Answer: This is another question I have to answer with a yes and no.

What I’ve been made to understand is that when we initially cross over we are allowed to relive, alter, change, and construct events. If you’ve ever wondered what would have happened if you took a different road, married a different man, turned left instead of right, it appears as if you get to explore those other possibilities for a time. You get to relive amazing moments and times in your life, and you also get to experience what it was like for others to interact with you, so if you ever harmed someone or caused them to suffer you get to know what that was like for them.

You also get to construct landscapes and conditions. Run through a grassy meadow with your arms outstretched. Sit on the top of a mountain and meditate. Stand on a stage and sing to a crowd. It’s like a holodeck where you can construct any experience you want.

But this doesn’t last forever. Guides and angels eventually come to extricate you, to remind you that you have crossed over, and that it’s time to reconnect with your higher self. Then a whole other world of energy opens up to you. You become energy, no body, no physicality. You are thought, consciousness. You can interact with other energies, you can become a spirit guide for an incarnated soul, you can watch over your loved ones and help guide them, you can commune with the ascended masters, and travel the cosmos. It’s apparently quite a rich and interesting experience, of which I only currently remember fleeting pieces.

Dying is going home. Where you go from there is entirely up to you.

Question: How many questions are answered once we die do you think? Years ago, I used to say to myself, “I almost can’t wait to die, because these questions I have are driving me mad!” But seriously, what do you think? – Brandon

Answer: I’m not sure exactly how many questions get answered because in my current position and density, I don’t have access to the entirety of the universe. What I do know is that when we cross over we gain a much much better perspective about life here on Earth. We can see the bigger picture, we can see how we’re all connected, we remember things we couldn’t remember while here, we interact in ways we can’t interact here, we get knowledge we don’t have here, we meet beings we can’t detect while here, and so much more.

Like you, when I was a child I was driven to find out what happens after we die. I wanted to just pop over to the ether for a minute, download the answers, and come back. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way and we’ll just have to wait. But along the journey, we can shove aside the veil to some extent. We can communicate with the deceased, visit the astral plane, view past lives, talk to our spirit guides, interact with angels, etc. but no one seems to be giving away the whole enchilada.

While we are incarnated, we are looking through a lens that we can’t remove, so everything we experience will be filtered by that lens. When you cross over you will be pleased to learn what you’d been missing, but I suspect that even in THAT state there will be new questions about the nature of reality.

So enjoy where you are and what you’ve got. For now.

“How do you know that you’re really talking to spirit guides and not demons?”

“How do you know the memories you have of the ether are accurate?”

“How do you know the information you’re getting is correct?”

“How do you know you’re not just imagining that you’re hearing spirit guides?”

“How do you know what’s going to happen in the future?”

“How do you know there is life after death?”

I want to address this because these are very good questions.

There is a difference between believing and knowing. For example, I know the sun shone yesterday, and I believe it will rise again tomorrow. I know I’ve written 500 blog articles and I believe I will write another one. I know I am a female, and I believe I will remain one until I die. I could be wrong about what I believe.

In truth, there is no way for us to know what is real. We believe we are human beings experiencing life here on Earth, but in reality we could be imagining this entire experience. We could be hooked up to machines and dreaming this entire existence. We could be a bunch of video game characters on God’s computer, or characters in a holodeck on a starship. We just don’t know. We can’t know. And any information we gather could just be part of the simulation or hallucination.

Given that we can’t really know what’s real, what are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to behave? How are we supposed to go on if we don’t really know what’s real? How are we supposed to trust any information our brains give us when all that information could be programmed at the whimsy of a machine, an alien, or a higher consciousness?

The answer is that we can’t know. We can’t ever really know. Even when we die and have some kind of experience, it could all be part of the hallucination.

But so what? We’re here. We’re conscious. So what if we don’t know how we got here or who made us or programmed us into existence? Trying to figure that out could drive you insane. No matter how we got here or who is in charge of us, we’re here. We have free will. We can choose our emotions. We can choose our own experiences. And we can choose our own beliefs.

Now … in MY world, in my existence, I seem to be able to get information from seemingly out of nowhere. Accurate information. I seem to have developed a method to be able to tune in to … something… that gives me information about my clients that helps them on their path. I believe this information is coming from spirit guides, but in truth, it could be that I’m hacking into the program, or the aliens are feeding me info, or there’s an evil demon that broke ranks and wants to help people. I honestly don’t know for sure. The only thing I know is that I can do it, it works, and it helps people.

So going back to the questions above:

I know I can get accurate information that helps my clients. I believe it comes from spirit guides, angels, and higher selves.

I know I have memories of my time before I incarnated, and I believe they are accurate but I can’t know for sure.

I know the information I’m getting is correct because my clients tell me I’m correct and I’ve read for thousands of people accurately. I believe I can continue to do so.

I know I’m hearing something that gives me accurate information, and I believe it’s from the guides but I don’t know it with 100% certainty.

I know I can tell people things that do come to pass, but I don’t know how I’m able to do that. I believe that trusting what the guides tell me is the best way to continue to use this ability.

I know I’ve had the experience of leaving my body behind, so I believe the soul continues on after the body dies. I believe there is an afterlife, but I can’t know for sure until I get there myself.

The point is… we create our own realities using knowledge and beliefs. If you can create your own reality, create something that serves you, that makes you feel happy, or safe, or comforted. Why plug in to a reality where some evil god in the sky can smite you if you sin? Why plug into a reality where you are bereft of hope because you think there is nothing after we die? There is no evidence either way.

In my world, psychic abilities exist, and I can use them to help people find happiness in their lives, careers, relationships, etc. I’ve told people about health problems they didn’t know they had, and they’ve received medical attention that saved their lives. I don’t really care where that information comes from. It hasn’t let me down yet.

I know I am able to help others, and I believe that’s a good way to live a life. So I’m going to continue to do it. And if one day I find out that all the information I thought I was getting from spirit guides was actually coming from a bored alien on a spaceship who had nothing better to do than broadcast this information to me, so be it. I will have chosen to spend my time in service to others, and that’s a choice I would make regardless of what is real and what is not.

Submit your own question
Subscribe to Erin’s YouTube channel so you don’t miss a single episode.

This week’s question comes from Linamon:

“Do we have to incarnate again?”

Transcript of the Video:
Hello and welcome to another episode of “Ask Erin Pavlina.” Today’s question comes from Linamon. “Can a person choose not to incarnate again? If they choose not to incarnate, where do they stay?”

When you are in the ether, which is where you are before you choose to incarnate, you are the one who makes the decision about whether or not you’re going to come back to Earth in a human body. Nobody can force you to incarnate again. It’s definitely your choice, and if you don’t want to incarnate, you don’t have to.

What happens is, when you feel like you’re ready to experience life again or if you feel like you have something that you want to come back here to teach people, then you will choose to incarnate again and you will find a suitable host – a suitable family who will help you learn the lessons that you intend to learn and to have the experiences you’d like to have. You choose them and you incarnate again, and that could be anywhere from ten years after your last life to a hundred to maybe even a thousand years after your last life. Nobody determines for you whether you will incarnate or not, so rest assured if you decide you do not want to come back here, you don’t have to come back.

Where do people go if they choose not to incarnate? Where do they stay? You’re pretty much staying in the afterlife experience, what I call the ether, where you are an energetic being, and you continue to have experiences and interactions with other beings so it’s not like you’re just sitting around watching TV all day or watching what’s going on on planet Earth. You’re not stuck there, and you’re not in some kind of heaven that’s really really boring after a thousand years.

There are experiences that happen in the afterlife that you get to experience, and interact with other people and you get to share your energy and there’s a lot of love on the other side and it’s a nice place to be. If you choose not to incarnate, you’re going to be fine and you’re probably going to enjoy yourself quite a bit in the afterlife, so definitely not something to worry about. Good question.

If you’ve been following my blog for a long time you’ll know that a good portion of my blog articles are about the other side and what happens when we die. In fact, when I went through the entire blog I found that 86 of my articles contain information about the other side. If you haven’t read them all, here is your chance to get them all in one ebook, logically sorted by categories, 249 pages of afterlife goodness.

To sweeten the deal, the ebook comes with two free bonuses that are exclusive to this product. The first is an audio podcast (mp3) detailing what happens to you before you are born, while you are here, and after you die. It’s called A Tour of the Other Side.

The second bonus is a pdf called 25 Questions to Ask Your Guides. It includes an easy method for tuning in to your guides, plus 25 questions to ask them to get the conversation started.

To learn more about the book and to get your instant download of the ebook and free bonuses, go here:

The Other Side: Spirits, Guides and the Afterlife by Erin Pavlina

Do suicide victims go to Hell?
This is the number one question people ask me. If I thought my loved one was going to Hell I’d ask that question too! Religion appears to doom people to Hell if they take their own life. I guess it’s considered a sin. Suiciders (sorry had to make up a word) do not go to Hell. At least, not the Christian Hell with the devil, the eternal torture, and decaf.

Hell is a state of mind. So technically you could put yourself in a self-imposed Hell if you are suffering from guilt, shame, and if you fear judgment. I don’t recommend it, but some people insist on doing this to themselves. If you do find yourself in Hell you’ll want to beat a hasty retreat. Read up on How To Get Out of Hell.

Bottom line here is that no one is relegated to Hell for ending his life. If during your Life Review you feel you’ve done so much wrong that you can’t be forgiven, you are free to flog yourself for eternity, but it is neither required nor necessary, and I don’t recommend it. Forgive yourself instead, learn from your mistakes, and move on.

Do suiciders linger or cross over?
I’ve encountered both.

I’ve been in contact with people who killed themselves, shed their mortal coil, sloughed off their ego, and bounced happily and merrily into the light to greet friends and family on the other side. The commonalities I’ve seen in this group are people who understand in advance that suicide is not a sin, who understand or are aware of how things work on the other side, and those who are not ashamed or feel guilty about ending their life prematurely. They cross over happily and easily.

I’ve also been in contact with suiciders who linger, who refuse to go into the light because of fear, shame or guilt. They don’t want to be judged. So they hang on as long as they can, usually by attaching themselves to a family member and using their energy to stay connected to Earth.

Others realize they made a mistake and are desperate to get back to their bodies, so they hang on for a bit too. Some linger to get forgiveness from their living loved ones, or in an attempt to ease their loved ones’ pain. Some linger because they’re still carrying depression and can’t slough it off.

Who helps or manages suiciders?
Those who suicide and linger are not alone. Not by a long shot. There are angels hovering around them to help them heal and cross over. And the angels guard them so they are not disturbed by other beings hanging around on the same plane. The angels try to help them forgive themselves so they can cross over peacefully.

How can you best help a suicide?
I know that when someone commits suicide it can create feelings of anger towards them. That’s very normal. If you think your loved one is lingering, you can help them cross over completely by forgiving them, releasing your anger, and sending them love. When you’re ready.

For those who are lingering out of fear, you can also encourage them to go to Source. God/Source will gladly accept them back into the light. After all, we are all pieces of Source energy and we may return at any time. Send them love and reassurance that they will be received with open arms.

Are they suffering?
Some of the suiciders who linger do appear to be suffering emotionally. Again, this is unnecessary and hopefully will not last long. But I have encountered some spirits who replay and repeat the misery in their lives over and over again and continue to wallow in depression, despair, and emotional turmoil until they can be crossed over by the angels. If you suspect your loved one is in this state, it is even more important to help them cross over by talking to them, encouraging them to go into the light, and to forgive themselves.

What sort of signs do suiciders send to their loved ones?
Pretty much the same signs you’ll get from any deceased loved one trying to get your attention.

• You might feel their presence near you
• Their special song comes on the radio when you’re thinking about them
• Clock stops
• Electrical disturbances for no apparent reason
• Pictures or photographs get knocked over
• Smelling their scent

But the big one is they’ll come to you in your dreams or while you’re meditating. You can talk to a deceased loved one at any time. To hear or see their response, you’ll need to be dreaming, meditating, or have mediumistic abilities. Even if you can’t hear or see them, still talk to them as it will help them cross over. If you really need to know what’s happening or you want to make sure your loved one is receiving your messages, you can book a reading with a medium.

Do suiciders regret their suicide?
Regret is the number one emotion I sense in the people who come to me during readings. However, I am usually connecting with the ones who do regret their passing, so I wouldn’t say that all suiciders regret their act. In fact, I’ve connected with at least 3 suiciders that I can recall who basically said, “Welp, that life sucked. No big. Ready to move on and try something else.” They really take it in stride.

Regret comes when they realize there were other ways to handle their problems that they simply couldn’t see while alive and in the thick of it.

The game of life
Remember that life is like a game. You make a character, start the game, and do the best you can with the resources you get. If you get to a point where playing the game is simply too painful, you can choose to stop playing. Sometimes you don’t realize that help was a phone call away, or right around the corner, but it’s not the end of the world.

Suiciding does leave a hole in the lives of those other characters you were interacting with, the ones who love you, and would have helped you if they could. So before you consider suicide, always ask for help. If you do find yourself at the end of your rope (literally) at the very least cross over with love and forgiveness in your heart. There really is no need to beat yourself up for your decision. And avoid Hell. Decaf sucks.

You hear a lot about near death experiences from the people who have experienced them, but you never get to hear what happens after you’ve been “processed” and are completely disconnected from your body because obviously they don’t come back and tell us.  The only way to find out would be through psychic mediums who ask dead people what they do all day.  Even then, we’d have no proof, no way of checking if the information we’re receiving is accurate.  We’d have no way of validating the information that came through.  It’s easy to validate information from a person’s life, but how can you get confirmation of what happens when no one living is around to see it?

When I speak to deceased people during readings I do get a glimpse into what’s happening on the other side, but admittedly the view is extremely limited.  I’ll share what I know, but this must only be the tip of the iceberg.

When I do a reading, I usually get who the person is in relation to my sitter, then they show or tell me how they died, then they start sharing information about their life to validate that it is really them and not something I’m making up.  They share love, warnings if necessary, and that’s usually it.  However, upon occasion I’ve gotten a little more information that goes beyond the usual.

In one reading, a father came through for his daughter and his signal was very strong to me.  His energy was that of a highly aware, highly conscious person.  I was impressed with him and his connection strength.  When the reading was over, I actually hung on to the guy a little longer to converse with him myself because the connection was so strong and I wanted to talk to him.  He indicated that he was attending what we would call lectures on the other side.  And that he spent his day discussing philosophy with other souls on the other side.  He indicated that it was wonderful, stimulating, and he was surprised to find it available.  I got a sense that he was definitely continuing his growth and wasn’t just sitting around like a blob of energy floating through the ether.

In another reading, I was connected with an individual who had died at a pretty old age, I think he was in his 90′s.  He indicated to me that he was still very  much tuned in to the lives of the family members he’d left behind.  He showed me an image of himself sitting in front of what looked like a television and watching his various family members on different channels.  Now he wasn’t really sitting in front of a television, it was a metaphor to explain to me what he was doing.  But yeah, he indicated he spent his days still very tuned in to his family.

I’ve also tuned in to dead people who can’t let go of their past incarnation and are going over and over it, replaying it with different outcomes.  Often these are people who have committed suicide or been murdered and their killer has not been brought to justice yet.

I also know that there are spirits who are in charge of making certain things work, like helping people cross over, helping creative people get inspiration, and helping souls choose where to incarnate next.  I’ve seen conclaves of what I would call ascended masters working on creating change on our planet using their energetic influence and intelligence.

I know that you can hang around with other souls you used to know.  I’ve seen families on the other side “having dinner” together.  And I know you can engage in an energy merge that blows incarnated sex right out of the water! 

And that’s about all I’ve seen.  Admittedly, it’s not that much.  Like I said, I am sure there is a lot more going on up there than I can see.  Maybe I’ll start looking into this more consciously.  Next time I get someone “on the line” who’s hanging out in the ether I’ll ask them what they do all day.  I’m sure they don’t even have “days” like we have.  And I’m sure time is irrelevant there.  Being dead is just another state of being. 

Maybe we’re not supposed to know too much about the afterlife so we can concentrate on living this one.  For now, it’s enough for me to know that I have guides and angels looking out for my best interests, and I get to chat with the occasional deceased person which is always fun and interesting for me.  We’ll just have to wait and see what happens next.

At the time of his passing he was very surprised to find himself standing next to his own body.  He was confused initially.  Eventually he understood that he had died, but this didn’t happen immediately.  I think up until he got to the hospital he thought he might be able to get back into his body.

Once he realized he was truly beyond recovery, his attention turned to the energy being cast at him by the people milling around outside the hospital.  In some ways, this energy tethered him.  Such an outpouring of love, he was filled by it.  It was gratefully accepted by him.  He seemed very much in a state of peace, love and gratitude.  It’s almost as if he was wading through a pool of love energy, with a sense of wonder and he felt blessed.

I don’t feel like he immediately went to his family.  This is probably because the energy around the hospital was so strong.  But eventually he was able to tune into his family and go to them.  It feels like he centered his energy on his mother and his children.  Although it pained him to see his family so upset, I feel like he was mostly trying to let them know that he was okay, perfectly fine, and totally intact.  The aura of peace around Michael was very strong, and he wanted to comfort his family but could not.  I have no doubt his family will feel his presence around them during this difficult time for them.

People have asked me how he feels about his children. He loves his children so honestly, easily, and ardently.  He feels they are in good hands with his mother.  I feel he feels some regret that he won’t be there to raise his children, but I don’t feel like he is agonized over this.  He believes they will be okay and very well cared for.

There is a sense of relief in Michael.  A feeling of putting down a very heavy weight and finally being free.  He can feel the love people are casting at him, and although he feels the sadness too, it is not crippling him in any way.  He feels compassion for those who are mourning him.

I also feel he is hovering, easily and nicely, without great effort.  He will probably cross over completely after his funeral or at such point as people disconnect their energy from him in a more “official” manner.  Maybe that’s why we have funerals and say goodbye to our deceased loved ones, to let them know it’s okay to go on.

Michael is bathed in love at this moment.  He is surrounded by angels both living and incorporeal.  He feels grateful for the life he had, and feels intense love for his family and children.  Although the people he left behind may mourn deeply for him, he is awash in a state of love, gratitude, and peace.

The best thing you can do for Michael now is to keep sending him love, and cherish the positive happy memories you have of him and his impact on your life – big or small.  His journey is not quite over, but he’s getting there.

Answer:  You are greeted on the other side by Love.  You can expect to see angels, family, friends, and even your pets.  During readings I sometimes pick up on the energy of deceased pets as well as relatives and friends.  Pets do wait for us on the other side when there was a close, loving attachment on this side. 

Sometimes people ask if they will meet up with their abusive parent on the other side.  You may or may not.  It’s not like a voice comes up on a loud speaker and says, “Will the relatives of Joe Smith please meet Joe at the pearly gates.  Joe Smith.  All relatives of Joe Smith please report to the pearly gates now please.  He’s on his way!”  They will be drawn to your side by the ties of love when you cross over. 

Sometimes people have a religious experience when they cross over, meeting up with God or Jesus or whomever they believe will greet them.  Sometimes you’re with an angel who helps you understand what happened to you, as sometimes people aren’t aware that they’re dead. 

If you read accounts of near-death experiences, you’ll see that often people are told by a deceased relative that it’s not their time to die.  You’ll also read accounts of people who are greeted by pets, family, and friends on the other side. 

Love never dies.  You will see your loved ones again on the other side. 

The only caveat to this is if you send yourself to Hell and disconnect from the Light.  And on some occasions I’ve seen relatives who have cut the cords between them and their earthly families for whatever reason, and I would not expect to see them when you cross over.

Many people, including myself, believe that when you die you go through a life review.  It’s like the post-mortem concept in video game development.  When the project is done, you take some time to review it and see what worked, what didn’t, and how you might improve upon the process the next time you tackle it.  A life review works the same way.

Your life review is not just about kicking back with a bowl of popcorn and watching a movie of your life.  It’s more in depth and intense.  You get to see the impact you had on others, even though you weren’t aware of it while alive.  You get to feel the happiness you instilled in others.  You get to see people’s actions and reactions to you even when you weren’t physically present to see them.  All the compassion and kindness you showed to others, and the ripple effect it caused, you get to see and feel.

You also get to feel the pain you inflicted on others so you understand how they felt by what you said or did.  Notice I said “get to feel” because this is actually a gift.  If you were physically abusive towards another human being, guess what?  You get to feel what they felt when you were beating them to a pulp.  If you were emotionally abusive to someone, guess what?  You get to feel your self esteem get squashed and stepped on.  No, it won’t be pleasant.  This part of your life review is probably what most people refer to as Hell.  You cause pain and suffering to someone in this life, and you get to feel and experience it yourself during your life review. 

Is there judgment?  No.  Just understanding and growth.  Many people fear that when they die they will be judged.  This isn’t so.  You judge yourself and your own actions.  And then you decide if you will forgive yourself for the pain you caused others or if you will beat yourself up for it.  The purpose of getting to feel the pain you caused others in life is not punishment.  It’s designed to help you understand and grow. 

A while ago I had a dream that I died and went on to the afterlife.  This is a common occurence in my dreams, but in this one, I got to go through my life review.  There was a female energy present who assisted me in going through my life review.  After I saw and felt my life’s impact, I was given the option of making changes.  Yes, making changes, even after the fact.  I was excited.  Like a lucid dream, I was given full control of the circumstances of my life.  I went back and played the good parts and then I went back and changed the bad parts.  Yes, changed.  I made different choices once I understood the negative impact I’d had, and how I’d hurt others with a careless word or an intentional barb.  I asked the female energy how long I could play in this manner.  She told me I could relive all the parts of my life as long as I wanted, that everyone could, but that she and others like her were there to remind us that eventually we needed to stop replaying our lives and cross over fully; to disconnect from our previous life, taking all the growth from the experience as we could.

I asked her what happens to people who don’t want to disconnect from their lives and fully cross over.  She said they often get stuck replaying aspects of their life over and over again and refuse to release.  In some cases people cannot forgive themselves for the pain they caused others and they end up dwelling in the land of self-inflicted punishment.  Instead of changing the negative, they relive it over and over again, continuing to punish themselves instead of learning and growing. 

This whole experience was fascinating to me because I’ve seen the deceased in varying stages of crossing over and releasing from their lives.  In one case that I’ve written about in the past there was a woman who suicided.  When she got to the other side she was so filled with shame and guilt for what she’d done that she continued to relive the experience over and over, never forgiving herself.  Her angels were there trying to get her to release the guilt and shame and move on, but she could not forgive and continued to punish herself.  Eventually, the angels were able to take her back to a time in her life when she was at a higher vibration, one of joy and happiness.  It was in this state that they were able to get her to forgive herself for the depression that eventually led to the suicide.  Today she has released and crossed over and is enjoying the peace that comes from understanding and growth.

There’s a great movie that depicts the life review, Defending Your Life with Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep.  Check it out sometime and you’ll get the gist of what I’m talking about.  Another movie, What Dreams May Come, comes close to depicting what happens when you take ownership of your suicide but don’t forgive yourself for it, instead wallowing in the dark energy of guilt and shame.

Knowing you will eventually get to feel everything you inflicted on others (happiness and pain) doesn’t it behoove you to begin acting now the way you’d like to feel later?  When you get to the afterlife, what will your life review consist of?  Will you see joy spreading through others like a pebble ripples the pond?  Or are you dooming yourself now to a life review filled with hate, anger, resentment, and fear?  Can you forgive yourself now for causing pain to others?  Can you move ahead from this day forward into a life of joy, happiness, compassion, mercy, and empathy?  What pain might you be inflicting on yourself?  The pain you caused others isn’t the only pain you get to re-experience in the afterlife.  You also get the opportunity to forgive yourself for choices you made in anger and fear. 

Your life is like a video game.  You are not your character, but you use your character to have experiences.  You get to choose the experiences you have so you can learn, grow, and understand.  When you’re done playing you get to see where you did good and where you went wrong, and you get to decide what kind of experience you’ll have the next time you play.

To anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of pain, abuse, and trauma I have this to say … the person who inflicted this upon you will eventually feel it themselves.  In reality, it’s the person who inflicts the pain who owns it.  Are you carrying around that pain still?  Why are you holding on to it?  It’s not yours. 

Do not seek revenge, hurting those who have hurt you, because you own and bear responsibility for all the pain you intentionally cause others, even if you feel it is justified.  During your own life review you will experience all the pain you caused others, even the people that wronged you first.  Let them bear that burden, not you.

You’re going to reap what you sow, whether that is happiness and joy, or terror and misery.  It’s your choice.  Before you take an action ask yourself if you’re willing to be on the receiving end of the consequences, because someday you will be.