I’ve done readings for thousands of people, and many of them ask me about their relationships. I can see if two people are going to be compatible for the long haul, and I can see the issues and challenges they are facing currently or going to face very soon. Spirit guides will tell a client what they need to do to navigate the challenges in a particular relationship, or give them some insight into why something simply will not work.
There is one pattern I’ve seen so many times that I feel I must bring it to your attention in case you’re in a similar situation.
That situation is when helpers get into relationships with people who are dearly in need of help.
I’m talking about therapists, coaches, counselors, doctors, and nurses getting into relationships or marrying people who are addicts, narcissists, and emotionally needy people.
There is a reason that this happens.
When you’ve got the helper energy, you will naturally attract someone who is struggling and in need of help. It’s in your nature to want to help them. It’s in your nature to feel like you can “fix” them. It’s in your nature to hold them, to hold their energy, to try to lift them back onto their feet. You are a vibrational match for attracting this energy.
But then what happens? You help people for a living, and then you come home to a partner who also needs help. You can’t ever just relax. You can’t ever stop helping. You are in helper mode constantly.
And how does this end up? You’re drained, they’re drained, and you fight. A lot.
You get frustrated. “Why won’t he let me help him?” “Why doesn’t she just do what I tell her to do? She would be so much better off if she just listened to me!”
Because your partner is not your client. A client or patient is someone who comes to you seeking help. They are ready for it.
Your partner, on the other hand, wants to interact with you differently. They want to love you, be a companion, have fun, build a life together.
But what do you do? You treat them like a client. You constantly try to get them to change under the guise of improving them. You feel like if you just work harder, you can get this person to change, to want to change, to see how they are behaving. But they don’t want to change, grow, or fix themselves. That’s not why they are with you.
Do not do this to yourself. If you are in a helping profession, do not get together with a partner who is struggling, addicted, needy, emotionally bereft, falling, sinking, killing themselves slowly.
You need a partner who has their life together. You need a partner who is emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually intact. Someone who doesn’t need fixing. Someone who can hold YOUR energy, support you, make your private time fun and joyful. Someone whose energy you can sink into comfortingly at the end of the day.
If you don’t allow yourself to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t need help, you are going to burn out. You will be depleted all the time. You will never be “off-duty.” You can never relax.
Examine your relationship situation. Are you with someone who can care for you or are you with someone that needs significant help? How is that working out for you?
A lot of people will tell me they feel like they are abandoning someone who needs their help. You help people all day. You are not an abandoner. If you get into a relationship with someone who also needs help then you’re abandoning yourself. You’re abandoning your right to feel supported, loved, and cared for by a partner.
This applies to friendships as well. If your friends only call you when they need help then you are simply working for free, and that’s a lot of overtime.
Part of self-care is deciding who to bring into your personal life. If you are a helper, attract friends who want to love and support you.
You will feel a world of difference if you can adjust your parameters and boundaries. Have your clients, and give them the best you can offer. Then go home to your mate and have fun, feel joy, and charge your batteries. It will make you a better helper, and a happier one too.