I was doing a reading recently with a client who had lost a member of her extended family. She told me that over the past seven years she had lost six loved ones, and sometimes the grief felt overwhelming.
She wanted to know how to manage those intense waves of loss when they came over her, explaining that they often hit right as she was lying down to sleep, keeping her awake for hours.
Her guides offered her some beautiful advice that I absolutely loved, and I want to share it with you in case you ever find yourself facing similar feelings of grief.
They told her to begin by making a list of all the people she had lost during her lifetime. Then they suggested she acquire a small candle for each person. A votive candle would work perfectly, though she could certainly choose something larger if she preferred.
When she was alone and knew she would not be interrupted, she was to light a candle for the first person on her list, look into the flame, and talk about that person. She could speak about what they meant to her, recall a favorite memory, or simply reflect on the love and connection they shared.
Then she would light the next candle for the next person on her list and repeat the ritual.
Once all the candles were lit and she had communed with her loved ones, she could wish them well on the other side and gently blow out the candles.
This ritual allowed her to consciously grieve and honor her loved ones at a time of her own choosing, instead of being flooded by emotions right before bed.
She loved the idea and decided to try it. Here is what she sent me afterward:
“Just making a list of the people I’ve lost felt like I was reconnecting with them. I got the candles and put on some relaxation music in the background. I turned the lights down low and started the process. It was transformative. Reliving memories, thanking them for what they brought into my life, and reassuring them and myself that we would see each other again felt incredibly powerful and uplifting. I’m going to do this again anytime I feel overwhelmed by my grief. Please thank my guides for this amazing idea.”
If you don’t want to use candles, you could adapt the ritual. For example, you might get some polished river rocks from a craft store and write each loved one’s name on a rock, placing them in front of you as you move through the exercise.
Or you could choose a crystal for each person and set them out one at a time. You might even place an item that belonged to them in front of you instead.
Play music if you like. Light some incense. Sit on a pillow and arrange the items on your coffee table. Make the ritual your own, something personal and meaningful.
Grief is simply love that no longer has a physical place to go. Honoring it consciously is a beautiful way to reconnect with those who have passed and to remind yourself that they are only a thought away.
