The Grief is Too Powerful
Grieving sends a beacon of energy into the ether. It’s like a wail. It’s analogous to the sound a microphone makes when there is too much feedback. You almost have to cover your ears. For a deceased person to communicate through that is almost painful.

The Grief is Too Raw
Losing a loved one opens an energetic wound. It’s like a tearing of the energetic cord that existed between the two of you. You’ve got to let the “bleeding” subside before you try to make contact. Otherwise it’s like trying to type after losing half your fingers.

The Deceased Sometimes Aren’t Capable
Just because you’ve crossed over doesn’t mean you know how to communicate with the living. When a deceased person reaches the other side a lot is happening. There’s a life review, a greeting of loved ones, a shift and understanding about who and what we really are, and a time of reflection. While they absolutely are aware of the sadness and grief of their living loved ones, they can’t simply pick up an ethereal phone and start communicating. It takes time and skill to be able to communicate with a medium. Let them get their bearings and learn how to make contact. 3 months is a reasonable time for this. The first week after a passing is not. You risk them not being able to communicate with the medium which is a waste of time, money, and energy.

And there’s one other reason I suggest waiting 3 months to make contact. Let’s go back to the woman who wanted her reading immediately after her boyfriend’s death. After I explained to her the reasons why it’s not a good idea to attempt contact so soon, she insisted she wanted to do it anyway. I relented, but set her appointment for the 3 week mark after his passing, hoping it would be enough time. Sometimes if I can’t reach a specific deceased person, I can still get helpful information about them from the spirit guides who are masters at communicating with psychics and mediums. I warned her that he might not come through, but we would try. She was happy for the opportunity.

When the day of the reading came, he came through loud and clear. He gave me enough validating evidence to pass on to her that she knew for sure we were talking to the right guy. She immediately began sobbing, her grief wound ripping open and tearing again. She was beside herself. I wanted to reach through the phone and give her a hug but couldn’t.

She poured out her heart to him through me. She wasn’t sleeping or eating. She wasn’t going to work. She wasn’t functioning. She wanted him back. She wanted to know why he died so suddenly and so young, (if I recall he was in his late twenties). She wanted him to know she would never forget him, that she would always love him, and that she couldn’t wait to be with him again on the other side.

And then it happened. He told her he was very happy where he was, and although he loved her very much, he didn’t want her to stop living just because he was dead.

My client immediately grew angry. “What?!?!” she exclaimed. “He’s HAPPY he’s dead? He’s happy while I’m sitting here dying inside? He’s happy we’re not together anymore? He’s happy while I’m miserable? That son of a bitch!”

She stopped crying and started to seethe instead. “Why the heck am I sitting here crying all day, unable to eat, if he doesn’t even care?!?!”

I had to intervene so she understood a very important truth, and this is one I want you all to hear and understand.

99.99% of people who die are supremely happy once they reach the other side. Let me make this clear, they are at peace, they are back Home, they are back to Love and Source. They are in an ultimate state of bliss. They have released all their own anger, fear, sadness, grief, shame, guilt, anxiety, and in many cases physical suffering. Damn right they’re happy.

But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about their loved ones still here. They absolutely do. They care very much, but they are not sad, angry, frustrated, and bereft like you are.

And this is very important to hear as well. Dead people don’t want you to be sad. They want you to be happy. They want you to live your life. More than anything else, they don’t want their passing to cause you to stop living.

I’ve never connected with a deceased person who said, “Tell her I want to see more tears. She ain’t crying enough. And tell her she has no business going back to work yet when she really needs to buy me more candles for that nifty altar she built me.” It’s never happened.

Deceased people look upon us with a mixture of frustration and a strong desire to tell us how beautiful life can be. When you get to the other side you immediately remember how this all works. You remember that you chose to be here. You chose to play and have fun.

So back to my client… I explained a lot of this to her. “It’s not that he doesn’t care that you’re suffering, in fact he hovers around you trying to comfort you and help you understand that he’s just fine and wants you to be happy as soon as possible. He loves you very much and nothing would make him happier than if you were able to go on to have a beautiful life, get married to an awesome guy, settle down and have children. Your grief is unnecessary but he completely understands why you feel it. He simply can’t share the grief you’re feeling because he is completely fine and okay with how everything is.”

She calmed down a bit and said to me, “I never really considered any of this. I mean… if he’s okay and he’s happy, then I don’t really need to keep grieving for him. In fact, I’m relieved to know he’s doing so well. I figured he was as upset as I was.”

I said, “At first, when he first crossed over, he was confused because it was so unexpected. But his angels and guides explained everything to him and he understood and accepted it fairly quickly. He loves you, and cares about you, and always will. You will see him again. But until then, you must get back to living. You have your own adventure to play out.”

By the time we ended the call, I could tell that a large part of her grief was gone. She thought she was supposed to rail against his death, to stop until the world gave him back to her. Instead I gave her a prescription. “Talk to him and tell him about your day, but not from your bed. Talk to him while you pick up the pieces and move forward. Talk to him about the joys you still have, and the hopes and dreams you still carry. Tell him you love him but that you will eventually open your heart to meeting another man. All he wants is for you to live a happy life. Honor him by doing just that.”

So the main reason I ask people to wait at least 3 months before trying to communicate with a deceased loved one is because by that time the sting is usually gone and you’ve begun to rebuild your life without them. You’re more open to knowing that they are happy on the other side. It won’t offend you so much.

I know it’s difficult to lose someone you love. I lost my dear friend Pam more than a year ago and I think of her almost every day, missing her wise counsel, and her caring support of me. But I know she wouldn’t want me to stop living just because she is gone. I know she wants me to live my life to the fullest.

Your loved ones feel the same. Your sadness will fade with time. You’ll never forget them, and you will see them again one day. In the meantime, go make the years count. Live your life. Fully and happily.

Answer:  Often people tell relatives, “If you make it to the other side, I’ll know you’re really there if you come through a medium with this code word.” It’s a nice idea, and in theory it should work.  I personally have never received a code word from a deceased person while doing an intuitive reading, but nor has anyone asked me to see if I could get one. 

As a psychic medium, receiving information psychically is not as easy as listening to someone on the other end of the phone just talking to you.  It’s not like we hear someone say, “Hey Erin, my name is Joe Smith and I’m happy to be talking with you today from the other side.  Could you please tell my son that the will is in the top left drawer of my study and the password for my computer is Ulysses.”  It just doesn’t come through that clearly most of the time. 

Psychics receive information energetically, on a frequency I couldn’t even begin to fathom as I’m not a psychic linguist or quantum physicist.  It’s like being immersed in a language you don’t know, and after years you eventually pick up on what certain sounds mean.  Only in the case of a psychic, no one is teaching you how to translate the energy, you just have to learn through trial and error and practice.  Eventually your connection gets stronger and your ability to fathom the meaning of the energetic signals gets clearer.  The more you work with your guides, the more you develop a shorthand way of communication, with them using certain symbols to mean certain things.  For example, when my guides show me a diamond symbol over a person’s chakra I know it’s their symbol for the fact that this client has professional level abilities related to that chakra.  So if I see a diamond over their third eye I know the person is capable of being a professional intuitive or already is one.  If I see a diamond over their throat chakra I know they are a professional singer or speaker or writer (or some other form of communication).

I am clairaudient, which means I do hear the guides talking to me, and sometimes I do hear things word for word.  I’ve had guides and deceased relatives come to me with a phrase so specific it feels like it took all of their energy to fine tune the beam in order for me to receive the transmission in its most pristine and unsullied form.  I am then able to pass it along easily as it’s already come to me pre-translated.  Yes, this makes my job easier and I love it when it happens, but for most of a reading I’m receiving impressions that I must translate. 

Spirits do not speak in man-made languages.  It’s not like you’ve got people over there speaking Chinese or English or whatever.  They communicate with energy.  So let’s say you’re recently deceased and your son goes to a medium.  Desperate to get a message to him that you’re alright, you try to form the code word but hey, you don’t have a mouth or vocal cords.  How are you going to get the message to the medium in a way she’ll understand?  You could push an image into her mind and if she’s clairvoyant she might get it.  You could send a sound wave and hope you’ve formed it correctly so that the medium interprets it correctly and it doesn’t come through garbled or like static.  You could try sending a feeling (how do you send “Ulysses” as a feeling?) and hope the medium is clairsentient.  Do you think it’s easy for a deceased person to communicate with a medium?  It’s not!  Often times the spirit guides have to bring messages through because the deceased person is incapable of expressing themselves using the language of energy.  There have been many readings I’ve done where I’m getting messages from spirit guides that are being relayed for the deceased person.  In some readings I’m communicating with the deceased person directly.  I never know what I’m going to get until I tune in.

I personally think a code word is a great idea.  But make it something easy for a medium to receive and for your relative on the other side to send.  If your word is, “serendipitous” come on!  Give us a break.  That’s never going to make it through the system.  Think of something that could be easily sent visually, that has a simple sound to it, or that could be felt, smelled, or tasted.  Some ideas would be a rose, a cat, a hat, a cat in a hat (just kidding), but you get the idea.  Simple sound, simple visual.  Then when you’re having a reading with a medium be on the lookout for the code word.  She might not know she’s receiving a code word; it might come to her in a way she thinks is metaphorical.  If your code word is rose, for example, and she says, “Your mom keeps handing me red flowers and they smell divine,” she could be picking up on the coded message even though she isn’t saying the word “rose.”  Maybe she’s seeing rosy cheeks.  Or the medium might say, “She’s saying you view the world through rose-colored glasses.”  We could simply be misinterpreting the nature of the communication.  So you’re going to have to be on the lookout.  It’s not like the spirit is going to say, “Hey Erin, can you please tell my daughter the code word is blue.  I’d sure appreciate it.”

When a medium is working, he or she should be able to relay information to you that validates the presence of the deceased relative in a way that you will find confirming.  For all we know, spirits aren’t allowed to pass on a code word.  Maybe it violates their prime directive.  I know that when I’m working I’m not able to extract information from a guide or spirit.  I have to let them do the talking and be patient as they choose how to answer the questions they’re given. 

Bottom line … I think a code word is a valid covenant to make.  I’ll probably set one up with my own parents just to see what happens.  But I wouldn’t hold your breath on receiving it during a reading.  Stay open to what the spirit wants to communicate, look for and expect validation on the part of the medium, and if the medium is close let them know.  We might make it look easy, but it’s not.  Tuning in, especially to deceased relatives, is difficult and takes a lot of practice to be able to pass on messages accurately.  It would be awesome if someone could invent a translator that would accurately translate energy into English.  Until then, we have to decrypt the energy the best way we can.

Steve has posted the podcast on his site.  Read his blog entry to see a list of topics we cover in the program.  We may do something like this again since it was fun and relatively fast.

Enjoy!

John’s Readings
There were between 200 and 300 people in the audience at the Flamingo Showroom.  John read for maybe 10 families in that room during his 2 hour performance.  He went in depth with each family, offering between 15 and 20 tidbits of validation. 

I thought he did especially well with details.  A lot of people accuse John Edward of doing cold readings but nothing could be further from the truth.  It’s a cold reading if John says, “They’re telling me you sometimes feel anxious but for the most part you do okay in life.”  That could apply to anyone.  It’s not a cold reading when John says, “Your family sometimes refers to you as Lard Head.  What’s that all about?” and the sitter laughs and validates that that is indeed a nickname of theirs.  John gets very specific with his details, and not just a few details, but many in a row.  Getting one validating hit could be a coincidence, but getting 10, 15 or 20 in a row without missing is very convincing evidence of his paranormal abilities.

I find John to be an excellent medium.  I would love to learn from him directly to improve my own medium skills. 

Q&A with John
After doing about an hour and a half of readings, John hosted a Q&A period and answered probably a dozen questions from audience members.  I especially enjoyed this part because this is where I personally received the most value.  As John answered each question I was glad to notice that I would have answered them the exact same way.  Sometimes psychics have different beliefs about the nature of the afterlife, what constitutes a haunting vs. emotional residue, and reincarnation, among other things.  John’s answers perfectly coincided with my beliefs.

Someone asked John how he felt about all the negative press he often gets; the ridicule and claims of fraud.  John basically said that he made a personal decision to be public with his abilities and understood that when he did so that he was painting a big bullseye on his butt (his words, not mine!).  He said that as he grew in popularity, the bullseye became larger.  He said that one time a major news magazine was doing a story on him that was supposed to be this big expose on how he’s a fraud and charlatan and they brought in a defense attorney to question him extensively and test his abilities.  John said they ended up writing one of the most positive stories about him that he’s ever read after he wowed them with an in-depth reading.

John answered questions about reincarnation and the afterlife.  He shared that he does not support the death penalty because it releases people from this life before they’ve learned all of their lessons.  He also agreed with me about the spiritual consequences of suicide in that you are not released from your lessons and you’ll simply come back to finish them at a later date, plus you alter the course of the people you’ve left behind whom you were supposed to be heavily interacting with.  John talked a little about psychic self defense as well.

Someone asked John if he has an on/off switch or if he ends up reading for people in the grocery store or in restaurants.  He relayed a few funny stories related to being recognized in public and people surreptitiously trying to get him to read for them.  He says he is either “on” or on “standby” so that his guides can get his attention if necessary.

John spoke about how deceased people try to get our attention.  Similar to what I wrote about in my blog entry, Signs from the Spirits, they can mess with your electrical equipment, sometimes you’ll hear them calling your name, and he says that sometimes you’ll even see them. 

One thing he really wanted to impress upon the audience is this:  Our dearly departed do not miss us because they are still with us.  We miss them because we feel like we can never express our love, thoughts, and feelings to them.  But this isn’t true.  The deceased can hear and see us, and they are aware of much of what we do.  Talk to them, write them a letter, sing to them… they will receive your love however you are sending it to them.  Try to feel their love in return.

John talked about visitations from deceased loved ones in dreams.  Sometimes dreams about the dearly departed are just dreams.  You’ll know it’s a visitation by how clear the dream is and how peaceful you are when you awake.  You’ll feel like their true spirit and/or personality came through in your dream. 

Technical Difficulties
About 7 minutes into John’s presentation his microphone went out.  They brought a replacement but it was also malfunctioning.  As a toastmaster and someone who will probably be speaking on a stage one day, I was very curious as to how he would handle it.  The audience began, ever so slightly, to get hostile.  Some people shouted out rude comments like, “Maybe someone up there wants you to shut up,” and “What happened?  Did you lose your connection?”  John handled the hecklers with aplomb.  He relayed a story of a time he was doing an event and there was a blackout.  He ended up doing all the readings with a bullhorn.  That’s adaptability!   They finally got his microphone working and off we went.

John’s the Man!
One thing I really appreciate about John Edward is that he blazes a trail of integrity for all the rest of us psychic mediums.  Because of his fortitude and moral strength he stands as a beacon of truth in a sea of frauds and charlatans.  It’s a tough job and he handles it well.  My hat goes off to John.  He’s been doing this work for 23 years.  I’ve been at it for about 2 years.  I can only imagine where I’ll be in 23.  But I’ll be looking to John all the way…