I read for a lot of people who find themselves so overwhelmed with life and in so much physical or emotional pain, that they can’t see how life could get better. I am honored and humbled to help them see a path to a better future.
Today I want to talk about how to regain your strength so you can get past the pain and overwhelm and start walking a path that is joyful for you. If you think one of your friends or family members could benefit from this article please feel free to share it with them.
Sometimes life delivers one difficult experience after another until you reach a point where you feel as though you just can’t take any more.
Maybe you’re dealing with the loss of someone you love, a painful relationship, a serious illness, financial problems, family conflict, loneliness, or several of these things at the same time. You have tried to stay positive. You have tried to solve the problems. You have tried to be strong for everyone around you.
But eventually, you run out of strength.
When you reach that point, your mind may begin telling you that nothing is ever going to change. You may feel trapped inside circumstances you can’t fix, carrying pain you can’t escape. You may even begin to wonder whether life is worth living.
If you’re feeling this way, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’ve been carrying more than you can manage by yourself. You don’t need to find enough strength to fix your entire life today. You only need enough strength to take the next step.
Here are some things you can do when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope.
Stop Trying to Solve Everything at Once
When you’re overwhelmed, your mind tends to gather every problem you’ve ever experienced and place them all in front of you at the same time.
You aren’t only thinking about what happened today. You’re thinking about everything that went wrong last year, everything that could go wrong next year, every person who disappointed you, and every problem you still don’t know how to solve.
No one can carry all of that at once.
Tell yourself, “I don’t have to solve my entire life today. I only have to get through this day. If that feels like too much, I only have to get through this hour.”
You can make decisions about tomorrow when tomorrow arrives. For now, bring your attention back to the moment you’re actually in.
Tell Someone How Bad It Really Is
When people are deeply overwhelmed, they often hide the severity of their pain. They may say, “I’m having a hard time,” when what they really mean is, “I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.”
Give someone the opportunity to understand what you’re truly experiencing.
Call a trusted friend, relative, therapist, doctor, spiritual adviser, or crisis counselor. Say clearly, “I am not okay. I am overwhelmed, and I need someone to stay with me or help me figure out what to do next.”
You’re not burdening someone by telling them the truth. You’re allowing them to show up for you.
If the first person doesn’t understand the seriousness of what you’re saying, tell someone else. Keep reaching until you find someone who will listen.
Do Not Make Permanent Decisions While You’re in Temporary Pain
Pain can be incredibly persuasive. It will tell you that you’ve always felt this way and that you will always feel this way.
But intense emotional states change. Circumstances change. New information arrives. Help becomes available. People enter your life. Solutions appear that you can’t see from where you’re standing today.
You do not have to believe that everything will be wonderful. You only have to allow for the possibility that you do not yet know how your story will unfold.
Make an agreement with yourself that you will not make any permanent decisions today. Give tomorrow a chance to bring something different.
Recognize That Pain Is Not a Reliable Fortune-Teller
When you’re hurting, your mind may tell you:
“Nothing is ever going to change.”
“No one cares about me.”
“I have ruined everything.”
“Everyone would be better off without me.”
These thoughts can feel like facts, but they are conclusions being produced by a mind under tremendous strain.
You do not have to argue with every painful thought. Instead, respond with, “I am having this thought because I am overwhelmed. That doesn’t mean it is true.”
Your pain is real. The predictions your pain is making about your future may not be.
Make Your Immediate Environment Safer
If you’re concerned that you might hurt yourself, move away from anything you could use to do so. Ask someone you trust to secure medications, firearms, or other dangerous items. Go somewhere you will not be alone.
You can sit with a friend, go to a family member’s house, visit a crisis center, or go to an emergency room. If necessary, call emergency services.
This is not being dramatic. It is protecting yourself while the intensity of the moment passes.
When you’re in deep water, you do not criticize yourself for needing a life preserver. You reach for it.
Return to Your Body
Emotional pain pulls you into your mind, where you may become trapped in a loop of fearful thoughts and devastating possibilities. One way to interrupt that loop is to bring your attention back to your physical body.
Drink a glass of water. Eat something nourishing. Take any prescribed medications you may have missed. Put your feet firmly on the floor. Take a shower. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Hold something cold in your hands. Breathe slowly, making your exhale a little longer than your inhale.
These actions will not solve the underlying problems, but they can calm your nervous system enough to reduce the intensity of the moment. Sometimes that small reduction is all you need to make a safer choice.
Ask What Would Make the Next Ten Minutes Easier
When your life feels unbearable, don’t ask yourself how you’re going to survive the next ten years.
Ask, “What would make the next ten minutes slightly easier?”
Perhaps you could sit outside, turn on a familiar television show, listen to comforting music, hold your pet, call a friend, or move into a room where other people are present.
The goal is not to suddenly become happy. The goal is to reduce the pain by even five percent and create a little space between you and the thoughts that are overwhelming you.
Then, when those ten minutes have passed, decide what might help you through the next ten.
Borrow Hope From Someone Else
There may be times when you can’t feel any hope for yourself. That doesn’t mean hope is gone. It just means you may need someone else to hold it for you for a while.
Let a friend believe in your future. Let a therapist remind you that people can recover from periods of profound despair. Let a doctor help you address depression, anxiety, trauma, or exhaustion. Let someone who has survived a similar experience show you that life can look very different on the other side of it.
You do not need to feel hopeful before you ask for help. You can borrow someone else’s hope until your own begins to return.
Remember That You Can’t See the Entire Path From Where You Are
When you’re at the end of your rope, you’re viewing your future through the lens of your present pain. You can’t see the people you haven’t met, the opportunities that haven’t arrived, the healing that has not occurred, or the version of yourself who has made it through this chapter.
Your spirit guides can see possibilities that you can’t currently see. They may be working through the people who reach out to you, the quiet impulse to make a phone call, the professional who knows how to help, or the small voice inside you that says, “Wait.”
Listen to that voice.
You do not need to know why you’re here for the rest of your life. You only need to remain here long enough for the next piece of your path to reveal itself.
Create a Plan for the Next Difficult Moment
Once the immediate crisis has eased, make a written plan for what you will do if those feelings return.
Write down the warning signs that tell you that you’re beginning to spiral. List a few things that help you feel calmer. Include the names and phone numbers of people you can contact, professionals who can help, and places you can go where you will be safe.
Do this before you need it. When you’re deeply overwhelmed, it can be difficult to remember your options. A written plan allows the stronger version of you to leave instructions for the version of you who may need them later.
You’re Allowed to Need Help
There is no prize for suffering alone.
You may be facing problems that are genuinely painful and difficult. Seeking emotional or professional support doesn’t mean those problems are imaginary. It means you recognize that you should not have to carry them without assistance.
Strength doesn’t always look like standing tall and handling everything yourself. Sometimes strength looks like making one phone call. Sometimes it looks like telling the truth. Sometimes it looks like allowing another person to sit beside you until the darkness begins to lift.
When you’re at the end of your rope, you do not need to find the strength to climb the entire mountain.
Just hold on.
Let someone help you find the next foothold.
If you’re thinking about suicide or believe you may hurt yourself, call or text 988 in the United States to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can also go to the nearest emergency room. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. You do not have to wait until you’re certain you will act before asking for help.
