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How to Create Your Soul Mate

There are so many articles online about how to find your soul mate.

If you’ve been reading my articles for a while you’ll know that I don’t believe in soul mates in the traditional sense. I don’t believe there is only one person out there that you are destined to be with for the rest of your life. It’s preposterous really. What if you and your “one and only” never meet? What if you think you’ve met your soul mate and then he later turns out to be abusive? Are you supposed to stay with him because it’s some divine order? What if your soul mate dies at a young age? Are you supposed to be alone the rest of your life?

Contracts Before We Incarnate

Now, with that said, I do believe that we sometimes make contracts before we incarnate so that certain people will come into our lives to assist, support, and love us, but they don’t have to be a significant other, a partner, a spouse, or lover. They could be a friend, co-worker, child, sister-in-law, etc.

And I also believe that while our spirit guides nudge those people towards our lives, there is still no guarantee that a connection will actually be made.

When we incarnate we are gifted with free will. This means our decisions and actions are not predestined but rather the result of our thoughts and the actions we take. Basically, you can do whatever you want, but you have to accept the consequences of your actions. Likewise, you are free to choose a partner who resonates with your current desires. You are free to attract into your life exactly what you want. So I say, you can “create” your soul mate; you can target what you want and go get it.

If you want to attract love into your life, here are my steps for creating the soul mate you desire right now.

Read: The Definitive Guide to Soul Mates and Attracting a Great Relationship

Figure out who you are

Knowing yourself is the first step towards knowing what you want in a partner. What is your love strategy? How do you like to be loved? Do you like to travel, or are you a homebody? Do you like to go out on weekends and party, or do you like to snuggle up and watch a movie? Are you honest, kind, compassionate, considerate, and caring? Or are you rugged and ruthless? Are you dominant or submissive or both? Are you passionate and highly sexual or can you go a month without sex? Do you want children?

If you don’t know who you are, you won’t know if the person you attract will be a good fit for you. Get to know yourself. Think of yourself as a puzzle piece. It’s not enough to just go out and find a puzzle piece that looks good, you also want to make sure it’s going to fit your piece as well.

Figure out what you want

Once you know who you are, it’s time to decide what you want. Make a list of the most important attributes, character qualities, and personality traits you’d like in a partner.


  • Honesty
  • Integrity
  • Wealth
  • Compassion
  • Passion
  • Kindness

Also make a list of lifestyle attributes that are important to you.


  • It would be great if he ran his own business or had the flexibility to set his own schedule because I love to travel.
  • It would be great if she loved to cook healthy food because health is important to me.
  • She has to be neat and tidy.
  • He must want children because I do.
  • He should be reasonably healthy for his age.
  • Must love animals, especially my 4 cats
  • She must be financially responsible and not have a ton of debt

Keep making lists of what’s important to you. You have to know what your deal breakers are. Usually money, sex, religion, and politics are areas where people must have compatibility. But then there are personal items that are important to you that you have to take into account.

For example, while I was married to Steve I couldn’t have a cat because Steve’s highly allergic. After we separated I got a cat because I’ve wanted one for decades. Any new guy I bring into my life must be able to tolerate my cat because she isn’t going anywhere. 😉

Dream this person into reality

Become a vibrational match for attracting this person into your life. Read my article, How To Become a Vibrational Match for Your Desires for more advice on how to do this.

Figure out where that person is

Once you know who you are and what you want, and you’ve become a vibrational match for attracting your soul mate, it’s time to take action. Think. Where is this person right now? Could he be attending a personal growth conference? Is he maybe in the local hiking meet up group? Is she volunteering at an animal shelter? Is she taking a vegan cooking class? Is she working at an investment firm? Is he out at the dog park playing Frisbee with Fido? Is she at the Red Cross volunteering her time? The person you’ve “created” has a life. Figure out what they’re likely to be doing during the day or on evenings and weekends. Make a list of where this person likely goes. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but you can jot down some ideas.

Go find him/her

Now’s the time to start stalking, er I mean taking action! If you love hiking, join a hiking meet up and start meeting other people who like to hike. If you are insane about your dog, start going to the dog park every weekend and see who else is out there. If you’re really into personal growth, start posting in some online forums or going to conferences. You may find your soul mate on the internet, it does happen, but there’s something to be said for going out and living your life and finding other people who intersect with your hobbies and passions naturally.

Stay until you no longer resonate

So you’ve found a partner and you’re happily and merrily in love. Congratulations! Enjoy the relationship. But stay true to yourself. If you find that you and your partner start drifting apart on the things that matter to you most, you may need to let go with love. You don’t want to be more committed to a relationship than you are to yourself and your own happiness. How many people do we know who give their marriage more power than their own happiness? It’s not a failure to grow and change in different ways than your partner. If the time ever comes where you no longer resonate with your partner, chances are good that she doesn’t resonate with you anymore either, and you’re clinging to a commitment that is no longer serving either of you. Let go without anger.

Rinse and repeat

And start again. Figure out who you are now, figure out what you want now, and go get it!

Ready to manifest your ideal partner? Book an intuitive reading with Erin for personalized guidance on attracting love aligned with your desires.

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