Often my readers ask me how they can connect to their deceased loved ones when they’re not a medium. They want to know if there is something they can do to feel their loved one’s presence or make some kind of connection without having the ability to see, hear, or communicate with spirits the way a medium does.
As a medium, I connect with deceased loved ones regularly, including my own. I can tune in to one of my deceased loved ones and bring them to me for a conversation, much like I would have a discussion with my spirit guides. Because I’ve been doing this for so long, I never really thought about other ways I might connect with them.
But recently, I discovered something interesting.
When I lay down to sleep at night, sometimes I’ll choose one deceased loved one I want to connect with. Instead of tuning in to them psychically or asking them to come to me, I just start talking to them in my mind. More specifically, I start sharing memories with them.
For example, my friend Pam is on the other side. One night I started thinking, “Hey Pam, remember the time we did a Star Trek skit in Toastmasters and you dressed up in a proper Star Trek uniform? That was awesome. I appreciate that you went the extra mile there.”
Then I thought of another memory.
“And remember the time at the Amargosa Hotel when we were ghost hunting and in the middle of the night you were shuffling back to your bed, inch by inch in the dark, after leaving the bathroom? I thought you were going to kill me! But later you told me you just couldn’t see and didn’t want to bang your toes on the furniture.”
As I continued sharing memories with Pam, something happened. I could feel her presence getting closer. I could feel the connection between us becoming stronger.
That’s when it occurred to me that this was something anyone could do. You don’t have to be a medium to reminisce with someone you love.
I realized that sharing memories with your deceased loved ones is a little like making a phone call to the other side. When you start deliberately remembering experiences you shared together, they become aware that you’re thinking about them and can attune to you.
A lot of people try to connect with their deceased loved ones by calling their name.
“Mom, are you there?”
“Dad, can you hear me?”
“I miss you so much. I wish you were here.”
There’s certainly nothing wrong with doing that. But what I discovered is that instead of calling out into the ether and hoping they hear you, try talking to them as though they are already sitting right there with you.
Tell them a story.
“Remember when we took that trip and everything went wrong, but we laughed about it for years afterward?”
“Remember that ridiculous thing you used to say every Thanksgiving?”
“Remember when you helped me through that awful time in my life? I don’t know if I ever told you how much that meant to me.”
The memories don’t have to be profound or spiritual. In fact, some of the best ones might be funny, silly, mundane, or uniquely meaningful to the two of you. Those memories belong to your relationship. They contain the experiences, emotions, and love you shared while you were here together.
And as you mentally share those memories, don’t strain to see or hear anything. Don’t turn it into a test.
You don’t need to think, “Okay, I told the story. Are you here now? Give me a sign.”
Just keep reminiscing.
Think of another memory and tell them about it. Then another. Talk to them the way you would if the two of you were sitting together looking through an old photo album.
You may begin to feel something. Perhaps you’ll suddenly feel peaceful. You may feel warmth, tingling, emotion, or just a subtle sense that they are near you. You might even find yourself remembering something you haven’t thought about in years.
And if you don’t feel anything, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that your loved one didn’t hear you. Remember, the whole point of this technique is that you don’t need to be a medium. You’re creating a point of connection and allowing whatever happens next to unfold naturally.
I like to do this when I’m lying in bed because my mind is quiet, I’m relaxed, and there are fewer distractions. I also choose just one deceased loved one each night rather than trying to connect with several people at once.
There may be another benefit to doing this at bedtime too.
You’ve just spent several minutes thinking about this person, remembering your experiences together, feeling the emotions associated with them, and essentially inviting their energy into your space. Don’t be surprised if they visit you in a dream.
So if you’d like to try this yourself, here are the steps:
- Choose one deceased loved one you’d like to connect with.
- Get comfortable somewhere quiet. Bedtime is ideal, but you can do this anytime.
- Instead of asking whether they’re there, begin talking to them as though they already are.
- Bring up a specific memory you shared together and mentally tell them the story.
- Continue with other memories, especially ones that carry strong emotion, humor, love, or meaning for you.
- Don’t strain to receive a response or demand a sign. Just enjoy reminiscing with them.
- Pay attention to any subtle change in how you feel or any sense of their presence.
- If you do this before sleep, remain open to the possibility that they may connect with you through a dream.
Try it for several nights, perhaps choosing a different loved one each night, and see what happens.
Death changes the way we communicate with the people we love, but it doesn’t end our relationship with them. The people you love on the other side still know you, still remember the life you shared, and still desire connection with you just as much as you desire connection with them.
You may not be able to pick up a phone and hear their voice anymore, but you can still reach for them.
Sometimes all you have to do is remember.
