And the hits just kept on coming. People I’d never met and had never read for started writing things about me publically, calling me a fraud, a criminal, and a charlatan. That surprised me because well… I’d never even met the people! I couldn’t understand why someone would express an opinion like that without at least having the decency to interact with me first. But hey, it’s a free country, and people can say whatever they want, even if it’s not true.

I even received death threats from people who told me to stop what I was doing or they’d make me stop. If that doesn’t rattle you, you’re a stronger person than I am! Luckily those were few and far between.

I was very hurt and even surprised by the negative criticism and hate mail. I have a thin skin, probably because I don’t wantonly express hatred towards others and can’t understand why people would hate me. I started to wonder if it was worth it, being in the public eye, attracting the attention of people who wanted to “take me down.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to go down the road of being unfairly and unjustly judged. I had to really think about this issue.

I knew other people in my profession bore the brunt of unfair criticism all the time. Poor John Edward was featured in a Southpark episode where they referred to him as the biggest douche in the universe. One day when I was at a John Edward show, someone in the audience asked him how he felt about that episode. His reply interested me greatly and is what ultimately helped me decide to continue on my course no matter how much criticism was levied at me.

Basically he said something to the effect of, “I knew when I started doing this work publically that I was painting a bullseye on my ass. I knew people would take shots at me, and I knew I would face extraordinary criticism for my chosen vocation. But I don’t care. I am called to do this work, I do it well, and I’m not going to let other people stop me. They’re free to think what they want. All that matters is that I know I’m doing my job with integrity. I will never defend what I do. People can try to discredit me until they’re blue in the face; they can challenge me, they can try to assault my character, it’s not going to stop me.”

If you’ve ever heard John speak in person, you’ll know that his Italian and New York background make him fully capable of withstanding assaults on his character. I greatly admire his tenacity and stalwart presence in this field. He’s like the leader of the pack, using a machete to cut his way through the jungle of doubt and criticism for the rest of us to follow. And I am grateful to him for being willing to lead. It can’t be easy, no matter how much Italian and New York blood he has in him.

And so it was that I adopted this same mindset. I know without a doubt that the work I do helps others and I work with high integrity and a code of ethics I don’t always see in the industry.

So one day a friend in a similar industry as mine asked me how I handle criticism, especially when people are making false accusations. I told her that it used to bug me a lot, and that I used to try to defend myself, but I stopped. And I shared my new mindset with her and told her what I’ve learned after years of being in the public eye:

I’ve learned that what others say about me does not define me. I define me.

I’ve learned that people criticize what threatens them, and that’s their challenge to overcome, not mine, unless I choose to carry that burden for some reason.

I’ve learned that other people’s opinions of me are based on expectations and assumptions that may not be accurate, and that they must do their own research to arrive at the truth. I’m not required to do that research for them.

I’ve learned that when people attack me, they are feeling fear, and I give them understanding and compassion, but not my power.

I’ve learned that some of the greatest people in our world faced criticism and false judgment, but they persevered to create long and lasting changes that benefit others. If they can do it, so can I.

I’ve learned that people don’t always think before they speak, and that what they say about me or to me doesn’t actually require a response on my part.

I’ve been known to tell people who express hatred towards me that I do not need or require their love and approval to do my work, and that I can still live just as happily even if we never see eye to eye.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Often what we criticize in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.

At the end of the day if I can look at myself in the mirror and feel proud of what I do, then that’s all that matters to me. There’s no way anyone could know all that I do, what goes on behind the scenes, the efforts and lengths I go to to help people in crisis, so when people judge me I know they are judging me without knowing enough to truly form an accurate judgment. I’ve learned not to judge others for this very reason. You are the only person who can accurately judge you. Nothing anyone else says (good or bad) is entirely real, it’s just a reflection of their thoughts, expectations, assumptions, and experience.

The way to handle public criticism is to always have integrity in your work, so there is nothing you need to ever defend. Your actions will speak louder than your words. It’s not lost on me that the people who are my most vocal detractors are the ones who have never met me, and the ones who are my most vocal supporters are the ones I’ve spent the most time with.

If you are facing the prospect of doing work that puts you in the public eye, be sure you always have integrity, honesty, and truth in all of your dealings. Send compassion to those who judge you, and serve those who need you. Keep doing what you do best, keep moving forward, and don’t let anyone stop you or bring you down.

John’s Readings
There were between 200 and 300 people in the audience at the Flamingo Showroom.  John read for maybe 10 families in that room during his 2 hour performance.  He went in depth with each family, offering between 15 and 20 tidbits of validation. 

I thought he did especially well with details.  A lot of people accuse John Edward of doing cold readings but nothing could be further from the truth.  It’s a cold reading if John says, “They’re telling me you sometimes feel anxious but for the most part you do okay in life.”  That could apply to anyone.  It’s not a cold reading when John says, “Your family sometimes refers to you as Lard Head.  What’s that all about?” and the sitter laughs and validates that that is indeed a nickname of theirs.  John gets very specific with his details, and not just a few details, but many in a row.  Getting one validating hit could be a coincidence, but getting 10, 15 or 20 in a row without missing is very convincing evidence of his paranormal abilities.

I find John to be an excellent medium.  I would love to learn from him directly to improve my own medium skills. 

Q&A with John
After doing about an hour and a half of readings, John hosted a Q&A period and answered probably a dozen questions from audience members.  I especially enjoyed this part because this is where I personally received the most value.  As John answered each question I was glad to notice that I would have answered them the exact same way.  Sometimes psychics have different beliefs about the nature of the afterlife, what constitutes a haunting vs. emotional residue, and reincarnation, among other things.  John’s answers perfectly coincided with my beliefs.

Someone asked John how he felt about all the negative press he often gets; the ridicule and claims of fraud.  John basically said that he made a personal decision to be public with his abilities and understood that when he did so that he was painting a big bullseye on his butt (his words, not mine!).  He said that as he grew in popularity, the bullseye became larger.  He said that one time a major news magazine was doing a story on him that was supposed to be this big expose on how he’s a fraud and charlatan and they brought in a defense attorney to question him extensively and test his abilities.  John said they ended up writing one of the most positive stories about him that he’s ever read after he wowed them with an in-depth reading.

John answered questions about reincarnation and the afterlife.  He shared that he does not support the death penalty because it releases people from this life before they’ve learned all of their lessons.  He also agreed with me about the spiritual consequences of suicide in that you are not released from your lessons and you’ll simply come back to finish them at a later date, plus you alter the course of the people you’ve left behind whom you were supposed to be heavily interacting with.  John talked a little about psychic self defense as well.

Someone asked John if he has an on/off switch or if he ends up reading for people in the grocery store or in restaurants.  He relayed a few funny stories related to being recognized in public and people surreptitiously trying to get him to read for them.  He says he is either “on” or on “standby” so that his guides can get his attention if necessary.

John spoke about how deceased people try to get our attention.  Similar to what I wrote about in my blog entry, Signs from the Spirits, they can mess with your electrical equipment, sometimes you’ll hear them calling your name, and he says that sometimes you’ll even see them. 

One thing he really wanted to impress upon the audience is this:  Our dearly departed do not miss us because they are still with us.  We miss them because we feel like we can never express our love, thoughts, and feelings to them.  But this isn’t true.  The deceased can hear and see us, and they are aware of much of what we do.  Talk to them, write them a letter, sing to them… they will receive your love however you are sending it to them.  Try to feel their love in return.

John talked about visitations from deceased loved ones in dreams.  Sometimes dreams about the dearly departed are just dreams.  You’ll know it’s a visitation by how clear the dream is and how peaceful you are when you awake.  You’ll feel like their true spirit and/or personality came through in your dream. 

Technical Difficulties
About 7 minutes into John’s presentation his microphone went out.  They brought a replacement but it was also malfunctioning.  As a toastmaster and someone who will probably be speaking on a stage one day, I was very curious as to how he would handle it.  The audience began, ever so slightly, to get hostile.  Some people shouted out rude comments like, “Maybe someone up there wants you to shut up,” and “What happened?  Did you lose your connection?”  John handled the hecklers with aplomb.  He relayed a story of a time he was doing an event and there was a blackout.  He ended up doing all the readings with a bullhorn.  That’s adaptability!   They finally got his microphone working and off we went.

John’s the Man!
One thing I really appreciate about John Edward is that he blazes a trail of integrity for all the rest of us psychic mediums.  Because of his fortitude and moral strength he stands as a beacon of truth in a sea of frauds and charlatans.  It’s a tough job and he handles it well.  My hat goes off to John.  He’s been doing this work for 23 years.  I’ve been at it for about 2 years.  I can only imagine where I’ll be in 23.  But I’ll be looking to John all the way…