I was working with a client recently who was very upset because she was going to have to declare bankruptcy due to the failure of a start up business. She had quit her job a year prior, taken all the money she and her husband had in savings, and started a business making and selling jewelry online. She made beautiful jewelry, but lacked the business acumen and experience to get enough sales. After a year of sinking into debt, she and her husband had to admit defeat and were preparing to declare bankruptcy. The weight of the guilt crushing her spirit was overwhelming her. She simply could not forgive herself for “ruining her family’s financial lives.” She had become depressed, withdrawn, and forlorn. She had even considered suicide because she couldn’t bear her shame and the disappointment she read on the faces of her husband and children. She felt like a complete and utter failure.

She wanted to know what she could do to make the situation right. She was hoping her spirit guides would give her a new business plan or a quick way to earn money so they wouldn’t have to declare bankruptcy. But that’s not what her guides offered her. They offered her the gift of self-forgiveness. At first, it may not seem like much of a gift, but knowing how to forgive yourself and how to move on after tragedy strikes is a skill you would benefit from developing. How did they do it?

They told me to ask her this question… “If your best friend came to you with this problem, what would you tell her?”

“Oh I would tell her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself, everyone makes mistakes. I would tell her that she is resourceful and intelligent and can recover from this setback. I would tell her not to give up, but to dig in, make better choices, learn from her mistakes, and move on.”

So then I said, “And why can’t you say this to yourself? Why doesn’t this apply to you?”

She was stunned for a moment, speechless. Then she said, “But I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

So I said, “How come your friend deserves forgiveness but you don’t?”

She didn’t answer.

“Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are free from the consequences of your actions. Yes, there will be consequences, but those consequences don’t have to include feeling guilt, shame and depression. Guilt, shame, and depression aren’t going to make you resourceful or stronger, in fact, they will weaken you and make it harder for you to recover. Don’t you owe it to your family to keep your vibration high so that you can help navigate out of this situation in the fastest and best way possible?”

She replied, “Yeah, I suppose I do owe them that. But if I forgive myself and act all happy again won’t people think I’m not taking my failure seriously?”

“Do you think your family wants you to sit in the corner and cry and blame yourself? Or do you think they’d prefer it if you were resourceful and working daily to improve your situation? Don’t you think they know you’re sorry?”

She started to cry. “I am. I am soooo sorry I did this. I can’t believe I hurt my family so badly.”

“You didn’t hurt them. You’re disappointed in yourself and you’re disappointed in the outcome of your actions. But neither of those are permanent. It doesn’t matter if you fall. Everyone falls. It only matters how quickly you get back up and continue the race. Your family is counting on you. What’s the very best thing you could do to help them right now?”

“I could get a job.”

“And you will, but the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Give yourself the same compassion and understanding you’d give one of your children if they made a decision that had a negative consequence. You want your children to learn from their mistakes right?”

“Of course. I want them to know they should never give up. I don’t want them to end up depressed, crying in the corner, like you said.”

“Well show them how to fall and get back up. You have an opportunity to model for them what true success is, which is learning how to recover after a setback. Unite as a family, come up with a solid plan for recovery, work your plan, and keep moving forward. Being happy and resourceful after a setback doesn’t mean you’re denying responsibility for your actions. It just means you’re acknowledging the situation and being committed to doing something to improve it.”

By the time our conversation was over she was feeling much better than when the call started. She adopted a new belief about her situation. Instead of thinking of herself as a failure, she started thinking of herself as a “success in progress.” She was committed to spending her time and energy on improving her situation instead of beating herself up over it. And she finally accepted the forgiveness her family had offered but which she couldn’t take before. She started treating herself the way she would treat others in the same situation.

The secret to forgiving yourself is to take responsibility for your actions, but not to let your perceived failure bury you. When you fail, when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up. Raise your vibration, become more resourceful, and ask for help when you need it. Give yourself the forgiveness you so willingly give to others. You are worthy of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself that acknowledges you’re human. You can’t always prevent failure, but you can always forgive yourself for failing.

When I prepare to do an intuitive reading for someone, I do a little tuning in before I call them on the phone.  Part of the tuning in process includes me taking a look at their chakras, which are the energy centers of our body.  By scanning or tuning in to a person’s chakras I can tell in what areas of their life they have problems and I can tell where they are strong.  It took me a while to understand and to be able to interpret what I’m seeing, but I’ve got it down now.  For example, if I see yellow in a person’s third-eye chakra, I know they are proactively working on increasing their intuition or psychic abilities.  When I see a tiny root chakra I know my sitter is struggling financially or doesn’t feel physically safe and secure (e.g. maybe they’re in an abusive relationship).  When I see a wide open throat chakra just brimming with blue light, I know my sitter makes a living as a communicator (teacher, speaker, writer, singer, etc.).  When I see a huge, wide open heart chakra I know my sitter is extremely compassionate, caring, and connected with others.  If the heart chakra is small or dim I know my sitter is feeling disconnected, lonely, and maybe isolated.  Scanning chakras is like a diagnostic tool I use to get a general idea of where my sitter is in life and what’s going on for them.

Most of the time, my sitters have strong, healthy, properly functioning chakras.  But sometimes when I tune in, all I see are tiny pinpricks of light.  The first time I saw the pinpricks of light in one of my sitters, it freaked me out.  I didn’t know what it meant.  His energetic body was dark, the light inside him was going out, like a candle with no oxygen.  The fire inside him was just dying.  There was almost nothing for me to grasp onto.  He was in a state of energetic freefall.  When I asked him if he was planning to take his own life, he admitted to me that after our phone call he was going to commit suicide unless his spirit guides could give him a good reason to live.  No pressure, right? We made it through the call.  My sitter thought he was at a dead end, but the guides were able to show him a path that led to happiness and fulfillment.  I followed up with him a week later and he looked so much better, energetically, that I knew the crisis stage was over and he simply had to continue with his new plan to find happiness and fulfillment. 

It doesn’t happen often that I find people in this state, but it does happen.  When I tune in and see the pinpricks of light I know exactly what I’m dealing with.  I know my sitter is in crisis.  It’s not just a matter of whether to switch careers or whether to leave their husband, we’re tackling the big question: Should I continue with my life or just end it?  I am so grateful to the people in this situation who choose a reading instead of suicide because it gives me a chance to pass on a message from spirit that is usually very powerful and helpful.  Metaphorically it’s as if these folks are standing in total darkness, lost in the woods, with no food, water or help coming, and then their guides hand them a map, a light, a canteen of water, and food rations.  No, the guides can’t just pluck you out of the woods and drop you off at the lodge.  You still have to walk out of the woods on your own, but at least you have the supplies you need to sustain your life until you can find safety again.

Pinpricks of light.  Are your chakras in this state?  They might be if you are experiencing all of the following:

1. Root chakra:  No sense of security, no stability, financial disaster, unable to take care of yourself.
2. Sacral chakra:  No passion, no joy, no hope.  Depressed or sad.
3. Solar Plexus chakra:  A feeling of powerlessness, lack of self-esteem, no confidence in yourself.
4. Heart chakra:  Feeling disconnected, lonely, and apathetic about yourself and others.
5. Throat chakra:  Unable to express yourself, frustrated, feeling unheard.
6. Third-Eye chakra:  Not receiving intuition, unable to see a future for yourself, feeling like there are no choices left.
7. Crown chakra:  Disconnected from God/Source.  Feeling abandoned by life itself.

If this describes you, get help right away.  Go to a counselor, therapist, or book an appointment with me.  Talk to a friend.  Reach out for help.  Gently blow life back into your chakras.  Help someone else who is in a more unfortunate state than you believe yourself to be.  Meditate.  Listen to uplifting music.  Watch a comedy.  Raise your vibration.  Tune in to your guides.  Pray.  Open yourself to receiving help from the universe.  Sing.  Dance.  Write down 10 things you are grateful for, and do this every night before you go to sleep and every morning when you wake up.  Slowly, piece by piece, put your life back together.

Don’t give up.  When you feel like you’re sinking to the bottom of the ocean and you’re drowning in the darkness, you can still find the light.  But you won’t see it if your eyes are closed.  Be brave and try one more time.  You can heal.  You can find your way back from the brink.

I don’t like seeing the pinpricks of light, but now I know the guides can help.  Let them.

Let people help you
Sometimes you really can’t help yourself.  That’s when it’s time to rely on the kindness of your fellow man.  Find a friend, relative, therapist, counselor, co-worker, or anyone you trust with your situation and ask them for help.  Chances are they won’t say no, and even if they did, you can just move on to someone else.  People who love you and care about you will help you if you tell them what’s wrong and ask for their help.  Even if they can’t offer much in the way of advice, sometimes just telling someone about your situation is enough to lift you back towards the light.  You may also be able to find a support group full of people who have conquered your problem and are there to support others seeking their way back from the brink.  Whatever you do, reach out.  Don’t sit in the darkness alone.

Help someone in need
When you realize that you are in a position to help someone else in trouble, often your own problem doesn’t seem so insurmountable.  Helping others is one of the kindest things you can do on this planet because it recognizes the connection we all share.  When you show compassion towards another you automatically move closer to the light.  Try it and see.  Give a homeless guy some money.  Volunteer at a shelter.  Donate clothing to a domestic violence shelter.  Send treats to an orphanage.  Or just listen to someone with a problem and offer a kind word of support.  When you see others drowning in the dark, you can help each other swim back to the light.  Gratitude is one of the highest vibrations you can give and receive.

Keep your perspective
Sometimes we’re slammed with something horrible.  The death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, a financial crisis, bad health news.  It can feel like someone tied concrete to your feet and threw you in the river.  But keep your perspective.  Are you really at the end of your rope or did you just slide down a few feet – okay maybe a few hundred feet?  Never let go of that rope, even if you slid all the way to the bottom.  Keep climbing.  While there is still life in you, there is strength to keep climbing.  One inch at a time if necessary.  Still have a roof over your head?  Still have friends who care about you?  Still have enough money in your wallet to buy your next meal?  Is there a cure for your illness?  You’re way ahead of some people, so keep your perspective and keep climbing.  There are thousands, possibly millions of people, in the world who would gladly take your problems over theirs, so keep your problem in the proper perspective if you can.

Find one positive thought
I can’t stress this one enough.  When all you can see is darkness, sometimes you have to create your own light.  Lost your job?  “Well at least I can sleep in tomorrow.”  Been told you have cancer?  “At least others who have had this can guide me back to health.”  Death of a loved one? “I was very lucky to have loved someone so deeply.”  I know that you can sometimes feel utterly buried by bad news or a bad situation.  I think we’ve all had that feeling of totally losing our life energy to devastating news or a devastating situation, but you can always, always choose how you will interpret it.  So you can allow those dark waters to drag you under or you can choose to keep your head above water and start swimming back to shore.  It’s a choice, even if it doesn’t always feel like one.  My friend, Aimmee Riley, who wrote the awesome book, Tears of Hope, always says to me, “At least I am still breathing, so I’m okay.”  She’s a woman who really knows how to persevere in the face of adversity.

Count your blessings
When you’re sitting in the dark and can’t find the light it’s always helpful to count your blessings.  My advice is to literally write them down and keep them somewhere that you can see often.  Turn your attention to the things in your life that are still positive and forget your problem, even if just for a moment.  You’ve got to break the cycle, cut the chain that ties you to that block of concrete, so you can begin to swim back to the surface.  You need to get your power back, so take a serious inventory of what you still have going for you and use those blessings like stairs – climb them.

Remember you are never truly alone
When I’m doing an intuitive reading for someone in crisis I always see angels around them.  In fact, when I see the angels that’s how I know my sitter is going through a really tough time either emotionally or physically.  You are never truly alone.  Behind and beside you walk beings of light whose job it is to help you when you cannot help yourself.  You may not see them or detect them, but they are there when you need them the most.  Just like that poem, “Footprints” about the guy who was walking with God and saw two sets of footprints in the sand, and when he was in trouble he only saw one set and thought God had abandoned him.  “No,” said God, “that was when I carried you.”  If you open yourself to their energy, you will feel their loving comfort.  Some people use prayer to connect with these unseen energies, some use meditation.  Find your angels and let their light infuse you.

Find the humor in your situation
Probably the last thing you want to do when you are devastated is laugh, but laughter truly is the best medicine.  Being in a state of joy or amusement is a really high vibration that can cut through the darkness like a knife through butter.  Find something to laugh at.  Find something amusing in your situation.  If you can’t find amusement in your situation, then find amusement in something else.  Catch a comedy show, watch a funny movie, go to YouTube.com and type in the name of your favorite comedian.  It’s okay to laugh even when you feel like you have nothing to be happy about.  Laughter cuts away the darkness and allows you to think more clearly and find good solutions to your problem.

Don’t make decisions in the dark
When life throws you a curve you automatically go into problem-solving mode.  How will I deal with this?  What will I do now?  How will I survive?  How will I get through this?  When you’re in panic-mode, however, you don’t always come up with the best solutions.  In fact, sometimes you can’t see a way out of your plight.  I have learned that if I am in crisis mode that my ability to make good decisions goes out the door.  So I’ve learned not to make decisions while in crisis mode.  I raise my vibration first.  I count my blessings.  I put my problem in perspective.  I find the humor in the situation.  I ask for help.  Then solutions begin to appear when my mind is ready for them.  If you need time to wallow in your misery, take it, but don’t tarry there too long or you will drown in that darkness.  When you’re ready, begin making a plan that will free you from those dark waters.

Just breathe
When all else fails, breathe.  What’s the first thing we do when we arrive in this world?  We take a breath.  When you literally feel like your world is falling apart then it’s time to go back to the beginning.  Just breathe.  Find a comfortable spot and concentrate on your breath.  Don’t let other thoughts enter your mind.  If they do, gently escort them out the back door.  And then concentrate on your breathing, be in the present, get centered.  Keep breathing until you find peace.  Use that time to connect yourself with the universal energy that fills us all.  Be supported by that energy.  Let it carry you for a while.  Submit yourself to its embrace.  Then, when you’re ready, open your eyes and see the light ahead of you.  Move towards it, one step at a time.  Don’t take your eyes off that light.  Don’t look behind you, always look forward.  As long as you’re breathing, you’re okay.

If someone you know is in crisis right now, help them.  Care for them.  Guide them back to the light.  If you’re the one in crisis, I highly recommend a visit to the forums.  There you will find compassionate, caring individuals who will help you sort through your situation and offer advice for dealing with it.