Is it a grudge? Is it a hope? A wish that never came true? A fantasy? A desire?

How long have you held onto it? How long has it held you in place?

You’ve got to let go.

We all do it. It’s quite common. I’ve read for thousands of people, and I see the pattern. We hold on to something because it feels important to us. Life or death sometimes.

Sometimes it’s a relationship that ended a long time ago, but we just can’t let go. We’re not ready. There was a different resolution we wanted. And we hold on to this crazy belief that somehow, some way, we can get it back. We can put a new spark in it. The other person will come to their senses.

Sometimes it’s tragedy. An untimely death. We pine for what could have been. What should have been. What we were entitled to.

Sometimes it’s a dream, a desire, a hope, a wish. Something we’ve wanted for years but has never happened. Something that always seems to be just ahead, but is actually further away than it’s ever been. What seems like something in the future is actually just a reflection of a past desire that never came to fruition.

Sometimes it’s a grudge. We were wronged. We want justice. We’re waiting for the world to correct the egregious error it imposed upon us without our consent.

You’ve got to let it go.

Why? Because it’s dead weight. Old news. In the past. Gone.

The longer you hold on to the past, the longer it takes to move forward.

You can’t attract something new when your energetic space is filled with too much of the old. And the old doesn’t serve you. All that “stuff” you’re holding on to is an anchor, holding you in place, indeed sometimes pulling you down into the oceanic depths where there is no air, nothing to breathe.

And sometimes you don’t realize you’re holding on to the old until you make a conscious effort to let it go and see what happens.

Think of something that is holding you back right now. A relationship. A dream. A grudge. A mortgage. Debt. A dead end job. Beliefs. Fears. Hope. You’ll know it’s dead weight if, when you think about it, you feel yourself slip into a lower vibration such as fear, shame, guilt, anger, or sadness.

Now make the decision to let it go. Breathe in, hold it, breathe out, and let it go. Write it on a piece of paper and burn it. Put it in a box and bury it in the backyard. Toss a stone into the ocean as a symbol of whatever it is. Write about it in your journal. Tell a friend you are letting something go. Make a phone call to the appropriate agency and tell them no more, you’re done, you’ve had enough. Decide you will let it go and do something tangible or symbolic to show your commitment to this release.

Now wait.

Clear the space. Let it just sit empty for a minute. Resist the urge to fill it, just for now.

Next, take a look at that space and decide consciously what you want to be there. Just as you would consciously decorate a room in your home, allow yourself to consciously decorate your life. Only allow into it what you want to be there. Tell everything else no, it is not welcome.

Be the one in command of your energetic space. Keep it clean. Free of clutter. Free of proverbial mold. No one gets to sit in your space unless you allow it. Don’t hang a heavy painting on a nail too small to hold it. Make sure everything in your space is there by your design and with your permission.

Practice this with each area of your life until your life is moving forward in a positive direction, and not stuck in the past.

I was working with a client recently who was very upset because she was going to have to declare bankruptcy due to the failure of a start up business. She had quit her job a year prior, taken all the money she and her husband had in savings, and started a business making and selling jewelry online. She made beautiful jewelry, but lacked the business acumen and experience to get enough sales. After a year of sinking into debt, she and her husband had to admit defeat and were preparing to declare bankruptcy. The weight of the guilt crushing her spirit was overwhelming her. She simply could not forgive herself for “ruining her family’s financial lives.” She had become depressed, withdrawn, and forlorn. She had even considered suicide because she couldn’t bear her shame and the disappointment she read on the faces of her husband and children. She felt like a complete and utter failure.

She wanted to know what she could do to make the situation right. She was hoping her spirit guides would give her a new business plan or a quick way to earn money so they wouldn’t have to declare bankruptcy. But that’s not what her guides offered her. They offered her the gift of self-forgiveness. At first, it may not seem like much of a gift, but knowing how to forgive yourself and how to move on after tragedy strikes is a skill you would benefit from developing. How did they do it?

They told me to ask her this question… “If your best friend came to you with this problem, what would you tell her?”

“Oh I would tell her that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself, everyone makes mistakes. I would tell her that she is resourceful and intelligent and can recover from this setback. I would tell her not to give up, but to dig in, make better choices, learn from her mistakes, and move on.”

So then I said, “And why can’t you say this to yourself? Why doesn’t this apply to you?”

She was stunned for a moment, speechless. Then she said, “But I don’t deserve to be forgiven.”

So I said, “How come your friend deserves forgiveness but you don’t?”

She didn’t answer.

“Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean you are free from the consequences of your actions. Yes, there will be consequences, but those consequences don’t have to include feeling guilt, shame and depression. Guilt, shame, and depression aren’t going to make you resourceful or stronger, in fact, they will weaken you and make it harder for you to recover. Don’t you owe it to your family to keep your vibration high so that you can help navigate out of this situation in the fastest and best way possible?”

She replied, “Yeah, I suppose I do owe them that. But if I forgive myself and act all happy again won’t people think I’m not taking my failure seriously?”

“Do you think your family wants you to sit in the corner and cry and blame yourself? Or do you think they’d prefer it if you were resourceful and working daily to improve your situation? Don’t you think they know you’re sorry?”

She started to cry. “I am. I am soooo sorry I did this. I can’t believe I hurt my family so badly.”

“You didn’t hurt them. You’re disappointed in yourself and you’re disappointed in the outcome of your actions. But neither of those are permanent. It doesn’t matter if you fall. Everyone falls. It only matters how quickly you get back up and continue the race. Your family is counting on you. What’s the very best thing you could do to help them right now?”

“I could get a job.”

“And you will, but the first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. Give yourself the same compassion and understanding you’d give one of your children if they made a decision that had a negative consequence. You want your children to learn from their mistakes right?”

“Of course. I want them to know they should never give up. I don’t want them to end up depressed, crying in the corner, like you said.”

“Well show them how to fall and get back up. You have an opportunity to model for them what true success is, which is learning how to recover after a setback. Unite as a family, come up with a solid plan for recovery, work your plan, and keep moving forward. Being happy and resourceful after a setback doesn’t mean you’re denying responsibility for your actions. It just means you’re acknowledging the situation and being committed to doing something to improve it.”

By the time our conversation was over she was feeling much better than when the call started. She adopted a new belief about her situation. Instead of thinking of herself as a failure, she started thinking of herself as a “success in progress.” She was committed to spending her time and energy on improving her situation instead of beating herself up over it. And she finally accepted the forgiveness her family had offered but which she couldn’t take before. She started treating herself the way she would treat others in the same situation.

The secret to forgiving yourself is to take responsibility for your actions, but not to let your perceived failure bury you. When you fail, when you make a mistake, learn from it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up. Raise your vibration, become more resourceful, and ask for help when you need it. Give yourself the forgiveness you so willingly give to others. You are worthy of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself that acknowledges you’re human. You can’t always prevent failure, but you can always forgive yourself for failing.