If a spirit decides to linger, they will often “hang out” in their home, or where they died, or around loved ones. This can result in a haunting, which sounds worse than it is, because most spirits are benign. Occasionally you’ll get a nasty spirit who wants to harm you or scare you, but most often they’re just lingering, hoping for connection, or hoping to stay out of hell (can’t blame them for that, although there is no real hell so it’s a real shame they feel the need to hover).

So what can you do? Is there a way to help a spirit cross over into the light, into the warm loving embrace of Source, where they will merge back with Love? Yes there is.

Untimely Death
Someone who dies unexpectedly often can’t let go right away. Perhaps they have unfinished business. Perhaps they feel they need to get a message to a loved one before they cross over, believing that once they cross over they won’t be able to make contact.

If this is the type of lingering spirit you’ve got, then your best bet is to give them their say. If you know how to communicate with the dead, tune in and let them tell you what they need to tell you. I’ve had spirits tell me where their will is, what their computer password is for their family, and the name of their murderer. If you are not skilled in this, contact a good medium and see if he or she can channel a message for you. If you want to communicate on your own, develop your intuitive modalities, learn to lucid dream, or raise your vibration and meditate your way into a conversation with them.

Once they feel they’ve been heard, they will cross over.

Death by Suicide
When people take their own life, often they feel regret, guilt, or shame once it’s done. Some don’t feel they deserve to be in “heaven” so they keep themselves here. Some carry with them such a strong feeling of remorse, that they just can’t go on. They stick around, beseeching their loved ones for understanding and forgiveness, and sometimes there is unfinished business as well.

If this is the type of spirit lingering around you, send them forgiveness and understanding as best you can. Maybe that can’t happen right away, but the spirit needs to know it’s okay to move on and that you forgive them. Use the same methods described above to connect with them.

Once they feel forgiven they often cross over.

Murderers
One of the most common spirits that linger are those that fear they are going to hell. They know they’ve done wrong and can’t imagine being forgiven. Unfortunately, when they linger it’s usually not a good thing. Their fear, anger, and guilt can cause them to become mean and nasty while in limbo. Their energy is often dark, low and negative. This may manifest in ways that scare you or can even harm you. You want to get them unattached from you or your location as soon as possible.

For this type of spirit, I don’t really recommend talking to them if you don’t have experience with psychic self-defense or mediumship. It can turn ugly on you real fast. Contact a paranormal investigation team, or a medium experienced with these types of spirits and leave it to them. Otherwise you risk losing a lot of your energy as they siphon it away from you, or of anchoring them to your location, or attaching them to your person. It’s no good any way you slice it.

If you are a medium
If you are a medium and are called in to help cross over a spirit, the first thing you want to do is make contact with them. It’s helpful if you have a member of their family present who can help you verify what the spirit is telling you.

Once you’ve established communication, pass along any messages from them to their family and vice versa. Sometimes a conversation is all they need to release their hold on this life. If no family is present, then reassure the spirit that you will pass along the messages if you can, or if there is no family you can connect with, then simply listen and reassure them that they no longer need to worry about what’s going on here, and that they can safely and comfortably release and cross over.

Most often a spirit will be happy to let go and move on. If you connect with a spirit who stubbornly refuses to cross over, especially one that is bothering a family or person or location, then you’ll have to call in the big guns. Ask archangel Michael to assist you by either escorting the spirit across the threshold or by offering a shield to the family or location so that the spirit can’t bother them anymore. Be sure you advise the family how to prevent themselves from unwittingly inviting the spirit back.

Bottom Line
You can talk to anyone who has crossed over and they will hear you. You can talk to them out loud or telepathically, as long as you’re thinking about them hard and directing your energy at them, they will receive the message. You may not always hear them back if you don’t know how to tune in to energy from the other side, but at the very least you can rest assured knowing they DO hear you. Send reassurance, love, forgiveness, and compassion to those who linger. It’s in everyone’s best interest for those that have died to cross over fully.

I wrote back to her immediately and wanted to share what I told her in case someone else reading this is in a similar situation and wants to know what happens to their baby when it crosses over, and also whether they will see their child again.

When you cross over, you are greeted by loved ones. That includes your baby. But you must also understand that your baby isn’t a baby on the other side. When we incarnate, we are born into a tiny body, but our souls are actually fully grown so to speak. And when a baby dies, although its body is small, it’s spirit is fully mature. When that soul reaches the other side, it does not stay in baby form. It reverts back to a fully mature conscious energy.

Your child is not a helpless, small person on the other side. I know it might be hard to imagine them any other way since that’s the only way you knew them. Similarly, our grandparents are not old and frail on the other side either. People who were once physically or mentally disabled are no longer so on the other side. Once the body is sloughed away, the soul itself is a vibrant, energetic, fully conscious, and intact being.

When you get to the other side, you will be greeted by the soul of the child you lost, and it will not appear as an infant. You will recognize it immediately though, so don’t be concerned about that.

I hope it brings you comfort to know that your child is intact and capable on the other side. In fact, often our children are even more evolved souls than we are. Do not fear for them or worry that they are not being taken care of. They need none of the care that a human baby would need while here on Earth.

I know it doesn’t remove the sorrow and the longing, but I hope it helps a little to know that they are just fine on the other side and that you will indeed see them again.

The Grief is Too Powerful
Grieving sends a beacon of energy into the ether. It’s like a wail. It’s analogous to the sound a microphone makes when there is too much feedback. You almost have to cover your ears. For a deceased person to communicate through that is almost painful.

The Grief is Too Raw
Losing a loved one opens an energetic wound. It’s like a tearing of the energetic cord that existed between the two of you. You’ve got to let the “bleeding” subside before you try to make contact. Otherwise it’s like trying to type after losing half your fingers.

The Deceased Sometimes Aren’t Capable
Just because you’ve crossed over doesn’t mean you know how to communicate with the living. When a deceased person reaches the other side a lot is happening. There’s a life review, a greeting of loved ones, a shift and understanding about who and what we really are, and a time of reflection. While they absolutely are aware of the sadness and grief of their living loved ones, they can’t simply pick up an ethereal phone and start communicating. It takes time and skill to be able to communicate with a medium. Let them get their bearings and learn how to make contact. 3 months is a reasonable time for this. The first week after a passing is not. You risk them not being able to communicate with the medium which is a waste of time, money, and energy.

And there’s one other reason I suggest waiting 3 months to make contact. Let’s go back to the woman who wanted her reading immediately after her boyfriend’s death. After I explained to her the reasons why it’s not a good idea to attempt contact so soon, she insisted she wanted to do it anyway. I relented, but set her appointment for the 3 week mark after his passing, hoping it would be enough time. Sometimes if I can’t reach a specific deceased person, I can still get helpful information about them from the spirit guides who are masters at communicating with psychics and mediums. I warned her that he might not come through, but we would try. She was happy for the opportunity.

When the day of the reading came, he came through loud and clear. He gave me enough validating evidence to pass on to her that she knew for sure we were talking to the right guy. She immediately began sobbing, her grief wound ripping open and tearing again. She was beside herself. I wanted to reach through the phone and give her a hug but couldn’t.

She poured out her heart to him through me. She wasn’t sleeping or eating. She wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t functioning. She wanted him back. She wanted to know why he died so suddenly and so young, (if I recall he was in his late twenties). She wanted him to know she would never forget him, that she would always love him, and that she couldn’t wait to be with him again on the other side.

And then it happened. He told her he was very happy where he was, and although he loved her very much, he didn’t want her to stop living just because he was dead.

My client immediately grew angry. “What?!?!” she exclaimed. “He’s HAPPY he’s dead? He’s happy while I’m sitting here dying inside? He’s happy we’re not together anymore? He’s happy while I’m miserable? That son of a bitch!”

She stopped crying and started to seethe instead. “Why the heck am I sitting here crying all day, unable to eat, if he doesn’t even care?!?!”

I had to intervene so she understood a very important truth, and this is one I want you all to hear and understand.

99.99% of people who die are supremely happy once they reach the other side. Let me make this clear, they are at peace, they are back Home, they are back to Love and Source. They are in an ultimate state of bliss. They have released all their own anger, fear, sadness, grief, shame, guilt, anxiety, and in many cases physical suffering. Damn right they’re happy.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about their loved ones still here. They absolutely do. They care very much, but they are not sad, angry, frustrated, and bereft like you are.

And this is very important to hear as well. Dead people don’t want you to be sad. They want you to be happy. They want you to live your life. More than anything else, they don’t want their passing to cause you to stop living.

I’ve never connected with a deceased person who said, “Tell her I want to see more tears. She ain’t crying enough. And tell her she has no business going back to work yet when she really needs to buy me more candles for that nifty altar she built me.” It’s never happened.

Deceased people look upon us with a mixture of frustration and a strong desire to tell us how beautiful life can be. When you get to the other side you immediately remember how this all works. You remember that you chose to be here. You chose to play and have fun.

So back to my client… I explained a lot of this to her. “It’s not that he doesn’t care that you’re suffering, in fact he hovers around you trying to comfort you and help you understand that he’s just fine and wants you to be happy as soon as possible. He loves you very much and nothing would make him happier than if you were able to go on to have a beautiful life, get married to an awesome guy, settle down and have children. Your grief is unnecessary but he completely understands why you feel it. He simply can’t share the grief you’re feeling because he is completely fine and okay with how everything is.”

She calmed down a bit and said to me, “I never really considered any of this. I mean… if he’s okay and he’s happy, then I don’t really need to keep grieving for him. In fact, I’m relieved to know he’s doing so well. I figured he was as upset as I was.”

I said, “At first, when he first crossed over, he was confused because it was so unexpected. But his angels and guides explained everything to him and he understood and accepted it fairly quickly. He loves you, and cares about you, and always will. You will see him again. But until then, you must get back to living. You have your own adventure to play out.”

By the time we ended the call, I could tell that a large part of her grief was gone. She thought she was supposed to rail against his death, to stop until the world gave him back to her. Instead I gave her a prescription. “Talk to him and tell him about your day, but not from your bed. Talk to him while you pick up the pieces and move forward. Talk to him about the joys you still have, and the hopes and dreams you still carry. Tell him you love him but that you will eventually open your heart to meeting another man. All he wants is for you to live a happy life. Honor him by doing just that.”

So the main reason I ask people to wait at least 3 months before trying to communicate with a deceased loved one is because by that time the sting is usually gone and you’ve begun to rebuild your life without them. You’re more open to knowing that they are happy on the other side. It won’t offend you so much.

I know it’s difficult to lose someone you love. I lost my dear friend Pam more than a year ago and I think of her almost every day, missing her wise counsel, and her caring support of me. But I know she wouldn’t want me to stop living just because she is gone. I know she wants me to live my life to the fullest.

Your loved ones feel the same. Your sadness will fade with time. You’ll never forget them, and you will see them again one day. In the meantime, go make the years count. Live your life. Fully and happily.

Answer: When I connect with a deceased person during a reading I am always connecting with the persona that my client would recognize. So if Aunt Clara is coming through for my client, I’m connecting with the personality that was Aunt Clara in life. I am not connecting with Aunt Clara’s higher self.

I have never been looking for a deceased friend or relative and was presented with a person’s higher self instead.

So when does a person slough off the persona from their previous incarnation? I believe it varies by person. Sometimes a person “hangs on” to their old life because they are still emotionally connected to their living loved ones, or they are waiting for someone, like a spouse, to die so they can move on together. At some point every spirit lets go and merges back with their higher self.

I’ll bet it’s possible for a higher self to still come through as a previous persona, but I have never had that experience with a spirit.

No medium can guarantee contact with a specific deceased person. What I’ve noticed is sometimes I’ll bring a spirit through and my client will say, “Yep, he comes through every time I do a reading with a medium.” That’s a spirit who is still connected, hovering, and hanging around their loved ones. I’ve also had situations where a certain spirit never comes through no matter how many readings a person gets with a medium, and I suspect those spirits have disconnected and moved on.

Question: How many questions are answered once we die do you think? Years ago, I used to say to myself, “I almost can’t wait to die, because these questions I have are driving me mad!” But seriously, what do you think? – Brandon

Answer: I’m not sure exactly how many questions get answered because in my current position and density, I don’t have access to the entirety of the universe. What I do know is that when we cross over we gain a much much better perspective about life here on Earth. We can see the bigger picture, we can see how we’re all connected, we remember things we couldn’t remember while here, we interact in ways we can’t interact here, we get knowledge we don’t have here, we meet beings we can’t detect while here, and so much more.

Like you, when I was a child I was driven to find out what happens after we die. I wanted to just pop over to the ether for a minute, download the answers, and come back. Unfortunately it doesn’t work that way and we’ll just have to wait. But along the journey, we can shove aside the veil to some extent. We can communicate with the deceased, visit the astral plane, view past lives, talk to our spirit guides, interact with angels, etc. but no one seems to be giving away the whole enchilada.

While we are incarnated, we are looking through a lens that we can’t remove, so everything we experience will be filtered by that lens. When you cross over you will be pleased to learn what you’d been missing, but I suspect that even in THAT state there will be new questions about the nature of reality.

So enjoy where you are and what you’ve got. For now.

An earthbound spirit is one who chooses not to cross over when their physical existence ends. We are all given the opportunity to re-engage with Source when we die, but you don’t have to cross over if you don’t want to. You can resist the light and stay earthbound, half-way between living and dead, a disembodied spirit who is still attuned to this plane. So why would a soul choose to stay behind? The souls I have encountered during readings who have remained earthbound are here for a few reasons.

Some fear judgment.
If you believed you were going to Hell, like say for murdering someone, how fast would you want to get there? Perhaps you might want to slow down the process a bit or even stay off the grid so you can’t be sent there right? Some people fear God’s judgment so they resist the light and stay earthbound. To them, this is preferable to going to Hell. If Hell existed, I might agree with them, so it’s a real shame that some people remain earthbound instead of crossing over. There is nothing you could have done on this earth that would cause Source to turn its back on you. You will be forgiven if you can forgive yourself. This includes those who commit suicide.

Some have unfinished business.
I’ve encountered people who were murdered and are hanging around waiting to see if their murderer will be brought to justice. I’ve also seen family members hang out waiting for another family member to cross over. This is unnecessary but if the timing is close, I can see why people hang out.

Some aren’t aware they’re dead.
Believe it or not, there are spirits wandering around out there who aren’t clear on the fact that they’ve died. Your mind is powerful. If you die unexpectedly or you were extremely committed to living, it could take days or even weeks to get the clue. You could end up haunting your old haunts, hanging out in your old house, trying to get the attention of the living and wondering why they can’t hear you. If you ever find your spirit instantly severed from your body, it could take a little while to realize what’s happened. If you’re ever in a situation where you suspect you might be dead, try walking through a wall. If you can, you’re probably dead.

Some aren’t ready to go.
Some people cling to life as best they can because they simply aren’t ready to leave it. Sometimes people stay earthbound because they can’t leave their loved ones, such as children. This can also happen if you are extremely passionate about your life or simply having a fantastic time.

All of the above situations are unnecessary. When you actually do cross over, you are not judged and sent to Hell, you can still finish your unfinished business, and you can still watch over your loved ones from the other side. For those that are lost or unaware that they are dead, they do usually figure it out. If they don’t, a good medium can help cross them over.

The vast majority of people die and cross over just fine, so I don’t want you to worry that your loved one didn’t “make it” to the other side. People find their way there eventually. Guides and angels on the other side take care of our loved ones who are still earthbound and, when they are ready, these guides and angels help them cross over. If you are being haunted, find a medium and ask them to help you cross over an earthbound spirit.

Send love to your dearly departed
Those who have crossed over can still receive our loving thoughts and feelings. When you send love to the other side it goes there as a form of energy that they can receive. If it’s not too painful for you, think about your loved ones on the other side right now. Send them some love, a smile, or a thought you want to share. Let them know you’re thinking about them, and that you love them. Then sit back and see if you can see, hear, know, or feel their response. Although the distance may seem ridiculously great, the other side is actually not that far away at all. Your loved ones are really just a thought away.

Answer:  The way you’re using the term “at rest” to me means the spirit has crossed over fully, has accepted the light, has gone through their life review, come to terms with their deeds, and is now kicking back with a brewsky on the other side (metaphorically speaking of course!).   If that’s what you mean by “at rest” then a spirit would not be at rest if any of those components are not fulfilled.

So let’s take each component in order.  First, crossing over fully.  Some spirits hang around the earth plane.  I often see this with people who were murdered or had a sudden, unexpected death through an accident.  They either don’t know they’re dead or they aren’t ready to accept it.  Or they are waiting for their killer to be brought to justice, or they are still very attached to their earthly life and can’t let it go.  They have not crossed over yet and are earthbound.  This spirit would not be at rest.

Now let’s take the case of a spirit who is ready to let go of their earthly existence but fears judgment.  These people resist the light because they fear they will be sent to Hell or that there is some horrible punishment coming up.  They end up stuck between earth and the ether, feeding off the energy of the living to resist the light.  They’re not waiting for justice like in the previous case, they’re not waiting for some event to take place, they have detached from their earthly life but don’t want to go into the light.  They are not at rest either.  Not by a longshot.

Next are the people who detach from their earthly life and go into the light, sometimes with great eagerness and sometimes a little hesitantly.  They get to their life review and are horrified by the pain they’ve caused others.  They can get stuck in a situation where they replay events over and over again for whatever reason: to endure the pain they caused others, to understand their choices better, to make different choices, etc.  Sometimes spirits can spend a lot of time here, unnecessarily, but we all let go at our own pace.  There are spirits and angels there helping you process it all and encouraging you to forgive and move on.  A spirit in this place is “not at rest yet” but is definitely on their way.

And lastly, there are those who cross over, completely severing their attachment to this earthly life, have their life review, process it all and accept it, and move forward into the welcoming embrace of the afterlife and all their dearly departed loved ones (and animal companions!).  These spirits are very much at rest.  That doesn’t mean they don’t care about loved ones here on Earth.  They tune in periodically to see what’s up, but they’re also creating a new experience on the other side that isn’t part of their old incarnated human life.

I hope at this point you’re not thinking, “Dear God!  I don’t want to be hanging around in a disembodied state totally afraid of the light!  And what if I don’t pass my life review and decide to punish myself?  Gack!”  The vast majority of spirits cross over just fine, have a lovely life review over tea and pastries, and make it to the other side in time for the party.  Don’t worry.  Learn to forgive yourself now so when you see what you’ve done to others during your life review you’ll have understanding instead of regret.  But like I said, most people cross over just fine and are guided through their life review by compassionate and understanding beings.

So how do you know what state your dearly departed are in?  A medium would know what state a spirit was in when she tuned in to them.  A person without the ability to tune in to deceased energy would have a hard time knowing what state a particular spirit is in.  However, you can often pick up clues from dreams.  Dreams are a place/plane where incarnated individuals such as yourself can hook up with reasonable accuracy and clarity with other beings, including deceased relatives and friends.  Are you dreaming about the individual and if so, is he coming to you and telling you he’s just fine or do you see him suffering? 

If you ever encounter a spirit that you believe is earth-bound or suffering in some way or resisting the light, you can communicate with them energetically and try to help them cross over and accept the light.  Talk to them.  Meditate to get yourself into a higher vibration.  Hold an object they used to own which will help you zero in on their energy (sometimes).  Encourage them to go into the light and not to fear judgment.  Encourage them to release their fear.  Help them understand that nothing bad will happen to them in the light no matter what they’ve done on earth.  Sometimes a spirit sticks around when people are heavily grieving.  Let such a spirit know that you’ll be okay without them so they will move on.  It’s not healthy to be earthbound.  If they’re waiting for justice to be served (and I’ve encountered people who are still waiting 60 years later!) help them detach from the tangled web of karma and move on, knowing their killer will not truly get away with anything.

It sucks to be stuck here waiting for justice.  It sucks to put yourself in a self-imposed hell and avoid the loving light of the divine.  Don’t do it!  Educate yourself now so that when you get to the other side you can fly right through.  Death is a time for rest and rebirth, for reconnecting with Source, not for punishment and fear.  Rest easy I say.

Answer:  When you cross over the chances are excellent you’ll be greeted by your loved ones.  That’s sort of a loaded sentence so let me break it down into its component parts.

First, when you cross over you might be greeted by deceased loved ones, or angels, or your spirit guides, or even God or Jesus, depending on your beliefs, desires, and expectations at the time of your demise.

Second, if you are greeted by deceased family members, some of them may be people who were abusive towards you while you were both alive, and sometimes those people aren’t there when you cross over.  Let me explain that further.

When abusive people cross over they have the same life review that everyone has, where they get to see the effect of their behavior on the people they affected.  They are given the opportunity to forgive themselves for their behavior.  Some choose to forgive, others can’t forgive themselves and healing must happen.   When they are done with their life review and done processing everything that happened in that incarnation, they merge back with their higher self, and go join the other energies in the afterlife.  Reunions are had, love is expressed, I hear there’s coffee and donuts.

So when you cross over, that abusive person you knew is no longer as they were when you knew them.  You may choose not to connect with them, but you will be able to sense their higher self, not that lower, incarnated, abusive self.  Still, you get your life review, you do your processing, and then you decide who you will share your energy with on the other side.  My personal advice is to stay open because you might find something you weren’t expecting on the other side.

Having said all of that, there are occasions when abusive people cannot forgive themselves for the suffering they caused.  They sometimes have a hard time fully crossing over and embracing their higher self.  I’ve seen people on the other side, usually people who have committed suicide and are filled with regret, shame, or guilt, who are not hanging out happily with their other deceased loved ones.  I’ve done readings where I can see one part of a family coming through together, and another relative off to the side, who appears not to be connected with the core family.  I personally feel sad when I see that, but such is life.  They will eventually heal and end up where they need to go.

So to sum up:  You don’t have to communicate or have contact with anyone on the other side that you don’t want to, but I think when you arrive you’ll find a different person than you were expecting.  We’re human, we make mistakes, we make bad choices sometimes.  Sometimes those choices negatively affect others.  It’s all about forgiveness.  I urge you to forgive an abusive parent.  It helps them heal, and it helps you heal.  During your own life review you’ll gain some perspective on how they became abusive.  Understanding is the first step towards forgiving.

Do you have a friend or relative who seems to be hanging on to life even though they are suffering terribly or are in such a state of decline that their quality of life is practically zero?  What can you do to help them?  Pour over medical books and try to find a cure for what ails them?  Push them to persevere despite their pain and suffering?  Maybe.  Or maybe you need to have a conversation with them and let them know that it’s okay to go.  Sometimes that’s all people are waiting for, the green light, the go-ahead, the thumbs up.  Can you give them that gift?

On a soul level, people choose their time to die.  On some level, we know when we’re done.  But sometimes people hang on long after they’ve chosen to cross over.  Why would they do that?  One reason is fear.  Many people simply fear death.  Some people fear God’s judgment, while others who don’t believe in an afterlife cling to their life because they don’t want to disappear forever.

Another reason people hang on is because of family.  Sometimes people don’t want to leave their loved ones because they believe their family will be lost without them (financially, emotionally, etc.).  But when it’s time to go, it’s time to go.  You can delay it for days, months, or even years, but usually you’re suffering needlessly.  Get your affairs in order and pack your bags.  You’re going to the other side at some point.  Go when you’re ready, but don’t overstay your time here.

If you are the relative or friend of someone who is hanging on beyond their time, you can help them make their transition by giving them permission or encouragement to cross over.  Let them know you’ll be okay without them.  Let them know they don’t need to stay.  If they’re afraid, help them understand that they will be met on the other side by loved ones and the most intense love and joy they could ever imagine.  Prepare them for their journey.

Years ago I helped my grandmother make the decision to cross over. She resisted it for years.  She suffered through cancer and a heart attack, and was living in a retirement home.  Her husband was already dead.  At night, he and I would have conversations with her soul and let her know it was okay to cross over and that her time in this incarnation had come to an end.  She was afraid to let go.  She was afraid to die.  We encouraged her many times, but she just wasn’t ready.  Finally one night she gave us a different answer.  She had made her decision and told us she was ready to go.  Three days later we got word that my grandmother died, in her sleep, no discernible cause.  She just slipped away.  She joined my grandfather on the other side, whole and complete, no longer afraid or suffering.

One of the kindest things you can do for another human being is to give them permission to die when it’s their time to go and they are suffering.  There is no need to rail against the dying of the light, because what is on the other side is like going home.  It’s beautiful, loving, and whole.  Don’t anchor people’s energy here by keeping them on life support for months or years.  You’re keeping them from peace.  It’s hard to let go, yes.  But remember that they’re not really going anywhere.  They’re just sloughing off their physical shell.  They are intact and whole on the other side.  You can still communicate with them, still love them, and one day you’ll see them again.

Honor those you love by releasing the emotional tether that holds them to Earth.  Honor those you love by giving them permission to let go and cross over.  Let them know they have nothing to fear and that you’ll be just fine without them.  You will.  In time.

Answer:  These are all great questions.  Let me see if I can offer some clarity on families, waiting, and crossing over.

I do believe that familial spirits in the ether know when a family member is about to die.  I’ve seen it a few times during readings and I’ve had my own personal experience as well.  First I’ll share my personal experience.  My grandfather died leaving my grandmother alone.  For years she was just fine and then health problems began to plague her.  We moved her to a retirement home.  My grandfather began coming to me in dreams periodically, and I remember at one point he sort of dragged me along to see my grandmother.  Once we arrived at her bedside he told her it was time to let go, she had accomplished her purpose, and could release.  She was afraid to die, afraid to cross over.  He tried to reassure her that she would be just fine but she was very resistant.  My grandfather conveyed to me that I should try to help her let go since she was suffering unnecessarily.

This visitation happened a few times.  But my grandmother’s health actually improved to the point where she was given a clean bill of health.  No more breast cancer, heart in pretty good shape, she could live for many years to come.  My grandfather continued to urge her to let go from the other side, bringing my spirit with him on these encounters.  Finally one night I had a visitation from my grandmother who told me she was ready to die.  I told my parents the next morning that grandma was going to die, heard it from her myself in a dream.  Three days later she was dead.  The doctors could find no real explanation either.  She just went to sleep and didn’t wake up but there was no heart attack or trauma or anything.  I knew grandpa had finally convinced her not to be afraid.  I have since seen her on the other side, and she is still with him.

During readings when I’m bringing through a deceased spirit, on some occasions they have told my sitter that so-and-so is getting ready to cross over. Sure enough, that person crosses usually within a few days up to a couple of months.  This is without me knowing the person is sick or ailing in any way.  It’s rare to be reading for someone who has a deceased relative come through who also happens to have a living relative about to die, so obviously this is very rare, but in over a thousand readings it has happened a few times.

Do spirits wait for spouses or kids to die and then cross over together?  It depends on the spirit.  I have definitely encountered spirits who have chosen to stay pretty emotionally connected to earth while waiting for a loved one to die so they can cross over together.  But I have also seen spirits who are fully crossed over and are still looking in on their loved ones periodically, much the way you might contact an old high school friend every couple of years.  I have also met spirits who are not waiting but have moved on totally, severing their emotional connection with their corporeal families.  It’s a choice.  Sometimes it’s based on events that happened during life, and sometimes it’s just that there are opportunities on the other side that captivate a person’s interest more than what’s happening here.  So it just all depends on the spirit, the connection they had while alive, and what else is going on for them.

Do we stay with our families when we cross over?  To some extent yes, especially where there is lots of love.  But you don’t have to.  I have seen situations, especially in divorced people, where they’re not hanging out in the ether together.  It’s weird, they each come through one at a time and usually wait for one to be finished before stepping in, whereas in couples who are still together they will speak to me interchangeably as though they are both on the same line at the same time.  But I’m still learning so much about relationships on the other side.  This is just what I’ve seen so far.

I have seen grandparents still very attached to their grandkids.  And sometimes I can tell a spirit has moved on completely.  A while ago I had a reading with a medium and he brought through the same three relatives I usually pick up myself.  He did not bring through the relatives I know have moved on.  So it was interesting validation for me as well.  Sometimes a relative is disconnected with their earthly existence so a medium won’t pick up on their energy.  A spirit has to be willing to connect for a medium to bring them through.  We can’t just go drag them out of their chairs to attend a reading.