The Grief is Too Powerful
Grieving sends a beacon of energy into the ether. It’s like a wail. It’s analogous to the sound a microphone makes when there is too much feedback. You almost have to cover your ears. For a deceased person to communicate through that is almost painful.

The Grief is Too Raw
Losing a loved one opens an energetic wound. It’s like a tearing of the energetic cord that existed between the two of you. You’ve got to let the “bleeding” subside before you try to make contact. Otherwise it’s like trying to type after losing half your fingers.

The Deceased Sometimes Aren’t Capable
Just because you’ve crossed over doesn’t mean you know how to communicate with the living. When a deceased person reaches the other side a lot is happening. There’s a life review, a greeting of loved ones, a shift and understanding about who and what we really are, and a time of reflection. While they absolutely are aware of the sadness and grief of their living loved ones, they can’t simply pick up an ethereal phone and start communicating. It takes time and skill to be able to communicate with a medium. Let them get their bearings and learn how to make contact. 3 months is a reasonable time for this. The first week after a passing is not. You risk them not being able to communicate with the medium which is a waste of time, money, and energy.

And there’s one other reason I suggest waiting 3 months to make contact. Let’s go back to the woman who wanted her reading immediately after her boyfriend’s death. After I explained to her the reasons why it’s not a good idea to attempt contact so soon, she insisted she wanted to do it anyway. I relented, but set her appointment for the 3 week mark after his passing, hoping it would be enough time. Sometimes if I can’t reach a specific deceased person, I can still get helpful information about them from the spirit guides who are masters at communicating with psychics and mediums. I warned her that he might not come through, but we would try. She was happy for the opportunity.

When the day of the reading came, he came through loud and clear. He gave me enough validating evidence to pass on to her that she knew for sure we were talking to the right guy. She immediately began sobbing, her grief wound ripping open and tearing again. She was beside herself. I wanted to reach through the phone and give her a hug but couldn’t.

She poured out her heart to him through me. She wasn’t sleeping or eating. She wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t functioning. She wanted him back. She wanted to know why he died so suddenly and so young, (if I recall he was in his late twenties). She wanted him to know she would never forget him, that she would always love him, and that she couldn’t wait to be with him again on the other side.

And then it happened. He told her he was very happy where he was, and although he loved her very much, he didn’t want her to stop living just because he was dead.

My client immediately grew angry. “What?!?!” she exclaimed. “He’s HAPPY he’s dead? He’s happy while I’m sitting here dying inside? He’s happy we’re not together anymore? He’s happy while I’m miserable? That son of a bitch!”

She stopped crying and started to seethe instead. “Why the heck am I sitting here crying all day, unable to eat, if he doesn’t even care?!?!”

I had to intervene so she understood a very important truth, and this is one I want you all to hear and understand.

99.99% of people who die are supremely happy once they reach the other side. Let me make this clear, they are at peace, they are back Home, they are back to Love and Source. They are in an ultimate state of bliss. They have released all their own anger, fear, sadness, grief, shame, guilt, anxiety, and in many cases physical suffering. Damn right they’re happy.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about their loved ones still here. They absolutely do. They care very much, but they are not sad, angry, frustrated, and bereft like you are.

And this is very important to hear as well. Dead people don’t want you to be sad. They want you to be happy. They want you to live your life. More than anything else, they don’t want their passing to cause you to stop living.

I’ve never connected with a deceased person who said, “Tell her I want to see more tears. She ain’t crying enough. And tell her she has no business going back to work yet when she really needs to buy me more candles for that nifty altar she built me.” It’s never happened.

Deceased people look upon us with a mixture of frustration and a strong desire to tell us how beautiful life can be. When you get to the other side you immediately remember how this all works. You remember that you chose to be here. You chose to play and have fun.

So back to my client… I explained a lot of this to her. “It’s not that he doesn’t care that you’re suffering, in fact he hovers around you trying to comfort you and help you understand that he’s just fine and wants you to be happy as soon as possible. He loves you very much and nothing would make him happier than if you were able to go on to have a beautiful life, get married to an awesome guy, settle down and have children. Your grief is unnecessary but he completely understands why you feel it. He simply can’t share the grief you’re feeling because he is completely fine and okay with how everything is.”

She calmed down a bit and said to me, “I never really considered any of this. I mean… if he’s okay and he’s happy, then I don’t really need to keep grieving for him. In fact, I’m relieved to know he’s doing so well. I figured he was as upset as I was.”

I said, “At first, when he first crossed over, he was confused because it was so unexpected. But his angels and guides explained everything to him and he understood and accepted it fairly quickly. He loves you, and cares about you, and always will. You will see him again. But until then, you must get back to living. You have your own adventure to play out.”

By the time we ended the call, I could tell that a large part of her grief was gone. She thought she was supposed to rail against his death, to stop until the world gave him back to her. Instead I gave her a prescription. “Talk to him and tell him about your day, but not from your bed. Talk to him while you pick up the pieces and move forward. Talk to him about the joys you still have, and the hopes and dreams you still carry. Tell him you love him but that you will eventually open your heart to meeting another man. All he wants is for you to live a happy life. Honor him by doing just that.”

So the main reason I ask people to wait at least 3 months before trying to communicate with a deceased loved one is because by that time the sting is usually gone and you’ve begun to rebuild your life without them. You’re more open to knowing that they are happy on the other side. It won’t offend you so much.

I know it’s difficult to lose someone you love. I lost my dear friend Pam more than a year ago and I think of her almost every day, missing her wise counsel, and her caring support of me. But I know she wouldn’t want me to stop living just because she is gone. I know she wants me to live my life to the fullest.

Your loved ones feel the same. Your sadness will fade with time. You’ll never forget them, and you will see them again one day. In the meantime, go make the years count. Live your life. Fully and happily.

Answer: If a deceased person is coming to you in your dream and showing you what really happened to them the day they passed away you should pay careful attention, as it could very well be true.

First you need to determine if you are really having communication with a deceased loved one.

Next, does their version seem plausible? If so, you’re probably get correct information.

Lastly, you may need to act on the information you get. Especially if the person was murdered or if there were extenuating circumstances. Sometimes spirits reveal they committed suicide when it really seemed like an accident. And sometimes the reverse is true.

Spirits who are not at rest or who have unfinished business or who are seeking justice will often send dreams to their loved ones in an attempt to notify them of the truth. So definitely pay attention and take those dreams seriously.

I’ve had several personal experiences and professional experiences where new information came through that turned out to be correct once tracked down and investigated. So it’s definitely possible, and in many cases, likely.

Answer: When I connect with a deceased person during a reading I am always connecting with the persona that my client would recognize. So if Aunt Clara is coming through for my client, I’m connecting with the personality that was Aunt Clara in life. I am not connecting with Aunt Clara’s higher self.

I have never been looking for a deceased friend or relative and was presented with a person’s higher self instead.

So when does a person slough off the persona from their previous incarnation? I believe it varies by person. Sometimes a person “hangs on” to their old life because they are still emotionally connected to their living loved ones, or they are waiting for someone, like a spouse, to die so they can move on together. At some point every spirit lets go and merges back with their higher self.

I’ll bet it’s possible for a higher self to still come through as a previous persona, but I have never had that experience with a spirit.

No medium can guarantee contact with a specific deceased person. What I’ve noticed is sometimes I’ll bring a spirit through and my client will say, “Yep, he comes through every time I do a reading with a medium.” That’s a spirit who is still connected, hovering, and hanging around their loved ones. I’ve also had situations where a certain spirit never comes through no matter how many readings a person gets with a medium, and I suspect those spirits have disconnected and moved on.

Answer:  Generally speaking, no, the dead do not miss the living.  I know that sounds horrible, but let’s look at death from their perspective so you’ll understand why they don’t miss us like we miss them.

When your loved one dies, he’s greeted on the other side by loved ones who have crossed over before him.  He goes back to the light of Divine Love.  To say he’s in a better place is an understatement.  He’s happy, blissful even.  It’s as exciting as winning the lottery.  He goes through his life review, understanding and comprehending the lessons and experiences he had in life.  He makes peace with himself, and crosses right on over into bliss.

The dead are aware, however, that those of us left behind are having a much harder time dealing with what we perceive as a loss, because we, the living, think the person is gone to a galaxy far, far away.  Our dead loved ones try to get our attention, to let us know they are just fine and playing Bingo in the sky with your old dog, uh … Bingo.  For them it’s like looking through one way glass where they can see us but we can’t see them.  So they wave their arms, stomp up and down, scream to us, but we can’t hear them.  How frustrating do you think that is for them?

So next they try getting our attention in other ways.  They send us dreams telling us they’re fine.  We discount those as “just dreams.”  They knock pictures off the wall.  We discount those as the house settling or the kids running amok.  They waft specific smells our way.  “Does anyone smell freesia? Didn’t grandma like freesias?  Weird.”  They put significant songs on the radio, drop change in front of our feet, make the rocking chair rock all by itself, and we chalk it all up to imagination or wishful thinking.  So finally they just sit and hold us with their incorporeal arms, trying to comfort us physically without a physical body to do it with.

And they listen.  They listen to our prayers and eulogies, our anger, our sadness.  And they watch.  They watch us cry, sleep, and cry some more.  They watch us slowly put our lives back together.  They feel joy when we have a victory over our grief.

But they’re also spending their time getting to know the other side and reconnecting with people there.  They realize that no one really dies, we simply transform.  This is nothing to be sad about.  It’s something wonderful.  If the living could remember that the dead are not truly gone, it could lessen our grief.  We grieve over our loss, over the loss of their presence in our lives.  And yes, that is a real loss, but it is not a complete, never-going-to-see-you-again loss. 

Honor the dead.  Share your joy and love with them.  Cast love energy their way.  And try to feel the love energy they’re casting back at you.  A medium can help you reconnect, but a medium is unnecessary if you open your heart and remember that the dead don’t leave us, so they don’t miss us.  Remember them and cherish your memories.  You can keep the connection alive by talking to them and acknowledging their presence at special family events.

They are still there, you can still talk to them, and they still see you and care about you.  They know you’re sad, but they know life is an amazing gift and experience, and they want you to enjoy yours to the fullest extent possible.  When you’re ready, move on with living your life. You will see your loved ones again.