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This week’s question comes from Nikki. She asks:

“Can we change our fate?”

Transcript of the Video:
Hello and welcome to another episode of “Ask Erin Pavlina.” Today’s question comes from Nicki. Nicki writes, “If a psychic tells me something is going to happen, is there any way I can change it, or is it definitely going to happen?”

Nothing is set in stone. You can change your future, you can change the outcome of a prediction, but here’s what you need to know about that: It’s true that nothing is set in stone, so how can a psychic tell you what’s going to happen? What’s happening is when a psychic tunes into your energy, he or she is reading your current energy as it is right now, and also looking down the path to see what’s going to happen to you if you stay on that path. So, when a psychic gives you a prediction, they are telling you what they see as the culmination of the path you are currently on. If you don’t like the outcome that he or she is seeing, then you have the opportunity to change course and do whatever – make changes so that you do not end up with that outcome. The changes you make may or may not work, but you have the opportunity to change your course.

Years ago, when I was in 10th grade, a psychic told me that I was going to go camping for my first time, but it was going to be a really rough experience. Well, that didn’t sound terribly thrilling, but I wasn’t really planning to go camping anyway, so I just kind of filed it away in the back of my mind. A few months later a friend calls me up and says that he and another guy were planning to go camping with a third guy who dropped out at the last minute, and they wanted to know if I wanted to go with them.

I did want to go. I did want to go camping, but all of a sudden I remembered the prediction that the psychic had made for me, and she said it would be a really rough experience and so I made a very conscious decision not to go on the camping trip. So, as it turns out, the two guys who went ended up going hiking, they got very, very lost. One of them had a hypoglycemic attack, and the other person had to go try to find help and it was a very hard, arduous, long experience and they definitely, definitely had a rough time of it. So, I feel like I was able to change that outcome, but I don’t feel the psychic was wrong because she did accurately predict what would happen, I just chose not to step into that reality because it did not sound pleasant to me.

That’s another reason that going to a psychic can be very beneficial, because if you can find out what’s coming up on the path that you’re on, if you don’t like it, you can prevent it. Always be sure to ask the psychic about other paths that she or he sees as possibilities for you. So, do not just take what the psychic says as fact or as fate. You can change the outcome, but you need to know what the outcome’s going to be.

So, sometimes when I’m doing a reading for a person and they ask me what’s going to happen, I tell them what’s going to happen if they make no changes – if they stay on this trajectory. But I also tell my clients, if there’s a better outcome for them, I tell them exactly how to get to that outcome, so that they don’t have to struggle. So, that is one of the benefits of going to a good psychic is finding out what’s going to happen and preventing it if it’s bad, and finding out some details to make sure you can make it happen if it’s good.

So, very good question. You can definitely change your fate.

Answer: I guess it depends on the way you look at it, but there is a possibility that you may hear something from your spirit guides that you’re either not expecting to hear, not wanting to hear, or not ready to hear. After all, if you know what they’re going to say, there’s little point in getting a reading except as validation or confirmation of what you know.

By and large, however, your guides will tell you what you most need to know to move your life in a direction that will benefit you. So if that means addressing your bulimia, your gambling habit, your drug abuse, etc. then they might bring it up, yes. But bear in mind that if you’re doing something to yourself that is slowing you down or holding you back from what you want, then why shouldn’t they bring it up? When they do, they will also offer advice on how to overcome the destructive habit. If you’re not ready to let it go, that’s your choice, but at least listen to what they have to say.

Could the guides tell you something negative that is outside of your control, such as an impending death or something equally frightening? I have definitely done readings that started out with strong warnings in the area of health or personal safety. I recall reading for one client and as soon as we got on the phone I knew her husband was suffering from sleep apnea, that he needed a CPAP machine at night, that he was not using it, and because of this, he was in true and real danger of death, and soon. She told me I was right about all of that and she would take great steps to ensure her husband wore his breathing apparatus. Did she want to know that? Probably. Did she think to ask that? No. The guides jumped in because he was headed down a path that they felt led to sure death.

People have sometimes asked me if I can see a loved one dying soon. The guides will answer that question. I always tell people not to ask a question unless they’re ready for the answer. I’ve never done a reading where guides predicted a death that would occur by accident; it’s always been related to a health condition, known or unknown to my client. Accidents would be hard to predict since they are just that – accidents – and involve the free will of potentially hundreds of people all needing to be in the right place at the wrong time.

Sometimes it’s emotional pain people don’t want to know about. Will the guides tell you that your partner is cheating on you, or that your children are lying about their whereabouts, or that your friends are talking about you behind your back? Not usually. Unless you ask directly, they likely won’t offer that kind of information. Instead, they will focus on what you need to know, do or change to move in the direction you want to go. But if you ask the question, you will get an answer, it may not be what you’re expecting, but you will definitely get an answer.

Guides are gentle, loving, and kind. They care about your well being. They are continually broadcasting information to you that’s designed to help you attract what you need and what you desire. If you listen and act on what they tell you, chances are excellent you will see amazing progress and growth in your life. If you’re ready for that boost, and you need help tuning in to get their messages, you can book a reading with me. If you’re not ready for the truth, then wait.

Answer:  I’ve gotten variations on this question dozens of times.  It always struck me as odd, but I realize that this is indeed what some people think.  So let me answer the question for anyone and everyone who is wondering the same thing.

When we incarnate we forget where we came from.  This is part of the deal.  We forget so we can immerse ourselves in the illusion, like actors in a play.  We are assigned a role that we must play out to the best of our ability.  However, we are given a lifeline, a tether, back to Source, if we would just remember it and know it’s always there for us to call upon for help.  We are always connected to our higher self and the spirit guides who have agreed to guide us.  Most people don’t remember their connection to Source, their higher self, or their guides.  They call out to God, and even pray for help, but few people can hear it when God answers.

That’s where intuitives and psychics come in.  We do hear the answer.  We hear it for ourselves, and we can hear it for others when they can’t hear it for themselves.  For most people, it’s like they’re on a phone call where they cannot hear who is on the other end.  They dial up God and start talking into the microphone “Dear God, please help me.  Please show me a sign.  I am listening, please guide me,” but they’ve got their mute button on.  So when God, or your guides or higher self, are responding, you can’t hear them.  Whose fault is that?  How frustrated do you think the other side is with you? 

So along comes Super Psychic to save the day!   You book a reading, I tune in, and your guides breathe a sigh of relief. “Oh thank goodness, Erin’s here!  Wonderful!  Now our charge is finally going to get the message we’ve been trying to send her for weeks.  Erin, can you please tell Mary that she is indeed ready to quit her job and become a writer?  She has all the skills she needs to make it.  Can you please tell her that now might be a good time for her to try mending fences with her mom again as she seems more receptive.  And tell her that when she takes those sleeping pills we can’t communicate with her in her dreams and she’s missing out on good stuff.”  So I relay the message.  Is this cheating?  No!

Think of it this way.  You’re born with a post office box; everyone is entitled to one at birth.  You pray, God sends you an answer, and it lands in your post office box.  Only you don’t have your key so you can’t get your messages!  When you consult a psychic it’s like hiring a locksmith.  We come, we open, we deliver your messages.  What you do with them is your business. 

The other side is not going to violate the Prime Directive.  You still have free will here.  They won’t tell you what to do, stripping you of your choices and turning you into an automaton.  They will simply help you see what you’ve forgotten, help you see where you’re going wrong, help steer you down the path of contentment and growth.  They’ll remind you of what you’ve forgotten.  This is not cheating.  If they sent you lottery numbers, that would be cheating, but they never do so don’t worry.

God is not mad when you get a reading from someone who can deliver His messages.  He’s grateful.  He doesn’t want you to suffer needlessly.  He doesn’t want you wandering around in a fog.  We’re supposed to have help here.  He knows how hard it is to be incarnated.  When you disconnect from God/Source you’re only hurting yourself and adding unnecessary misery to your life. 

When I do readings the guides do not tell people what they should do.  They do tell people what will happen if they make certain choices, but they are not here to put a leash around our neck and walk us through our life maze with no free will.  So listen to their message for you.  And work on hearing those messages on your own so you don’t need to call 1-800-Super-Psychic every time you get stuck.

You’ll still be able to purchase a reading or consultation any time during June but you won’t get an appointment until July.  As always, readings are scheduled on a first come, first served basis based on when people send me their contact and booking details.  So once you sign up, please follow the instructions in your autoresponder and get me your phone number, photos, and time/day preference asap so you’re not bumped to the end of the queue.

Right now I’m booking for the week of May 26 and beyond.

Readings during the I Can Do It Las Vegas conference will be conducted on the following dates:
Thursday, June 26 between 10am and 4pm.
Saturday, June 28 between 8am and noon.
Monday, June 30 between 9am and 3pm.

If you’d like a reading in those time periods let me know when you book your reading.

Don’t forget that Steve will be speaking at the I Can Do It conference on Sunday, June 29 at 11am.  He’ll be covering topics from his book and addressing lightworker syndrome.  You can purchase a full conference pass or just purchase a pass for Sunday.  Here are all the details about the conference.  He’ll also appear at the I Can Do It conference in Tampa, FL in early October.

About six weeks ago I did a reading for a woman I’ll call Joanna whom I’ve read for probably 6 or 7 times in the last couple of years.  We had a lovely reading and life went on.

Three or four weeks later I got a strong urge that Joanna needed another reading.  Thinking it was extremely presumptuous of me to tell her that, I ignored my feeling.  I just didn’t feel comfortable telling someone they needed to book another reading so close to their last one.  But the guides had other plans.  Joanna emailed me and told me she was feeling a strong urge to have another reading, knew it was too soon, but couldn’t ignore her feeling.  She didn’t even have a question, just a strong intuitive urge.  Since I had the same urge, I booked a reading for her immediately.

The day of her reading, something strange and unusual happened.  After lunch I was feeling extremely tired and wanted desperately to lie down for an hour and take a nap.  This is always dangerous for me because I don’t want to wake up groggy before I have to do readings.  But I couldn’t help myself.  I just had to lay down.  I set a timer so I would wake up in time to do my 3 scheduled afternoon readings.

I was having a lovely dream, nearly lucid but not quite.  As I woke, as the dream was fading, I saw a bush of gardenias and smelled the most intense fragrance you could have in a dream.  As I took note of the gardenias I heard a voice tell me not to confuse the gardenias with roses.  I don’t know much about flowers.  If you had shown me a photo of gardenias I wouldn’t know what they were or how they smelled, but in this dream I was sure they were gardenias and the scent was just incredible.  I woke up very gently just a couple of minutes before my timer went off.  The last thing I heard was a voice that said, “Don’t forget the gardenias.”  I had a feeling the gardenias were related to one of the three readings I was about to conduct.

I got up, had some juice to recharge myself, and got ready for my readings.  Truth be told, I forgot about the gardenias as I got back into the swing of my day.   I did two readings and prepared for my third and last of the day.  Since Joanna was a semi-regular client, I began tuning in on her energy even before I phoned her, to get things rolling.

When we connected we both commented about not understanding what the reading was going to be about since we had recently covered career and other life stuff, but we both just knew she needed some information.  As I tuned in closer I got the strong knocking sensation I get when a deceased relative is coming through.  I had been in contact with Joanna’s deceased mother in previous readings, but this energy was saying she was Joanna’s grandmother.  I said, “Joanna, has your deceased grandmother ever come through in one of our readings before?”  She replied, “No, because my grandmother died just a few months ago.”  Ah, now it all made sense.  I realized it was her grandmother that was sending us the urge to connect.

I tuned in more fully and her grandmother started going on about personal things related to Joanna’s life.  It was like she was taking the time to wrap up some loose ends between the two of them, like having a final debriefing.  Just as we were nearing the end of the session her grandmother said, “Don’t forget the gardenias!”  The dream came back to me.  Could it be related?  I asked Joanna if gardenias meant anything to her in relation to her grandmother.  She replied, “Wow, Erin, you’re getting really good.  Yes, I associate my grandmother heavily to gardenias.  She had two gardenia bushes outside her house and every time I walked up to her door I would smell the fragrant flowers.  I absolutely understand the gardenia reference.  That’s how I know my grandmother.”

I told Joanna that her grandmother must have come to me while I was napping and showed me the gardenias and sent me the scent.  Sometimes the deceased will do that with me, coming early to a reading to get in some tidbits ahead of time.

The other oddity here was how insistent my dream guide was when she said, “Don’t confuse these with roses.  There are roses and then there are gardenias.”  I mean, gardenias don’t look much like roses.  I know I can’t identify any flower except a carnation and a rose, but there was an insistence not to confuse the two.  I mentioned this to Joanna and she casually mentioned that her grandmother’s last name was Rose.

The last thing Joanna’s grandmother showed me was an image of herself blowing out candles on a huge birthday cake, surrounded by family, and a golden light.  I knew she was telling me she celebrated her birthday on the other side, so I asked Joanna if her grandma had died right before her birthday.  In fact, she had died just 10 days before her birthday.  I reassured Joanna that her grandmother had a wonderful party with deceased relatives on the other side.  All in all it was a beautiful communion.  And I know Joanna got some good closure regarding her grandmother.

Today as I write this, I can still vividly recall the smell of those gardenias.  I can still see them in my mind’s eye the way Joanna’s grandmother showed them to me.  And I know Joanna has a lovely angel looking out for her from Heaven.

No Details Please
When you book a reading with a medium and say, “I want you to connect with my dead husband, Greg, who died last Tuesday of a heart attack.  He was 38 and had no  history of heart trouble so I just want to find out what happened.  I also want to know if he’s with my deceased mother who died of breast cancer 20 years ago” you’ve just robbed yourself of having a good reading.  Don’t details help the medium connect?  No!  If you provide the information then the medium can’t use any of those details as validation that your dearly departed are actually present.

If, on the other hand, you say nothing and the medium tells you she’s picking up on a young man who is calling himself Greg or Craig and is clutching his heart, then you know you’ve got something legitimate.  If she then goes on to say, “And he’s bringing through a woman that feels like your mom.  She’s telling me she had breast cancer but this happened a long time ago, probably 15-20 years or so” then you know the medium is bringing through your mom.

When you provide all those details then the medium has to get other information from the deceased in order to provide validation.  In my personal experience, the deceased like to tell me how they died and what relation they had to my sitter.  If you do that for me, I have to go much deeper and sometimes that information just isn’t there.  Which brings me to my next topic…

Can’t You Find My Mom?
Most of the time people book a reading with a medium they have specific deceased people in mind that they’d like to connect with.  No medium in the world can guarantee that a specific spirit will come through during a reading.  A talented and skilled medium will probably be able to connect with someone on the other side, but it may not be who you were wanting or expecting.  This happens ALL the time! 

Some spirits do not have the energy to come through.  It requires an adjustment of their frequency/vibration to connect with a medium and some deceased people just haven’t mastered the art.  Stronger energies usually come through first.

Some spirits do not want to come through.  For reasons of their own, many spirits simply choose not to communicate with the ones left behind on earth.  Yes, even if you were your mom’s favorite, she may not come to you.   Sometimes spirits have totally disconnected with their earthly lives and are not interested in returning, even for a few minutes.  On the other hand, some spirits do hang around and are eager to communicate.  I recall doing a reading for a woman and as soon as I sat down to read for her I felt her father’s presence. He stated his name to me and she confirmed it.  Then she said, “He always comes through, for every psychic I go to, he comes through.”  This was a deceased spirit with a great ability to connect with mediums.

I personally have an easier time connecting with people who are recently deceased (because their energy lingers and they are tethered here by the grief of the living), people who died under mysterious circumstances, people who fell victim to murder or an accident, people who have taken their own lives, and people who have been dead a long time but are still very connected to the living or have unfinished business.

I have a harder time connecting with dear old grandma who died peacefully at age 98 in her sleep, more than 20 years ago.  It does happen, but it’s harder and more rare.

What Questions Can I Ask?
When I make contact with a deceased person they almost always start with the manner in which they died.  They either tell me or show me or I feel what they felt (more rare for me).  I recall during one reading I was seeing a guy and it was like my mental camera was panning up from his feet to his neck.  But when I got to his head area it was just blank.  I was frustrated and waited for the face to come through so I could describe the guy to my sitter.  But he just kept waving his hands at me.  Finally I told my sitter that I couldn’t see his face because from the neck up there was nothing.  She said, “That’s probably because he was decapitated in a car accident.”  Oh.  Yeah, I guess that would explain what he was trying to say to me!

After they show me their manner of death (if it’s important for them to show me, sometimes they don’t) then they usually come through with a message.  Usually they acknowledge something going on in your life and comment on it.  Sometimes they want you to get a message to someone else.  They’ll often tie up emotional loose ends as well, “Honey, I’m sorry we never got a chance to have children,” and the like.

So when is it your turn?  Uh, you may not get to ask them anything.  I’ve done readings where the deceased spirit will answer questions, but in most cases they won’t.  I don’t know if it’s because they’re forbidden to give out too much information, or they don’t have the knowledge you’re seeking, or they simply aren’t willing to answer questions.  Try not to be discouraged by this.  Sometimes I can get information from the spirit guides that I cannot get directly from the deceased.  Take the messages your deceased loved ones give you and be grateful for the contact.  Contact doesn’t happen every day.

But I Don’t Know This Guy
Sometimes a deceased person will come through and you don’t even know who they are, but you are in direct contact with someone they desperately want to get a message to.  During a reading I was doing for a young woman I got a deceased person who came through with a thick English accent.  She gave her first name and manner of death.  My sitter couldn’t place the woman’s identity.  Then the deceased woman said the name of the living person (her daughter) that she wanted to connect with.  That’s when my sitter put it all together.  She did indeed have a friend whose mom died in the same manner and with the same name as the deceased and lived in England.  She asked me why the woman came through during her reading since they are not related.  “So you can get her daughter the message that her mom is okay,” I replied.  Sometimes strong energies will hijack a reading if they can see an opportunity to pass on a message.  This woman’s daughter may never have sought out a medium on her own, but the deceased mom found a way to pass on her message.

If this happens during your reading, please try to pass the message on to the living.  It took a lot of energy to make the trip.  Honor that effort by passing on the message if you can.

What If No One Comes Through?
Don’t be distressed if your deceased loved ones don’t make it to your reading.  It doesn’t mean they’re lost, it doesn’t mean they’re in Hell, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore.  Are you always home when someone is ringing your phone?  Sometimes I can get information about a dead person through your spirit guides and never have any direct contact with your dead loved one.  It’s like a double relay.  Either I’m not in a high enough vibration, or your loved one doesn’t know how to connect with me directly, so sometimes I’m talking to your guides who are talking to your aunt.

However, if your sole reason for signing up for a reading is to reach a specific deceased person, you may be wasting your time and money.  Remember there’s no guarantee of contact.  The psychic readings I do are often more helpful than connecting with the other side.  You get information about the path ahead of you, and my readings usually help people get back to living a life on purpose.  Spirit guides are easier for me to connect with, probably because they are way more skilled at connecting than your recently deceased Uncle Ralph who is still looking for his mouth.  So if no deceased people come through during your reading, don’t fret.  Talk to your guides instead.

Final Tidbits
You can tell me you want to connect with someone and wait to see if I can bring them through.  If you really want to find someone specific, it’s okay to tell me, “Is my mom there?” because that can help me connect, but don’t tell me her age, manner of death, or her name.  Sometimes I might need to ask you something for clarification.  You’ll be able to tell if it’s really your mom I’m bringing through.  There will either be some validation, or I’ll start speaking in her manner, or I’ll say something she used to say (word for word), etc.  Sometimes it’s obvious, “I’ve got a guy here named Joseph, says he’s your dad, showing me some prostate cancer (whoa!), and says he used to call you Iggy.”  And sometimes all I get is a special moment, “She says when you were four you knocked out your front tooth while ice skating.”   Sometimes they’ll acknowledge what they see, “She’s telling me you put purple carnations on her grave every Tuesday afternoon.”  I never know how the information is going to come through.  And I don’t always interpret what I see correctly, but eventually they make themselves clear.

And finally, I really appreciate communicating with the dead.  I know it’s often very emotional for my sitters, and I know sometimes sensitive information comes through.  So I’m very honored to be able to do this work.  Thank you for giving me the opportunities to improve on this gift.  I want to continue to improve my ability in this area to serve you better.