In my intuitive counseling sessions, I’ve watched countless people wrestle with regret. I’ve struggled with it myself after choices that didn’t turn out the way I hoped. Some experiences I’ve been able to put behind me relatively quickly, while others still pull at me on occasion.
Regret can feel like an anchor tied to your heart, pulling you back into moments you can’t change. You replay choices you made, things you said, or opportunities you let slip away, and the pain can be relentless.
Yet living in regret robs you of the present and clouds the future. It’s like trying to drive forward while staring into the rearview mirror. There’s a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror: life invites you to look ahead more than you look back.
The good news is that you can release yourself from the grip of regret and step into a life that feels lighter, freer, and more purposeful. These ten approaches will help you let go of the past and reclaim your power in the present.
1. Acknowledge What Happened
The first step to moving on is to face your regret honestly. Instead of avoiding it or pretending it doesn’t exist, allow yourself to fully acknowledge what happened and how it made you feel. Denial keeps you stuck, while acceptance gives you a starting point for healing.
Journaling can help. Write down the details of what happened, what you feel about it, and why you wish it had been different. Putting your thoughts on paper can transform vague unease into something concrete you can work with.
2. Accept Your Humanity
Every person makes mistakes, big and small. Perfection isn’t possible, but growth is. When you recognize that your missteps are part of being human, you stop punishing yourself and begin seeing your experience as an opportunity to learn and evolve.
Think of a child learning to walk—falling isn’t failure, it’s part of the process. In the same way, your “falls” are part of learning how to live, love, and navigate the complexities of being human.
3. Identify the Lesson
Regret often carries an important message. Ask yourself what this experience taught you about your values, your boundaries, or your needs. Turning regret into insight reframes your past as a teacher rather than a tormentor.
For instance, a relationship that ended badly might teach you the importance of clearer communication, stronger self-respect, or more patience. When you can articulate the lesson, you transform pain into wisdom you’ll carry forward.
4. Make Amends When Possible
Sometimes regret lingers because of unresolved guilt. If your actions hurt someone, a sincere apology or gesture of reconciliation can help both you and the other person heal. Even if direct amends aren’t possible—because the person is no longer in your life or contact would be harmful—you can still honor the lesson by committing to behave differently going forward. Write a letter you never send, donate to a cause related to the harm done, or practice small acts of kindness to balance the scales inside you.
5. Practice Self-Forgiveness
Forgiving yourself can feel harder than forgiving others, but it is essential. Remind yourself that you did the best you could with the knowledge and emotional tools you had at the time. Speaking to yourself with compassion instead of criticism gradually releases the grip of regret. You might say aloud, “I forgive myself for not knowing then what I know now.” This kind of self-directed affirmation creates an inner environment where healing becomes possible.
6. Reframe the Narrative
The story you tell yourself about your past shapes how you feel about it. Instead of framing your choices as proof of failure, view them as stepping stones toward growth. Rewriting your internal narrative empowers you to see strength rather than shame in your history.
Imagine your life as a novel: the most beloved heroes are not flawless—they’re tested, they stumble, and they grow. You are no different. By changing the lens through which you view your past, you change how it lives inside you.
When you shift your inner story, you shift your vibration, and this allows your spirit guides to reach you at a higher level of awareness, and give you guidance towards a better future.
7. Focus on the Present Moment
Regret pulls you backward, but the present is where your power lies. Engage in activities that ground you in the here and now, such as mindful breathing, meditation, or journaling about gratitude.
When you actively notice what is good in your current life, you starve regret of its energy. If your mind wanders to the past, gently bring it back with a question like, “What can I do right now to feel at peace?” Over time, your mental muscles for staying present will grow stronger.
8. Set New Goals
When you’re caught in regret, you may feel as though the best part of your life is behind you. Setting fresh goals shifts your attention forward. Whether it’s learning a skill, building a relationship, or making a career change, working toward something new helps you see that your future is still open and full of possibilities.
Start small if you need to: a weekly art class, a new fitness habit, or reconnecting with an old friend. These steps remind you that life keeps expanding as long as you keep moving.
9. Seek Support
Letting go of regret can be challenging to do alone. Trusted friends, mentors, or therapists can offer perspective, guidance, and empathy. Sharing your story and receiving support can help you move past shame and feel understood, which in turn makes it easier to heal.
If your regrets feel overwhelming, consider joining a support group or seeing a counselor who specializes in self-esteem or life transitions. External voices of compassion often help us develop our own internal voice of compassion.
10. Create a Daily Practice of Self-Compassion
Lasting change comes from consistent effort. Develop a small daily practice that nurtures self-compassion—writing affirmations, visualizing yourself as healed, or simply placing a hand on your heart and offering yourself kind words.
Over time, these gentle actions retrain your mind to release regret and embrace peace. Consistency matters more than intensity: even two minutes each morning of self-compassionate focus can gradually shift your relationship with the past.
Bringing It All Together
Regret is a universal experience, but it doesn’t have to define your life. By acknowledging what happened, learning from it, forgiving yourself, and focusing on the present, you reclaim your power and open the door to new opportunities. Each day you choose compassion over self-criticism, you loosen the past’s hold on you and create a future filled with growth, freedom, and peace.
