Answer:  Often people tell relatives, “If you make it to the other side, I’ll know you’re really there if you come through a medium with this code word.” It’s a nice idea, and in theory it should work.  I personally have never received a code word from a deceased person while doing an intuitive reading, but nor has anyone asked me to see if I could get one. 

As a psychic medium, receiving information psychically is not as easy as listening to someone on the other end of the phone just talking to you.  It’s not like we hear someone say, “Hey Erin, my name is Joe Smith and I’m happy to be talking with you today from the other side.  Could you please tell my son that the will is in the top left drawer of my study and the password for my computer is Ulysses.”  It just doesn’t come through that clearly most of the time. 

Psychics receive information energetically, on a frequency I couldn’t even begin to fathom as I’m not a psychic linguist or quantum physicist.  It’s like being immersed in a language you don’t know, and after years you eventually pick up on what certain sounds mean.  Only in the case of a psychic, no one is teaching you how to translate the energy, you just have to learn through trial and error and practice.  Eventually your connection gets stronger and your ability to fathom the meaning of the energetic signals gets clearer.  The more you work with your guides, the more you develop a shorthand way of communication, with them using certain symbols to mean certain things.  For example, when my guides show me a diamond symbol over a person’s chakra I know it’s their symbol for the fact that this client has professional level abilities related to that chakra.  So if I see a diamond over their third eye I know the person is capable of being a professional intuitive or already is one.  If I see a diamond over their throat chakra I know they are a professional singer or speaker or writer (or some other form of communication).

I am clairaudient, which means I do hear the guides talking to me, and sometimes I do hear things word for word.  I’ve had guides and deceased relatives come to me with a phrase so specific it feels like it took all of their energy to fine tune the beam in order for me to receive the transmission in its most pristine and unsullied form.  I am then able to pass it along easily as it’s already come to me pre-translated.  Yes, this makes my job easier and I love it when it happens, but for most of a reading I’m receiving impressions that I must translate. 

Spirits do not speak in man-made languages.  It’s not like you’ve got people over there speaking Chinese or English or whatever.  They communicate with energy.  So let’s say you’re recently deceased and your son goes to a medium.  Desperate to get a message to him that you’re alright, you try to form the code word but hey, you don’t have a mouth or vocal cords.  How are you going to get the message to the medium in a way she’ll understand?  You could push an image into her mind and if she’s clairvoyant she might get it.  You could send a sound wave and hope you’ve formed it correctly so that the medium interprets it correctly and it doesn’t come through garbled or like static.  You could try sending a feeling (how do you send “Ulysses” as a feeling?) and hope the medium is clairsentient.  Do you think it’s easy for a deceased person to communicate with a medium?  It’s not!  Often times the spirit guides have to bring messages through because the deceased person is incapable of expressing themselves using the language of energy.  There have been many readings I’ve done where I’m getting messages from spirit guides that are being relayed for the deceased person.  In some readings I’m communicating with the deceased person directly.  I never know what I’m going to get until I tune in.

I personally think a code word is a great idea.  But make it something easy for a medium to receive and for your relative on the other side to send.  If your word is, “serendipitous” come on!  Give us a break.  That’s never going to make it through the system.  Think of something that could be easily sent visually, that has a simple sound to it, or that could be felt, smelled, or tasted.  Some ideas would be a rose, a cat, a hat, a cat in a hat (just kidding), but you get the idea.  Simple sound, simple visual.  Then when you’re having a reading with a medium be on the lookout for the code word.  She might not know she’s receiving a code word; it might come to her in a way she thinks is metaphorical.  If your code word is rose, for example, and she says, “Your mom keeps handing me red flowers and they smell divine,” she could be picking up on the coded message even though she isn’t saying the word “rose.”  Maybe she’s seeing rosy cheeks.  Or the medium might say, “She’s saying you view the world through rose-colored glasses.”  We could simply be misinterpreting the nature of the communication.  So you’re going to have to be on the lookout.  It’s not like the spirit is going to say, “Hey Erin, can you please tell my daughter the code word is blue.  I’d sure appreciate it.”

When a medium is working, he or she should be able to relay information to you that validates the presence of the deceased relative in a way that you will find confirming.  For all we know, spirits aren’t allowed to pass on a code word.  Maybe it violates their prime directive.  I know that when I’m working I’m not able to extract information from a guide or spirit.  I have to let them do the talking and be patient as they choose how to answer the questions they’re given. 

Bottom line … I think a code word is a valid covenant to make.  I’ll probably set one up with my own parents just to see what happens.  But I wouldn’t hold your breath on receiving it during a reading.  Stay open to what the spirit wants to communicate, look for and expect validation on the part of the medium, and if the medium is close let them know.  We might make it look easy, but it’s not.  Tuning in, especially to deceased relatives, is difficult and takes a lot of practice to be able to pass on messages accurately.  It would be awesome if someone could invent a translator that would accurately translate energy into English.  Until then, we have to decrypt the energy the best way we can.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

I really liked Torey.  He was this huge guy, probably 6’4”, muscular build, he was even sporting facial hair, which back then made him look much older than a high school student.  Many people in school called him a Dumb Giant and referred to him often as The Beast, but I saw a gentleness in Torey that belied his size.  We would talk often during class and pass notes to each other, and I remember sensing a great deal of sadness in Torey.  When I asked him what was wrong he never told me, but I knew he was haunted emotionally in some way.  Torey came to really like me and was really protective of me. If I ever had a problem with someone, Torey would go tell that person to leave me alone and I never had a problem with that person again.  He always had my back.  I felt completely safe around Torey.

Matt was a different story.  He was thin, wiry, and exuded a sleazy energy.  I didn’t like talking to him, sitting next to him, or interacting with him in any way.  He was arrogant, aggressive, and conniving.  Just a bad vibe all the way around.  I was glad he didn’t sit behind me because he gave me the creeps and I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate knowing he was staring at me during class.

What I didn’t know about either of these guys, however, was that by the end of 10th grade, both of them would be on trial for pre-meditated, first degree murder.

It happened a few months before the end of the school term.  Both Torey and Matt were absent for 5 days in a row.  I knew they sometimes ditched class, but not that many in a row.  Then I started hearing rumors that Torey and Matt had murdered someone and were evading police.  No.  Just a silly rumor started by stupid high school kids with nothing better to do than gossip.  Then I saw it on the news and couldn’t deny it was real any longer.  Torey and Matt had been arrested for the murder of Torey’s mother.  I was in shock.  Complete and utter shock!  It didn’t seem possible.  It took a while, but I eventually got the entire story.

During his entire childhood, Torey was the victim of physical and emotional abuse by his mother.  His mom was single, abused drugs and alcohol, and often sold herself to men for money.  Sometimes when Torey was a little boy, his mother would lock him in the car while she went into bars to pick up men who would pay her for sex, or who would accept sex in exchange for drugs.  Torey sometimes sat in the backseat while his mom had sex in the front seat with her men.  Even though Torey grew to a great size, he was completely cowed by his mother’s power over him. 

Torey had a little brother who was 8 years old at the time of the murder.  Torey loved his little brother desperately and often took beatings for him so the kid wouldn’t have to suffer like he had at that age.  There was no question that Torey was wrecked emotionally.  It didn’t matter that he could easily overpower his mother.  She had his spirit licked and broken.

Matt apparently knew about all the abuse and told Torey he should take matters into his own hands.  Torey revealed that his mother was planning to kick him out of the house when he turned 18, and that scared him because he would then be unable to protect his little brother.  Matt suggested to Torey that they kill Torey’s mom and try to make it look like an accident.  In desperation, Torey went along with the idea.  Their plan was to choke Torey’s mom in the middle of the night, put her in her car, send it down an embankment, and make sure it caught on fire, so the body would show no evidence of how she really died.  But they ran into some difficulty.

The night of the murder, Matt and Torey went into his mother’s room in the middle of the night.  Matt held a pillow over her face, while Torey climbed on top of her and wrapped his big hands around her neck and started choking her.  They did this for a while before she went limp.  Unbeknownst to them, she was only unconscious, not dead.  While they were preparing to get the body into the car, she woke up and started screaming bloody murder.  This woke Torey’s little brother who came to see what was going on.  Matt subdued the 8-year-old boy and tied him up with ropes and gagged him.  Meanwhile, Torey tackled his mother.  Matt ran and got a shovel from the fireplace and they used it to club her over the head until she was dead.  Brutal!

They put the mother’s body into her car, wrapped in the bloody sheets from the bed.  Their plan was for one of them to drive to the embankment while the other followed in another car.  Then they would push the car over the side, make sure it caught fire, and go home in the other car.  That was the plan before, but they quickly realized they had a little problem.  What to do with the little brother?  Matt said they had to kill him too since he was a witness.  That’s when Torey put his foot down and said that no way was he going to allow his little brother to be killed.  But Matt insisted it was the only way to keep them out of jail.  Torey put his protesting little brother into the trunk while Matt prepared the mother’s body.  Torey loosened the ropes that bound his kid brother and made sure the trunk wasn’t closed all the way.  He explained to the frightened child to wait until they pushed the car over the edge of the hill, then to climb out before it caught fire and hide in the brush until they were gone.  Thankfully, the terrified child somehow managed to escape and do just that.

Torey and Matt were caught by the police when the little brother told the cops everything he knew.  Torey and Matt were arrested quickly.  Torey was 17 but it was decided that since it was a pre-meditated murder, he would be tried as an adult.  Matt was 16 and was tried as a minor.  Matt turned on Torey and gave evidence against him in exchange for a much lighter sentence of 2 years in a Juvenile Detention Center.  It was found out later that Matt wasn’t even who he said he was.  He was already a wanted criminal in other states and had adopted an entirely new identity when he came to my high school.  After a lengthy trial where Torey’s little brother testified to the abuse and also testified to the fact that Torey killed his mother, Torey was given a sentence of 25 years to life in a maximum security prison.  He escaped the death penalty only because he saved his little brother from certain death.

I remember feeling like all of this was terribly wrong.  Yeah, he brutally murdered his mother and deserved to go to jail for that.  But Matt got off way too easy.  Torey wasn’t some hardened violent criminal who needed to be locked up for the good of society.  He was trying to rescue his little brother from an abusive life.  But he made a deal with the devil, and made a really bad choice, all because of Matt’s encouragement and planning.  If Torey had opened up to someone else, things could have gone differently.  I was sad for Torey.

After his arrest, Torey was spurned by everyone at school.  Only I and one other friend felt Torey didn’t deserve the severity of his punishment.  They just didn’t know him like we knew him.  My friend told me we were allowed to write to Torey and send him gifts, so we immediately sent him letters, books, and sweet treats to help him endure jail.  He wrote back to us often and told us the entire story of what happened, which is why I know so many of the details. He told us he was getting along okay in jail because he was a pretty big guy and most people assumed he was tough because he was in jail for pre-meditated murder so they left him alone.

The oddest thing about Torey was how happy he was.  He told us he finally felt free (ironically), because his mother couldn’t hurt him anymore.  And he was extremely happy that his brother had gotten away from the car and wouldn’t have to endure the abuse he suffered as a child.  To protect his brother, he killed his mother.  It was a sad story all the way around.

My friend and I continued to write to Torey and send him anything and everything we could think of to make his incarceration more bearable.  Torey was grateful for every communication and gift we sent him.  I remember him joking that he was glad he wouldn’t have to take the Geometry final. 

In class there were two empty seats: one in front of me and one behind me.  I remember people asking me questions like, “Are you freaked out that you were sitting between two murders for months?  Torey could have stabbed you in the back just for the hell of it!”

No.  They didn’t understand Torey.  But I did.  A lost, broken soul, doing everything he could to protect his baby brother from harm.  The murder was the decision of a desperate person.  I don’t think he deserves to spend the rest of his life in jail.  I believe true justice was lost in the letter of the law in Torey’s case.

I sometimes think of Torey and wonder how he’s getting along, if being in jail has hardened his gentle soul.  While I’ve gone on to have a wonderful life full of blessings and kindness and love, he’s been locked up, staring at gray walls and prison bars.  My mother made me stop writing to Torey when she found out I was regularly corresponding with a murderer.  Even she didn’t understand that I would never see Torey as a murderer.  He was my friend.  He was kind to me.  And he had my back.

That happened 25 years ago.  I wonder if Torey is free now.  I hope so.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

I was at the mechanic’s shop getting my car repaired.  It was going to take a couple of hours so I decided to just sit in the waiting room and read a good book, a rare pleasure for me.  The television in the waiting room was on but I was tuning it out.  There was an elderly couple in the waiting room with me.  The husband was slouched in his seat, eyes closed, arms crossed, and it looked like he was doing his best to nap in a really uncomfortable chair.

His wife was yabbering on about what was happening on the television which was playing the game show, The Price is Right.  Everything coming out of the woman’s mouth was negative though.  “Oh that guy was so stupid, I could have gotten that question right.”  “That model has really fat thighs.  Look at them honey.”  Her husband would periodically crack an eye open, nod noncommittally and go back to napping.  She kept at it, even during commercials.  “That restaurant has the worst food. I would never eat there.”  “That car constantly breaks down.  Those people are crooks to sell those cars.”  I never heard one positive thing come out of her mouth.  Her mouth never stopped moving and nothing positive was coming out of it.

After a short while, one of the mechanics came in to get some coffee.  He was humming and smiling.  I perked up for a second and smiled at him.  He smiled back, stirred his coffee, and walked back to the shop area.  I went back to reading.  The elderly lady went back to casting insults at the people on the television who couldn’t even hear her, and her husband tried to slip away unnoticed into naptown.

Another 30 minutes passed and the mechanic came back into the waiting room.  This time he came in singing a loud, cheerful song.  I put my bookmark in my book and set it down on a chair.  The mechanic made eye contact with me and said, “Hey there, young miss.  How are you this fine day?”  I replied with a smile, “Quite well, thank you.  How about yourself?”  He said, “Oh it’s a good day and I’m feeling fine.”  He started singing again. 

The elderly man opened his eyes, sat up in his chair, and shook off his dazed look.  The mechanic said, “And how about you folks?  You doing alright?”  The elderly man nodded at the mechanic.  The woman crossed her arms and “hmphhed” in his general direction.  The mechanic shrugged and started singing again, then left to go back to his repairs.

Once he left the room I picked up my book and started reading again.  The elderly man said, “Nice fellow that guy was.”  The elderly woman said, “I found it really annoying that he was singing.  He’s not being paid to sing, he’s being paid to fix our car.  He should get back to it and stop messing around.”  The elderly man said, “Yes, dear” and went back to sleep.

After another short while, the mechanic came back, and yes, he was singing.  Only this time he was singing loudly and dramatically, with gestures, like he was in a Broadway play.  He wore a huge smile on his face and started dancing around a little too.  I was terribly amused.  The elderly man sat up in his seat and was openly smiling.  The elderly woman seemed stunned.  At first it seemed like she was going to say something nasty, but then she just shut her mouth and stared at the mechanic in apparent shock.  The mechanic kept singing and as he got to the end of his song, he knelt down right in front of the lady, held his arms out to her like he wanted to hug her, and finished his song.  The woman looked embarrassed, but after a moment her face cracked and she broke into a smile.  I could actually see tension leave her body as she relaxed into her new feeling.  The mechanic stood up and said, “What a beautiful smile you’ve got there.  Makes you glow!”  Now she was really smiling.  She reached out and touched him on the arm.  I thought it was a lovely connecting gesture.  The mechanic smiled and started whistling as he left the waiting room and went back to the shop.

I said to the couple, “That was fun!”  The elderly man said, “I like that guy.  He’s got something special.”  We both looked at the woman.  She said, “I suppose if you have to sit in a waiting room then having someone singing at you isn’t too bad.”  I think that was the closest she was going to get to a compliment.  I noticed after this little exchange that she stopped making negative comments about the people on the television.  She just grabbed a magazine and started reading it quietly.  After just a few minutes, she started humming.  I don’t even think she realized it.  And I’m sure she didn’t notice the smile tickling the corners of her mouth. 

What could you do to raise someone’s vibration today?  Look around for someone in your office, school, community, or home who could use a little pick-me-up.  Don’t say a word, just start singing or humming around them and see what happens.  Hold your vibration, don’t let them bring you down.  You can raise the energy of a room simply by being in a high vibrational state.  Try it today and see.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

Imagine you had a car and it was your job to give people rides in your car, to help them get where they needed to go.  You invite someone into your car, take them where they need to go, drop them off, and pick up the next person.  You do this happily.  It gives you a sense of purpose, contribution, connection, and love.  And you do it without expecting anything in return, not even gas money.  Even when people offer you money for gas, you turn them down, because to accept the money would cheapen your service, it would devalue the gift.

Then what happens?  You run out of gas.  And since you collected no money from your rides, you can’t pay the gas station attendant for more gas.  People still need you.  You’ve set up a system, they’ve come to rely on you, and you can’t let them down.  So you keep inviting people into your car, but now instead of driving them where they need to go, you’re pushing the car instead.  They’re uncomfortable because now they can see you suffering on their behalf, and you’re uncomfortable because you actually are suffering.  How long can you keep that up before you keel over from exhaustion? 

You know who you are.  You’re emotionally drained.  Physically exhausted.  Spiritually tapped out.  You’ve got nothing left to give.  And why?  Because you didn’t fill up your gas tank so you could keep giving people rides.  There’s nothing wrong with giving rides to others if that’s what you want to do, in fact it’s an admirable way to go through life.  But when you disallow others the opportunity to give back to you, the system eventually fails and everyone suffers.

Somewhere along the way you were taught that to give is divine and to receive is selfish.  This is false though.  To give is indeed divine, but to allow others to give back to you is divine also.  If you don’t receive it means you’re blocking someone else from giving.  Yeah, that’s not cool is it?  When you give but do not allow yourself to receive you are molding yourself into the role of martyr.  What’s going to happen when you’ve got nothing left to give and you’ve conditioned people never to help you?  They’re going to move on and get help elsewhere.  Then how will you achieve that sense of purpose you attached to giving without receiving?  If you’re tapped out, the people who rely on you have to seek help elsewhere.

The solution is to allow people to give you fair value in return for the value you’ve given them.  This could be in the form of money, a service, emotional support, good will, or a material possession.  It doesn’t matter.  You must be energetically open to receiving, otherwise you’ll eventually run out of juice and be so depleted you can’t give anymore. 

I frequently see this syndrome among mothers who give all their time, attention, love and support to their families and get nothing in return.  I also see it in people who have limiting beliefs like, “I should help people with my gift and not expect anything in return,” or “Money is evil, I’ll just learn to live on less and less.”  This helps no one.

So how do you restore yourself?  How do you fill the tank?  Here are some ideas:

• Accept monetary compensation for the value you provide (I know, what a concept!)
• Take a day off to restore your energy by  doing what YOU love
• Mark off time in your day where you work on your own life goals instead of helping everyone with theirs
• Learn to say “no” when you are depleted and just let others know you’ll be back when you’re restored
• Graciously and sincerely accept praise when it is bestowed upon you
• Ask for love when you need it
• Learn to stop feeling guilty for taking care of your own needs
• Learn to accept assistance from others when you actually need help
   

Being a martyr is a dead end path.  Instead, give and receive equally to keep the gears turning and the spice flowing.  The more you have, the more you can give.  Don’t restrict the energetic flow of abundance or you’ll end up taking yourself out of the game.  And then who is going to help everyone you’ve been helping?

I could sum up this entire concept with the oxygen mask on the airline example.  Put your own mask on first and then assist the others around you.  If you go down who will help all those people who need assistance to get their masks on?

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

First let’s make a list of the people in your life so we can identify the fangsters.  Start with the people you interact with on a daily basis, then a weekly basis, then on occasion, and so forth.  Next to those names you’ll have three columns.  First column reads “uplifts me.”  Second column reads, “neutral.”  And the third column reads, “drains me.”  Then get busy putting check marks in the appropriate column for each person on your list.  If you’re having trouble figuring out which column they belong in, think about your last interaction with them and ask yourself if you felt better, the same or worse after that interaction. 

Once your list is done take a long hard look at it and see who you’re hanging out with.  Any vamps?  Yes?  Let’s see about neutralizing their power.  I know what you’re going to say… “But some of these vamps are my friends, my family, my BOSS!  How am I supposed to just get rid of them?”  You have three options on how to deal with an energy vampire, including how to handle it when escape seems impossible.

First, figure out if you could cut the person out of your life.  If it’s a friend, write him a letter letting him know you simply can’t be friends with him anymore as you no longer like the person you become when you’re with him.  It’s hard, yeah, but keeping these people in your life is going to drain you dry.  It’s not worth it.  Once you kick them out of your life, new more upbeat friends will fill the gap.  If it’s a boss, find another job with someone you’d prefer working with.  I know, this may take time.  So take the time.  It’s your life, your power, make a change!  If the vamp is a relative, begin curtailing your contact with them.  If the relationship is seriously abusive consider cutting them out of your life completely.  There’s no law that says you have to be friends with your family.

Second, if you can’t cut them out of your life you’ve got to learn to shield against their attacks.  Never go into an interaction with the vampire until your shields are up and your emotional armor is on.  How do you do this?  First, acknowledge what’s about to happen.  “I’m going to my mom’s house, she’s going to complain about how short my hair is.”  Or “My boss is going to denigrate me in front of my staff at today’s meeting.  He always does.”  Then, prepare your response ahead of time.  “If my mom complains about my hair, I won’t defend my choice.  I’ll just let her talk herself out or change the subject.”  “If my boss complains about my performance I’ll just make a joke and deflect the negative energy.”  This is also called, “Don’t let anyone get under my skin.”  Do not sink to their level.  Let their attack hit your shield and bounce off.  Do not let them make you emotionally bleed.

Third, try to uplift the vampire to a higher vibration.  Also known as “sprinkling some fairy dust on their heads so they stop being schmucks.”    This is difficult, but it can be done.  The next time an energy vampire attacks you, try responding with love, kindness, compassion or empathy.  They hate that; takes the wind right out of their sails. “Mom, you know I still love you even when you complain about my appearance, right?”  Or “Mom, it seems like when you complain about my hair you want me to feel bad about how I make decisions in life.  Is that your intent?  To make me feel bad?”  Sometimes holding up a mirror to the vamp is enough to conquer them.  If it’s your boss, you could take him aside and say, “It seems as if during our staff meetings you often say something denigrating about me in front of everyone.  I’ll tell ya, that doesn’t feel too good, and I was wondering if you were going to continue doing that or not?”  If your friend is bringing you down and you haven’t cut her loose, say, “Girlfriend, blaming others for the problems in your life isn’t going to solve them.  Why don’t you sit down with me one day and let’s have a long talk about how we might actually pull your life together and get you to a happier place.  I really care about you and I’d rather see you happy than complaining all the time.  What do you say?” 

Energy vampires only have power if you give them power.  If you can’t stand up to a vampire, if you can’t cut their energy out of your life, or if you can’t uplift them to a new place, you’re going to suffer greatly under the onslaught of their darkness.  You’ll find your own self esteem falling, you’ll stop feeling empowered in areas where you used to feel great, and eventually you’ll be a puddle of emotional jelly and everyone will step on you.  If you need help staving off the advances of an energy vampire, ask a high vibration friend to help you.  Set up an intervention on the vamp.  Be honest and clear about what they do to others, maybe they don’t realize it. 

Work on your list until at least 90% of the people on it are in the uplift or neutral column.  Don’t suffer the energy vampires.  You’re not obligated to be their punching bag.  You can’t rescue someone who is drowning by jumping into the water with them.  They’ll just pull you down too.  Throw them a life preserver, encourage them to grab it, offer to pull them to shore, but do not let them pull you down.

And whatever you do, don’t feed them after midnight.

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.

You can download the program as an MP3 and stick it on your iPod, put it in iTunes, or burn it to a CD. Or you can purchase the CD itself which is shipped via U.S. Postal mail and will take 1-2 weeks to receive.

Reviews and responses so far from the people who bought advance copies at the Conscious Growth Workshop have been very positive. One person told me he started crying (for the first time in many years) while listening to one of the meditations. The first meditation is a love meditation, and the second is all about gratitude. If you’re a fan of guided meditation, you’re really going to love these two. Each is less than 10 minutes and designed to bring you to a high vibration quickly. They’re also designed so that you can do them repeatedly and get different results.

The mp3 version is $19.97. You’ll receive a link to download the zip file immediately (88mgs)

The CD version is $29.97 and comes in a slimline jewel case. Free shipping is included to everywhere in the world.

I invite you to purchase this program today!

© 2009 by Erin Pavlina.