Well I’ve learned a lot this week. It’s definitely a process. This morning I weighed 194 so not only didn’t I lose weight this week, it’s starting to creep up again. Not in a huge way, but enough to get my attention and do some in-depth analysis as to what’s going awry for me.
I already know one problem. I’m eating way too many fat grams. John wanted me to limit my fat intake to 15 grams per day, ideally, but honestly that just wasn’t happening. Salad dressing on one salad alone was 15 grams of fat. I was cooking my veggies in oil, eating salad dressing (because I’m eating so many salads), and there was some Valentine chocolate last week (though Emily took most of my chocolate so I guess I should be grateful for that on some level). I have to estimate realistically that I was eating 60-75 grams of fat per day easy. I tried the fat free salad dressings and they tank. I’m not one of those people who can suffer through a meal that tastes terrible all for the sake of future gain. I wish I was. But the principle of Truth requires that I admit I won’t stick to a diet of raw veggies and salads with lemon as the dressing. So I’m going to have to find another way.
There have been two periods in my life where I found a weight loss strategy that worked well for me. The first was when I joined Weight Watchers. I went to the meetings diligently and counted all my points. I lost 20 pounds in about 15 weeks and I was still going gang busters. Then I got pregnant with Kyle and was forced to go off the calorie restricted diet. After I had Kyle I went right back to Weight Watchers, but I was breastfeeding so they give you a ton of extra points per day and I found I was simply maintaining my weight but not losing any. The thing I loved about Weight Watchers was that I really could eat whatever food I wanted (i.e. whatever tasted good to me) I just had to account for it and not eat too much of it. So I was eating all of my favorite foods (bread, pasta, fruit, desserts, and yes some veggies too) and still losing weight consistently and, best of all, happily. What I don’t love about Weight Watchers is the fact that I was eating a lot of processed foods that were unhealthy.
The other time in my life where I was losing weight consistently was when I counted calories, fat, fiber, and everything else you can think of, and kept track of it in a spreadsheet. I limited my fat grams to 20 per day and consequently my calories were low too, usually around 1200-1500. I was losing 5 pounds a month, but I was also eating a lot of processed food, partly because I didn’t have to weigh and measure it, and all the nutritional info was right there on the box. Things like veggie lasagna, vegan bbq beef sandwiches, bean soup, fake meat products, and sweet potatoes which I baked with just a short spray of Pam on the slices. I would eat some kind of dessert every day, but it was usually the Whole Soy Frozen Yogurt which is very low in calories and usually just 1 gram of fat or less per serving. I was happy, satisfied, and losing weight. But I wasn’t eating that many vegetables and I was eating a lot of processed fake meat products which didn’t sit well with me.
What both of these strategies had in common is that I was keeping diligent track of my calorie and fat intake. They also both had a lot of processed food in them. But I enjoyed how I was eating and I think that’s key for me. I’m a total foodie. I was raised on fast food meals and sugar. I know people who have a healthy relationship with food and see food as fuel and not something that needs to taste good. I’m just not one of those people and I don’t know if I ever will be. So when people tell me to just eat raw veggies and raw fruit and stop eating bread, sugar, and processed foods I just can’t wrap my head around enjoying that. Maybe if I stuck with it long enough I would. The problem is I am miserable in the process and nothing has ever really stuck. So what’s a girl to do?
While I find that, in general, I’m a vibrational match for losing weight, I am not a vibrational match for culinary suffering. If I believe that the only way for me to lose weight is to eat foods I don’t like then I will fall out of vibrational harmony with weight loss. I will constantly cancel my weight loss order with the universe. I’m aware of this. What to do about it is another thing.
I like vegetables, but with some fat on them. So in the past I’ve felt my choices are to either eat vegetables with nothing on them (blech) or not to eat vegetables at all so I wouldn’t be tempted to eat the fat with them. I started making these delicious vegetable stews that were virtually fat free, but all of them contained potatoes (white or sweet) and I’m told those are bad for me. I like beans, which are high in fiber and low in fat, but I can’t say I like eating them every day. I love fruit and could easily spend 50% of my calories per day eating fruit, but people tell me that will mess up my blood sugar. I can easily give up pasta and rice. I don’t miss them. I’ve done great with bread too. There’s a loaf of sprouted whole grain rye bread in my freezer that’s been there for probably 9 months. I have no strong urge to liberate it and devour it. I love sweets, and I’d like to eat low calorie, low fat (or even fat free) sweets but I can’t help feeling shame when I do. That probably needs to stop.
So as I sit here and type I am honestly at a loss for what to eat. Exercise has been going very well. I really enjoy it, but it doesn’t seem to impact my overall weight situation, at least not in a way I’m aware of. I’m sure my diet will play a larger role in my weight loss than exercise will. I won’t give up on the exercise because it’s important for my blood sugar and I’m sure it’s better than not exercising.
This week Steve and I had a discussion about becoming a vibrational match for being trim and slim. He asked me what I would eat and how I would behave if I was already at my ideal weight. I had never thought of that before, but I think it’s powerful. When I tuned in to the energy I think I’d feel at my ideal weight I noticed that I would have a totally different view of eating and food. For one, I think I’d eat a lot less. My portion size has grown enormously over the years. I would eat until my hunger was satisfied and then I’d stop, even if there was still food on the plate. I would not eat when I was bored (which is something I sometimes do now). I would eat lighter foods, instead of denser, heavier meals. I would exercise differently as I would be much lighter and could tolerate more intensity. But I think the most important thing is that I wouldn’t give so much of my time and energy to thinking about food and obsessing over every little bite I put in my mouth.
For those of you who are at your ideal weight and maintaining it easily, tell me how you view food, eating, and exercise. That will give me some insight into how I might feel. Then I can begin to alter my vibration which will help me become a match for this goal.
I don’t consider this week a failure at all. I’ve mentioned before that for me giving up is the only way I can fail. I am still committed to my goal and am learning a ton about myself in the process. It’s definitely a growth experience, and it’s challenging, but I am in pursuit of a worthy goal and I will find my way to success.