Lose the Maybe

What are you saying yes to in your life right now?

Are you saying yes to an amazing job that has you bounding out of bed in the morning excited to go to work? Or are you saying yes to a job you hate that just pays the bills?

Are you saying yes to an amazing relationship where you feel loved, supported, and happy? Or are you saying yes to a relationship that is controlling, abusive, or just leaves you feeling unloved?

Are you saying yes to good eating and exercise habits that are giving you the body you want? Or are you saying yes to junk food, laziness, and an “I’ll get to it later” attitude.

Everything you do in your daily life is something you’re saying yes to. And it’s a choice. Everything you do is a choice.

“But, Erin, I HAVE to pay my bills.” No you don’t. You’re choosing to pay your bills because you don’t want to say yes to homelessness or poverty.

“But, Erin, I can’t exercise. I’m too overweight.” You can say yes to eating better and improving your exercise capacity a little tiny bit more each day.

“But, Erin, if I leave this relationship I’ll be all alone.” Yes, you’ll be alone until you find and attract a relationship that makes you feel amazing.

Everything you’ve committed to in your life is something you’re saying yes to. It’s time now to take stock and make sure that all of those yesses belong there. Because you know what? I’ll bet there are some items on the “yes” list that should be on the “no” list, and I’ll bet there are some things you’ve wanted to put on the “yes” list that have sat on your “maybe someday” list for years.

Let’s get to it. Get a piece of paper. This exercise was given to me by my friend, Rich Litvin, a fantastic coach who knows how to help people achieve their dreams and a lot more than they ever thought they were capable of.

On your paper make three columns. At the top of the first column write “yes”, and the next write “maybe” and the third you’ll write “no.”

Then take some time to list all of the things in your yes column that you currently say yes to. This is just a small portion of what my “yes” list looks like:

Doing Readings
Blogging
Coaching
Trainings
Workshops
Making products
Being the CDE at the Red Cross
Being part of the Red Rock Search and Rescue Team
Parenting
Helping kids with homework
Helping people with paranormal problems
Running errands
Accounting
Redesigning my website

After you write down all the obvious things, start writing down the items you’ve committed to but take for granted. On my list:

Being there for friends when they need me
Checking in on my parents every week
Tidying the house
Email correspondence
Surfing the internet
Watching tv
Sleeping
Reorganizing
Taking care of the cat

Now add the things you say yes to that you aren’t consciously saying yes to. In other words, the things you tolerate because you haven’t said no yet. On my list:

Being overweight
Never having batteries where I need them
Having a backyard that desperately needs landscaping assistance
Reading updates on facebook from people I don’t even know
Commenting on those updates
Watching videos people recommend to me
Drinking out of cups that are sometimes dirty because my dishwasher sucks
Wearing broken sandals
Unorganized filing system

Get into the nitty gritty. Everything in your environment is something you’re saying yes to. Dirt. Items in a state of disrepair. Leaks. Clutter. Peeling paint.

Every person who takes up time in your life is someone you’re saying yes to. Doctor appointments. Hair appointments. Lunch with friends or business associates. Phone calls from solicitors. Keep on adding to your list.

“But, Erin, I can’t control everything! There isn’t enough time to handle everything or get everything done.”

That’s right. You don’t have time to waste. Your time and energy are precious. So do you really have time to tolerate things that drain your energy? Or would you rather “tolerate” the things that excite you to no end? What kind of life do you want? A good life or a great life?

Now move to your “maybe” list and write down all the things you’d like to pull into your life that you currently aren’t doing. Example from my maybe list:

Exercise with a personal trainer
Create a tv series
Hike to the top of Lone Mountain without passing out
Learn Spanish
Sit on the beach in Hawaii
Take Tae Kwon Do or Krav Maga
Wear beautiful dresses
Write a book

Complete your maybe list and move on to your “no” list. Write down all the things in your life you’re consciously saying no to. I’m talking about things you’ve decided you will never do or will not do right now. Examples from my list:

Interviews
Group readings
Blogging when I don’t feel like it
Assisting people to get their PhDs
Interpreting people’s dreams
Pulling people out of their bodies astrally
Taking my kids to some extracurricular event
Traveling to far off places to assist people with paranormal problems
People who falsely accuse me of anything
Working 7 days a week

So you see, there are things you could be doing, or perhaps even feel like you should be doing, that you’ve assessed and consciously said, “no” or “not right now.”

Now let’s look at the lists. You probably say yes to a lot of things. Next to each item on your yes list put an “E” next to it if it energizes you and you love it. And put a “D” next to the items that drain you. These are the items you don’t want to do but possibly feel like you have to.

Once you’re done with that, ask yourself if you can get rid of anything with a D next to it. Decide that those items will go to your “no” list. If there are still items that drain you, ask yourself if you can outsource them to someone else. So they still get done, just not by you. If there are still any items left on your list with “D”s next to them, ask yourself how you can adjust them to make them more energizing instead of draining. For me, I’ve decided I’ll only do a certain number of readings each month. Too many readings drains me and prevents me from taking action on other items that energize me. I want to keep doing readings, but not so many that I can’t take action on other things that also excite me.

If there is STILL something with a D next to it that you couldn’t get rid of, outsource, or make more energizing, then make a plan to get rid of the item in the future, or outsource it. Life is too short to tolerate what you don’t love.

Now you see what you’ve done? By moving some of those items off your yes list, you’ve made some room for items from the maybe list to migrate over. Remember, items on your maybe list should energize and excite you, so you should be jumping for joy right now and clapping your hands. Decide what you can move from your maybe list to your yes list. Move them now. I moved three of my maybes to my yes list and I feel fantastic about them!

Now here’s where I get mean. If there are any other items on your maybe list that didn’t get onto your yes list, you have to move them to the no list. Awwww. That’s right. If you’re not saying yes to those items, you’re saying no or not right now. They’re not maybes. They are no’s.

If that upsets you, see what else you can take off the yes list to make room for those maybe items that energize you.

By the end of this exercise, you’ll have two lists. A yes list and a no list.

And that’s it. You’re either living a life filled with energizing greatness, or you’re tolerating misery or “just good enough” in your life. As new things enter your life and new opportunities arise, you need to ask yourself if they will go on your yes list or your no list. There is no more maybe. Be a conscious creator of your life experience.

Instead of surfing facebook at night while lying in bed, I’m now learning Spanish through Rosetta Stone online. Y me siento fant├ística de hacerlo!

I also joined a gym and am working out with a personal trainer. Lord help me. ;)

And I’m working with a gal in Hollywood to develop a tv project of my own.

It’s your life, and you can tailor it to your needs and desires. Say yes to what energizes you. Be brutal with your no’s. If you don’t love it, don’t tolerate it. If you’ve always wanted to do it, get it done!

But lose the maybe.

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