How many times have you heard the word “soul mate” thrown around in conversation? “Oh, he’s definitely my soul mate.” “When will I meet my soul mate?” It’s probably one of the top 10 questions a psychic is asked. Inwardly I cringe if I’m doing an intuitive reading with someone and they ask me, “Is this guy I’m dating my soul mate?” This question is cringe worthy because it shows me that the asker isn’t aware of the difference between a soul mate and having a soul connection with someone. Growing up I fell victim to the same belief because psychics often perpetuate the myth that there is one, and only one, person destined to be your mate in this incarnation. But it’s all wrong. So let’s clear this up.

What IS a soul mate?
The most common definition of a soul mate is the person you are destined to marry. You guys arrange to incarnate together, and you incarnate every time in every life and hook up, make babies, and live happily ever after. This would be great if it were true, but it’s not really how things work.

So do soul mates exist at all then?
In a way they do and in a way they don’t. We’ll have to reclassify the definition a little. It’s true that before you incarnate you make arrangements with certain other souls to meet, connect, and have some kind of impact on each other. You might even end up marrying one of these souls, but it’s not necessary to satisfy the arrangement or plan you had with them. All that is intended to happen is a connection. So our new definition of soul mate should be closer to this: A soul mate is a person you have a soul connection with whom you decide to interact with on a permanent or semi-permanent basis.

So what’s a soul connection then?
There are infinite souls out there, all extensions of Source. Let’s use an analogy. If we’re all cells in the Body of Humanity, we’re all ultimately connected with each other the same way a liver cell is ultimately connected with a heart cell. But if you’re a heart cell, for example, you’ll find yourself resonating more closely with other heart cells. You may not have much connection with a liver cell if you’re a heart cell, but it’s okay, there’s no bad blood between you. You just don’t hang with each other much.

So when you incarnate, you may recognize some of the cells in your posse. “Hey, don’t we know each other from somewhere? Oh I remember, you’re a heart cell. Me too! Yo, my brother! What’s the haps?” These are soul connections. People you recognize because you know each other from the ether. You’ll feel drawn to them. You may have even pre-arranged a meeting because you have business together. You’ll have soul connections with potentially hundreds of people in any incarnation. You may not meet them all, but they’re here. These soul connections are with people in what we call a soul group.

So who am I supposed to marry? Someone from my soul group?
It’s very common for people to fall in love with people with whom they have a soul connection. It’s a natural extension of the fondness you feel for them and the familiarity you have with them. Sometimes this fondness results in a commitment, like marriage. Sometimes it becomes a business partnership. Sometimes you are just amazing friends. Think about it. Don’t you know a few people in your life that you feel very close to but they aren’t your spouse? Haven’t you known someone in your past who had a huge impact on the course of your life but maybe you don’t even keep in touch now? A teacher? A mentor? A friend? Probably members of your soul group.

Do you always marry someone from your soul group?
No, but I do think it’s more likely. These are people you’ll have a natural attraction towards. These are people you’ll recognize on some level. But you could be a heart cell who marries a liver cell and you can live happily ever after too.

So how am I supposed to find “the one?”
There is more than one “one.” It’s probably religion that has indoctrinated us to believe we’re supposed to find one person and settle down for the rest of our lives. So of course you want to find the right “one.” Totally understandable. But let me reassure you that there are scads of people on this planet who would make a good partner for you. It all depends on what you want, what they want, and if you’re at Starbucks when they are. Don’t get caught up with the idea that if you can’t find the “one” that you are doomed to be alone the rest of your life. Just find one of the “ones” and you’ll be fine.

Weren’t you and Steve soul mates?
I’ve probably alluded to that in other blog entries. I’m certain Steve and I pre-arranged our connection here. I’m certain we are members of the same soul group. I know our souls are deeply connected, and I know our mission here is well aligned. But I also know there are other people in our group out there too. As we drift around in this incarnation, we’ll keep ourselves open to interacting with them. Restricting ourselves to one connection in each life is so unnecessary. Don’t do it to yourself either. Keep yourself open to meeting anyone and everyone with whom you have a connection. Open yourself to what you could gain by interacting with cells outside your soul group too.

Is there a way to find people in our soul group more easily?
Yes there is. Go where they are. Seriously. Tune in to your soul group. What kind of work do they do? What sort of philosophy of life do they probably have? Where are they likely to feel most comfortable? Most called? It’s probably similar to you. I’ve found one of the best places to find people in a soul group is conferences and seminars. If you’re interested in something, chances are the members of your soul group are interested too. Workshops, conferences, retreats, gatherings, groups, are all great places to start your search. When I first went to Hay House’s I Can Do It Conference it was like a soul group reunion! Oh my heavens, I felt like I’d found my tribe. Once I had that experience I started going to anything and everything where these people were likely to go. The Conscious Growth Workshop is another good place to find high awareness, conscious folks eager to grow. I’ve found members of my soul group at Toastmasters. You might find some at the gym, a yoga class, or at art school. They’re out there.

So the next time you ask a psychic where your soul mate is, I hope she says, “They’re all around you. Pick one. What kind of connection are you seeking at this time in your life?” An intuitive should be able to help you find one, but I hope you understand now that it won’t be the one and only.

Discuss this post in the Erin Pavlina forum.

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If you haven’t read Steve’s blog entry announcing our separation and plans to divorce, you can read it here.  I won’t rehash everything that was said in his entry since it’s already been written and I agree with everything he wrote.  I know people have expressed concern and want to hear from me, so that’s what this entry will accomplish, plus it should answer a few questions that have been emailed to me.

Mutual Decision
Our decision to end the marriage was definitely mutual.  I haven’t been kicked to the curb, cast out, or anything like that.  Our desires in life are no longer as compatible as they were in our early years.  We both want to live in ways that the other is not interested in, so we were constantly compromising what we wanted to make the other person happy, which left neither of us truly happy.  I urge you to examine your own situation to see if anything like that is happening in your relationship.  Do you have to quell your strongest desires in order to be with your committed partner?  While there is something to be said for honoring a commitment, there is no way to know long ago what you might want today.  When you’re no longer compatible or desire the same things in life, I think it’s time to let go and find your true happiness.

What We Still Share
Steve and I are still friends.  We enjoy each other’s company, and still have a lot in common.  We both share a strong desire to help raise the consciousness of the planet.  For me, I want to help people reconnect with their higher selves, remember where they came from, and realize that we are all connected and we are all One.  Our life purposes are still quite compatible.  That isn’t enough to maintain a marriage or living arrangement though.  This is why, at least for the time being, we intend to continue working together and helping each other with our goals and missions in life.

Did you see it coming?
Some people want to know if I saw this coming because I’m psychic.  I saw this coming because I was there.  It didn’t take foresight to see that we were both compromising our desires to meet in the middle.  But it did take courage and conscious thought to realize our commitment to the institution of marriage wasn’t nearly as important as our commitment to our passions, desires, and goals.  The marriage had to go so we could both express ourselves freely and fully.

But aren’t you sad?
I’m sad about some things and very happy about others.  My friend, Vicki, helped me see that what I was grieving was the old story, and how I thought that story would end.  Metaphorically, it’s like I was writing a book and someone just took the book out of my hand and handed me a blank set of pages.  I have a new story to write.  Doesn’t mean the old story wasn’t great, I just need to take the story in a new and more powerful direction.  I’m not depressed and I’m not spending my days in tears.  There is a definite relief in the fact that we are keeping what’s best about us and removing the thorns that caused us to bleed.  If sadness wants to come, I will let it and honor it.  If anger wants to come, I will let it and honor it.  I will keep myself open and let the emotions run through me and not bury them.  I have the most amazing friends who have been supportive and loving, and I truly appreciate all the well wishes I’ve received since we made our announcement.

What about the kids?
We know that separation is hard on children.  We believe that staying in a marriage with lots of conflict is worse.  We believe we’ll both relate to the children better because we’ll both be happier people.  I am keeping a close eye on the children.  We’re doing a lot of talking and processing.  In the coming weeks I’ll be looking for resources and information on how to help children cope with divorce.  They will be loved and nurtured.  And if they need more help, they’ll get it.  Their teachers and school counselors are aware of our situation and I’m communicating daily with them to make sure the kids are doing okay.  There is a lot of laughter in our home, and I’m making sure the kids can openly express their true feelings towards us both so they feel heard.  We’ll do the best we can with what we’ve got to work with.  And we will heal.

What about plans for your business?
Like Steve mentioned, it’s business as usual here.  I’m helping him plan the logistics for the upcoming workshop.  I’d like to speak at the next workshop, especially to share what we’ve learned in the relationship segment.  I’m still doing readings, I’ll still write blog entries, and I’ll probably finally get around to writing a book or making that audio program that’s been languishing in my mind for eons.  The kids are in school during the week, so my working hours will remain largely the same.  I’ll be keeping my married name as that is what I’ve built my brand on.  And who knows what else lurks on the horizon for me.  The possibilities are endless!

Love and Support
I want to thank everyone who emailed me or posted their support in our forums, facebook, and twitter.  It means a lot to me to have your love and support.  I’m especially touched by the people I’ve helped over the years who are reaching back to help me now.  I gratefully accept your kindness, love and support.  Like I mentioned I have the most amazing friends, including my Toastmaster friends and the ladies in my mastermind group.  My family has been very supportive as well. 

Yes there is some sadness for what will never be, but there is also great joy in the endless possibilities that await me.  The story continues, though some of the characters may change.  The river draws me in a new direction and I will explore it daringly, while still remembering where I came from, and that I am always loved.

Discuss this post in the Erin Pavlina forum.

Get clarity on your life purpose, career path, relationships, finances, and health. Book an intuitive reading with Erin, who will channel information from your spirit guides to get you on a path to greater happiness, success, and fulfillment. One session with Erin can change your entire life. Don't wait another day to change your life for the better.

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