How To Be Honest All The Time
April 6th, 2006 by Erin Pavlina
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When I was in grade school I really enjoyed lying. Not the white lies you tell your mom when you ate cookies that you weren’t supposed to. I’m talking about the elaborate lies you tell friends to make yourself appear to be better than you are. I remember convincing my friends in 3rd grade that my father was the President of Coca Cola. I remember convincing my friends in 5th grade that I had gone deaf in one ear. That was a lot of fun. As I got older, my lying continued. I enjoyed people’s reactions to my seemingly amazing life. When I was 15 that all changed. I met someone I really looked up to (he was 17). He became a mentor for me as I began my foray into the astral world. He’s the one who helped me raise my vibration so the “ookie spookies” wouldn’t bother me. He’s the one who put me on the path of honesty and integrity. And he did it by hurting me so badly that I changed instantly. Here’s what happened.
In my usual fashion, I told him lies just like I had been telling other people. I made up elaborate stories to get him to be more interested in me because I wasn’t sure the truth would be enough to make him want to continue working with me. But he knew me so well, probably better than I knew myself. One day he told me, “I can’t talk to you on the phone anymore because I can’t see your eyes and so I’m not sure when you’re lying to me.” That really shocked me. One, because I didn’t know he knew I had been lying to him sometimes, and two, because he was willing to end our friendship over those lies. I vowed in that moment that I would never lie to him again. It was a hard transition for me to make because I was used to exaggerating stories and experiences to get attention. But for him, and for his wise counsel, I made a pact with myself never to tell even one single white lie to him again. In time, his trust in me was rebuilt and we enjoyed a great friendship and relationship.
That’s how I learned the value of honesty. I decided that I would honor the truth. I decided that the truth was powerful and strong, and that lies merely created a false foundation that could crumble at the slightest poking. I realized that I felt more powerful when I told the truth. I felt like I was helping to build reality instead of creating a false Matrix-like reality. As Merlin said in the movie, Excalibur, to Arthur, “When a man lies, he murders some part of the world.” It’s true. Every lie you tell alters the universe and makes it unreal.
In my 20’s, I had a friend who was a pathological liar. Her life was based on lies and the elaborateness of her lies would put my early days to shame. We discussed honesty a lot, and I told her that I couldn’t trust that she was telling me the truth since she told me so often of the lies she was telling other people. In a way, I did to her what my mentor did to me. I told her that I couldn’t be her friend unless I knew I could trust her. She asked me how to be honest all the time. My answer was simple:
Never do something you will have to lie about later. If you have to lie about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.
After all, if you feel good about what you’re doing, why would you lie about it? Don’t we lie when we are ashamed of who we are or what we’ve done?
Make your life something you don’t need to lie about. Value truth and honesty. Decide from this day forward that you will be completely honest and truthful in all your dealings (with others and yourself). Imagine what our world would be like if no one lied. Help create that world by honoring the truth.
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April 6th, 2006 at 5:52 pm
Thank you for writing on this topic. I know someone who lies a lot and considers herself my friend, but I can’t stand her because I don’t know if I can trust her ever. Once I tried to talk to her about it, but since then the dialogue has been closed. In any case, next time maybe I should tell her what you told your friend. Or at least I’ll remember it.
April 6th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
“Imagine what our world would be like if no one lied. Help create that world by honoring the truth.”
or as Gandhi put it:
“You should be the change that you want to see in the world.”
April 7th, 2006 at 6:22 am
Wow! I was contemplating this Erin, but I reckon sometime you have to lie. If only to protect a loved one because some poeple can’t handle the truth. it upsets me. But is it true
April 7th, 2006 at 10:05 am
Lying to people you love to protect them from being unable to handle the truth does not serve them, it delays their personal development. But you bring up a good point and I will be blogging about this soon.
July 19th, 2006 at 9:57 pm
I would think in matters of self-protection (where your survival is at stake), say if you’re a North Korean trying to escape a concentration camp, lying is quite useful.
It is also useful for finding out things about people. (You pretend you agree with them about something, and they reveal their true colors to you.) Though it sounds devious, this can be used to find out TRUTH.
July 21st, 2006 at 2:08 am
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September 1st, 2006 at 4:29 pm
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October 17th, 2006 at 5:02 pm
but what if you do something in the spur of the moment, that you know later was wrong, and then you have to lie about it later. o help!
January 13th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
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April 13th, 2009 at 8:08 am
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