Do the dead miss us?

Question:  My husband passed away recently and we were super close, total soulmates.  I just need to know if he’s missing me as much as I’m missing him.  Do deceased people pine away for us after death like we do for them?

Answer:  Generally speaking, no, the dead do not miss the living.  I know that sounds horrible, but let’s look at death from their perspective so you’ll understand why they don’t miss us like we miss them.

When your loved one dies, he’s greeted on the other side by loved ones who have crossed over before him.  He goes back to the light of Divine Love.  To say he’s in a better place is an understatement.  He’s happy, blissful even.  It’s as exciting as winning the lottery.  He goes through his life review, understanding and comprehending the lessons and experiences he had in life.  He makes peace with himself, and crosses right on over into bliss.

The dead are aware, however, that those of us left behind are having a much harder time dealing with what we perceive as a loss, because we, the living, think the person is gone to a galaxy far, far away.  Our dead loved ones try to get our attention, to let us know they are just fine and playing Bingo in the sky with your old dog, uh … Bingo.  For them it’s like looking through one way glass where they can see us but we can’t see them.  So they wave their arms, stomp up and down, scream to us, but we can’t hear them.  How frustrating do you think that is for them?

So next they try getting our attention in other ways.  They send us dreams telling us they’re fine.  We discount those as “just dreams.”  They knock pictures off the wall.  We discount those as the house settling or the kids running amok.  They waft specific smells our way.  “Does anyone smell freesia? Didn’t grandma like freesias?  Weird.”  They put significant songs on the radio, drop change in front of our feet, make the rocking chair rock all by itself, and we chalk it all up to imagination or wishful thinking.  So finally they just sit and hold us with their incorporeal arms, trying to comfort us physically without a physical body to do it with.

And they listen.  They listen to our prayers and eulogies, our anger, our sadness.  And they watch.  They watch us cry, sleep, and cry some more.  They watch us slowly put our lives back together.  They feel joy when we have a victory over our grief.

But they’re also spending their time getting to know the other side and reconnecting with people there.  They realize that no one really dies, we simply transform.  This is nothing to be sad about.  It’s something wonderful.  If the living could remember that the dead are not truly gone, it could lessen our grief.  We grieve over our loss, over the loss of their presence in our lives.  And yes, that is a real loss, but it is not a complete, never-going-to-see-you-again loss. 

Honor the dead.  Share your joy and love with them.  Cast love energy their way.  And try to feel the love energy they’re casting back at you.  A medium can help you reconnect, but a medium is unnecessary if you open your heart and remember that the dead don’t leave us, so they don’t miss us.  Remember them and cherish your memories.  You can keep the connection alive by talking to them and acknowledging their presence at special family events.

They are still there, you can still talk to them, and they still see you and care about you.  They know you’re sad, but they know life is an amazing gift and experience, and they want you to enjoy yours to the fullest extent possible.  When you’re ready, move on with living your life. You will see your loved ones again.

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