Readers have requested hearing about some of the readings I’ve done over the years. Rather than share intimate details of a client’s reading, I’ve opened the blog up to those who wish to submit their own story. My goal with these is to help you see what can happen when you trust your guides and go with the flow. Enjoy!
Here is Sophia’s Story:
My first reading with Erin Pavlina really turned my life around.
I was in a dark, dark place at that time. I had gone down a negative spiral where every effort I had made to improve my life only made things worse. I had had a crisis, crashed, and then spent a very long time at my parents’ house in a funk, doing almost nothing while remaining completely alone and steeping in my own depression and self-loathing. This situation was at least not getting worse, but it wasn’t getting better either. I was stuck.
Erin’s reading helped me in many, many ways. First and foremost, the words and energy she transmitted gave me a sort of spiritual kick in the ass, making it clear that I had to leave my parents’ house (a truth I might have suspected but perhaps didn’t want to face up to) and giving me the confidence to act on that. She gave me this confidence by reminding me of who I was: I was a lightworker, and had come to this Earth with a mission to serve the evolution of society as a whole. I was a very positive soul, even if my exterior had become covered in spiritual “dirt.” Some part of me knew this already, and that part awoke as she spoke to it. Suddenly, I was acting from a new level of consciousness.
Aside from this, Erin told me quite a few other things which really resonated with me. I won’t list them all. It was a barrage of information, one that would take me a long, long time afterwards to fully unravel.
But one thing she said was: “It’s all about self love and self forgiveness. All of it.”
I dutifully wrote this down, but in that moment I felt doubtful. Most of the other things Erin had said were easy for me to confirm or had resonated with me in some way. This… didn’t resonate with me. As I reflected on this bit later, I sort of wondered if she had slipped up and added some of that meaningless fluff which you often get from less skilled psychics. I mean, anyone can benefit from self love, right? And what does self love even mean? Was I really not loving myself now? I tried to say “I love you” in the mirror. I just felt stupid.
That thought process was to take time though; more immediately after Erin’s reading, I rather unceremoniously ran away from my parents’ house. I started a new life in Barcelona, a city which was far enough away to provide a clean energetic break.
Not long after I arrived in Barcelona I decided to try an interesting lifestyle experiment: I was going to be homeless and walk a lesser-trafficked fork of the Way of Saint James. Just to see what that was like. I decided not to touch the money I had in my bank account and only use money I received as donations, as well as managing to find food for free.
Well, it sort of worked. I asked for food in shops, and got it. The kindness of some strangers provided me with enough money to buy a few necessities. I slept under the stars, in people’s houses, and in gas station restrooms.
The trouble was, it sucked. I was lonely, my back hurt from the excessive load I had decided to carry, and the path was boring and frustrating. I tried to like it, but if I was honest with myself (I wasn’t), I was suffering. At some point I got sick, and took a train back.
I was homeless for a bit longer back in Barcelona. I had somehow developed an external appearance which inspired random people to give me their pocket change without me asking. (This really happened). One day, I was sitting dejectedly in a park, and needed to blow my nose. I had a thought along the lines of, “Great, everything sucks and now I don’t even have something to blow my nose on.” At this moment, a piece of newspaper blew past, and I caught it. The first words my eyes landed on were a headline saying: “TODO LLEGA” (Everything comes, e.g. everything will come to you in due time).
I picked myself up a bit from that low point, but it’s fair to say my life didn’t get THAT much better for some years. I went from one place to another, never really sorting out a proper source of income or a stable place to live. At one time, I moved house about twelve times in a single year.
One day, I decided to try another lifestyle experiment, this time going without shoes. Apparently if you go without shoes for long enough you develop tough soles of the feet which allow you to walk comfortably on any surface.
Interesting, then, that I decided to spend hours and hours in a single day walking barefoot on tarmac. My feet hurt a lot. Eventually I ended up getting a piece of glass in my foot and had to get it removed by a doctor.
The strange thing is, at this point I had no idea I was doing something weird. All I thought to myself was, I was doing this lifestyle experiment. I didn’t think that it might have been some fault of my own that it messed up so badly.
Soon after, I had a reiki exchange with a friend. As he went into a trance, he channeled a message from my guides. “You really need to stop this attitude of self punishment”. These words confused me, but for the first time, the message struck me as somehow poignant. In the coming days, I started to wonder, had I been hurting myself on purpose by going barefoot?
It really took me a long, long time to realise I had been treating myself cruelly. To be exact: about six years since Erin’s reading. At five years after Erin’s reading I underwent a gender transition, which I like to think opened me up to the possibility of a better relationship with myself, and a better self understanding. At six years I gradually, through introspection, came to discover that some part of me was deliberately treating me cruelly, even if it was unconscious at the time. I slowly brought that all out into my conscious awareness, and as I did so, I learned to choose self love.
At the beginning of this year, the seventh year after Erin’s reading, I had a vision. It showed me that this was the year where things would finally start working for me. This was the year where I would finally stop having to struggle and fight all the time.
And, indeed, this turned out to be the year when I began to be able to feel self love on demand. I now simply take awareness of myself, my body, and my identity, and then say, “I love myself”. A warm feeling then spreads through me. I try to keep that going and live from that place as much as possible.
And interestingly, as I’ve done that, well… everything has gotten better. I’ve stopped doing weird lifestyle experiments that only seem to serve to make life hard for myself. I’ve also stopped more subtle self-punishing attitudes, such as whipping myself excessively to get myself to work, or neglecting my own needs excessively through sloth.
My depression and other negative states, including suicidality, seem to have greatly improved too. I discovered that depression is often a subtle way of saying “fuck you” to yourself; you hate yourself so much you won’t even get out of bed to do things to improve your life. As well as this, I found that it wasn’t possible for me to want to kill myself and love myself at the same time.
My love life has changed. I realised that previously I had been recklessly throwing myself into situations where I risked getting emotionally hurt, just because I didn’t care about myself. Now I’m more discerning and cautious and even feel able to just be alone if I don’t find something that’s a great fit for me.
My financial life has changed. I used to think I couldn’t get a job, because it was just not right for me… and as for why my little business plans were not working out, well, they just weren’t, right? Recently, though, my resistance to job searching melted away. I was ready to do whatever I needed to provide a decent life to myself, especially now, in a moment of rather more urgent need. Interestingly, I recently received what I’d basically call my dream occupation for the moment – a position running the kitchen of a start up restaurant with complete creative freedom. I had desired something like this for a long time and somehow it seems that as soon as I had become a vibrational match for it the Universe delivered it straight into my lap.
Over the years, particularly in the last two years, Erin’s words, “It’s all about self love. All of it,” echoed back to me again and again, and each time I heard a different nuance. Now, I’m really coming to see her prophecy come true. There are so many aspects of my life which I had sabotaged through unconscious self hate, and so many ways in which my life is becoming better now that the self hate is dissolving. Most of all, this harshness to life, this weight, this struggle that I’d carried with me for so, so long, that’s starting to break apart.
I’ve had lots of readings in my time (no doubt because Erin’s reading was my first ever and I had rather high expectations for psychics as a whole after that) but Erin’s was truly epic, and I mean that in the classical sense of the word. It got right to the core of my issues and resonated for years afterwards. I’m not really sure what to do with that, how to respond to someone who was key in basically giving me my whole life back, but I guess for now I’ll just keep trying to pay it forward. 🙂
Sophia Gubb blogs about spirituality, personal development, LGBT issues, and social justice. Her book, Stubborn Soul, is a raw account of her struggle to find herself in her childhood and teenage years. She lives in Berlin and is currently working as a vegan cook. Her blog is at SophiaGubb.com.