Connecting With The Dead During Readings

I want to answer some questions and share some thoughts related to connecting with the deceased during the intuitive readings.  I hope this will clarify some things that are often brought up by my sitters (clients). 

No Details Please
When you book a reading with a medium and say, “I want you to connect with my dead husband, Greg, who died last Tuesday of a heart attack.  He was 38 and had no  history of heart trouble so I just want to find out what happened.  I also want to know if he’s with my deceased mother who died of breast cancer 20 years ago” you’ve just robbed yourself of having a good reading.  Don’t details help the medium connect?  No!  If you provide the information then the medium can’t use any of those details as validation that your dearly departed are actually present.

If, on the other hand, you say nothing and the medium tells you she’s picking up on a young man who is calling himself Greg or Craig and is clutching his heart, then you know you’ve got something legitimate.  If she then goes on to say, “And he’s bringing through a woman that feels like your mom.  She’s telling me she had breast cancer but this happened a long time ago, probably 15-20 years or so” then you know the medium is bringing through your mom.

When you provide all those details then the medium has to get other information from the deceased in order to provide validation.  In my personal experience, the deceased like to tell me how they died and what relation they had to my sitter.  If you do that for me, I have to go much deeper and sometimes that information just isn’t there.  Which brings me to my next topic…

Can’t You Find My Mom?
Most of the time people book a reading with a medium they have specific deceased people in mind that they’d like to connect with.  No medium in the world can guarantee that a specific spirit will come through during a reading.  A talented and skilled medium will probably be able to connect with someone on the other side, but it may not be who you were wanting or expecting.  This happens ALL the time! 

Some spirits do not have the energy to come through.  It requires an adjustment of their frequency/vibration to connect with a medium and some deceased people just haven’t mastered the art.  Stronger energies usually come through first.

Some spirits do not want to come through.  For reasons of their own, many spirits simply choose not to communicate with the ones left behind on earth.  Yes, even if you were your mom’s favorite, she may not come to you.   Sometimes spirits have totally disconnected with their earthly lives and are not interested in returning, even for a few minutes.  On the other hand, some spirits do hang around and are eager to communicate.  I recall doing a reading for a woman and as soon as I sat down to read for her I felt her father’s presence. He stated his name to me and she confirmed it.  Then she said, “He always comes through, for every psychic I go to, he comes through.”  This was a deceased spirit with a great ability to connect with mediums.

I personally have an easier time connecting with people who are recently deceased (because their energy lingers and they are tethered here by the grief of the living), people who died under mysterious circumstances, people who fell victim to murder or an accident, people who have taken their own lives, and people who have been dead a long time but are still very connected to the living or have unfinished business.

I have a harder time connecting with dear old grandma who died peacefully at age 98 in her sleep, more than 20 years ago.  It does happen, but it’s harder and more rare.

What Questions Can I Ask?
When I make contact with a deceased person they almost always start with the manner in which they died.  They either tell me or show me or I feel what they felt (more rare for me).  I recall during one reading I was seeing a guy and it was like my mental camera was panning up from his feet to his neck.  But when I got to his head area it was just blank.  I was frustrated and waited for the face to come through so I could describe the guy to my sitter.  But he just kept waving his hands at me.  Finally I told my sitter that I couldn’t see his face because from the neck up there was nothing.  She said, “That’s probably because he was decapitated in a car accident.”  Oh.  Yeah, I guess that would explain what he was trying to say to me!

After they show me their manner of death (if it’s important for them to show me, sometimes they don’t) then they usually come through with a message.  Usually they acknowledge something going on in your life and comment on it.  Sometimes they want you to get a message to someone else.  They’ll often tie up emotional loose ends as well, “Honey, I’m sorry we never got a chance to have children,” and the like.

So when is it your turn?  Uh, you may not get to ask them anything.  I’ve done readings where the deceased spirit will answer questions, but in most cases they won’t.  I don’t know if it’s because they’re forbidden to give out too much information, or they don’t have the knowledge you’re seeking, or they simply aren’t willing to answer questions.  Try not to be discouraged by this.  Sometimes I can get information from the spirit guides that I cannot get directly from the deceased.  Take the messages your deceased loved ones give you and be grateful for the contact.  Contact doesn’t happen every day.

But I Don’t Know This Guy
Sometimes a deceased person will come through and you don’t even know who they are, but you are in direct contact with someone they desperately want to get a message to.  During a reading I was doing for a young woman I got a deceased person who came through with a thick English accent.  She gave her first name and manner of death.  My sitter couldn’t place the woman’s identity.  Then the deceased woman said the name of the living person (her daughter) that she wanted to connect with.  That’s when my sitter put it all together.  She did indeed have a friend whose mom died in the same manner and with the same name as the deceased and lived in England.  She asked me why the woman came through during her reading since they are not related.  “So you can get her daughter the message that her mom is okay,” I replied.  Sometimes strong energies will hijack a reading if they can see an opportunity to pass on a message.  This woman’s daughter may never have sought out a medium on her own, but the deceased mom found a way to pass on her message.

If this happens during your reading, please try to pass the message on to the living.  It took a lot of energy to make the trip.  Honor that effort by passing on the message if you can.

What If No One Comes Through?
Don’t be distressed if your deceased loved ones don’t make it to your reading.  It doesn’t mean they’re lost, it doesn’t mean they’re in Hell, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you anymore.  Are you always home when someone is ringing your phone?  Sometimes I can get information about a dead person through your spirit guides and never have any direct contact with your dead loved one.  It’s like a double relay.  Either I’m not in a high enough vibration, or your loved one doesn’t know how to connect with me directly, so sometimes I’m talking to your guides who are talking to your aunt.

However, if your sole reason for signing up for a reading is to reach a specific deceased person, you may be wasting your time and money.  Remember there’s no guarantee of contact.  The psychic readings I do are often more helpful than connecting with the other side.  You get information about the path ahead of you, and my readings usually help people get back to living a life on purpose.  Spirit guides are easier for me to connect with, probably because they are way more skilled at connecting than your recently deceased Uncle Ralph who is still looking for his mouth.  So if no deceased people come through during your reading, don’t fret.  Talk to your guides instead.

Final Tidbits
You can tell me you want to connect with someone and wait to see if I can bring them through.  If you really want to find someone specific, it’s okay to tell me, “Is my mom there?” because that can help me connect, but don’t tell me her age, manner of death, or her name.  Sometimes I might need to ask you something for clarification.  You’ll be able to tell if it’s really your mom I’m bringing through.  There will either be some validation, or I’ll start speaking in her manner, or I’ll say something she used to say (word for word), etc.  Sometimes it’s obvious, “I’ve got a guy here named Joseph, says he’s your dad, showing me some prostate cancer (whoa!), and says he used to call you Iggy.”  And sometimes all I get is a special moment, “She says when you were four you knocked out your front tooth while ice skating.”   Sometimes they’ll acknowledge what they see, “She’s telling me you put purple carnations on her grave every Tuesday afternoon.”  I never know how the information is going to come through.  And I don’t always interpret what I see correctly, but eventually they make themselves clear.

And finally, I really appreciate communicating with the dead.  I know it’s often very emotional for my sitters, and I know sometimes sensitive information comes through.  So I’m very honored to be able to do this work.  Thank you for giving me the opportunities to improve on this gift.  I want to continue to improve my ability in this area to serve you better.

Share this article:


Get a reading with Erin


Improve your career, relationships, finances, health and more. Your spirit guides will help you get what you desire in life. Don’t wait, book a reading now!