A reader wrote to me recently with this question: “Erin, my abusive father recently passed away and I have to admit that we never made peace with each other while he was alive. Now that he has passed, can he see all the pain and emotional misery he caused me in life? Does he care? Is he attempting any sort of apology and I just can’t see or hear him? Please help!”
Many years ago when I was first tapping into my mediumship skills I was at a party and one of my mother’s friends was there. This gal’s husband had passed about 2 years prior. The moment I laid eyes on her, the deceased husband came through to me.
He was speaking quickly, “Please tell her I’m so sorry for the way I treated her. I was unkind, I was abusive, and I sincerely regret those actions. She did not deserve to be treated that way. I need her to know how sorry I am for what I put her through.”
The information came in so clearly and with such urgency. I didn’t know this woman very well so I went up to my mother and told her I was getting a message for her friend and wanted to know if I should tell her.
My mother said, “I’m not sure she’s into this stuff. Let me make a casual inquiry first.”
So later that night after the party was over my mom called her friend and told her that I had a message for her from her deceased husband. Rather than be curious or interested in what he had to say, the friend said, “No, I don’t give a damn what that man wants to say to me. I never want to see or hear from him again, and I hope he’s rotting in hell. Don’t ever tell me your daughter has a message from him again.”
She was livid.
I was shocked.
In my naivety, I thought everyone would want to hear from their deceased relatives. Boy was I wrong, and I learned a valuable lesson from the experience.
I turned my mind’s attention to the man and said, “I’m sorry, she doesn’t want to hear the message and I can’t force it on her.”
His energy was sad but accepting. I felt sorry for him. Even though he was apparently quite the bastard in life, I also knew that he sincerely regretted his actions and wanted her to know he was sorry.
Since then, in countless readings that I’ve done, I can tell you that the dead frequently come back with a message of apology. During their life review they can see and feel how they affected people in life, with an insight unavailable to them in physical life.
So I’ve transmitted many apologies and requests for forgiveness from the other side.
I’m not saying that every soul feels a strong desire to offer apologies to the living, but I do know it happens and there is always sincerity behind the request.
I will anticipate two questions stemming from this article and answer them now.
First, does a soul need the forgiveness in order to move on? No, souls move on regardless of what they’ve done in life, but some do desire to apologize to close the loop.
Second, what happens when you are both crossed over? Do you see your abuser? The answer is that you don’t have to, but you will likely want to, because when you cross over you’re going to slough off the character you’ve played in this life and realize the other person was also playing their character and that you two are actually both really loving beings.
You will see when you get there. I don’t expect that to feel correct while you are alive and possibly seething over their treatment of you, but your perspective will shift massively when you remember who you really are.
So yes, the dead apologize for hurting the living. It’s up to the living to decide whether they accept that apology or not.