I also get: “How can I prevent myself from being reincarnated? I’m so afraid of being sent back here, only to suffer again like I’ve suffered in this life. What do I have to do to earn a good life?”

In this article I’ll explain a little more about reincarnation, suffering, and the choices you have.

First, rest assured that no one is going to make you come back to Earth if you don’t want to. It’s entirely your choice if you want to come back. Now some of you are thinking, “Well good then, I’m never coming back!” Don’t be so sure. More on that in a minute.

Secondly, no one was sent here to suffer. No one was sent here with some predetermined plan of suffering. Bad things happen, things that hurt us, no doubt about it. But suffering is a choice. Suffering is the decision you make to view your life as horrible versus seeing what you have to be grateful for. You can stop suffering at any time.

Third, think of Earth as a playground or a park. You came here to play. Maybe you play on the slide, or sit on a swing, or play in the sand. Maybe you interact with other kids, or maybe you play alone. Maybe you play baseball in the park with a team, or maybe you just take a walk in the grass and climb a tree once in a while. Sometimes you go to the playground and have fun! And sometimes you go to the park and are attacked by bees or bullies. Sometimes you enjoy the park, and sometimes you come home and say, “Rough day at the park.” But then what happens? You go back again.

No matter how horrible your day was at the park, you give it another shot. Maybe next time you go to the park, you take a ball and invite other kids to play with you. Maybe the next time you go to the park, you decide you’re going to take a walk instead of trying to get 100 kids together to build a sand castle with you. The park offers so many different experiences, you’d be hard pressed to experience them all in one visit.

So let’s say you’re at the park and some kids kick sand at you and bury you up to your eyeballs. You’re not having fun at all. You go home and complain to your parents, “Hated the park. Mean people at the park. Never going back!” Your parents smile kindly at you with empathy. After a time, you get over it and decide to try the park again, and this time you have an amazing and wonderful time at the park. You come home and tell your parents, “Today was awesome! A bunch of us got together and decided to play baseball. I loved it. Had such a good time. Can’t wait to go back!” Your parents smile kindly at you.

Life is just a bunch of days at the park. When you have a bad day, you vow never to go back. When you have a good day you can’t wait to get back and play again. But the park is just the playground. You decide what experience you’re going to have there.

So before you decide you’re never coming back, realize that once you get “home” you’ll have a different perspective on life, and it may come as a complete surprise to you that you decide to go play again. If you could realize now, while you are still here, that there are many ways to enjoy the park, you might find this life isn’t as bad as you think it is.

Answer: Great question. Instead of saying “multiple families” I would instead use the term “multiple loved ones.” When you die, you will be greeted by the souls and spirits of the people you have the strongest connection to, whether they are from your most recent life or a past one. Some of these folk may have been your family members in several lives. So yes, you will encounter spirits from previous lives who may not have been with you during the most recent life.

You will also encounter your spirit guides, who have guided you throughout your life but who may or may not have ever incarnated themselves. Love is love. Connection is connection. You will naturally be attracted to and reunited with the energies you felt closest to, from this life or others.

Once you cross over, you may merge right back in with your higher self, remembering all the previous times you’ve incarnated, or you may choose instead to hang on to the most recent personality and stay connected with your family who are still living.

This is why sometimes when I try to connect with deceased loved ones on the other side, they are simply not there anymore. They have sloughed off this ego and have merged back with their collective higher self consciousness. I can’t call “Uncle Charlie” if he, as a spirit, no longer identifies himself as Uncle Charlie. But if he’s around and still interested in what’s going on during this time period, he will often come through with support, love, and advice from the other side.

Answer: Most of the time a person does not choose to reincarnate so quickly. I often hear of people who say, “My grandmother died last week and then my niece was born and we’re pretty sure it’s grandma!” Uh no. Highly doubtful. Most souls do not reincarnate to the same family or that quickly either. So chances are excellent that anyone you knew in this life will be waiting and available for you when you cross over.

However, I believe that even if someone has reincarnated before you cross over, you can still reconnect with their higher self, who is always in the ether, anchoring their “player” who goes back to earth for another round of death and taxes.

You will see your loved ones again when you die.

Check out my ebook, The Other Side, for more information about what happens in the afterlife.

Question: How many times can you incarnate? Could you incarnate like 200 times if you wanted to? – Donatas

Answer: You can incarnate as many times as you want. Incarnation is a choice. You get to decide if, when, and to whom you incarnate.

Right now you might be thinking, “Well then there’s no way I’m ever coming back here. Earth sucks!” But what you must remember is that you are like a character in a game, and you are immersed in the game, and while your character may be experiencing discomfort on its journey, you the player are totally intact and fine.

Once you leave Earth you regain your perspective, and you see things for what they really are, and you realize how fun the game is even when you’re drenched by the rain and stuck in the mud. So you’re going to have to wait until you get back to home base because only then will you be able to determine if coming back here is right or wrong for you.

For the advanced students: What will really bake your noodle is that while we perceive time here as linear, once you get to the other side you will see that time does not have the same meaning. It’s possible you are living all your lives (current, past, and future) at the same time. I wouldn’t worry about it right now though. Live the life you’ve got in the best way that you can. Honor this life. Honor your purpose. There is time enough to think about reincarnation later.

Submit your own question
Subscribe to Erin’s YouTube channel so you don’t miss a single episode.

This week’s question comes from Linamon:

“Do we have to incarnate again?”

Transcript of the Video:
Hello and welcome to another episode of “Ask Erin Pavlina.” Today’s question comes from Linamon. “Can a person choose not to incarnate again? If they choose not to incarnate, where do they stay?”

When you are in the ether, which is where you are before you choose to incarnate, you are the one who makes the decision about whether or not you’re going to come back to Earth in a human body. Nobody can force you to incarnate again. It’s definitely your choice, and if you don’t want to incarnate, you don’t have to.

What happens is, when you feel like you’re ready to experience life again or if you feel like you have something that you want to come back here to teach people, then you will choose to incarnate again and you will find a suitable host – a suitable family who will help you learn the lessons that you intend to learn and to have the experiences you’d like to have. You choose them and you incarnate again, and that could be anywhere from ten years after your last life to a hundred to maybe even a thousand years after your last life. Nobody determines for you whether you will incarnate or not, so rest assured if you decide you do not want to come back here, you don’t have to come back.

Where do people go if they choose not to incarnate? Where do they stay? You’re pretty much staying in the afterlife experience, what I call the ether, where you are an energetic being, and you continue to have experiences and interactions with other beings so it’s not like you’re just sitting around watching TV all day or watching what’s going on on planet Earth. You’re not stuck there, and you’re not in some kind of heaven that’s really really boring after a thousand years.

There are experiences that happen in the afterlife that you get to experience, and interact with other people and you get to share your energy and there’s a lot of love on the other side and it’s a nice place to be. If you choose not to incarnate, you’re going to be fine and you’re probably going to enjoy yourself quite a bit in the afterlife, so definitely not something to worry about. Good question.

Answer:  We are not incarnated to learn perfection, that is not possible because the definition of perfection would be different for everyone.  We incarnate to learn, to have a new experience, to gain a new perspective we can’t gain without bodies.  I don’t think we can ever really be done because you can always come back and try a new perspective.  

Incarnating is a choice.  A conscious choice.  If you decide you never want to incarnate again I don’t believe you have to.  However, you must know that the soul, when it’s in the ether, does not fear incarnation.  To the soul, incarnation is like being on a roller coaster.  Sure it can be thrilling, even dangerous, but it’s just a ride and at the end you come safely to a stop. 

Have you ever been on a roller coaster and thought, “Shoot, why did I get on this crazy ride?” and you’re screaming throughout the entire ride only to say, “Let’s do that again!” when you stop safely?  While you’re on the ride you might be thinking, “Why, oh why, did I agree to go on this ride?” but once you’re back safe and sound all you remember is the thrill!  Were you ever truly in danger?

My suggestion is this: Don’t decide now if you will incarnate again.  You’re in the middle of the ride.  Wait until you’re safe and sound again, evaluate the experience of this life, and then decide if you’re up for doing it again.  There are many different roller coasters to try as well.  Some go upside down, some take you through total darkness, some will make you really sick, and some will take you to heights you couldn’t possibly imagine (oh what a view!).  Don’t forget you’re never on the ride alone.  Scream if you must, throw your hands up in the air to maximize the thrill, but always remember you are safe.  And if you ever find the ride is going too fast or you’re too afraid and want to get off, don’t jump.  Just raise your hand and the ride operator will bring the coaster to a safe and gentle stop.