The Grief is Too Powerful
Grieving sends a beacon of energy into the ether. It’s like a wail. It’s analogous to the sound a microphone makes when there is too much feedback. You almost have to cover your ears. For a deceased person to communicate through that is almost painful.

The Grief is Too Raw
Losing a loved one opens an energetic wound. It’s like a tearing of the energetic cord that existed between the two of you. You’ve got to let the “bleeding” subside before you try to make contact. Otherwise it’s like trying to type after losing half your fingers.

The Deceased Sometimes Aren’t Capable
Just because you’ve crossed over doesn’t mean you know how to communicate with the living. When a deceased person reaches the other side a lot is happening. There’s a life review, a greeting of loved ones, a shift and understanding about who and what we really are, and a time of reflection. While they absolutely are aware of the sadness and grief of their living loved ones, they can’t simply pick up an ethereal phone and start communicating. It takes time and skill to be able to communicate with a medium. Let them get their bearings and learn how to make contact. 3 months is a reasonable time for this. The first week after a passing is not. You risk them not being able to communicate with the medium which is a waste of time, money, and energy.

And there’s one other reason I suggest waiting 3 months to make contact. Let’s go back to the woman who wanted her reading immediately after her boyfriend’s death. After I explained to her the reasons why it’s not a good idea to attempt contact so soon, she insisted she wanted to do it anyway. I relented, but set her appointment for the 3 week mark after his passing, hoping it would be enough time. Sometimes if I can’t reach a specific deceased person, I can still get helpful information about them from the spirit guides who are masters at communicating with psychics and mediums. I warned her that he might not come through, but we would try. She was happy for the opportunity.

When the day of the reading came, he came through loud and clear. He gave me enough validating evidence to pass on to her that she knew for sure we were talking to the right guy. She immediately began sobbing, her grief wound ripping open and tearing again. She was beside herself. I wanted to reach through the phone and give her a hug but couldn’t.

She poured out her heart to him through me. She wasn’t sleeping or eating. She wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t functioning. She wanted him back. She wanted to know why he died so suddenly and so young, (if I recall he was in his late twenties). She wanted him to know she would never forget him, that she would always love him, and that she couldn’t wait to be with him again on the other side.

And then it happened. He told her he was very happy where he was, and although he loved her very much, he didn’t want her to stop living just because he was dead.

My client immediately grew angry. “What?!?!” she exclaimed. “He’s HAPPY he’s dead? He’s happy while I’m sitting here dying inside? He’s happy we’re not together anymore? He’s happy while I’m miserable? That son of a bitch!”

She stopped crying and started to seethe instead. “Why the heck am I sitting here crying all day, unable to eat, if he doesn’t even care?!?!”

I had to intervene so she understood a very important truth, and this is one I want you all to hear and understand.

99.99% of people who die are supremely happy once they reach the other side. Let me make this clear, they are at peace, they are back Home, they are back to Love and Source. They are in an ultimate state of bliss. They have released all their own anger, fear, sadness, grief, shame, guilt, anxiety, and in many cases physical suffering. Damn right they’re happy.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about their loved ones still here. They absolutely do. They care very much, but they are not sad, angry, frustrated, and bereft like you are.

And this is very important to hear as well. Dead people don’t want you to be sad. They want you to be happy. They want you to live your life. More than anything else, they don’t want their passing to cause you to stop living.

I’ve never connected with a deceased person who said, “Tell her I want to see more tears. She ain’t crying enough. And tell her she has no business going back to work yet when she really needs to buy me more candles for that nifty altar she built me.” It’s never happened.

Deceased people look upon us with a mixture of frustration and a strong desire to tell us how beautiful life can be. When you get to the other side you immediately remember how this all works. You remember that you chose to be here. You chose to play and have fun.

So back to my client… I explained a lot of this to her. “It’s not that he doesn’t care that you’re suffering, in fact he hovers around you trying to comfort you and help you understand that he’s just fine and wants you to be happy as soon as possible. He loves you very much and nothing would make him happier than if you were able to go on to have a beautiful life, get married to an awesome guy, settle down and have children. Your grief is unnecessary but he completely understands why you feel it. He simply can’t share the grief you’re feeling because he is completely fine and okay with how everything is.”

She calmed down a bit and said to me, “I never really considered any of this. I mean… if he’s okay and he’s happy, then I don’t really need to keep grieving for him. In fact, I’m relieved to know he’s doing so well. I figured he was as upset as I was.”

I said, “At first, when he first crossed over, he was confused because it was so unexpected. But his angels and guides explained everything to him and he understood and accepted it fairly quickly. He loves you, and cares about you, and always will. You will see him again. But until then, you must get back to living. You have your own adventure to play out.”

By the time we ended the call, I could tell that a large part of her grief was gone. She thought she was supposed to rail against his death, to stop until the world gave him back to her. Instead I gave her a prescription. “Talk to him and tell him about your day, but not from your bed. Talk to him while you pick up the pieces and move forward. Talk to him about the joys you still have, and the hopes and dreams you still carry. Tell him you love him but that you will eventually open your heart to meeting another man. All he wants is for you to live a happy life. Honor him by doing just that.”

So the main reason I ask people to wait at least 3 months before trying to communicate with a deceased loved one is because by that time the sting is usually gone and you’ve begun to rebuild your life without them. You’re more open to knowing that they are happy on the other side. It won’t offend you so much.

I know it’s difficult to lose someone you love. I lost my dear friend Pam more than a year ago and I think of her almost every day, missing her wise counsel, and her caring support of me. But I know she wouldn’t want me to stop living just because she is gone. I know she wants me to live my life to the fullest.

Your loved ones feel the same. Your sadness will fade with time. You’ll never forget them, and you will see them again one day. In the meantime, go make the years count. Live your life. Fully and happily.

Answer: It can be super frustrating to desire to connect with a specific deceased relative and they never seem to show up to the party.

I recall reading for a gal and her dad was coming through really strongly. He told me his name, gave her some validation, and we were off and running. My client said, “Yeah, that’s my dad. He comes to every reading. He’s around all the time.” Meanwhile, she was frustrated because she also wanted to hear from her mother who never seemed to come through.

Why do some spirits always show up and others never come? There could be several reasons.

First, the deceased person may not want to come through. For whatever reason, they may simply not desire to communicate. That doesn’t mean they hate you. That doesn’t mean they can’t come through. That doesn’t mean they aren’t watching over you. Perhaps they don’t want to interfere in the course of your life. Perhaps they trust that you can get along without their guidance or interruption.

Second, the deceased person may not be able to come through. Deceased people don’t get to the other side suddenly able to speak energetically to a living person. It takes energy and finesse to communicate with the living. Your deceased loved one may not have figured it out yet. Give them time.

Third, the deceased may have disconnected. Some people cross over and are fully engaged with their new existence in the ether. They disconnect their energy from their old life and are simply done. They turn their attention in an entirely new direction. Don’t be insulted. You’ll understand when you reach the ether yourself that sometimes you stay emotionally connected with the living and sometimes you don’t.

Fourth, the deceased may be there but no one is hearing them. Sometimes the dead are jumping up and down around us, trying to get our attention, but we don’t detect them. It’s not easy. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. Sometimes the medium is unable to get the right frequency. Sometimes the dead person is not transmitting in a way that the medium can pick up. If the medium is very clairsentient but the dead person is transmitting in a clairvoyant way, then the medium may be unable to detect the presence of the dead person. Keep trying with different mediums, or keep trying on your own.

I know it can feel very sad if you’re trying to get closure or reconnect with a loved one and they don’t seem to be there, but you don’t want to expend so much energy trying to communicate with a deceased loved one that you stop living your own life. This is why it’s vitally important to tell your loved ones how much you love them while they are still here.

In the meantime, send love to your dearly departed. They will receive it. Take comfort in knowing they are alright and that you’ll see them again when you reach the other side.

Do suicide victims go to Hell?
This is the number one question people ask me. If I thought my loved one was going to Hell I’d ask that question too! Religion appears to doom people to Hell if they take their own life. I guess it’s considered a sin. Suiciders (sorry had to make up a word) do not go to Hell. At least, not the Christian Hell with the devil, the eternal torture, and decaf.

Hell is a state of mind. So technically you could put yourself in a self-imposed Hell if you are suffering from guilt, shame, and if you fear judgment. I don’t recommend it, but some people insist on doing this to themselves. If you do find yourself in Hell you’ll want to beat a hasty retreat. Read up on How To Get Out of Hell.

Bottom line here is that no one is relegated to Hell for ending his life. If during your Life Review you feel you’ve done so much wrong that you can’t be forgiven, you are free to flog yourself for eternity, but it is neither required nor necessary, and I don’t recommend it. Forgive yourself instead, learn from your mistakes, and move on.

Do suiciders linger or cross over?
I’ve encountered both.

I’ve been in contact with people who killed themselves, shed their mortal coil, sloughed off their ego, and bounced happily and merrily into the light to greet friends and family on the other side. The commonalities I’ve seen in this group are people who understand in advance that suicide is not a sin, who understand or are aware of how things work on the other side, and those who are not ashamed or feel guilty about ending their life prematurely. They cross over happily and easily.

I’ve also been in contact with suiciders who linger, who refuse to go into the light because of fear, shame or guilt. They don’t want to be judged. So they hang on as long as they can, usually by attaching themselves to a family member and using their energy to stay connected to Earth.

Others realize they made a mistake and are desperate to get back to their bodies, so they hang on for a bit too. Some linger to get forgiveness from their living loved ones, or in an attempt to ease their loved ones’ pain. Some linger because they’re still carrying depression and can’t slough it off.

Who helps or manages suiciders?
Those who suicide and linger are not alone. Not by a long shot. There are angels hovering around them to help them heal and cross over. And the angels guard them so they are not disturbed by other beings hanging around on the same plane. The angels try to help them forgive themselves so they can cross over peacefully.

How can you best help a suicide?
I know that when someone commits suicide it can create feelings of anger towards them. That’s very normal. If you think your loved one is lingering, you can help them cross over completely by forgiving them, releasing your anger, and sending them love. When you’re ready.

For those who are lingering out of fear, you can also encourage them to go to Source. God/Source will gladly accept them back into the light. After all, we are all pieces of Source energy and we may return at any time. Send them love and reassurance that they will be received with open arms.

Are they suffering?
Some of the suiciders who linger do appear to be suffering emotionally. Again, this is unnecessary and hopefully will not last long. But I have encountered some spirits who replay and repeat the misery in their lives over and over again and continue to wallow in depression, despair, and emotional turmoil until they can be crossed over by the angels. If you suspect your loved one is in this state, it is even more important to help them cross over by talking to them, encouraging them to go into the light, and to forgive themselves.

What sort of signs do suiciders send to their loved ones?
Pretty much the same signs you’ll get from any deceased loved one trying to get your attention.

• You might feel their presence near you
• Their special song comes on the radio when you’re thinking about them
• Clock stops
• Electrical disturbances for no apparent reason
• Pictures or photographs get knocked over
• Smelling their scent

But the big one is they’ll come to you in your dreams or while you’re meditating. You can talk to a deceased loved one at any time. To hear or see their response, you’ll need to be dreaming, meditating, or have mediumistic abilities. Even if you can’t hear or see them, still talk to them as it will help them cross over. If you really need to know what’s happening or you want to make sure your loved one is receiving your messages, you can book a reading with a medium.

Do suiciders regret their suicide?
Regret is the number one emotion I sense in the people who come to me during readings. However, I am usually connecting with the ones who do regret their passing, so I wouldn’t say that all suiciders regret their act. In fact, I’ve connected with at least 3 suiciders that I can recall who basically said, “Welp, that life sucked. No big. Ready to move on and try something else.” They really take it in stride.

Regret comes when they realize there were other ways to handle their problems that they simply couldn’t see while alive and in the thick of it.

The game of life
Remember that life is like a game. You make a character, start the game, and do the best you can with the resources you get. If you get to a point where playing the game is simply too painful, you can choose to stop playing. Sometimes you don’t realize that help was a phone call away, or right around the corner, but it’s not the end of the world.

Suiciding does leave a hole in the lives of those other characters you were interacting with, the ones who love you, and would have helped you if they could. So before you consider suicide, always ask for help. If you do find yourself at the end of your rope (literally) at the very least cross over with love and forgiveness in your heart. There really is no need to beat yourself up for your decision. And avoid Hell. Decaf sucks.

Medium
A medium will connect with your deceased loved ones on the other side.  Consult a medium when you want validation or confirmation that your loved ones are still around and watching over you.  No medium can guarantee that a certain spirit will come through, though, so be open to other relatives or friends who want to come through with messages for you.  A medium does not usually advise you on career, relationships, finances, health, but are often capable of doing so.

Psychic
A psychic is going to tell you things about yourself and your past that you already know to confirm and validate that they are indeed receiving information from the other side.  Then they are going to tell you what’s coming up in your future.  Since you have free will, you can avoid anything negative that the psychic sees coming up for you.  A psychic will not always tell you about other paths that might serve you better; rather the psychic will simply tell you where you’re going to end up if you stay on the path you’re on and leave it up to you to change course. 

Intuitive Counselor
An intuitive counselor is a psychic who helps you understand why you’re in your current situation and how to get where you want to go in the future.  Like a psychic, an intuitive counselor will use her abilities to accurately identify what’s going on in your life (i.e. career, relationships, health, etc.), and then she will consult with your spirit guides to reconnect you with your life purpose and get you on track to fulfilling that purpose.  Like a therapist, an intuitive counselor will often identify areas of emotional blocks, limiting beliefs, and barriers that are keeping you from achieving your goals and being happy.  Unlike a traditional psychologist or therapist where you may spend years working on an issue, an intuitive counselor can often release your blocks in one session because she is tuned in to your spirit guides who know exactly what will help you move forward. An intuitive counseling session is a powerful growth tool that can shave years off your personal development.

Channeler
A channeler opens his energy to other beings who come through with messages usually designed to provide understanding about issues related to being human.  Channelers usually don’t give personal advice, but rather comment on humanity’s trajectory as a whole; more of a universal guide with information that applies to all of us.  People can be conscious channelers, where they are aware of everything the celestial beings are saying, or they can be unconscious channelers, completely removed from their bodies during a session with no recollection of what was said.   Channelers are also referred to as trance channelers because they usually must go into trance to make a connection with the beings they are channeling.

Diviners
Diviners use items such as tarot cards, pendulums, crystals, or the I Ching to divine answers to your questions.  They can advise you in the areas of career, relationships, finances, health, etc, using their divination tools to deliver messages from your guides.  Usually diviners have psychic abilities such as clairvoyance, clairaudience, or clairsentience, but sometimes diviners have simply studied how to interpret their tools and don’t need advanced psychic abilities at all to help you.

Angel Therapists
Angel therapy is a spiritual healing practice where the practitioner connects with your angels to provide you with guidance, wisdom, insights, comfort, and healing when you need it most.  Angels provide protection and emotional comfort during trying times in our lives.  If you are suffering emotionally, then finding an angel therapist could be just the right thing for you.  Often religious people who don’t feel comfortable seeing a psychic can comfortably retain the services of an angel therapist.

Psychic Detective
Psychic detectives use their psychic abilities to assist law enforcement, detectives, and private citizens by uncovering information designed to lead to the capture and arrest of people who break the law.  They can be useful in finding lost items as well.  Generally, psychic detectives work with the police or private investigators, but some also do private psychic readings for people.

Astrologer
An astrologer looks at the alignment of your planets at the time of your birth to predict events, situations, and issues you are here to work on in this incarnation.  They can sometimes tell you what’s coming up for you, and they can also detect information about your past incarnations as they relate to current issues you’re working on.  Astrologers can also tell you what your dominant personality traits are, and how you will relate to other people, such as future partners, by looking into the compatibility of your charts.  An astrologer is sometimes psychic, but doesn’t have to be in order to work up your chart for you.

Numerologist
Numerology is the study of numbers and their symbolism.  A numerologist can determine your personality, strengths, weaknesses, talents, and life obstacles by studying information like your date of birth, your name, or your address.  Here again a person does not have to have any psychic ability to practice numerology, but some do have psychic abilities that they use to assist in the interpretation of the numbers’ meanings.

Medical Intuitive
A medical intuitive specializes in identifying problems or issues you’re having in your physical body that may have an energetic cause.  A medical intuitive can help diagnose an ailment you’re having, and also help determine the underlying spiritual reason that you developed the problem.  In doing so, you can correct your energetic imbalance which should have a positive effect on your physical condition.  Sometimes medical intuitives will comment on other areas of your life, but that is generally not their purpose.

Past Life Therapist
A past life therapist will often use hypnosis or other meditative techniques to help you remember past life events (and sometimes future lives as well!).  In so doing, a past life therapist can help you identify the cause of blocks or fears that are presenting to you in this life that may be holding you back from achieving your goals.  Remembering your past lives is not usually necessary for most people, but it can give you tremendously valuable insights as to areas where you are blocked, phobic, or extremely gifted.

Parapsychologist
A parapsychologist is someone who has made a study of the paranormal.  These people are more scientist than psychic.  Parapsychologists don’t usually consult with individuals.  Instead, they are doing research and studying paranormal activity.  However, if you have a question or want information about the paranormal, a parapsychologist is a good resource.

Demonologist
A demonologist is someone who studies demons, plain and simple.  They know how to identify, handle and expel demons or other negative entities that might be bothering you.  Hopefully you will never need to consult a demonologist, but if you do, be thankful they exist.

Exorcist
Yes, exorcists do exist.  If you think you or a loved one are being possessed by a demon, you’ll want to find an exorcist.  Find a priest or minister trained in the art of exorcism.  You can also find some psychics who have studied exorcism.  Just be sure to get someone who knows what they’re doing and has experience actually exorcising demons.  It’s tricky business and best not left to amateurs.

Reiki Practitioner
Reiki (pronounced ray-kee) practitioners channel energy from the Universe to heal, reduce stress, and relax their clients.  Reiki masters have studied the art of drawing energy from Source through their hands and into your energy field.  Sometimes Reiki practitioners can pick up information from your auric field and identify issues or problems that need work.  Some can even pick up information about past life traumas.

Psychometrists
Psychometrists can divine information about people and events simply by holding an object that belongs to a person or that has been present at an event.  Psychometrists can read the history of an object just by touching it or being near it.  They are reading the imprint of energy left behind on the object.  If you own something or inherit something and you don’t know its history, a psychometrist may be able to help you.

Those are just 16 of the more common types of psychics out there.  There are many more professions that use some form of psychic abilities including shamans, dream walkers, pet psychics, spiritual healers, precognitives, remote viewers, alchemists, soul realignment practitioners, feng shui consultants, etc.

Also, professional intuitives could have more than one specialty.  For example, I am a psychic, a medium, and an intuitive counselor.  Depending on my clients and their needs, I wear one or all of those hats during a reading.  I have some talent and ability at channeling, which is something I haven’t done much publically but may at some future date.  I’ve studied Reiki but it’s not for me, and I’ve done some work for law enforcement as a psychic detective, but that’s also not a path that pulls me strongly.  Because of my lifetime of paranormal experiences, I am often consulted by those who have negative entity attachments or who are haunted by ghosts who won’t go away.  I’ve gone on “missions” with paranormal researchers, aka ghost hunters, but that’s also not something I spend a lot of time doing.

Within each specialty you’ll even find sub-specialties.  Some intuitives specialize in career advice but don’t know much about ghosts.  Some like to channel messages of love and  hope, but can’t tell you that you’re about to be laid off.  Some are airy fairy and some are very grounded and analytical.  When you consult an intuitive do a little research to make sure you’ll be working with someone who can help you in the area in which you need help.  Make sure you’re connecting with someone who comes from love and a strong desire to help you.  Avoid the frauds, charlatans, and darkworkers who use fear to scam you out of your money.  Always read testimonials, get referrals from friends, ask questions about their specialties, and see if you feel called to consult them.  Just remember to seek out the specialist who can help you best and respect the fact that all intuitives have their own strengths and weaknesses, just like specialists in other fields.

It takes training, commitment, time, and love to be a professional intuitive.  When you select a psychic, choose one that is completely dedicated to their craft and has a good reputation.  Don’t tell the psychic your life story before you have the consultation; it leaves them with little information they can use for validation.  Likewise, don’t clam up your energy so tight that your psychic has nothing to work with.  Be open, honest, and ready for a life-changing experience.

When tragic deaths occur sometimes people want to consult a medium right away.  They want answers and comfort.  They want to know if the deceased made it to the other side or if they are stuck in limbo.  Sometimes they want details of a murder so they can find the perpetrator.  Sometimes they simply want to know why.

But should you consult a medium in the early days following your loved one’s death?

No, it’s not a good idea.  Here’s why:

Grief is a barrier to connection
When I read for people who are deeply in the throes of grief their sadness affects my ability to tune in.  When I open up to spirit I am also opening up to my client.  Because of my empathy, I feel the emotional pain of my client deeply.  To connect with a deceased person I have to stay objective and neutral.  So I have to tune out my client’s grief which means I’m closing a channel that could otherwise be useful to me in creating a strong connection with the deceased loved one.  It affects the strength of the connection.  I can still do it, but not as easily or well.

The deceased need time to learn how to connect with a medium
If you were suddenly thrown into a country where you didn’t speak the language, how long would it take you to be able to communicate effectively with the people around you?  When someone crosses over they are not automatically able to connect with a human medium to send messages to their loved ones.  They have to learn how to do it.  Every medium works slightly differently, so the deceased person has to figure out what frequency the medium is on and match it.  Mediums use clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience and claircognizance to connect with those on the other side.  A deceased person sometimes comes to me in images, or talks to me in my head, or makes me feel what they felt when they died.  There are many variables which have to line up for me to make a connection, and working with newly deceased energy is like talking to a newborn.

The deceased may not be ready to talk
I know you want to hear from your loved ones immediately, but they may not be ready to talk.  There’s a lot going on for them.  They might still be processing their own death and may not even be aware that someone is trying to communicate with them.  They sometimes need to get situated, work out some karma, find their way “home” before they can relax and consider the needs of those they left behind.  Be patient.  Sometimes another deceased relative will speak on behalf of the new arrival.  Be open to whoever wants to come through with information.

Answers may not be available
You want answers.  You want to know why your loved one was taken from you or why they chose to leave so soon or so suddenly.  Sometimes answers are forthcoming and sometimes they’re not.  Sometimes it’s not for you to know why, in the grand scheme, a person left this incarnation.  Perhaps you’ll never know, or perhaps you’ll see why later.  Sometimes it’s part of a major growth experience for you, and giving you answers without you searching for them robs you of that growth experience.  If deceased loved ones could tell us everything there was to know about life and death there would be a lot of lottery-winning psychics on Earth right now!  We may not be privy to the reasons why.  Trust in the universe, and know that you will someday reunite with your loved one on the other side and know for sure what happened.

So when SHOULD you consult a medium?
You should consult a medium when your grief is under control and not raw.  Usually three months is the minimum amount of time you should wait after someone has died before consulting a medium.  Longer if you’re still grieving really hard.  It’s not that you have you wait until you no longer care about your deceased loved one, it’s that you need to be strong and open, and not falling down under the weight of grief.  You want to lend the medium your strength, not ask her to hold you up while also dialing the other side. 

Will the deceased send signs or signals when they are ready to communicate?
Yes.  If a deceased person is interested in communicating with the living, they can learn how.  Knocking down photos, sending a scent into the air, stopping your clocks or your electronics, coming to you in dreams, coming to others in dreams to get a message to YOU, leaving coins in odd places, putting “their” song on the radio when you’re thinking about them, and cold breezes are just a few of the ways the dead will try to communicate with you.  Be on the lookout and pay attention.  When you start getting signs, it’s a good bet a medium will be able to reach the deceased person.

Will the deceased name their killers or provide other useful information regarding their death and/or life?
Yes absolutely.  I’ve done readings where dead people name their killer, describe details of their accident for investigative purposes, and even mention where to find the will or important papers.  Doesn’t happen all the time.  I can’t force information out of the dead.  I can only pass on what they’re willing to give.  Sometimes a deceased person will go on and on about one of their kids and not the other.  Doesn’t mean they loved them any less; could simply mean one of the kids is in a more emergent situation than the other.  The dead have a perspective that is very different from our own.  We can’t really understand why some information is shareable and other information must remain secret.  When you get to the other side, take it up with them.

To summarize, consulting a medium should be done only if you need closure and certainty.  Having validating evidence come through is extremely comforting to the living.  But wait a bit for things to settle down, for you to get through the intense grief, and for your loved ones to learn how to communicate with the medium.  Your loved ones are in good hands on the other side.  Don’t worry about them.

I really had no idea who Brad Renfro was while he was alive, but I do recall hearing something about his death around the time Heath Ledger died.  And I knew there was an overdose involved because it seemed similar to how Heath Ledger died.  I was contacted by one of Brad’s friends, Colleen, who asked me if I would be willing or able to connect with Brad.  I was really curious if I could do it so I told her we should schedule an appointment, at no charge, to see if we could connect with Brad.  She was not family but the family was apparently hopeful that I could connect with Brad, so she was going to pass on any pertinent information from the reading to them.

So I emailed Colleen to let her know what my schedule was like so we could have our appointment, but then a strange thing happened.  I started receiving communication directly from Brad even though I was not on the phone with Colleen.  I had assumed I needed to be connected with someone who knew him in order to channel his energy, but I was wrong.  His energy started coming through and he started telling me things.  I said back to him, “Hang on, I’m not even on the phone with Colleen yet.”  But there was no stopping him, so I quickly opened up a word document and just started typing everything he told me.  It was like taking dictation.

His energy was incredibly strong and clear.  He was quite focused on our communication.  Sometimes he repeated himself but I just kept typing what I heard him say so I wouldn’t miss anything.  Several times he insisted I use a certain word as I typed, which I later found out were terms and jargon he used regularly.  By the time I was done, I had three single-spaced typed pages of information from him.  While I’m not comfortable sharing the most private and personal parts of what he conveyed, I will go over the general areas he addressed.

He addressed the circumstances surrounding the night he died, and made it clear in no uncertain terms that he took full responsibility for his death.  He blamed no one and wanted to be very clear that no one else should blame anyone either.  He made specific reference to someone who was around him when he died, and said people should not blame her for his death.

He mentioned that although there may have been time to save him had the ambulance been called earlier, that his fate was sealed and his body was beyond recovery, so even if people had come in a timely manner, it would have been too late for him.  He accepted his death very stoically.

He conveyed messages to his living family members, offering insight, love, forgiveness, and understanding to specific members of his family.  I am told they understood the messages that came through.  He also addressed an interesting karmic situation between his living son and his son’s mother, that was also understood by family members.

He spoke to me about his love of music, and how hard he had tried to get off drugs (or as he called it, “the junk”).  He told me that when he played music it was like a natural high for him.

One thing he wanted to convey to the fans who loved him is to remember him whole, happy, and alive, not as he was at his death.  And he doesn’t want people trying to vindicate or clear his name as that is not important to him whatsoever.  He takes responsibility for how he lived and how he died, and just wants people to remember his life, not his death.

Brad was reunited with a beloved grandmother on the other side, and there were some interesting tidbits that came through regarding their relationship, which Colleen was able to confirm.

I sent the document to Brad’s friend, Colleen, and she confirmed that what he said to me was true, accurate, and that I even used words he always used.  This was the first time I ever did a full reading without having a live person to connect me with the deceased.  I couldn’t get confirmation of anything as I was going along, I had to simply trust that the information he was giving me would make sense to his friends and family.  But I credit Brad and his incredibly strong energy for that connection.  Often when people die tragically such as through murder, accident, or suicide, and there is so much outpouring of love from a large community, the deceased person maintains a strong connection to the living, so is easier to connect with.

I was grateful for the opportunity to connect with Brad, who really comes across to me as someone who is wise, caring, loving, and strong-willed.  My thanks go to Colleen for contacting me and giving Brad the opportunity to send messages to his family, friends, and fans.  Obviously, he had a tremendous amount of love and support from people in his life.  I got a strong sense from him that he was grateful for the opportunity to convey these messages, grateful to all the fans who remember him, and he wants everyone to know that he is at peace.

Lisa Williams - Medium and Clairvoyant

Erin:  I’ve read many books written by psychic mediums and it seems as if all of us had psychic experiences or saw spirits as children, including yourself, which you discuss in your book, Life Among the Dead.  Do you think this is an innate ability that manifests at a young age, or do you believe people in their 20′s, 30′s and beyond can develop these abilities even if they had no such experiences as children?

 

 

Lisa:  Most of us have experienced this at some time in our life, and often we put these feelings down to intuition, fate, or coincidences. The thought that we know when the telephone is going to ring, and who it is, the feeling that we know someone needs our help, and also the feeling that we simply “know” someone is standing behind us. We get signs that they are around from many things, such as music, seeing pennies, angel feathers, etc.

I feel that as a child we are pure and that there is nothing stopping us from seeing these things. It’s normal in our child world, but society closes us, as we are taught different things. It’s when we are older that we are able to open ourselves up, because we are free to choose what we want.

Then after that we can develop this as much as we want.  We are all psychic, but not all of us are mediums, and it’s very different.

Erin:  Before you do a live show, or just when doing private readings, what do you do to prepare yourself to connect with spirit?  And when you’re done working or doing a show, do you have a procedure to help you shut down so you don’t continue to receive?

Lisa: Before the show, I tend to meditate for about 30 minutes and allow spirit to come in and connect with me, but actually on the day of the show I wake up feeling connected.  I take the messages down and then I read those out at the end of the show if those people haven’t come through on stage.

After the show I go in to the dressing room and imagine a lead door shutting over the top of my head, and then I jump up and down and stamp my feet and then stick my watch on… I don’t know why but putting my watch on grounds me. It brings me back to reality.

Erin:  Some of my readers report being woken up in the middle of the night by spirits trying to get their attention.  How can they stop this from happening if it’s not something they want to experience?

Lisa: It’s very common because you are closest to the spirit world at that time, and you are a free channel, so they will come and communicate with you. It’s like they say… “Look she has nothing going on… quick lets talk to her!” What I suggest to people is that they protect themselves by showering themselves in white light and perhaps sleep with an amethyst under your pillow, which is something I tend to do, and ask them to come to you at a decent hour. If you are going to do this, dedicate an hour to them a week or a day and do it, or they will start to bother you in your sleep again. They need to get a message to you for some reason, so allow them to do it.

Erin:  Many of my readers are working on increasing their psychic abilities.  Can you share an exercise or a tip with them to help them increase their connection with spirit?

Lisa:  It can be really frustrating sometimes, but sadly we all have different gifts, I always wanted to do healing, but I realized I had to develop my own psychic and mediumship gifts before I could go on and do healing. You have to work at your own pace.

Don’t expect too much on your first attempt, but get a pen and pad and close your eyes and meditate, ask spirit to come forward by showing you signs or by giving you words that they are there. Write everything you get down on that paper. Ask them questions and trust your first thought or feeling.  Start by asking simple questions like who they are and how long they have been in spirit. Then over the course of days or weeks, ask more in-depth questions. Over this time your abilities will get stronger and stronger.

Erin:  When you and I were talking about our children I asked you if your son, Charlie, was showing signs of psychic or medium abilities and you said he definitely was.  And we talked about how to raise children to understand their abilities and not be afraid of them.  What advice can you give to parents who think their kids might be seeing spirits or having psychic experiences?

Lisa:  Firstly it’s important for the parent to appreciate what the child is going through, in their world it’s normal, don’t brand them with an “overactive imagination.”  Talk to them and be genuinely interested, and listen to them.  Most of all tell them that it’s ok to see spirits, and allow them to talk about it when ever they wish.

I have a website that I designed with children in mind because some parents don’t know how to deal with it. It’s www.kidswithgifts.com and here the kids can also learn about different aspects of spirituality.

Erin:  Another question I get asked a lot is how to tell the difference between other-wordly communication and your imagination.  How can people tell the difference and know if what they’re hearing, seeing, and/or feeling is coming from inside them or from another source?

Lisa: Initially, it’s very hard, but you have to trust your instincts. I find that if it’s a thought, and I am not sure if I have generated that thought or it’s come from spirit, I ask. I ask, “Is that Spirit?” And generally if it is spirit, they answer me before I have even finished asking. That’s how I know! But it’s trust and knowing, and you start to understand the difference after a while.

Erin:  In your new show on the Lifetime Network, Voices From the Other Side, you’ll be doing one-on-one readings in the studio and also doing readings for random people on the street.  Have you ever walked up to someone to offer them a reading and they wanted no part of what you were offering?  What do you think they were concerned about or afraid of?

Lisa:  It’s happened many times. With the show, the thing that they don’t want is to be on TV, that’s a common problem, but they will be happy to hear what I say as long as they are not on camera. But I normally know who I need to speak to, and I would say 80% say yes and they are open to it.

As for the rest, they are probably scared or have had bad experiences, so they don’t want to be part of it. And of course then they could be very religious and believe that what I do is the work of devil, but that’s a whole different subject!

Erin:  If your new show is picked up by Lifetime you’ll obviously be quite busy!  What else are you working on these days?  Is there another book in the works?  Tours?  And how can people find out where you’ll be appearing?

Lisa:  I am currently on tour throughout the US, and I am working on another book about what happens when we die, and there are other projects in the works and these are to do with children… so watch this space!! To keep up to date with my life and what is happening, people can go to my website:  www.lisawilliamsmedium.com

Erin:  Thank you for the interview, Lisa.  Your generosity of spirit really came through when I met you at the I Can Do It conference in Tampa, and I’m glad to have the opportunity to share your insights with my readers. 

Lisa:  Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to share this with you.

No Details Please
When you book a reading with a medium and say, “I want you to connect with my dead husband, Greg, who died last Tuesday of a heart attack.  He was 38 and had no  history of heart trouble so I just want to find out what happened.  I also want to know if he’s with my deceased mother who died of breast cancer 20 years ago” you’ve just robbed yourself of having a good reading.  Don’t details help the medium connect?  No!  If you provide the information then the medium can’t use any of those details as validation that your dearly departed are actually present.

If, on the other hand, you say nothing and the medium tells you she’s picking up on a young man who is calling himself Greg or Craig and is clutching his heart, then you know you’ve got something legitimate.  If she then goes on to say, “And he’s bringing through a woman that feels like your mom.  She’s telling me she had breast cancer but this happened a long time ago, probably 15-20 years or so” then you know the medium is bringing through your mom.

When you provide all those details then the medium has to get other information from the deceased in order to provide validation.  In my personal experience, the deceased like to tell me how they died and what relation they had to my sitter.  If you do that for me, I have to go much deeper and sometimes that information just isn’t there.  Which brings me to my next topic…

Can’t You Find My Mom?
Most of the time people book a reading with a medium they have specific deceased people in mind that they’d like to connect with.  No medium in the world can guarantee that a specific spirit will come through during a reading.  A talented and skilled medium will probably be able to connect with someone on the other side, but it may not be who you were wanting or expecting.  This happens ALL the time! 

Some spirits do not have the energy to come through.  It requires an adjustment of their frequency/vibration to connect with a medium and some deceased people just haven’t mastered the art.  Stronger energies usually come through first.

Some spirits do not want to come through.  For reasons of their own, many spirits simply choose not to communicate with the ones left behind on earth.  Yes, even if you were your mom’s favorite, she may not come to you.   Sometimes spirits have totally disconnected with their earthly lives and are not interested in returning, even for a few minutes.  On the other hand, some spirits do hang around and are eager to communicate.  I recall doing a reading for a woman and as soon as I sat down to read for her I felt her father’s presence. He stated his name to me and she confirmed it.  Then she said, “He always comes through, for every psychic I go to, he comes through.”  This was a deceased spirit with a great ability to connect with mediums.

I personally have an easier time connecting with people who are recently deceased (because their energy lingers and they are tethered here by the grief of the living), people who died under mysterious circumstances, people who fell victim to murder or an accident, people who have taken their own lives, and people who have been dead a long time but are still very connected to the living or have unfinished business.

I have a harder time connecting with dear old grandma who died peacefully at age 98 in her sleep, more than 20 years ago.  It does happen, but it’s harder and more rare.

What Questions Can I Ask?
When I make contact with a deceased person they almost always start with the manner in which they died.  They either tell me or show me or I feel what they felt (more rare for me).  I recall during one reading I was seeing a guy and it was like my mental camera was panning up from his feet to his neck.  But when I got to his head area it was just blank.  I was frustrated and waited for the face to come through so I could describe the guy to my sitter.  But he just kept waving his hands at me.  Finally I told my sitter that I couldn’t see his face because from the neck up there was nothing.  She said, “That’s probably because he was decapitated in a car accident.”  Oh.  Yeah, I guess that would explain what he was trying to say to me!

After they show me their manner of death (if it’s important for them to show me, sometimes they don’t) then they usually come through with a message.  Usually they acknowledge something going on in your life and comment on it.  Sometimes they want you to get a message to someone else.  They’ll often tie up emotional loose ends as well, “Honey, I’m sorry we never got a chance to have children,” and the like.

So when is it your turn?  Uh, you may not get to ask them anything.  I’ve done readings where the deceased spirit will answer questions, but in most cases they won’t.  I don’t know if it’s because they’re forbidden to give out too much information, or they don’t have the knowledge you’re seeking, or they simply aren’t willing to answer questions.  Try not to be discouraged by this.  Sometimes I can get information from the spirit guides that I cannot get directly from the deceased.  Take the messages your deceased loved ones give you and be grateful for the contact.  Contact doesn’t happen every day.

But I Don’t Know This Guy
Sometimes a deceased person will come through and you don’t even know who they are, but you are in direct contact with someone they desperately want to get a message to.  During a reading I was doing for a young woman I got a deceased person who came through with a thick English accent.  She gave her first name and manner of death.  My sitter couldn’t place the woman’s identity.  Then the deceased woman said the name of the living person (her daughter) that she wanted to connect with.  That’s when my sitter put it all together.  She did indeed have a friend whose mom died in the same manner and with the same name as the deceased and lived in England.  She asked me why the woman came through during her reading since they are not related.  “So you can get her daughter the message that her mom is okay,” I replied.  Sometimes strong energies will hijack a reading if they can see an opportunity to pass on a message.  This woman’s daughter may never have sought out a medium on her own, but the deceased mom found a way to pass on her message.

If this happens during your reading, please try to pass the message on to the living.  It took a lot of energy to make the trip.  Honor that effort by passing on the message if you can.

What If No One Comes Through?
Don’t be distressed if your deceased loved ones don’t make it to your reading.  It doesn’t mean they’re lost, it doesn’t mean they’re in Hell, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore.  Are you always home when someone is ringing your phone?  Sometimes I can get information about a dead person through your spirit guides and never have any direct contact with your dead loved one.  It’s like a double relay.  Either I’m not in a high enough vibration, or your loved one doesn’t know how to connect with me directly, so sometimes I’m talking to your guides who are talking to your aunt.

However, if your sole reason for signing up for a reading is to reach a specific deceased person, you may be wasting your time and money.  Remember there’s no guarantee of contact.  The psychic readings I do are often more helpful than connecting with the other side.  You get information about the path ahead of you, and my readings usually help people get back to living a life on purpose.  Spirit guides are easier for me to connect with, probably because they are way more skilled at connecting than your recently deceased Uncle Ralph who is still looking for his mouth.  So if no deceased people come through during your reading, don’t fret.  Talk to your guides instead.

Final Tidbits
You can tell me you want to connect with someone and wait to see if I can bring them through.  If you really want to find someone specific, it’s okay to tell me, “Is my mom there?” because that can help me connect, but don’t tell me her age, manner of death, or her name.  Sometimes I might need to ask you something for clarification.  You’ll be able to tell if it’s really your mom I’m bringing through.  There will either be some validation, or I’ll start speaking in her manner, or I’ll say something she used to say (word for word), etc.  Sometimes it’s obvious, “I’ve got a guy here named Joseph, says he’s your dad, showing me some prostate cancer (whoa!), and says he used to call you Iggy.”  And sometimes all I get is a special moment, “She says when you were four you knocked out your front tooth while ice skating.”   Sometimes they’ll acknowledge what they see, “She’s telling me you put purple carnations on her grave every Tuesday afternoon.”  I never know how the information is going to come through.  And I don’t always interpret what I see correctly, but eventually they make themselves clear.

And finally, I really appreciate communicating with the dead.  I know it’s often very emotional for my sitters, and I know sometimes sensitive information comes through.  So I’m very honored to be able to do this work.  Thank you for giving me the opportunities to improve on this gift.  I want to continue to improve my ability in this area to serve you better.