Recently I happened upon a video where someone interviewed people and asked them, “What has someone said to you that hurt you terribly, and how did that impact your life?”
As people shared what they remembered, you could see their entire energy change. They went from happy go lucky, walking down the street, having a good day, to pained, tortured expressions of grief.
One young man said, “One day my father told me he was ashamed to have me as a son. I never forgot that he said that and I feel I have been trying to win his approval ever since that day.”
A woman in her forties replied, “A stranger on the subway told me I was ugly. I never looked at myself in the mirror the same way again.”
A young woman replied, “A guy I was dating told me that no one would ever love me. I think about it often, and I have not had a boyfriend since he said that to me.”
A young man replied, “Someone in my school called me a faggot and said I should die. I’ve never really gotten over this feeling of shame for being gay and I try to hide it from others.”
Another woman said, “My mom told me she wished I was never born, that I was a burden on her. I’ve spent my whole life trying not to be a burden on others, and trying to make their lives great, while ignoring my own needs because I felt like I had to make up for being a waste of space.”
In every instance, the respondents shed tears, so deep was the wound. In many cases the wounding happened many years prior, but they still carried that wound, open and raw.
Most of us have probably had someone say something cruel to us. Maybe it was in the heat of the moment. Maybe it came from their own insecurity and they felt they had to attack someone else.
But look at how words can affect someone’s trajectory. Have words affected YOUR trajectory?
Think back over your life to a time someone said something cruel to you. How did it affect you then, and where did that take you after? Did you change your behavior to get approval? Did you hide something about yourself due to shame? Did you stop living life on your own terms because someone derailed your confidence or self-esteem?
Part of what I do with my clients is help them process these wounds so they can release trauma that is being carried unnecessarily. This helps them get back to living the life their higher self intended. Do you really want someone’s careless words to change your entire course in life?
You can release these anchors and leave them behind, stepping away from the hurt and back into power.
Have you ever said something to someone that was cruel? You may have altered their intended course with those words. If you are brave enough to do so, consider reaching out to those people to apologize for what you said. “I’m sorry I said that to you, I had no right. I was angry (frustrated, upset, scared, etc) and I wanted you to feel the same pain I was feeling. But what I said to you was not true, and I am sorry if it impacted your life negatively. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I sincerely regret the words I said to you that day.”
Even the smallest phrase said in the heat of the moment can have a large impact on someone.
“You’re so stupid!”
“Why do you even bother putting on make-up, it’s not going to make you beautiful.”
“No one is ever going to love you; you are not worthy of love.”
“The world would be a better place without you in it.”
Words are so powerful when we accept them into our being. Kind words, spoken in love, can have a positive impact on someone, but negative energy cast at someone can have a deleterious effect on someone for their entire life time.
Before you speak, ask yourself if you are about to do damage to someone’s soul. Resist the urge to inflict that kind of harm. Sometimes it is irreversible.
Be the cause of someone’s joy, not their pain.