Who are they? Why are they there? And is there any way to know when one is around?

I’m talking about an array of beings on the other side, connected to you with bonds of love and emotion that are strong, caring and supportive. Angels. Spirit guides. Deceased loved ones. They’re all there.

I see angels around people who are going through a particularly rough time physically or emotionally. During readings if I see an angel around my client I know they have gone through a devastation or are even suicidal. Often the client has lost a child or a loved one recently. The angels are there to hold you when you feel like falling and giving up. You may not see or feel them, but they are there. They are the most powerful beings I see around people and they radiate pure love. It’s beautiful.

Your spirit guides are always with you. They are there guiding, nudging, and supporting you in life. While not as powerful as angels, your guides never leave your side, whereas I tend to only see angels when my client is going through devastation.

Your guides are broadcasting wisdom, support, insights, and directions to help you navigate the maze of your life. If you can get to the point where you can communicate with them, you will be able to receive their wisdom all the time.

When you are going through a rough time, your guides kick into high gear to try to bring solace, comfort, and change to your life. So where an angel is holding your energy to keep you from falling off the ledge, the guides are out there trying to find you the softest place to land.

Now what about your deceased loved ones who have crossed over? The people who loved you in life often stick around and hover a bit, especially when you’re going through a tough time. Not all spirits do this, but some do stay connected to those they left behind, offering a supportive thought, a virtual hug, and sometimes warnings and advice.

I had an interesting experience with this recently myself. I received some bad news and was feeling very sad. That night my deceased friend, Pam, who died in 2011, came to me in a dream. I’ve only seen her in my dreams maybe half a dozen times since she died, but there she was. In the dream we talked about the news I’d received, but then she showed me every time over the past year that she had been by my side. It was awesome. It was one scene after another where she showed me how she was holding me, comforting me, and trying to tell me everything would be okay. Although I have felt her energy around me many times in the past year, I’m not sure I noticed each and every time she came to me with supportive energy.

The next time you’re going through an emotional crisis or suffering physically, open your senses and try to detect the energies offering you comfort. They are right there, standing next to you, arms open, ready to catch you, hold you, and comfort you. You’re never truly alone. Even when you can’t see them, there are helpers nearby offering you support.

Let their love comfort you when you need it. Let it fill you with hope. Let it guide you to a more positive outcome. Thank these helpers for being with you, and feel their energy. Send them gratitude and their energy will expand. Work together when you can, and let them completely support you when you’ve got nothing left. You’re in good hands.

Answer: Having recently gone through the death of a very close friend, I can really sympathize and understand why having communication with a deceased loved one suddenly becomes a matter of great urgency.

I believe that most deceased people are trying to visit the loved ones they left behind. Sometimes they are literally standing right next to you and you can’t detect them. It’s frustrating for the dead to be so close and yet so far.

So I would say your mother is already visiting you, you’re just not detecting her. To improve your ability to detect a deceased presence, you can try one or all of these ideas.

1. Pay attention to dreams. Deceased people love to come through in dreams because your barriers are down and you’re more likely to let them in. If you can lucid dream, try connecting with them there.

2. Meditate. Meditation will help you raise your vibration which is like meeting them halfway. You’ll be more likely to detect the presence of a deceased person if your vibration is as high as possible. I’ve got a nifty meditation you can use to connect with a deceased loved on in my audio program Raising Your Vibration.

3. Channel. Sit quietly in their old bedroom, hold an object of theirs that is energetically charged. Clear your mind and focus on their energy. Daydream about them. After a few minutes you may feel their presence, or smell their favorite perfume, or hear them talking to you in your mind, or see them with your mind’s eye. Let it come. Don’t chase it.

4. Be patient. Sometimes your grief acts as a barrier for contact. So it may just be a little while until they can get through to you. Be patient but know they are there. Even famous mediums sometimes wait months or years to get contact. It took me 3-4 months before I heard from a deceased ex-boyfriend.

5. Talk to a medium. I recommend waiting at least 6 weeks before talking to a medium. But if you get a good one, it can be extremely comforting to hear from your deceased loved one so that you know they made it safely to the other side.

6. Ask others. Often it’s other people that end up getting communication from the other side even if they weren’t as energetically connected to them as you were. So ask your friends and family if they are getting communication. Even if you long for contact yourself, it should still be comforting to hear from others that your loved one is okay and still thinking about you.

P.S. Read my ebook, The Other Side, for tons of information about what happens when we die.

Answer: Sometimes a dream is just a dream and sometimes dreaming of a deceased loved one is actual communication. There are three ways to tell if it’s a real visitation.

The deceased person appears in front of you or you pick up a ringing phone and they are on the line. If instead you’re dreaming they are surfing or in chemistry class with you, probably just a dream. When dead people want to communicate, they forgo the frippery of dream symbolism and just appear to talk.

You realize during the dream that you are dreaming AND that the person in front of you is dead. If you find yourself saying, “Wait aren’t you dead?” it’s probably a true visitation. If instead you’re in chemistry class with them and you’re arguing over a test, it’s probably a dream.

The dream feels intensely lucid, real, and you have conscious thought while you are talking to them. When you wake up if you swear they were really there and that you were really talking to them, it was probably a visitation. If you’re able to direct questions to them and have real conversations about current events in your life, it’s probably a visitation. If instead you wake up and remember you were dreaming about them in chemistry class and thought it was neat what they did to that beaker, probably a dream.

Bottom line, if it feels like you’re really talking to them, if it feels like they’re really there, and if you remember they are dead during the dream, it’s most likely a visitation.

When tragic deaths occur sometimes people want to consult a medium right away.  They want answers and comfort.  They want to know if the deceased made it to the other side or if they are stuck in limbo.  Sometimes they want details of a murder so they can find the perpetrator.  Sometimes they simply want to know why.

But should you consult a medium in the early days following your loved one’s death?

No, it’s not a good idea.  Here’s why:

Grief is a barrier to connection
When I read for people who are deeply in the throes of grief their sadness affects my ability to tune in.  When I open up to spirit I am also opening up to my client.  Because of my empathy, I feel the emotional pain of my client deeply.  To connect with a deceased person I have to stay objective and neutral.  So I have to tune out my client’s grief which means I’m closing a channel that could otherwise be useful to me in creating a strong connection with the deceased loved one.  It affects the strength of the connection.  I can still do it, but not as easily or well.

The deceased need time to learn how to connect with a medium
If you were suddenly thrown into a country where you didn’t speak the language, how long would it take you to be able to communicate effectively with the people around you?  When someone crosses over they are not automatically able to connect with a human medium to send messages to their loved ones.  They have to learn how to do it.  Every medium works slightly differently, so the deceased person has to figure out what frequency the medium is on and match it.  Mediums use clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience and claircognizance to connect with those on the other side.  A deceased person sometimes comes to me in images, or talks to me in my head, or makes me feel what they felt when they died.  There are many variables which have to line up for me to make a connection, and working with newly deceased energy is like talking to a newborn.

The deceased may not be ready to talk
I know you want to hear from your loved ones immediately, but they may not be ready to talk.  There’s a lot going on for them.  They might still be processing their own death and may not even be aware that someone is trying to communicate with them.  They sometimes need to get situated, work out some karma, find their way “home” before they can relax and consider the needs of those they left behind.  Be patient.  Sometimes another deceased relative will speak on behalf of the new arrival.  Be open to whoever wants to come through with information.

Answers may not be available
You want answers.  You want to know why your loved one was taken from you or why they chose to leave so soon or so suddenly.  Sometimes answers are forthcoming and sometimes they’re not.  Sometimes it’s not for you to know why, in the grand scheme, a person left this incarnation.  Perhaps you’ll never know, or perhaps you’ll see why later.  Sometimes it’s part of a major growth experience for you, and giving you answers without you searching for them robs you of that growth experience.  If deceased loved ones could tell us everything there was to know about life and death there would be a lot of lottery-winning psychics on Earth right now!  We may not be privy to the reasons why.  Trust in the universe, and know that you will someday reunite with your loved one on the other side and know for sure what happened.

So when SHOULD you consult a medium?
You should consult a medium when your grief is under control and not raw.  Usually three months is the minimum amount of time you should wait after someone has died before consulting a medium.  Longer if you’re still grieving really hard.  It’s not that you have you wait until you no longer care about your deceased loved one, it’s that you need to be strong and open, and not falling down under the weight of grief.  You want to lend the medium your strength, not ask her to hold you up while also dialing the other side. 

Will the deceased send signs or signals when they are ready to communicate?
Yes.  If a deceased person is interested in communicating with the living, they can learn how.  Knocking down photos, sending a scent into the air, stopping your clocks or your electronics, coming to you in dreams, coming to others in dreams to get a message to YOU, leaving coins in odd places, putting “their” song on the radio when you’re thinking about them, and cold breezes are just a few of the ways the dead will try to communicate with you.  Be on the lookout and pay attention.  When you start getting signs, it’s a good bet a medium will be able to reach the deceased person.

Will the deceased name their killers or provide other useful information regarding their death and/or life?
Yes absolutely.  I’ve done readings where dead people name their killer, describe details of their accident for investigative purposes, and even mention where to find the will or important papers.  Doesn’t happen all the time.  I can’t force information out of the dead.  I can only pass on what they’re willing to give.  Sometimes a deceased person will go on and on about one of their kids and not the other.  Doesn’t mean they loved them any less; could simply mean one of the kids is in a more emergent situation than the other.  The dead have a perspective that is very different from our own.  We can’t really understand why some information is shareable and other information must remain secret.  When you get to the other side, take it up with them.

To summarize, consulting a medium should be done only if you need closure and certainty.  Having validating evidence come through is extremely comforting to the living.  But wait a bit for things to settle down, for you to get through the intense grief, and for your loved ones to learn how to communicate with the medium.  Your loved ones are in good hands on the other side.  Don’t worry about them.