together including some Q&A.  I loved it.  I wasn’t the least bit nervous.  I was happy speaking on stage.  The longest I was on stage at any one time was probably an hour or so.  Interestingly, last year my Mastermind group and I were talking about putting together a one day workshop where each of us would do an hour presentation.  I really resisted that.  I wasn’t ready.  I really didn’t think I could do it.  Now I know I could.  Why?  Because I have a reference now.  I’ve already been on stage for that long.  Yes, it was with Steve by my side, but I’m sure I could do it alone too.  I discovered that the key is to stop thinking about my personal issues and to concentrate on what I’m trying to convey to the audience.  It’s about them, not me.  My job is to share something that will benefit them.  Thoughts of how I might look or come across disappear in light of what I’m trying to give to others.

When was the last time you pushed yourself beyond your comfort zone and created a new reference experience for yourself?  What are you avoiding because you don’t think you’re ready?  How could you get ready?  What actions could you take today to make you ready for that challenge in the future?  I had to join Toastmasters 3.5 years ago to be ready for what I did this past weekend.  I’m a patient woman.  I knew if I just kept showing up to Toastmasters, participating, and giving it my all, that I would eventually get better at public speaking.  Now, I’m not just better at it, I like it. 

Don’t let fear stop you from creating the life you want.  Continue to create new reference experiences for yourself until you reach your goal.  You can take baby steps all the way, or one giant leap if that’s comfortable for you.  My next goal is to do a 1-hour presentation by myself.  I’ll use all of my reference experiences to get there.

What is your goal and what reference experiences will you use to get you there?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

As you can imagine, my first few calls were dismal.  I wasn’t practiced with my script and fumbled a lot.  People hung up on me right quick.  But in time I started to do better.  I remember being so excited to get someone on the phone willing to do the survey.  When I was done, I proudly added a tick mark on the white board.  Our bosses kept track of how many surveys we all completed.  I was the new kid so no one expected much.  There were some people that had been there for years.  They looked like zombies to be honest.  No light in them at all.  It was like the life had been sucked out of them.  I started to be concerned but figured I’d only be there for the summer and I would endure.

After my first week I was accustomed to making over a hundred phone calls per day, and I was lucky to get 20 surveys done in a week.  I felt like a total failure but I was assured it was par for the course.  Then I decided to change my strategy.  I went completely off-script initially in order to get the customer interested in taking the survey.  I just decided to be 100% completely honest with them instead of going through a canned spiel. 

“Hello, my name is Erin and I work for a telemarketing company.  Yep, it’s a horrible job but I’m a student and it’s the only way I can afford school.  If it isn’t too much trouble, would you be willing to take a short survey with me?  I want to look good in front of my bosses and if you stay on the phone with me I won’t have to make another 10 calls.  I would really be grateful.”  I can’t tell you how many people relented and sympathized with me.  Before I knew it, my survey completion record had doubled.  People who had been there for years started noticing and some of them got angry with me.  There was a definite competition vibe there.  Apparently the plum jobs went to the best people.  I was inordinately pleased with myself though, and the job was more bearable.  My specialty has always been connecting with people easily, so I used that skill to make headway in this job.

Of course, my bosses began to notice.  One day they called me in and said they needed to have a talk with me.  I was nervous as I thought they were going to fire me for going off script.  One of my competitors, I mean co-workers, was particularly annoyed that I was going off script, and I know she told on me.  As it turned out, though, my bosses were not only okay with it, but impressed.  They asked if I was willing to be put on a special project that wasn’t sponsored by another company but was actually their own private project.  It came with a pay raise and my own private office with a door, no more cubicle!  I jumped at the chance!

My new job was to call people and ask them if they wanted to buy a book called Dianetics written by L. Ron Hubbard.  I thought that was sort of a strange thing to be doing, but I didn’t care.  So I called people and asked them if they wanted to buy this book which was supposedly all about self improvement and making yourself happier.  The list I was calling from was surprisingly sympathetic to this request.  Good list, I thought!  Whether people were willing or unwilling to buy the book, I was also told to ask them if they wanted to make a donation to some L. Ron Hubbard charity fund.  I had no idea what this was all about, but that didn’t matter to me.  I was doing very well and making a lot of money for this L. Ron Hubbard fellow.   I was proud of my skill and my bosses were over the moon about me.  They gave me another raise.  I was rockin’!

Then the co-worker who ratted me out took me aside one day and told me that our bosses were Scientologists.  I’m like, “What’s a Scientologist?”  She told me it was a religious cult, and she said some really nasty things about it.  I became very concerned.  I felt duped, deceived, and used.  I didn’t want to be a religious cult fundraiser!  Without doing much research on my own (no internet in those days) I decided I had to stop and go back to doing the lame surveys.  I went to my bosses and told them I felt uncomfortable.  They were so incredibly nice and understanding.  In fact, these guys were so gentle and kind, I found it hard to believe they were part of any cult.  They asked if I wanted to know more about Scientology.  So I sat and listened to them explain the whole thing to me.  I thought it sounded really weird but not as cult-like as co-worker chick made it out to be.   I was still uncomfortable with the job they were having me perform, though, so I told them I couldn’t do it anymore.  They understood and then they let me go.  They had already hired someone to take my place doing the surveys. 

I wasn’t overly upset.  I wanted to get out of there badly.  So I left with little huff.  But I learned something from that job.  I learned that who you work for is just as important as the work you’re doing.   If your personal beliefs aren’t in alignment with the goals your company is trying to achieve, why are you working for them?  I often think about people who work for the big tobacco companies, or the people who work in the slaughterhouses.  Is it just a job to them?  Or are they going against their own ideals in order to earn a paycheck?  I mean, we all have our limits and it’s up to you to choose them, but do you know who you’re working for?  Which of their goals are you achieving for them and are these goals you’d work on yourself if you could?  If I were to ever be in a position where I was working for someone else again, I’d try to find a job with a company whose goals and ideals were closely aligned with mine, because then all the work I did for them would contribute to what I perceived as the greater good.

Who do you work for?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

You either fell into your job accidentally or you moved to it consciously.  That doesn’t matter today.  If you no longer like your job and wish  you were someplace else doing the same thing or someplace else doing something different, it doesn’t really matter how you got into it in the first place, it’s time to go.

Maybe you’re saying, “But I’ve been here so long… if I give up now I’ll have wasted the last 20 years.”  No, absolutely you didn’t waste the last 20 years.  You got a lot out of them.  Now you’re done.  Thank your job for what it did for you, and allow yourself to see a life beyond it.  The last thing you want to do is stick it out for another 20 if you don’t love it anymore.  Okay okay, if you’ve got less than a year to retirement and a full pension, maybe sticking it out isn’t such a bad idea.  But if you’re in your 20’s or 30’s or even 40’s and you hate your job, don’t give it any more of your life.  Move on.

But you might say, “If I switch careers I’ll have to start at the bottom.  I won’t earn as much money as I do now.”  That might be true.  It might not be.  It’s not a given that you will earn less money if you switch to an entirely different career.  Lots of people move into doing something they love that instantly earns them more money than they’re making now.  If money is very important to you, make sure the next job or career you move into will earn you the money you want to make.  If it doesn’t, it’s probably not a vibrational match for all your needs anyway and you shouldn’t even be considering it.

So now you’re thinking, “What if you know you hate your job but you’re not sure what you would love to do?”  Figure it out.  Spend a lot of time figuring it out.  It’s really important.  It’s your life, after all.  You should get to spend all of it doing what you want, when you want, the way you want, for the money you want.  If you believe it’s impossible to have all of that in a job then you should examine the beliefs you have about money, careers, and your own ability, because there are tons of people out there who love everything about their jobs.  Be one of them.  Don’t stop until you are.

Literally start making a list of all the things you love to spend your time doing.  Not just your hobbies.  Also list your skills.  I know a woman who has been in the accounting profession her entire life.  About 18 years now.  She hates her job, but when I ask her what she does love about it she tells me she likes solving problems, putting the pieces of a financial puzzle together, and tracking down every last dime.  It’s the thrill of the hunt that she loves.  So now she’s looking for other careers that allow her to express those skills but don’t include accounting.  Do you have some of those?  What do you still love about your job?  Write it down, but don’t attach it to that particular job.  Perhaps you can get some of that in a new profession.  I’ll bet this accountant would love being a private investigator for example.

Once you’ve got your list of what you love, see which things on your list you’re actually good at.  This is important.  If you try to do something you love but aren’t good at, you’ll probably fail.  That won’t lead to happiness.  Maybe it’s something you can get good at either by going to school or practicing more.  So while you’re in your current job making oodles of money, see about getting better at the thing you love to do.  Yes, it’s a commitment, but it’s worth it in the end.  Doesn’t matter if it takes a few years.

Once you have figured out what you love to do and what you’re good at, ask yourself which of those items provide value to other people.  You can be the best stamp licker in the world but is anyone going to pay you to lick their stamps for them?  Don’t be naïve.  Money is an exchange of value.  Unless you love standing on a street corner and you’re really good at holding a sign, you’re going to need to find a way to provide value doing what you love and what you’re good at.  So look at your list.  Does a large portion of society need the value you can offer?  Or would a small portion of society pay you big bucks to provide that particular value to them? If no one would pay you to do it, cross if off your list and keep it to yourself.  Or if you’re very inventive, find a way to create a demand for it.

I think you’re getting the idea here.  Find something you love, that you’re good at, that provides value to others and start a business or get a job doing just that.

When should you leave your current job?  Some people transition slowly to their new job by doing it on the side until it’s earning enough income to replace their current income, or some people just up and quit their current job so they can totally focus full-time on manifesting the new one.  Either way works, and either way can fail.  For example, if you have a lot of savings and you expect it will only take a short while to get your new career up and running, it’s probably safe to quit the current job and jump into the new one full time.  If, however, you’ve got no savings, 7 mouths to feed, and you need time to build up a clientele or get training or more education, etc. then perhaps the transition approach is best.  Just knowing that you’re on a road that leads away from your current job can be enough to sustain your soul while you slog away at it every day.  But don’t wait too long.  Keep your momentum going!

I have a friend who doesn’t particularly love his job.  We’ve identified a whole bunch of things he loves doing that he is good at, and we’ve even identified a way for him to provide value to others by doing it.  His big block?  “What if the new job feels like work?  I’d hate for something I love to do to feel like work.”  When you are doing what you love and you’re earning money from it, it’s not work.  It’s joy.  He doesn’t know this because he’s never experienced it and can’t believe it’s possible to enjoy what you do for a living.  So years later, he’s still slogging away at his job and doing this other cool stuff on evenings and weekends.  He’s afraid he’ll stop enjoying these delicious things if they are his job.   Trust me, you don’t stop enjoying them.  They get even more exciting.

If you hate your job, it’s time to move on.  Don’t give your loyalty to a job you’re no longer a vibrational match for.  There is no honor in that.  You probably were a vibrational match for it when you first got there.  If you’re no longer a match though, why stick around?  What else calls to you?  What else do you wish you always got the chance to explore?  Is your current job the one your parents told you would be safe and secure?  Did you ignore the call of your joy in exchange for security and safety?  I’m telling you that you can have security, stability, financial abundance, and joy too.  Why not go for the whole package?  If you’re waiting until you retire to finally start living and enjoying your life, you’re making a big mistake.  You deserve joy now.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Distracting thoughts during meditation are extremely common.  If you want to reach a higher vibration so that you can have a chat with your guides you’ll need to learn how to tune out distractions and tune in to the higher frequencies.  So how do you do that?  There are several ways.

Get it all out first
Make a list of all the things you need to do so you won’t forget them.  Tune in to what you need to do that day and get it all down on paper.  Take your time and do it right.  Then trust that everything you need to remember is on that list.  Set it aside and prepare for meditation.

Turn on some relaxation music
Meditation music is wonderful.  There are so many CDs out there that you really can’t go wrong.  I love R. Brian Caldwell’s music and I use it to tune in during readings and meditation.  It gives me an aural focal point to help my mind from becoming distracted.  Play it softly in the background.

Create a sacred space for meditation
Some people find it helpful to have a special place they use solely for meditation.  Some pillows on the floor, a yoga mat, a certain chair in the house.  Selecting one single place where you always meditate will help you create an anchor so that when you sit there,  your mind automatically goes into meditation mode.  Don’t do anything else in this spot like talking on the phone, journaling, etc.  Just save the space for meditation.

Concentrate on your breathing
Breathing is an important component of meditation.  Typically you want to breathe in through your nose for a certain count, like 4 or 6, and then breathe out slowly through your mouth for a few beats longer than that.  I personally am not a big fan of controlled meditative breathing as I actually find it distracting to try to keep the count.  So what I do is take three deep breaths to center myself then I just breathe deeply and deliberately without trying to hold my breath for any certain length of time.  You can concentrate on breathing without making it an exercise in holding your breath.  During your meditation just keep breathing through your nose and out through your mouth.  If your nasal passages are blocked it’s okay to just breathe through your mouth, and if you suffer from dry mouth it’s also okay to breathe in and out through your nose.  There’s really no wrong way to breathe during meditation.  As long as you keep breathing, you’re good!

Count
One thing I do count is stairs.  When you meditate, you have the option of putting yourself in a quiet, centered, peaceful state with the intention of just being in the present moment.  If that’s your goal, you won’t need to count; just breathe.  But usually when I meditate, it’s with the goal of connecting with spirit guides, my higher self, angels, Source, or a deceased person.  In that case I have to raise my frequency, or my vibration.  To do that, I select a metaphorical way of climbing: stairs, an escalator, or an elevator if I’m in a hurry.  I prefer the stairs though.  So while I’m doing my meditative deep breathing, I am counting the stairs as I go up them.  This keeps my mind from wandering as I have to focus on the count to get it right.  If I’m in an elevator I watch the buttons light up from 1 to 100 and keep count of them as I go.  It accomplishes the same thing.  When I use an escalator I count to 10 while I’m on the escalator and then stop off of that one and onto another one that takes me still higher for another count of 10.  It all accomplishes the same goal and keeps my mind from wandering.

Guided meditation
Another way to keep your mind on your meditation is to listen to a guided meditation program.  In these programs someone else is telling you where you are, what you see, what you hear and feel, etc.  As you listen and concentrate on what they’re saying, you won’t have time for distractions.  Guided meditations are great when you’re just starting out and aren’t sure where to go in your mind.  Later you can create your own meditation ritual with your own locales, scenes, and sounds.

Acknowledge the thoughts and let them go
Even with a lot of practice you can still end up with the random thought passing through your mind while trying to meditate.  That’s okay.  Don’t beat yourself up about it.  Let the thought come, acknowledge it, and then let it go.  Get right back to what you were doing, you don’t need to start over.  If you try too hard to prevent thoughts from coming in, you won’t be relaxed enough to meditate or reach a higher vibration. 

***

Meditation is a wonderful tool you can use to bring peace to your life or to connect with your spirit guides, higher self, angels, and even Source.  Don’t let distracting thoughts stop you from learning to meditate.  Just learn how to handle them when they appear.  With practice you’ll find yourself getting less and less distracted and more and more in tune.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.